BILLINGSGATE POST - As a countermeasure to Paul Ryan's plan to overhaul Obamacare, the White House announced today that the noxious cheese farts emanating from the butts of Wisconsin Cheeseheads in this dairy state will not be covered by what is know...
In a shock revelation, Sebastian (Lord) Coe has announced a new competition that will feature heavily on our TV screens, newspaper front pages and social media for the next few weeks.
"As soon as the Paralympics is over" states Lord Coe, "we will...
The United Kingdom armed forces have been decimated by recent cuts with unforeseen consequences.
An average nuclear-powered hunter-killer sub requires a crew of 76 and a Trident sub needs a crew of 142 men and women.
The above numbers do not in...
Texas - The reported $192 million 'transfer fee' targeting a reclusive Lily Pond Lane, East Hampton art buff has been rubbished as wildly optimistic pie-in-the-sky.
Leonardo Da Vinci's fabulous Salvator Mundi dazzled the art world at London's Roya...
Manchester United new boy Robin Van Persie has been sectioned under the mental health act.
The shocking news comes after Van Persie claimed a little boy inside of him helps him make hard decisions in his life.
United chiefs are said to be furio...
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Missouri Congressman and Senate candidate Todd Akin's comment that pregnancy would not occur in a "legitimate rape" has been met with widespread condemnation from Democrats and Republicans, prompting speculation Akin's Senate run is...
It was announced, yesterday, that Manchester United have signed the 14th century artist Raphael Sanzio from FC Munchen Gladbach for an undisclosed sum.
Rover's manager Fergus Alexson was said to be delighted with the team's new acquisition, having...
Therapist clicks on Dictaphone following session.
No new people. Joan Rivers kept bringing her daughter and dog, and we had to kick her out. The daughter has mommy issues: not my field. Arsenio Hall got another show, and was so eager to book Bell Biv Devoe that he skipped out the door. "I'm so glad he has to suffer no more," said Ann Curry. "The world was unfair to him."
We've got a...
The International Society of Gynecologists made an observation that whenever the word vagina was used in any of their leaflets or advertising the response to that advertising was overwhelming.
Dr Peak A Boo, a world renowned gynecologist said,
"...
Thanks to our intrepid roving journalist Pepe Warezabar, we have breaking news on a deal to move Assange direct to the US, eliminating the Swedes entirely. Pepe and Hillary Clinton have known each other since the Arab Spring in Egypt, and most recently along the border of Syria-Turkey
Hillary greatly admires Pepe's ability to scour out the best saloons in any area. The following interview too...
Tom Coughlin of the New York Giants may be wondering if his puerile Super Bowl team is actually better suited to high school level.
The bullying video of one teammate dousing another in a vat of ice water smacks of juvenile antics.
With pro ath...
London, England. Wikileaks advocate, Julian Assange, has managed to secrete himself out of the Ecuadorian embassy, only to find his travels curtailed when the laundry bag he hid in was dropped at the local laundromat where Pakistani laundry hands dis...
"What was all that abaht Fred, you've gone n upset that Irish gaffer right good n proper."
"Paddy the bloody plonker 'e is. Stands there tellin' me I'm a raceeist just 'cause I tells 'im I don't wanna pint o' Guinness. Twat!"
"Gotta be careful these days Fred, yer can't go rahnd makin' racist remarks mate."
"Raceeist remarks? I was up at the the bar t' get me rahnd in, Paddy comes along t...
The Red Sox have Harvard University across the Charles River to consult, but they went instead to New Haven to find a Yale locksmith to help to secure the team.
For the first time since the 1880s in major league baseball, the pitcher and catcher w...
In an attempt to curb attacks on people by dangerous dogs, the Australian Veterinary Association (AVA) has proposed the introduction of research into conducting personality tests for canines.
AVA spokesman, Jake Russell, told us "We have two issue...
Sensational photos coming back from Mars have proven that "Curiosity" doesn't only kill cats; it zaps Martian stones too!
Scientists at NASA were wetting their pants as these historic photos reached their computer screens. They fell into each othe...
HM Queen Elizabeth II has been ordered to muzzle her corgis in public places and has been summoned to appear at the Central London Magistrates Court, in order to answer a charge under the Dangerous Dogs Act.
The move follows a vicious attack by tw...
Human infant is, in fact, born as a helpless creature. The baby lacks any inherited mechanism for behavior. However, the child gradually learns how to behave by means of an educational mechanism known as culture. This cultural mechanism teaches the child skills, knowledge and the accepted norms of dealing with people and the supernatural forces surrounding man. Culture is no longer believed to be...
Monday 13th Aug
* Up and at em this morning - feeling better than for a long time. Medicated, ablutionised, and over the road to see Margaret, looking good.
* Walked to Bulwell, got some nosh in, and bussed home to the hovel.
* Bit of bother late on staying awake, and food came back up.
Tuesday 14th Aug
* Again, despite proper kip, I felt okay this morning.
* Medications, ablutions, diarie...
Monday 13th Aug
Topic: Politics - Holidays
Headline "Cameron, Clegg and Miliband head off on post-Olympics holidays"
Source: BBC News
Extract: David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband are heading off on holiday, in a post-Olympics political exodus.
Both Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg are reportedly travelling to Spain for their break - where the Lib Dem leader will be visiting his wife's family.
Monday 13th Aug
Topic: Charity - School holidays
Headline "Nottingham food bank opened for school holidays"
Source: BBC News
Extract: A new food bank aimed at helping families during the school summer holidays has opened in Nottingham.
The NG7 food bank was set up by volunteers following reports people were walking from the city centre to another food bank in Beeston.
The new service giv...
The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reports.
Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but photos NASA received shortly before he...
ASHTABULA, Ohio - Mitt Romney has reportedly confided to one of his closest aide's that the time has come for him to finally make a decision regarding his much talked about hairdo.
Romney said that his very close friend and fellow Republican Ann "...
NEW YORK CITY - After seven years of living together without the benefit of a marriage license Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have finally decided to make their relationship legal.
The couple stated that the reason why they decided to become husband...
LOS ANGELES - Charlie Sheen has certainly seen his share of ups and downs on the roller coaster of the marital world.
Sheen confessed to Barbara Walters on The View that many times in his marriages and/or relationships he has felt like he was noth...
West Ham co-owner David Sullivan has revealed the Hammers still owe more than £10m to Sheffield United over the "Carlos Tevez affair"
(Daily Mirror)
They're repaying at 50p per week.
Manager Roberto Mancini has been ordered by Manchester City's Abu Dhabi owners to stop his public attacks on football director Brian Marwood.
(Sunday People)
Mancini has decided to go back to the anonymous lett...
Kissimmee FL: A lavish anniversary party was held at Disney World for Betty and Harold Smith originally from Minot ND, currently retired to Tampa FL, having been married to each other for 75 years.
The celebration was held at a hotel in the Magic...
Celebrity musician and X-Factor Chav, sorry Judge, was fuming today after being told she and her entourage could not use the Olympic Zil lanes to get from Stafford to Chelmsford to perform her new hit single on stage.
The cousin of Dappy blew a fu...