With sequester in the loom, the federal government is under pressure to change its image among the American people, beginning with an urban-inspired name change and employee overhaul.
Lazy Heifer Couch Potato Productions, formerly the federal government and ironically bearing great similarities to its new namesake, is opening departmental branches across the U.S., and is aggressively seeking e...
Ronnie O'Sullivan, the lovable cockney pocket filler, is back on the professional snooker tour. But his actions during a recent practice session demonstrated that the troubled player's return to health is very much a long shot.
Ronnie re-joined th...
Following the recent mysterious removal and attempted sale of Banksy's street art, a new black market has quickly emerged for the wall plaster behind other valuable artwork.
Earlier this week, a London art gallery was broken into and the plaster b...
An internal report to David Cameron from a Conservative Think Tank, Money Talks has come as a great shock to the PM.
The contents of this report have been leaked to your fearless reporter by 'a well wisher' and we can bring you this exclusive info...
It has come to light that the manufacturers of low-cost packets of ham have been using human-derived methane as a means of preserving the meat for longer periods. Unpaid staff who were recruited through the government's back-to-work scheme were force...
Special to TPN - Vatican Secretary of State, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, announced that the Convocation of Cardinals assembled to pick a new Pope will liven up the proceedings with a Silly-Hat Contest, which has not been conducted for 1200 years.
Sequestration seems to be a fancy way of talking about an NFL franchise tag.
With official government sources running about like the proverbial headless chicken, New England Patriots seem overwhelmed by the high price of tagging. For the first tim...
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The White House says North Korea's government should be focused on the well-being of its citizens, not on "celebrity sporting events" to entertain the country's elite.
White House spokesman Jay Carney made the comments in respon...
ILIGAN, PHILIPPINES (Acme World News) -- Kirai Moltres, a terror professor, was fired for yelling at his students' mistakes in class last February 14, 2013.
The said professor allegedly yelled at a student named Audino Flareon Clamperl for giving...
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Last year Katy Perry decided to go blue as she dyed her hair royal blue and now another singer, Miley Cyrus has gone the bluenette route.
Cyrus told Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk that she just got tired of the same old...
NASHVILLE - Taylor Swift, 23, was in Music City shopping around for a certain brand of guitar strings.
Afterwards she and a close friend identified as Chevette Goobergraust, 21, had lunch at a local Burger Belle.
Taylor revealed to Chevette tha...
LOS ANGELES - Word out of the Vatican is that Pope Benedict XVI, has informed his press secretary Leonora Sardinia to set up a meeting with the much troubled Tinsel Town starlet Lindsay Lohan.
The pope, 85, said that last week he received a text m...
WEST HOLLYWOOD - The star of The Twilight Saga series Kristen Stewart was seen walking hand in hand with former NBA Bad Boy, Dennis "The Menace" Rodman.
The two were spotted going into Needleman's Tattoo Parlor which is owned and operated by the w...
LONDON - Justin Bieber says that he has just received the best birthday present that he has ever gotten and her name is Ella-Paige Roberts Clarke.
The British Tabloid Ta Ta For Now News reports that the two celebrated Bieber's 19th birthday at the...
Mein Kraft, an anti-cult-slash-construction workers' organization, plans to ram the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, labeled to many as a cult, with a squad of bulldozers and other heavy construction equipment.
Tony "Harbinger" Toponi, spokespers...
The dreaded Sequestration is upon us. Which is much like the feared Fiscal Cliff. Which is similar to the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse. Which is related to Y2K. Which is similar to the Bush II administration......wait a minute! That was a real disaster that...