ALBANY, NY. - Hoping to capitalize on the burgeoning demand for truth-impaired media, Rupert Murdoch today launched the Fake News Channel (FNC), featuring 100% fake, fabricated, forged, concocted, spurious, fictitious, bogus, false, fraudulent, contrived, faux, invented, phony, and specious reporting.
"The popularity of 'The Onion' and Jon Stewart shows that America craves this kind of material, and we're more than happy to oblige," said Murdoch during a press conference filled with people that weren't really members of the press. "Every day isn't just a silly holiday -- at FNC, it's a way of life!"
During the non-press conference, Murdoch showed a few clips from the network, including segments on:
- Study: Republicans have better sex lives than Democrats
- Elvis sightings increased 53% last year
- President Bush takes surfing vacation in Hawaii, walks on water
- Bill Gates donates kidney to needy child in Botswana
- Weather forecast: Snow tonight in Los Angeles, global warming obviously a crock
- Hangnail leads to massive protest in France
- California falls into Pacific Ocean, rest of country yawns
- Patent attorneys vote Microsoft Windows as most innovative creation in history of mankind
- Celebrity news: 'Dixie Chicks' start new careers as insurance adjusters
In addition to regular news segments and the periodic 'Breaking News Alert! (Not Really)', the channel will also feature scheduled programming, focusing on 'reality' shows that are anything but. The initial lineup features such classics as "Who Wants To Punch A Liberal Hollywood Celebrity?" and "The Twice-Divorced Mother Looking For A Soulmate -- Or Anything With A Pulse".
Murdoch concluded, "We're very pleased with our first offerings at FNC, and we hope to become the world leader in truthiness."