Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 3 April 2012

image for Move over Fish Pedicures - Fish colonics the next big thing
Anum Dictum, the arse cleaning fish

Fish pedicures have proven themselves as a viable business opportunity, with many clinics opening across the country. With the acceptance of the public to have small carnivorous fish nibble at the toes, one start up in Norwich believes the time is right to move onto the next level with Fish Colonics.

"In standard colonic irrigation," said business owner, Colin Douche, "you put a pipe up your arse and turn the tap on. This is like using a steam train to pull a Jenga tower over. Massive overkill."

According to Douche, the standard colonic irrigation technique has some nasty side effects; including perforated colons.

"We have located a breed of fish in Brazil that like to swim up the arse and eat what hasn't come out on its own. Additionally, the fish secretes a kind of mucus that has a huge detoxifying effect on the human bowel."

Anum Dictum was discovered by Robson Green on one of his televised fishing trips while bathing.

"Robson told me that he'd felt the fish swim up there while he was in the water," said Douche. "At first he'd been terrified, but when it came out, he felt cleansed."

An extensive search eventually located the small brown fish.

"It's only two centimetres long," said Douche. "However, swimming in a tank full of them can effectively give a customer a colonic in five minutes. They're really good."

Douche is looking into a mixture of fish pedicure and colonic in the same tank.

"It may also be possible to have your teeth cleaned and whitened at the same time," he said. "If I can just find a teeth cleaning fish that the other two won't eat."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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