A controversial new theory has been unveiled to provide a new reason for the Pennines, the range of hills in the UK that are home to - at any one time - three thousand lost ramblers.
The mainstream theory is that Scotland banged into England, and...
LOS ANGELES - Katy Perry and Rob Pattinson both know how horrible the ending of a Tinsel Town relationship can be.
Both celebrities have riches, fame, material things, and the adulation of millions of their fans but both are as they say in Paramus...
London - Millions of mosquito larvae in the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain have suddenly hatched in the glorious September sunshine like a colony of Pthirus pubis - pubic crab lice - on the Old Queen Mum's snatch.
This morning a swarm of the lit...
Leaked news from Balls House, headquarters of the Labour Party, has revealed Mr Milliband's preferred outcome of the airport review project. In an attempt to court support from all parties the Leader of the Opposition (sic) has asked his advisers to...
The Great British justice system has done it again; a man has been spared jail after burgling three houses in five days. Justice Bowers listened to how the "poor lamb" had developed a heroin problem and was merely stealing so he didn't have to work a...
Following literally some consultation the UK Home Office has decided to scrap the Single Non-Emergency Number (SNEN).
Introduced in 2006 by the last Labour government, the public, who are notoriously idiotic found it virtually impossible to decide...
PADUCAH, Kentucky - Atticus Grumpletoy, 71, owner of The Hoot & Holler Cattle Ranch located on the Kentucky-Illinois border recently stated that he has been feeding his 2,000 head of cattle candy corn since the first week in August.
Grumpletoy...
Britain's last remaining Mackeson well, located in Stepney, East London has finally run dry after 105 years of production.
Mackeson, a sweet milk stout, is probably best known for the TV catchphrase: 'It looks good. It tastes good. And by golly it...
Washington - A top makeover consultant hired by successive Administrations has revealed what NATO geneticists have always suspected, that former President Bill Clinton 'was 100% aware' of Monica's Italian bloodline.
Dilation and curettage [D-'n'-C...
Usain Bolt, the fastest man on two legs, asked Sir Alex Ferguson if he could play for Manchester United, and the dour Scot has agreed to let him trial at an upcoming friendly.
"I know he can run," said Sir Fergie. "I saw him in the Olympics. But c...
Prime Minister David Cameron has today announced the new members of his cabinet. Out go the old, and in come the, er, old, into jobs they know nothing about, mainly to afford them a substantial increase in salary and pension contributions between now...
If Bill Belichick believes in any philosophy, it must be surrealism.
Unlike Bobby Valentine who lives a surreal professional life in the Red Sox dugout, Bill keeps his humor in tact by driving writers and media people into fits of madness.
Whe...
Bobby Valentine called Bill Belichick for advice on holding press conferences. As the master of dyspeptic answers, Belichick is well-known for putting his press followers to bed before the latest edition.
Advice from the Patriot head coach came a...
Perhaps the biggest surprise of the Prime Minister's Cabinet reshuffle on Tuesday was the replacement of veteran MP Ken Clarke with ruthless law enforcer Judge Dredd.
Sources close to David Cameron say Clarke's approach to the Justice Minister rol...
A bill explicitly stating that citizens will be allocated 1 second of free speech for every $10,000 of pre-taxable income they earn per year has made its way through the Senate subcommittee process. The following is a transcript of the final hearing.
2012
A BILL TO CODIFY, GUARD, AND BOLSTER FREE SPEECH RIGHTS IN THE UNITED STATES
HEARING
BEFORE THE
SUBCOMMITTEE ON THE CONSTITUTION,...
The U.S. Senators gathered for today's floor debate unexpectedly and unintentionally broke out into verse in the middle of their proceedings. The following is the official Congressional transcript of what occurred.
CONGRESSIONAL RECORD
PROCEEDINGS AND DEBATES OF THE 112TH CONGRESS, SECOND SESSION
WASHINGTON, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 2012
SENATE
MORNING BUSINESS
The Senate met at 10...
BEVERLY HILLS - The Tinsel Town hairdresser, who is known as the Hair Stylist to The Stars, FuFi Fondue has just dropped a bombshell.
Fondue, who knows more about more Hollywood starlets than anyone else in LaLaLand stated to Fajita San Guacamole...
Jesus stunned politicians with a surprise appearance and a short speech at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina, on Wednesday afternoon.
He talked about how U.S. government and politicians have to rediscover true values...
The United States House of Representatives has recently conducted a bipartisan vote to abolish all forms of satire within the country in a move clearly designed to belie the widely held notion that Congress is the place where good ideas go to die. The following are transcripts from the subcommittee hearing and floor debate that led to the aforementioned vote.
2012
A BILL TO PROTECT THE INTEG...
Cristiano Ronaldo has rejected accusations he said he is "sad" at Real Madrid to get more money from the club.
(BBC Sport)
Its hair gel. He wants more hair gel. Trust my sources on this one
Liverpool supporters' union Spirit Of Shankly has called on the club's American owners to appoint a chief executive based in the city.
(ESPN)
The problem is, if they did appoint a local CEO, they'd proba...
Local woman, Anne Shuttlecock, long suffering wife of renowned idiot, Martin Shuttlecock, today revealed that she has sold her intolerable other half for £1.99 online.
In a statement issued to reporters, Anne Shuttlecock revealed that the final st...
A Miami, Florida man smashed his car into an Einstein Brothers food stand on the second floor concourse of the Miami International Airport while parallel parking between a set of stationary tables. Fortunately there were no casualties except for the...
The super-fast camera can show a bullet-shaped pulse of light travelling from one end of a laboratory flask to another in a fraction of a second. That might make interesting fodder for Boob-Tube videos,but now they are putting that very same super-fa...
Washington DC: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is away in Asia being mercilessly beaten up by Chinese officials during talks about Syria, Iran, North Korea and settling territorial disputes. While the cat's away, the mice will play!
The US Dep...