Spoof news stories from September 2011
There were 730 spoof news stories published in September 2011. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Einstein's E=MC² Equation Is Incorrect Say CERN Scientists
Basel, Switzerland-- Physicists working at the CERN Laboratory in Switzerland have just discovered another dreadful mistake made by Albert Einstein. The 20th Century genius was proven wrong last week after it was discovered neutrino particles can tr...
Zac Efron Says Taylor Swift Is Everything He's Always Wanted And Then Some
BOISE, Idaho - Zac Efron was in Boise in the capacity of parade marshal for The 59th Annual Boise Potato Peeling Festival and Miss Potato Peel Parade.
The 23-year-old actor was told that he is the youngest parade marshal in the events 59 year hist...
Herman Cain's 999 Plan Nixed
The Tea Party has failed to support Republican hopeful Herman Cain's plan for tax reform. The plan, which calls for a 9% personal income tax, 9% federal sales tax, and 9% corporate tax, is referred to as the "999" plan.
Despite the fact that this...
Nibiru To Make Closest Approach To Earth This Wednesday
Houston, TX-- There is grim news today from NASA headquarters about a star called Nibiru. NASA scientists have calculated that Nibiru will make its closest approach to earth within only 48 hours. NASA has already notified the military, and Presiden...
New, All-Nude Episode Of 'Star Trek' Discovered
Hollywood, CA-- A new episode from the original 'Star Trek' series has turned up in a vault in Hollywood. It's actually a partial episode--and very controversial. Something happened in the middle of filming, and the show never made it to TV. The F...
Nearly Nude Wedding Night Photos of Kim Kardashian Surface In New Orleans
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kim Kardashian said that she has not quite yet gotten used to the fact that she is no longer just plain, old, big butted Kim Kardashian and is now the very happily married, old, big butted Mrs. Kris Humphries.
The Kardashian sist...
Malfunction At CERN Sends World Back In Time To 2011
Tardis, France-- An unexpected clash between neutrino and heated tachyon particles inside the CERN laboratory has set time back--all the way to the year 2011. Instead of waking up on March 23, 2088, the world has awakened to a date in late September...
Memories of 2050 from 2090
Published in aid of the Outer Peruvian Pregnant Kangaroo Appreciation Society, Nottingham Branch.
We have obtained from our Futurist Predictor, Mr I Seeitall, a list of comments passed on to the young of 2090, about the year 2050, for your entertainment, perusal, and education.
We hope these revelations will assist you all in your future sospital, and will be soloecal to all.
Mr Seei...
'Classified' chapter of Dick Cheney book reveals prankster secrets
Washington DC - The Bush Administration will go down in history as the "Prankster Presidency," according to revelations made in a classified chapter of former Vice President Dick Cheney's recently published memoirs.
The top-secret material, which...
British Royal Family To Emigrate
Buckingham Palace officials have intimated that the British Royal family has decided to emigrate to the U.S.A.
A source is quoted as saying that the family had a conference at Balmoral during one of their many holidays and have decided that as Br...
Jared Padalecki sacked from new film after he cuts his hair
Jared Padalecki has been sacked from his latest movie after it became apparent to the director that the star of Supernatural and several films including House of Wax, had been to the hairdressers and got a hair cut.
"The whole point was that he ha...
Sandra Bullock Gets Her Heart Broken Again As Boyfriend Ryan Reynolds Tells Her She Won't Be Hearing Any Wedding Bells
AUSTIN - Sandra Bullock has had more ups and downs this past year than Coney Island's Cyclone Roller Coaster.
The Hollywood starlet has just about gotten over her heartbreak at the blatant unfaithfulness of her now ex-husband Jesse "Wiener With F...
Jesse James Divulges That Kat Von D's Sexy Body Is As Tight As A Drum
LONG BEACH - Jesse James, the former owner of West Coast Choppers, says that he has finally gotten over the fact that most people in America hate him for breaking the heart of America's sweetheart, his ex-wife Sandra Bullock.
Jesse, who said that...
Rob Pattinson Confesses That Kristen Stewart Is A Sure-Fire Cure For The Summertime Blues
MALIBU BEACH - The star of the Twilight series movies Rob Pattinson was sitting on the beach in front of his Vampire Villa Beach House when he was spotted by an entertainment media reporter.
RPattz has always been noted for being very cordial to t...
Beauty Pageant Tells Miss Colombia To Start Wearing Panties or She'll Get Disqualified
SAO PAULO, Brazil - The 2011 Pageant has already encountered its very first piece of controversy (no pun intended).
According to the pageant's president Pandora "Dimples" Slickpizzle, the contestant identified as Catalinita "La Bonita" Robayo and...
Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Are The First Guests At Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyler's Brand New Cabo San Lucas Resort & Casino
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - The Puffy Taco Resort & Casino officially had its grand opening and the very first registered guests were the stars of the Twilight series Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.
The new resort and casino is co-owned by Ry...
Shakira Says She'd Like For Lys Agnes of America's Got Talent To Be Her Opening Act on Her Upcoming "Hips Across America Concert Tour"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Shakira, AKA "The Colombian Firecracker" is getting ready to go on her Hips Across America Concert Tour and she recently stated that her opening act Kings of Leon has cancelled due to the lead singer's ongoing wisdom tooth problem [W...
Facebook and Google Plus buy each other
Facebook and Google Plus have announced that they are to buy each other, in a shock move that will surprise no one.
Facebook has been losing customers since the launch of Google Plus and, over the past month, the social network created by the Sil...
Christina Aguilera and Lindsay Lohan Allegedly Doing The Sis Boom Bahhh Behind Closed Doors
VENICE BEACH - Lindsay Lohan keeps insisting that she has seen the light and that she really and truly wants to get her butt out of the fast lane and take things a little easier.
Lilo added that she has to make an effort to stay away from some of...
Justin Bieber Confesses That Selena Gomez Is The Queen of His Heart
MONTEZUMA, Georgia - Justin Bieber was in Montezuma, Georgia, a town noted for having a peach tree that reportedly was planted by a sailor who came to America with Christopher Columbus back in October of 1492.
Bieber had flown to Montezuma to film...
Vanessa Hudgens, Nina Dobrev, and Mila Kunis To Star In The Attack of The Naked Nocturnal Vampire Nymphos of Norway
HOLLYWOOD - Lions Door Films in association with Hollywood Sign Pictures has announced that filming will soon begin on Bandini Borrapelli's motion picture The Attack of The Naked Nocturnal Vampire Nymphos of Norway.
The film which is based on the...
World's Tallest Dwarf Dies Aged 28
Clarke B Dingwall, the worlds tallest recorded dwarf, died last night in a tragic accident.
Dingwall, 28, was last recorded at a height of 6'3", making him easily the tallest dwarf in the world, the next closest being Samuel N'gbab of Nigeria at a...
Wayne Rooney reveals where they took the hair follicles from
Manchester United striker, Wayne Rooney, has finally come clean and admitted where they took the follicles from to implant in his head.
For a hair implant like Rooney's the surgeons take hair from elsewhere on the body, and insert it into the scal...
Donald Trump Wants Kate Gosselin To Appear On Next Season's 'Celebrity Apprentice'
NEW YORK CITY - Donald Trump realizing that it has really been quite a rough two years for Kate Gosselin has asked her to appear on his next edition of Celebrity Apprentice.
Trump was recently interviewed by Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Coast Illu...
Australian PM Gillard Announces the 'Bonox' Housing Stimulus
In response to a worsening outlook for the Australian housing industry, the Australian PM Julia Gillard, has proposed the Bonox stimulus to give the industry a bit of a lift.
The Hogs In Armchairs (HIA), the peak non-profit housing charity that bu...
Tony Bennett Alleges His Hair is Real
Tony Bennett not only claims the United States "caused" the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers, but also-in a startling new assertion-the legendary 85-year-old crooner says his long-time alleged wig is, in reality, his own hair.
Bennett defended his...
Sarah Palin Addresses The Kobe Bryant Rumor
KANKAKEE, Illinois - Sarah Palin's One Nation Bus Tour pulled into Kankakee, the Illinois town where Confederate General Stonewall Jackson said to his rebel troops back in September of 1862, "Dammit fellers, I do believe dat we be some lost sons-of-b...
An Extremely Bitter Lindsay Lohan Will Not Be Giving Ex-Girlfriend Samantha Ronson and Her Future Wife A Wedding Gift
VENICE BEACH - The poor, little, troubled, and misunderstood starlet Lindsay Lohan reportedly threw one hell of a hissy fit when she learned that her long time ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson has asked her new belly bumpin' girlfriend to marry her.
A True Diary of Woe - Part Three
A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947
Chapter Eight: The Magical Marvellous Mystery of Auntie Mabel
Note: I originally intended to leave this emprise out of this story, but decided even writing about it for the first time, brought a warm, comforting glow back to my lonely soul, so I put it in!
One Friday night, mother dear gently...
World Surplus of Bubble Wrap to be Used to Make Cars Safer
In a bold move, BMW and Volkswagen are set to start to work through the world's surplus bubble wrap mountain to coat the inside of their next generation cars.
