Germany is threatening to take the Number Binge Drinkers spot from Britain. Latest survey results show that Germany now has more alcoholics per population than Britain.
"This is down to two factors," said Hans Shakin, German Alcohol Minister. "Fir...
Western Pacific Ocean - He's plunging seven miles down a marine crevice named after Mariana of Austria/Queen of Spain's fathomless snatch.
A custom-built one-man sub called the DeepSeat Challenger sees the dive heading almost 'where no man has be...
Cabinet minister Theresa May has been pleading poverty again and is using it as an excuse to sell her severely soiled knickers on the internet using the slogan, Theresa's Teasers.
In justification for her latest moneymaking venture she complains...
After it was alleged that contributors to the Spoof were misleading the public with untrue stories it has emerged that a public inquiry is to be set up to look into the matter.
Former Lord Chief Justice, Oliver Snooty, has been asked by the Govern...
Multi-million pound companies have been accused of forging 'place of origin' labels to put on their produce to seem more upmarket. It has been discovered they invent whole countries just to avoid putting "made in Slough" on a packet of spam. Back and...
After two years of planning and six months of construction, Bolton has finally got its own library book.
Entitled 'Bolton's Library Book', it is a gripping account of Bolton's pioneering library book project. Five thousand potential readers have a...
London - Forensic accountants are poised to publish the results of a 20 year probe into David Cameron's sudden rise to megabux wealth.
Citing 'inspired' creative probate techniques from her 1990 Last Will & Testament they reckon a big chunk of...
Provocative comedian and disguise expert, Borat, has upset Kazakhstan so much that they have issued a fatwa against him. He managed to get his own version of their national anthem played at a medal ceremony in Kuwait and this is roughly what it say's...
Ralph has spent most of his Crazy Check the first weekend in November and is badly hung over Monday morning at the Cement Garden Ornaments Emporium when Melvin drops by and toots his horn!
"Melvin! Quit that! My head's gonna splode!"
"I know that look! You went out with Sarah Jean and spent all yore money Saturday night didn't you?"
"NO! Oh my head. NO I didn't spend ALL of it. I got enou...
(Pete's store, 1949)
Abe and Sally Foreside come in the front door of Pete's Country Store fanning dog pecker gnats.
(Pete) "Doggone it! Those things follow you two around. Wish you would leave them at home. I had to spray for two hours the other day."
"It's Abe and his coonhounds under the porch. We'll start going out the back door. Did the Liberry Truck leave the books?"
"Yeah. Picke...
Boston media is in a quandary, which they frequently identify as duck soup. Players came to Boston for the dirty water, but find only dirty media members.
We hesitate to call them journalists.
Once again, a free agent deadline has passed in NB...
Women in general get way too excited about new trends. The euphoria seems to somehow make her forget the difference between ugly and stylish just because Vogue tells her "it's the latest thing". Now I'm not under the illusion that people have enough will power to go against the grain but it still bothers me when I have to bear witness to a 351lb man in green spandex. Luckily Vogue kept that lovely...
With 2012 being the year of the Olympics and the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, it has been decided by the FA that every single football club in the country will ditch their current, and in some cases, iconic, run out tunes and replace it with the National...
We can reveal the truth about Tory Party funding as a result of a sting operation we secretly carried out at the offices of Tory Vice Treasurer, Sir Toby Twister. You can see the sting operation by viewing our exclusive video www.torystingwasp.web...
A local art historian and critic is among the names being touted to be the next chair of Arts Council England.
Proserpine Gainsborough-Halfwit will be up against television presenter, political pundit and former Tory MP Michael Portillo, and TV mo...
Only weeks into the project of moving the Pennines thirty miles east, it has been decided to move them back again. However, due to the nature of the move, the Pennines will have to be completely moved thirty miles east before moving them thirty miles...
My Senior Moments This Week
Monday 19th March 2012:
* Went on the 99p shop, carefully limiting my spending to under £5. 1x Air spray, 2x bird seed, 1x Nougat (for the girls at the blood centre on Tuesday) and 1x Disinfectant. When she asked me for £7.98, I foolishly paid her then realised something was amiss! I did not leave the checkout, but while waiting for hwer to serve other custome...
This Weeks Selected Political News
Monday 19th March 2012:
Topic: Immigration - Benefits
"Foreign-born jobless and sick can claim benefits in 165 languages."
Source: The Sun
They include Nigerian Pidgin, a variant of English used by just two per cent of Nigeria's population.
The array of lingos emerged as benefits bosses were last night blasted for spending millions hirin...
Monday 19th March 2012:
Topic: CRIME
"Students capture burglar who attacked them with a cleaver"
Source: Nottingham Post
A group of students captured and held a burglar in their home after he attacked them with a meat cleaver.
They disarmed Jason Fisher, sat him down in a corner and hemmed him in with chairs until police arrived.
Jason Fisher 27, had injured two of them with the...
SHREVEPORT, Louisiana - GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul was speaking to a crowd that had gathered at Shreveport's General Stonewall Jackson High School.
He told the crowd estimated by Jo Jo Spamaficki, owner of Spamaficki's Hardware Store, to...
HOLLYWOOD - In true Tinsel Town fashion, Simon Cowell, owner, producer, and judge of X-Factor stood in front of the Hollywood sign and announced that he has gotten his wish and Britney Spears has agreed to be the new judge on X-Factor.
The man who...
A polar bear found floating in the icy shallows of Purdue Bay at Barrow Alaska is the latest victim in President Obama's junk food war. The bear clad only in a red scarf and clutching a can of cola in his frozen paw is thought to have been the famous...
Former Hollywood star Dick Van Dyke has entered the OFYC Club record books! The club, whose initials stand for "Old Fart-Young Chick," says the 46 year age difference between the ex-"Diagnosis Murder" actor and his new bride, 40-year-old Arlene Silv...
Horace Mann of suburban Newberg has completed his purchase of all 26 volumes of Wikipedia including unlimited addenda and a promised Wikipedia Annual to be sent to him each year for the next five years on the anniversary of the purchase date.
Mr.
Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards, the former Olympian ski jumper and epitome of the English amateur, finally proved his athletic credentials on national TV on Saturday.
Britain's first competitor in the event had gone down in Olympic history with his spe...