Stuart Pearce in the postmatch interview: "Well we got off to a decent start, but I think getting the third before half time was where we went wrong. It's always better to go in at 2-0 rather than 3. I made a few changes and they didn't seem to have the desired effect. Espescially after just 10 seconds in the 2nd half we went down to 10. My tactic of playing a second goalie then backfired, I was u...
Detroit - Little Ricky Santorum was quoted in Michigan as saying, "President Obama has said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob," Santorum said Saturday. "There are good, decent men and women who go out and work hard every da...
Ther nedes to bee a law aganst smart peeple. They R the reel reeson behind a lot of the wurlds problems. Evri won blames bad peeple fur the trubbles that exist butt if u investigaat depeley enuf u will sea that itt is reely peeple with two mani branes that are respocible fur much ov the wohs uv our plannet.
Fur instanse, taik a look at Acmajinudad (don't expect mee to nowe how to spel THAT na...
Local man and former Dorking resident, Martin Shuttlecock, a dashing 27 year old lion tamer, with a baldy head, and some of his own teeth, now based in Titchfield, today revealed that he had received a marriage proposal from a potential bunny boiler.
The world of science is in uproar over revelations of gambling among high level physicists. I discovered the scale of the problem by talking to one of the victims.
Quantum mechanic Floyd Gluon* put down his tiny monkey wrench and ushered me into his office for a secret interview.
He revealed to me that what started as an experiment soon turned into an ugly habit.
"Some of us guys got tog...
Mitt Romney beat Rick Santorum in the Arizona and Michigan primaries Tuesday night. His dominance over Mr. Santorum in the Republican presidential nominating race may have led to Mr. Santorum taking it out on his wife, Karen, mother to their seven ch...
US scientists at the US Tevatron accelerator have discovered, after millions of US tax money had been invested, that the universe is full of "matter" and "antimatter" is much less and after all does it really "matter" which "matter" is out there anti...
Jean Dujardin from the smash hit silent movie "The Artist" has become a mute.
In a ironic yet dramatic series of events, the actor has permanently lost the use of his voice.
The news broke not long after the oscars where "The Artist" won numer...
Due to the unexpected success of the COBRA committee at preventing terrorist attacks at the Olympic games (the Olympic stadium is still standing as of this article going to print) a number of offshoot committees and think tanks have been set up with...
As Briton, Christopher Tappin, prepares to appear in front of a US court today; Abu Qatada, who himself was nearly deported, has claimed that he is being treated worse than Tappin.
Qatada, a proven terrorist, has criticised his treatment since he...
Windsor, Berks - An oil leak close to a newly installed River Thames hydro power turbine near Windsor Castle has been blamed by Amazonbotch supporters on US super major Chevron.
Thousands of gallons of sweet light crude have been reported gushing...
In a move which will shake the footballing world ex-West Ham player Stuart Pearce, now England Manager, has named ex-West Ham hero Scotsman Scott Parker as England captain.
Last season the Scot was named Footballer of the year and now he's Captain...
Cardiff - Welsh Nationalist seers have laughed off suggestions that Queen Elizabeth will actually ever open the London 2012 Games.
Their St David's Eve seance at Caernarfon Castle saw some spooky funereal hexoplasm materialise to answer queries ab...
HOLLYWOOD - American Idol Host Ryan Seacrest looked a whole lot better than he did on Sunday evening at The Academy Awards Red Carpet festivities.
That night during an interview "Peaches" Seacrest got Bisquick Pancake Mix spilled on him by Admiral...
A Mitt Romney aid has just leaked some interesting news about the presidential candidate. Seems although Mr. Romney may sing "America the Beautiful" in public, his favorite song while showering in the campaign bus is "Sexy and I Know It," by LMFAO.
UK Irish newspaper the Irish Post is set for a startling overhaul following the appointment of a new editor.
Murray Morse is the new man at the helm of the popular weekly, which provides news from home and abroad for the Irish community in the UK.
With the massive costs associated with hosting the Olympics, the Olympic committee has decided that the Summer and Winter games will be merged into one Olympics. This will mean the introduction of ice skating, skiing and snowboarding events to the ma...
After it's premier on Channel 4 two weeks ago, Homeland became the latest US programme to provide viewers with a more "realistic" show, by being more explicit.
Following trailblazers such The Wire, The Sopranos and Deadwood which also feature str...
HOLLYWOOD - The co-hosts of Dancing With The Stars Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke-Charvet are back and so is the team of professional dancers.
And this year, as in years past, a lot of the celebrities are not exactly household names.
As noted by...
LOS ANGELES - Gladiator Pictures in association with Pipe Dream Films has just announced that filming will soon begin in the Ron Jeremy - Paris Hilton movie Thinking Outside The Box.
The motion picture will be directed by Bandini Borrapelli and wi...
A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947
Chapter 89 - A dark, dank, overcast night...
It was a dark, dank, overcast night, with a roving light mist coming and going, interspersed with a get-you-soaking-wet light drizzle.
I was assigned to a site that was about 14 miles out of Nottingham, in...
Albert Quatermass, the son of Professor Bernard Quatermass, the pioneer of the now extinct British space programme, who headed up the British Experimental Rocket Group, and continually found himself confronting sinister alien forces that threatened to destroy humanity in the 50's ans 60's, has now turned his hand from his wicker-bottom chair repairing interests, to join the Nottingham City Council...
Officer More stood looking down at the body on the floor. He had not seen the like in the twenty years he had been a policeman; in fact, he had not seen anything like it since his days as a butcher.
His moment of reflection was interrupted by the arrival of Officer Ore, who sidled up beside him and asked an obvious question. "Is he dead"
"Well" Began More. "Yes I am" said Ore "But is he dead...
Microsoft is currently busy promoting their upcoming Windows 8 operating system designed for use on tablets and mobile phones as well as their traditional PC market. However, as a result of making Windows lean and mean enough to run on these devices...