Written by Eurocleese De Zouch
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Thursday, 23 August 2012

In a landmark speech made by Hollande in Holland, the French Premier announced that the Euro will be replaced with a "vibrant form of bartering".

In the outlined proposals, a fisting will equal one Euro, a flick of the Testicles is worth ten Euros, a sniff of the armpits will amount to twenty euros, and a cut-out of Gerard Depardieu deflowering an Ape wearing a tutu is worth a thousand euros.

Women's rights groups are up in arms, over the "testicles" idea, and have already drawn up plans to develop strap-on testicles to circumvent the new law.

Other proposals include forcing all French men aged over 18, to wear stripy jumpers 24 hours a day, as well as having a minimum of 12 Onions on each person at any one time. Failure to do so, will incur the penalty of having to dress as Jean-Michel Jarre for 28 days.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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