Monday
Woke up late, go to unlock the door and check the (outdoor) post box. The key won't turn. Panic. Keep trying - nothing. Think about climbing out the window, or asking the neighbour who I've only met once, if I can go through their door.
Eventually I get it open to much relief by not pushing the key in all the way!
Wednesday
Overheard Conversation Of The Week
Girl to her fella "At the...
As it became certain today that hurricane Isaac would hit Tampa during the GOP convention, presidential candidate Mitt Romney was quick to describe the situation as illegitimate rape of the Republican Party and blamed President Obama for the occurren...
"Art'noon Fred, feelin' any better t'day are yer?"
"Yeah, worst over Ron, still can't taste or smell anyfing though. Bloody colds."
"Lot ov it goin' rahnd mate. Least yer over the worst of it.... quiet in 'ere t'day ainit."
"Is now, yeah. A few in 'ere earlier there was."
"Dead in 'ere now Fred."
"She's a lazy cah that one."
"Oud'yer mean Fred?"
"Guvners wife sittin' up at t...
A scientist presented Back and to the Left news with a startling ultimatum today. He said:
"Exotic pets should be banned because they are contributing to the rise in exotic diseases in our country."
He was wearing glasses so we knew instantly he was serious. He took them off and cleaned them with his faded "Skid Row" shirt. We sat in silence for a good twenty minute before we remembered this...
David "I've got a selection of shit ideas" Cameron has stated sixteen year olds may be given the vote. He said:
"Greater consideration must be given to the young people of this country. They must be represented in their Parliament as we make decisions that fuck their lives up, as much as older people. Giving the vote to sixteen year olds is something we should spend hours, weeks or maybe even m...
New York - Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney says he ran out of room in a recent Wall Street Journal article in which he attempted to connect his business experience at Bain Capital with the qualities he would need to be a good president.
In a stunning announcement last Thursday, the famed cyclist Lance Armstrong said he was selling his seven Tour de France titles.
The titles will go on sale next week, but they most likely won't be available to the fans. All Tour de France runner-...
Lance Armstrong has called the rumours surrounding his so-called drug taking during the Tour De France as complete and utter nonsense! But he does admit to taking perfomance enhancers before the Tour and during it too and these are certainly not drug...
LOS ANGELES - There is no male in Tinsel Town who has a worse reputation for being a Love 'em and Leave 'em jerk than John "The Player" Mayer.
Mayer who is perhaps noted more for being a proponent of The Slam Bam Thank You Ma'am School of Romance...
A hippo, trapped in a swimming pool in South Africa was actually their secret weapon for the Olympics! Unfortunately it got trapped before the Olympics begun and the South African authorities just could not remove the poor thing in time!
The hippo...
London - A lucrative bit of self-inflicted publicity is in the frame in the Prince Harry naked photos saga.
Investigators probing the tawdry snaps reckon a disastrous night's losses at Seizures Palace probably led to the heir-brained scheme.
Th...
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Mexico's national news agency, Las Maracas is reporting that Twilight actress Kristen Stewart is staying at the luxurious Puffy Taco Resort & Casino.
The establishment which is co-owned by Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyle...
One aspect of football that really annoys fans is the rule for when a player is offside. It was always open to many forms of interpretation, so two years ago the sports governing body amended the rule, to try and make it easier to understand. The tru...
Last night William Hague, Foreign Secretary, surprised the chairman and committee when he walked out of the Richmond Working Men's Club completely unaided.
Mr. Hague has been a keen attender of the annual Richmond 'do', which the club arranges sec...
A group of rock stars have recently emphatically demanded that Republican political candidates not use the groups' songs in a effort to make themselves believe that anyone actually cares or is listening.
The well known 1980's group "Mungo Je...
Confusion reigned among Manchester United fans throughout this week, as it was revealed that United will be playing a home game this Saturday, which will kick off at 3pm
Robin van Persie is expected to make his full debut at Old Trafford against h...
If ever a team needed a book entitled How to Win Friends and Influence People, it's the Boston Red Sox. Instead, they seem to have ordered an e-book from Baroness Orczy.
Without any redeeming qualities, the Sox are sinking into the briny deep of i...
U.S. Representative, Todd Akin (R-MO) remained under attack today from his Republican colleagues and Party officials for daring to say out loud what they all think. Earlier this week Akin was explaining to an interviewer why there should be no rape e...
Wapping insiders claimed today that the front page picture of Prince Harry almost 'koo' starkers was a birthday present from Rupert Murdoch to his heroic wife, Wendi Deng.
Deng shot to worldwide fame in 2011 when attacking Johnnie Marbles Kung-Fu...
In Stockholm, Sweden, the Committee of Five has unanimously voted to award the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize to Pussy Riot. The Russian All-Girl Singing Troika has recently been condemned to two years hard labor in a Russian gulag for uttering blasphemous...
HOLLYWOOD - Gladiator Films in association with Left Coast Libido Pictures is currently in talks to sign England's Prince Harry to appear in the motion picture The Red Star Diaries.
The porn film will be directed by Gunther Krottentokker and will...
LOS ANGELES - Kim Kardashian has said that she is on Cloud 9 thanks to her boyfriend Kanye West who is forever complementing her on her hair, her make up, and her badonkadonk.
She recently expressed to iRumors reporter Vodka Vermicelli that she ha...
WASILLA, Alaska - Reports out of Alaska state that Sarah "Snowflake" Palin is one very angry white wilderness woman.
Political Salad Bar Magazine has confirmed that the former governor of the Iceberg State and failed 2008 GOP Vice-Presidential can...