A large turkey farm in Norfolk has been closed after traces of methadone were found in the turkey.
"We were checking the turkeys for horse meat contamination," said Fisheries and Farming minister, James Bond. "Having checked all the foods in freez...
After several months of construction, the staff at Little Wigglies Sperm Bank celebrated the opening of their eagerly anticipated ATM today.
"It was very exciting. We had a ribbon cutting ceremony and served Red Bull and oyster snacks," gushed...
I awoke in unfamiliar surroundings with a terrible headache. Next to me lay the body of Sherlock Hunt, chained to my left ankle. On my other side, my right hand was chained to a bathtub.
My memory began to return. We had been on the trail of a diamond thief. A huge jewel, recently uncovered in Egypt, had been on display at the British Museum under high security. The Giza Diamond was a 300 carat...
Taylor swift has sensationally broken up with herself telling friends and family "That's it, we are done, it is over, we are never, EVER, getting back together!"
The break up has come as a surprise to many but for some it seems it is a regular o...
Taylor Swift has announced that she has broken up with her 54 year old mailman - Eric, the spotty teenager who bags her groceries at her local supermarket, Jose AND Manuel, who provide lawn care for her palatial home and an unknown cyclist who happen...
Senators John McCain and Lindsay Graham took to the Senate floor yesterday afternnon while holding hands and condemned in highly charged language the visit of Dennis Rodman to North Korea.
A red faced and agitated McCain screamed, "This is no way...
NASA has chosen the first astronaut team that will train and travel in a manned mission to Mars in 2020. They were chosen in a democratic nominating process that has many current and former NASA astronauts up in arms. The team is made up 6 people, in...
The Vatican made the startling announcement that, for the first time, they would be appointing a Protestant pope.
Onlookers were startled when the new pope suddenly ran out of the Vatican and ripped his papal clothes to shreds. "You don't n...
ASPEN - Taylor Swift was in Colorado getting in some recreational skiing.
While in Aspen she revealed to Hollywood Innuendo reporter Fajita San Guacamole that she is still very upset with the sarcastically sophomoric remarks made about her by Tina...
Glasgow - The Venezuelan dictator famously gave his name to legions of 'council housed and violent' Brits known by the pejorative epithet 'Chav'.
Identifiable by blingy street-couture chic the subculture's Scottish Nationalist branch is in mournin...
It's been a frantic 24 hours. First, the ironic twist of fate when French horse burgers were found to contain 20% of that great British food, the turkey twizzler.
Confusion then reigned after it was found the turkey twizzlers contained up to 100%...
Shale gas extraction through fracking has caused a lot of concern for residents in areas where drilling for shale gas has been given the go-ahead.
Freckleton, a village on The Fylde near Preston in Lancashire has been the latest victim of Cuadrill...
VATICAN CITY (Acme World News) -- The Vatican stated on its latest press release that Matthew Slick, founder of the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry (CARM), is excommunicated due to his controversial articles on his website.
"Such relig...
NEW YORK, NY--With their banner headline, "CHAVEZ DEAD; DOW HITS NEW HIGH", the Wall Street Journal seemed to be implying that the death of Venezuela's controversial president and the stock market index's milestone high were connected events, rea...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama caving in to the advice of his wife, the first mama, has asked the vice-president to apologize for his version of the Harlem Shake.
President Obama, Vice-President Biden, and Piers Morgan were all having lunch at...
SACRAMENTO - Dalrymple's Dictionary defines the term spin doctor, as being a public relations individual who is paid big bucks to put a positive spin on anything of a negative nature.
According to The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle the term first c...
BURBANK - The Contempo Television Network (CTN) has just announced that it is adding a new reality game show to its viewing line up.
The show is a Goodmeister-Toddheimer Production in association with XYZ TeleFilms and is titled Dysfunctional Cele...
LOS ANGELES - The Los Angeles Lakers have finally made it to .500 ball and superstar Kobe Bryant is taking the credit.
Kobe, who has just given himself the new nickname of Vino (Wine), recently spoke with Rufus Reno of Sports Balls Illustrated Dai...
LOS ANGELES - The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle is reporting that the boo birds were out in force as Justin Bieber and former Spice Girl Mel B were both booed by irate fans.
Bieber was booed after showing up two hours and three minutes late for hi...
The White House has announced this evening that Ambassador-At-Large Dennis Rodman will represent President Obama at Hugo Chavez' funeral.
It is rumored that Chavez was a huge admirer of the basketball diplomat and that his last words were, "Denn...
London, England. Her Majesty The Queen has been admitted to hospital after eating dodgy meatballs that were later verified as being made from horse meat. Doctors claimed that Her Maj microwaved the suspect foods before consumption and ate them with a...