Ashley Cole has been charged with bringing the game into disrepute/improper Conduct over his abusive tweets towards the FA. Cole is said to be devastated at his life being turned upside down and having his good reputation besmirched.
The Chelsea l...
A funeral in Brazil was held up as a woman claimed the corpse had squeezed her hand. Maria Neymar Ronaldo Cesar said:
"I leant in to say goodbye to Grandmamma and she squeezed my hand. I shouted for them to switch the furnace off and we called a a...
LOS ANGELES - It is no secret in the inner circles of X-Factor that Simon "The Count of Cruelty" Cowell and Britney "Oopsies" Spears have had quite a fondness for each other.
In fact a close, inside, unnamed source recently told iRumors that the r...
BARCELONA (ABSNN) - Two days ago this reporter wrote about New York City's West Side Joanne Trattoria, the restaurant owned and operated by Lady Gaga and her parents. It was rated "C," the lowest possible rating while being allowed to remain open, b...
Hearing the news that MSNBC's Chris Mathews and Current-TV's Elliot Spitzer would moderate the next two presidential debates, Mitt Romney keeled over in faint. Revived with a dose of smelling salts, he announced that he just had a bad dream.
Rinse...
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Fox News' Sean Hannity is the self-confessed, "Most Undeniably Heterosexual Man on TV." CNN's Anderson Cooper is a self-confessed gay man on TV. One would think there could never be any sort of link up between the two men, i...
Washington DC - In a shocking revelation, our coverage of the 2012 Presidential Campaign has unearthed sources who claim that the Republican Party is controlled by Vampires, with the Democrats run by Super Zombies.
Although yet to be confirmed,...
A 25-year-old Brighton woman, Sheila Sellers, was arrested last weekend for selling sea shells on the sea-shore without a license.
Sheila Sellers had been selling sea shells on the sea-shore every weekend throughout summer. Many day-trippers had o...
Love/Hate relationships
I have mixed feelings about my feathered "friends." On the one hand, I spend over a thousand dollars a year on feeding, housing, and bathing songbirds, hummers, owls, hawks, waders, and, yes, vultures too.
I love watching birds throughout the year. Not only has my knowledge grown to the point where I can identify them by breed, but truly, I know some of them, indi...
London - A 'Classic Brits - an offensive and dangerous sham' caption on the paper's front page sits squarely above the Welsh mezzo-soprano's pic.
It's the latest media swipe at the diminutive blond warbler who bizarrely - an for no apparent reaso...
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Scarlett Johansson received quite a bit of praise from the speech she gave at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina.
She told Political Salad Bar Magazine that President Obama was so pleased with the way...
Mitt Romney is to outsource the call centers for his campaign to India in an effort to cut costs and prove he has what it takes to make the tough decisions on the economy.
"We don't have to pay volunteers to man the phones in the US." A GOP spokes...
One of London's poshest streets, Savile Row, is to be renamed to Tailor Street in a bid to distance itself from Jimmy Savile.
"We don't know for certain just what Jimmy Savile has done or not done," said Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, who is orga...
Scarborough Borough Council today issued a statement to the effect that the late Jimmy Savile's grave has recently "substantially subsided."
The furore raised by recent allegations against the former BBC disc jockey and TV presenter has been parti...
Brussells, Belgium. In disturbingly awful news to hand, a computer geek from Ghent in Belgium has designed an application for use on Iphone (including version 5) that enables the user to terminate Western civilisation as we know it. Ernst Leobeck, ag...
London - "Sounds as plausible a theory as any daft Red Top bollocks," a BBC 'deep throat' hinted today, "churned out ad nauseam since her death."
Speaking in hushed tones at a secret Barking potting shed rendezvous the informer reckons the Britis...
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has won the election once more and this time it was much easier. In fact Bookies stopped taking bets after reports that Chavez hit-squads had done their job efficiently.
Huggy Hugo, teddybear and socialist saint w...
Kenneth Dunston has been left distraught following the theft of his scab collection.
Dunstan, 52 from Ryde on the Isle of Wight, discovered the theft on Sunday morning when he returned from the Ryde twenty-four hour bowls marathon.
"It's terri...
George Osborne will today announce plans to limit the amount of children people who earn less than £40,000 a year can have. While he raises prescription charges for the same group and places a high rate of tax on contraception as well as supporting...
READING, Pennsylvania - It has been nearly two months since Kate Gosselin ended her relationship with Russell "Sniffles" Brand.
And the former star of two reality shows Jon and Kate Plus 8 and Kate Plus 8, recently stated that although she admits...