Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Tuesday, 17 January 2012

image for Inflation rate "is inflated"
It's only a number

The monthly rate of inflation in the UK was measured at 4.2% this month, down from 4.8% in November. Businesses are said to be deflated at the news. Bicycle repair kit salesman Herbert Pump said, "To get the inflation back up again, we need to find out where the money is leaking and put a patch on it. Then we can start pumping the prices back up again."

The inflation rate is measured from a range of commonly sold products, including balloons, dinghies, car tyres, Viagra and other inflatable items. Last year, consumer group COITUS (Consumers Opposing Inflation and Tackling Unnecessary Statistics) attempted to decrease the inflation rate by installing a wind fan in Oxford Street, thereby reducing the demand for inflatables. However, this backfired badly when many inflatable items blew away and shops had to stock up on more.

The EU has been pressurising the UK to measure deflation instead of inflation. This is how they measure it in Germany - by checking the prices of pins, needles, vices and disappointing news. Germany is currently suffering from negative deflation, which causes similar problems to inflation in the UK, and there may not be enough money in the system for people to buy things at higher prices.

However, instead of replacing inflation with deflation, it is likely instead that the inflation and deflation statistics will be conflated into one flat figure. Then it is hoped that future inflation rates deflate to a normal level.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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