Written by CWMIV
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Topics: Submarine, Sandwich

Tuesday, 11 April 2006

image for Subway Takes A Bath
The Subway's logo, planned to be retouched for the out-to-sea stores

Well-known submarine sandwich joint Subway has blown over $3,000,000 on plans for new stores out to sea.

With sales falling, Subway needed a new gimmick of some kind - and so, Submarineway was born, a renamed version of the famous store set out to sea - underwater and on oil rigs and even on desert islands, all serving the famous Subway meals like Meatball Marinaras and sourdough bread. It was a genius vision and was planned to run in the US and UK in the most frequently travelled oceans across the world. There would be special new foods introduced for the Submarineway chains, including the Undersea Sub - which had blue food dye - and the Squid Supersub, the chain's very first two-footer sub.

The project ran into problems from day one, however. The original plan was for people working on oil rigs to be able to purchase subs for their lunch break - but then, they discovered that all the oil rigs in the areas selected for the Submarineway stores were unmanned. With half a dozen stores already being built and food supplies being poured into them, Subway's executives had to quickly cancel that idea.

The second suggestion to go was the desert island Subways. The plan for that was that around-the-world cruises and liners could stop at the chains - which were planned to be very tall for people on the liners to get their meals - and get food in case they were running low on supplies or just fancied a sub. However, it turned out that they had once again chosen the wrong location. To give you an idea of just how desolate the areas were, whilst planning the places where the new stores would go, the Subway execs discovered several previously unknown islands. With the first island Submarineway nearing completion, the idea was cancelled.

And finally, the underwater Submarineways were planned to be built on large undersea spreads of rock near to the surface so they could be jutting out of the water. However, after the first Submarineway was finally completed, set underwater, they were ordered to remove it by angry mariners who kept on narrowly avoiding it. A second one was planned, but when it was discovered it would have to be built on the sea floor, the builders quit for fear of their safety.

So, finally, Submarineway was scrapped at great expense to the company for the planning permission, construction and deconstruction of their new stores. At the time of writing, despite their great loss, regular Subway stores remain open worldwide. In a passing comment made to The Spoof, the owner of Subway's said that "he would find someway to keep the stores open and pay back the debt". We'll bring you the exciting drama of how Subway's will keep their stores open as it breaks! Stay online with The Spoof!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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