KISSIMMEE, Florida - 78-year old Kissimmee resident Dick Lawton continues to patiently wait his turn to vote outside the Buenaventura Lakes Branch Library.
Even though a week has now passed since election day, Lawton remains vigilant that he has...
WELLINGTON, New Zealand (ABSNN) - A court in this New Zealand city ruled today that "this country is a Horseshit Free Zone." The ruling came on the heels of the arrest of an anti-monarchist, Sam Bracanov, a seventy-six year old man who made it c...
New York - "They were among my very best psychic warriors," ex-First Earth Battalion commander General Stubblebine said today amid mounting furor in the Broadwell-gate case, "taught 'em everything I know and NOW look what's happened!!"
Speaking to...
Castor oil, Fox News, MSNBC, and nekkid chicks on air!
When I was a young kid, I knew better than to tell my Dad that I had a belly-ache. I knew better because I knew what my Dad would do if I told him my gut hurt. He was an old school mountain farmer: he used plant extracts he called "Lightning Hot drops," or, if he was a bit hung over, he used the all-time, get-even-with-your-children, gut-...
The Lord Mayor of Mansfield has had to put his mansion on the market, after running out of money.
He initially blamed his wife for running up massive debts. But she blamed their 25 cats. "We've got one Persian and a few Moggies, but most of them a...
In a discovery that has alarmed many, the New York Times reports that astrophysicists at UC Santa Barbara have calculated a significant acceleration in the leftward rotation of the Milky Way. The serendipitous discovery came about when the lab's you...
Jeremy Paxman today announced that there will be some major changes to the format of his long-running quiz show University Challenge. In a press release he said that the programme was to be re-structured to give it a more topical and less academic f...
Never one to rest on his preposterous hairstyle, Donald Trump has announced his strategy to end the Global Economic slowdown. On the back of his outstanding commercial success on the east coast of Scotland, Trump is now ready to unveil his next stag...
Philadelphia, PA-- Exciting new research from the University of Pencilvania has proven an old adage--nice guys finish last. A group of psychiatrists, psychologists and physiologists tested thousands of incoming male freshmen over a period of five y...
There will be no donut hole in the head of Rob Gronkowski.
His sweet life continues to roll on like a Fellini movie on steroids.
One of his biggest sponsors has commissioned a life-size cake of the Gronk to be unveiled at Gillette Stadium befor...
According to sources close to Obama the president will appear on a future episode of the hit History channel show "Pawn Stars".
The president is said to be bringing the declaration of independence in hopes of selling it for around 3 trillion doll...
Several UK Bookmakers have spread their interest in the latest developments in the Savile case. They are now offering odds on the following:
(1) Many Freemasons and some of those who run their organization particularly those living in Scotland are corrupt. 1/10
(2) Many lawyers and barristers operating in the UK and some judges and their peers are corrupt. 1/10
(3) Many working in the Sec...
The BBC has unveiled it's new strategy to regain the trust of the nation. This will start over the Christmas period when the Christmas Day schedule will feature a 90 minute special of the sit-com 'Miranda' starring Miranda Hart this will be followed...
HOLLYWOOD - One of the biggest political scandals to hit the nation in a while is already in the process of being made into a motion picture.
TouchRock Pictures in association with Pipe Dream Films has just announced that the movie based on The Ge...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The former director of the CIA, General David Petraeus, reportedly told a close, unnamed friend that he never realized that he would one day join the ranks of individuals such as Senator John Edwards, Governor Eliot Spitzer, and Go...
PHOENIX, Arizona - The governor of the border state of Arizona, Jan Brewer, has just announced that she has met with a select committee and they have found an answer to the unruly school kids on a school bus problem.
Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer,...
WATERLOO, Iowa - President Obama has wasted no time in keeping his promise to cut out certain federal programs that will have the least amount of affect on the least amount of citizens.
The president, speaking before a crowd of 17,000 at The Crop...
TARZANVILLE, Lower Zamgola - The African countries of Lower Zamgola and Buffaranda have been waring against each other since September of 2002.
Geographic experts state that the friction between the two neighboring countries first started after a...
Elmo, the former Sesame Street heartthrob, reveals that he is gay in an exclusive interview with Gay Fard Magazine.
He decided to speak about his condition after it was discovered he had recently undergone hemorrhoid surgery and was seen kissing...
From the internet search engine giant, Giggle's recently released self-driving car has sent ripples throughout the automotive and computer industries. Though less than perfect, Napple decided that in order to compete, it had to release it's own versi...
Special to The Spoof from the Burning Rome News- There is grief this evening in the city of piety, pity and plenty o' pottery.
"Vaginitus", the long beloved Ruffled Belgian Tantamount has passed on, leaving no siblings, no progeny and certainly...