A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947
Chapter 104:
1962: A Day At Work At Tesco
"With thanks to Skoob1999 who triggered my memory of this incident, when he was telling me of one of his own. Thank You Sir!"
I was at the back door of Tesco on Granby Street (later to become Maid Marion Way...
BILLINGSGATE POST - Suffering from erectile dysfunction? No Problem. Need an abortion? No Problem. Need sex change? No Problem. Need Penile Pump? No problem. Need new boobs, penis extender, nose job.....? No Problemo. However, if you are on...
HOLLYWOOD - Tom Cruise is planning to produce a film about his life called "33" When asked for details about the film he said "His film will be nothing like the Jim Carrey film 23" He replied "Carrey's film was a comedy but my film is going to be bas...
Actress Ann Hathaway has admitted that her role as Catwoman in the upcoming Batman film "The Dark Knight Rises" lived with her long after filming and that she now understands better the affect the role of The Joker had on Heath Ledger who it is claim...
The current state of retail customer service in the United States is such that one can go into any retail chain in the country, take a shit on the floor in the middle of the Seasonal section, and the Store Manager will feel obligated to bring you a Wet-Nap.* The answer, BTW? Ames, Bradlees, Caldor, Cornet, Gemci, G. C. Murphy, Rite-Aid, H.L.Greens, Hudson Brothers, Eckerds, Korvettes, J.G. McCrory...
Recently use of bathsalts for a drug like high have been increasing around the globe, from U.S. senator Michel Faxxon to British domestic pet dog Fluffy. According to reports users are stripping themselves naked, prancing around singing "I will survi...
Sticking it to the Celtics apparently played into taking less money and taking his talents to South Beach for the Brutus of the Boston.
Yes, we refer to the formerly loyal aide-de-camp of Paul Pierce, namely one Ray Allen.
What finally brought...
An exhibition in the centre of London that has drawn millions of visitors has been condemned as obscene by Human Rights activists with many calling the exhibition "offensive".
One exhibit promotes IED's, a suicide vest and a device that could be e...
The sporting world was reeling last night as revelations emerged about what we know as 'Roger Federer'. In claims which are sure to rock the sport to it's foundations we can confirm rumours centering around a conspiracy in which the British tennis es...
Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland Martin McGuinness has reacted angrily to a new BBC Documentary that suggests the majority of Catholics in the province are embarrassed by their former support of the IRA.
A former Provisional IRA leader...
A 73-year-old Spanish man was gored in the right leg on the first day of the annual running of the bulls in Pamplona, though the incident actually occurred in Balham, South London, while he was shopping for cheese.
Pedro Santorini from Pamplona an...
London - The failed American bank behind every imaginable financial scam involving General Pinochet has set the benchmark high Our-Man-In-Hole-in-the-Wall-Street said today.
His secret communique to QM-NewsCorpse stringers has laid bare details of...
The Conundrum Club, London, 1895
Colonel Gulper (CG): This Carpetbag Steak's damned chewy, what?
Reverend Milke (RM): With respect, Colonel, that is a carpetbag you've got on your plate.
CG: What? Of course it's a carpetbag, you fool. I just said it was a carpetbag, a deuced chewy one, or are you going deaf in your old age, Reverend, what?
RM: No, Colonel, that is a bag, a carpet bag.
LOS ANGELES - Jessica Simpson had her baby ten weeks ago and the singer/actress has yet to lose any of the weight she gained during her ten month pregnancy.
Jessica gave birth to Maxwell House Drew Simpson-Johnson on May 1, and she is reported ext...
The switchboard at Channel 4 rang red hot last night after hoards of frustrated viewers phoned to complain about the distinct lack of tenuous Penis, vulva and breast related illnesses on the latest episode of Embarrassing Bodies.
The omission of u...
Once again the Daily Mail has scooped all three top slots in today's Piffle Prize Awards for three idiotic headlines accompanied by three non-stories.
The winner by a wide margin, as selected by the judges, was 'Elvis Presley's Granddaughter Is A...
Former Leeds, Spurs and England centre-half Jonathan Woodgate has rejoined his boyhood team Middlesbrough on a free transfer following his release from Stoke City.
Woodgate has managed to play an astounding 22 games in the last three seasons a...
Scottish tennis sensation Andy Murray released an official statement this morning to the effect that, if he beats Roger Federer in Sunday's mens singles final he'll stop doing bad Sean Connery impressions.
The move comes following criticism from f...
Boston Celtics fans are joining the betrayed and benighted fans of the Red Sox and Patriots. The Benedict Arnold Syndrome has hit the Green Team. Not since the great Revolutionary War has Boston suffered such a turncoat like British hero Benedict Arn...
Minnie the Mermaid, in her seaweed bungalow at the bottom of the sea, was shocked to read on NYDailyNews.com on July 3 that she doesn't exist. But there it was! That glaring headline: "Mermaids, like zombies, not real, say govt. experts."
She trembled as she drank a glass of sea water and read these words in the article: "The National Ocean Service has declared that the mythical creatures d...
A series of assaults occurred in Chicago July 1st. 4 women have reported physical assault to their local police station. One woman named the attacker as Marko Dulce. She gave a written statement and matched the man's face with a police sketch.
Up...
St. Louis (SAPP) - The 2012 Olympics in London will be getting no help from the U.S.A. this year. Drought, heatwave, and burn bans have crippled the effort to send the Olympic Flame through the Midwest this year. But this may soon change.
"This to...
Sunday 1st July 2012
Topic: Deterrent to thieves revealed
"Scrapyards banned from cash payments to deter metal thieves"
Source: The People
Extract: Scrapyards are to face tough new rules to deter metal thieves.
Tory MP Richard Ottaway is to introduce a new licensing system to ensure scrap dealers can no longer buy metal for cash.
They will be forced to record every transaction or...
Monday 2nd July 2012
Topic: NHS waiting time - QMC - City Hospital
"Waiting times at Nottingham hospitals up by 82%"
Source: Nottingham Post
Extract: THE number of patients waiting longer than four hours in Nottingham's only accident and emergency unit has almost doubled in the past year.
Figures show that 10,831 patients were kept waiting for more than four hours in 2011-12 - a ris...
Passers-by were stunned to be told the bank's first-aider could not help because they are not allowed to give first aid outside the branch.
A woman who collapsed outside a bank was refused help by staff.
Passers-by pleaded for a trained first-a...
Albany NY: The US Supreme Court has ruled that the Interstate Commerce Clause of the US Constitution cannot be used to justify Congress controlling the American people's purchasing of health insurance. However, the justices also ruled the US Congress...
A further scandal embroiled Scottish football today as it emerged that Club 12, which was parachuted into the SPL to replace Rangers has now entered administration after failing to honour financial obligations.
Payments are already overdue regardi...