In the first of three presidential debates, Romney explicitly said that he supports cutting funding for PBS and Sesame Street. Fans of public television were particularly angered that he singled out Big Bird. "I'm a huge fan of Big Bird," said Romney...
BILLINGSGATE POST - Last night, outlined against a somber blue-grey October sky in Denver, Colorado, Mitt Romney brought back images of Pestilence as he exterminated the rodent-like Barack Obama during the fateful debate witnessed by 50 million part...
Kevin Garnett, aka KG, aka Skinny, aka that Lieutenant from the Wire, has made it clear to Celtics management that he is of the firm opinion that his talents would be best suited to that of Point Guard.
Speaking to NBA.com, Garnett said, "Sometime...
Shortly after the presidential debate on Thursday, William H. Thorndike, adviser to the president, admits he was shocked when he overheard President Obama state, "Hey, I like what the guy said, he made sense to me, Romney has got my vote, I only hope...
NASA - In a surprise announcement today NASA revealed a secret mission assigned to Curiosity Rover - a mission of goodwill and cultural sharing intended for the solar system, the galaxy and the universe that will last a thousand years. A spokesman fo...
Last night I settled in front of my massive big screen with a large coke and some popcorn. My pet chameleon, Bon Jovi, sat on my shoulder. I was so excited about the Presidential debate I could barely wait until 8:00 pm.
Soon it became clear tha...
Mary Popitin stood watching the one man band. She was impressed with his rendition of "Voodoo Child" but thought the rhythm section lacked a disciplined knee. Having nothing more to do but annoy the people in the park with her singing, she decided to join the man and dance to the music.
Bert is hacking away at the mouth organ when a woman dressed in multi-coloured rags starts to gyrate beside h...
The Ministry of Transport have been in touch with French authorities in order to obtain the release of Maths teacher and alleged child abductor, Jeremy Forrest.
'There's no one here who can do mathematics' explained Top civil servant Josiah Penpus...
LONDON, U.K.--English rock legend Paul McCartney was apparently surprised yesterday, when he was given a question which he totally hasn't heard before. The singer-songwriter claimed that not once in his 50 years of public life has he been forced to a...
BONNERS FERRY, Idaho - Cartographers the world over will be burning the midnight oil as they chart a newly discovered mountain. Yesterday, in a truly astounding development, Dr. Endevor T. Rockman, geologist and professor, University of Idaho, said t...
A local headbangers concert in Kabul, involving local heay-metal bands has proved to the world that they can "head-bang it" as good as anybody, albeit the Taliban did not participate because of their turbans.
The organisor of the event, Australian...
"Highway Patrol" was a popular television show in the US during the late 1950s - early 60s.
Its purported purpose was to show to the American people what a policeman does "in real life", as opposed to the "secret agents" being portrayed by the various characters, villains and advertisers of such shows as "The Man from U.N.C.L.E., "I Spy", "Mission Impossible", "It Takes a Thief", and perha...
Police in the once sleepy village of Little Divot are investigating an outrageously bold piece of thieving.
At 9am this morning it was discovered that the local council offices, which also houses the mayors chambers, had disappeared.
Mayor of L...
The first US presidential election debate took place last night, reaching a frenzied climax at about 8pm. The two contenders, Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, verbally wrestled with each other to see who would come out on top, and who would be on the bo...
ANKARA: At a conference in Ankara, Turkey yesterday, the World Health Organisation validated it's 10 point memorandum encouraging sexual relations with a fruit.
The general consensus is to eradicate lonliness with alternate, safe and satisfying f...
Eion Logon, 28, from Little Hambaconton travelled to Switzerland today to Switzerland to visit the Dignitas clinic. He had wanted to put a end to his life for some time but claims he just never found the time to do it. Mr Logon said:
"I get terrib...
Norfolk - A colony of the endangered species is causing havoc at the royal residence after making new nesting arrangements in the Queen's ensuite composting lav.
The organic throne room is said to be completely infested after a Phobics Anonymous-s...
DENVER - Well the first presidential debate of 2012 is now in the history books and it proved to be as exciting as listening to Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter talk about beauty tips.
Sinclair Petaluma with Political Salad Bar Magazine stated that both...
Bert from Sesame Street has gone to ground after vowing to kill Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Bert was watching the first presidential debate on The Count's TV with several other residents of the street but flew into a rage when Romn...
Retrograde-fil-A-Hole, Ga. - More or less, mild and crazy cause why guy Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy publicly aired his anything but easily digested (to anyone with half a brain, and/or, perhaps, anything close to an overcooked 1/4 pounder, with cheese, and, of course, fries with that, otherwise lodged in their gullet, and/or, upon request, collectively sitting in someplace or thereabouts for m...
Dear constituents
Everything has returned to hectic normality since the few days I spent in drag in Grey Gables Old Peoples' Home.
I have to admit that I miss my knickers, though. Despite occasional disasters I found these over-sized garments far more comfortable than my Y-fronts so I'm going to renew the campaign once started by the excellent Mr Paxman to improve the design of men's underwe...
LOS ANGELES - Plans have just been finalized for the much anticipated concert tour featuring famous one name singing icons Cher, 66, and Madonna, 53.
Relic Productions in association with Simon Cowell's Black T-Shirt Production Company have just a...
Free moustache rides to Cow Girls who will help me train
This morning, I received an email from a woman friend on my SitonmyFacebook page who informed me that a former girlfriend was trashing me over my short-comings as a cunnilinguist.
Well, that's just wrong, dammit!
I consider myself to be artiste at the craft, and I'll tell you why (you knew I would, dincha). Due to the fact that I...
BRENTWOOD, California - Maria Shriver is still extremely upset at the fact that her soon-to-be-ex-husband Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child out of wedlock with their long time housekeeper.
Maria, whose mother Eunice is a Massachusetts Kennedy...
BEVERLY HILLS - Liam Hemsworth paid a visit to his personal masseuse, Urbanette "Bambi" Dillahunt, 21, due to the stupendous amount of stress that he has been going through lately.
Hemsworth, 22, confided to Miss Dillahunt, (38-24-36) that he cann...