Written by Daz McKinley
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Topics: Banks

Saturday, 15 October 2011

After 20 years of exploration by an international team of forensic anthropologists, a member of the banking industry has been discovered who had a conscience and beating heart.

Team leader Digby Digdembones spoke from his cave in Cornwall UK today. "This was an exciting find. The species of sub-humans commonly known as 'bankers' typically doesn't give a shit about causing world-wide economic and social misery for millions whilst pursuing their own personal wealth generation. There are one or two instances of bankers who had a slight concern but they all had the normal ice in their veins and had been snorting coke immediately before making their statements."

Digdembones went onto explain, "This unique specimen, we'll call him Fred, expressed remorse for the decades of reckless gambling he'd engaged in in the derivatives market and was genuinely distressed at the economic chaos which has occurred since his and many other banks collapsed. Unfortunately, immediately following our interview he placed a shotgun on his chest and pulled the trigger. That's when we discovered his heart, which was stuck to the wall in the apartment where the interview took place."

Meanwhile protesters in New York and other US cities continue their campaign for retribution against the banking industry and news of Fred's death was greeted by loud cheers and beers all round.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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