Los Angeles, CA. Shortly after Endeavor turned onto La Cienega Blvd heading towards Westchester, several MS-13 gang members surrounded the security entourage and pulled automatic weapons demanding the hydraulic systems be cannibalized for their rides...
President Obama has had to undergo speech therapy after banging his head. White House officials said the temporary speech impediment will be rectified before he has to give a speech about the economy.
An insider said that Obama became difficult to...
Washington, DC -- In an historic first, the Devil has declined to throw his support behind either candidate for US President, declaring that both contenders "are hell-bent on creating chaos without any help from me."
"That makes it impossible to c...
AUSTIN - Willie Nelson has been strumming his guitar now for over 50 years and at 79, he is considered to be the Granddaddy of Country Music.
Nelson, who has had more ups and downs than Pamela Anderson's underwear, says that the rough times that h...
That didn't take long. No sooner had Bo'sun Higgs pulled in with the rest of the fleet did he find himself having too good a time with a couple of girls owning five names between the both of them and knocking back the electric alcohol that has power...
After the jailing of career pratt Barry Thew for wearing a T-shirt with a offensive message on it Back and to the Left news, are a little concerned for what this could mean for the freedom of expression. His arrest came days after two police officers...
HOLLYWOOD - Kirstie Alley admits that she has regained the 100 pounds she lost after her season 12 performance on Dancing With The Stars.
And now that she has returned for season 15's edition of DWTS: The All Stars, she has casually admitted that...
ORLANDO, Florida (ABSNN) - Casey Anthony, the Most Hated Woman in America, was acquitted in the murder of her child Caylee who died more than three years ago. Her legal trouble has not ended, not by a long shot. She is still in the middle of a laws...
Windsor - "Must have been another one of her nocturnal emissions," Windsor Castle groundsmen said today as they changed the locks on the Royal Mausoleum.
"Still, that's the power of prophecy for you, gotta be worth a tenner that she's about to po...
SEATTLE, Washington (ABSNN) - Voters are poised to pass Washington State Initiative 502, a law that will allow licensed pot shops to sell taxed and inspected marijuana. When passed by voters there will no longer be a state penalty for smoking dope.
Rude, condescending, arrogant, always interrupting, unhinged and mean.
No, Sean Hannity wasn't talking about himself. That was his description of Vice-President Joe Bidens performance last night at the one and only VP debate in Kentucky.
The de...
APACHE DUNGHEAP, Oklahoma (ABSNN) - Miley Cyrus backed out of negotiations to play the infamous Bonnie Parker in the upcoming Lifetime Network miniseries Bonnie & Clyde.
English actress Emma Watson has signed to replace Cyrus.
"It wasn'...
BATTLE CREEK, Michigan (ABSNN) - The proposed recall of Frosted Mini Wheats was cancelled today according to long-time breakfast spokesman Tony the Tiger.
Speaking before a group of food reporters, Tony admitted "that metal fragments had been fo...
The running of the shrews
Every Wednesday the newspaper prints the local supermarket insert with all the coupons and "two-fers." If you are a man and you need groceries, don't go to the market on Wednesday. You will surely suffer a misadventure; you might even die!
I know that in this economy people are looking for ways to save a nickel. Coupon clipping adds a few pennies to the weekly fo...
London - A Windsor Great Park herbaceous border, a bespoke men's tailoring association and a top knobs' property agency are in crisis talks to distance themselves from their eponymous pervy namesake.
The Jimmy Garden (Windsor], Jimmy's Row tailors...
Downing Street today reacted with fury at the news the Nobel Peace prize had been awarded to the EU. Although the UK is a fringe member of the EU at best it still gets a share in the award.
"This is the Norwegians ramping up the political game." W...
Brussels - "I guess Barack O'Bummer set the bar so low that this year's gong had to be a walk-over," top NATO general Sir Monty Dambusta, VC and bar, said today as news of the award broke.
Six decades of smoke 'n' mirrors bollocks have been lioniz...
The Government has announced that from today sniffing is outlawed in cars. This follows a series of accidents when drivers who were sniffing crashed due to the disturbance to their behaviour.
David Cameron announcing the new law said that we are a...
DANVILLE, Kentucky - In one of the liveliest Vice-Presidential Debates in the history of Vice-Presidential Debates there was really no clear cut victor between Vice-President Joe Biden and non-vice-president Paul Ryan.
The national political publi...
DUBLIN, Ireland - Kelly Clarkson performed before a sell out crowd at Dublin's O2 Arena.
After her concert she spoke backstage with a reporter for The Irish Eyes News Agency, Colleen Corkincannon.
Clarkson was asked what she thought about Irela...