"It makes sense to us," said Brian McWilliams of Volkswagen. "We get paid to take this e...
Justin Theroux Tells Brad Pitt To Stop Talking About Jennifer Aniston and Concentrate On Angelina Jolie And The Bratty Half Dozen
NEW YORK CITY - Justin Theroux says that he has just about had enough of Brad Pitt chiming in with remarks regarding Jennifer Aniston.
Brad dumped Aniston back in 2005 when he went off to film the motion picture Mr. & Mrs. Smith with Angelina...
Two Singers, Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr., and Anna Graceman Move On To The Finals of 'America's Got Talent'
HOLLYWOOD - It was quite a night for the America's Got Talent semi-final contestants.
Guest singers for the night included Nicki Minaj and Susan Boyle. Minaj was dressed like a black Alice in Wonderland and she paraded her humongous bouncing butt...
Michele Bachmann Says That Chaz Bono Should Not Be Allowed To Appear On 'Dancing With The Stars'
WAHOO, Nebraska - Michele Bachmann had just finished talking to a group of about 29 people at the Happy-Go-Lucky Corncob Trailer Park in the Nebraska town of Wahoo, when she was approached by a reporter for The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette.
Coqu...
Vanessa Hudgens Addresses The Rumors About Her Brand New Tattoo
VENICE BEACH - One of the most widely known tattoo artist on the Left Coast is a tattooist known as Bong Bong. He has reportedly inked the bodies of some popular celebrities including Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears, Eva Longoria, and Kat Von D.
He...
Michele Bachmann's economic fix: Change nation's name to 'Occupant'
Big Bluff, Minnesota - If Michele Bachmann is elected president, "America" would become "Occupant," and the nation's economic woes would disappear, according to an announcement issued today by the Republican contender's campaign.
The name change i...
Christina Aguilera To Guest Star As A Daisy Duke Shorts-Wearing Motorcycle Mama On The TV Series "Sons of Anarchy"
HOLLYWOOD - Christina Aguilera recently stated that ever since she was a little girl growing up in Staten Island, New York that she has always been fascinated with motorcycles.
She said that for her third birthday her parents bought her a Fisher P...
Aggressive measures to be taken after Scarlett Johansson naked photos leaked on Web
Scarlett Johansson joins Jessica Alba and Vanessa Hudgens as actresses who have recently upped their trending data immensely by releasing nude photos of themselves via their phones.
Aggressive measures taken since this latest release includes men...
World's Unluckiest Man Killed By Falling Satellite
Ned Tremble, the world's unluckiest man, was sadly killed yesterday by a falling satellite, in what appeared to be the final insult to a life of hardship.
Tremble achieved official 'unluckiest' status four years ago, after a string of mishaps, unf...
Paolo Di Canio blames ex QPR striker for defeat of Fascism in Swindon
Swindon Town manager Paolo Di Canio has launched a scathing political attack on centre forward Leon Clarke after their Carling Cup defeat by Southampton.
The striker, who was recently 'released' by QPR for "lack of effort", had been heralded by Di...
Cheryl Cole Will Be Watching Ex-Boyfriend Derek Hough When Dancing With The Stars Premiers
HOLLYWOOD - Season 13 of Dancing With The Stars will have it's season premier on September 19.
The show which is one of the top ranked in the nation will return with Co-Hosts Tom "Jumpy" Bergeron and Brooke "Skinny Legs" Burke who says she wants t...
Can't afford an iPhone? There's an app for that
The iPhone is possibly the most expensive smart phone on the market, but many would argue that the interface is worth every penny/cent (*delete as country appropriate).
Now Google's operating system, Android, has the answer. An iPhone-like interfa...
Angelina Jolie Angrily Asserts That The Photos of Her Sitting On Mel Gibson's Lap Are Photoshopped
MADRID - Angelina Jolie recently managed to get away for a few days and flew from her hometown of Provence, France to Madrid, Spain.
She told Brad (Pitt) that she needed some alone time away from him and the half dozen kids because she did not wan...
New York Punished By God, Says Reverend
Within the timespan of just one week, New York City was hit by not just an earthquake but also a hurricane.
Coincidence? Well, no, not according to the Reverend Orville Dick.
This often extreme, always controversial, ex-Florida resident wholehe...
A True Diary of Woe - Part Twelve
A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947
Chapter Twent-six: Into the offenders relocation digs
The next day, I went off to work at Tesco, and after while I got call from dear mummy.
She had got me somewhere to live. (Which I thought I'd already got before she stopped paying the rent, emptied the gas and electricity meters, flogged off...
Heidi Montag Reveals She Has A Crush On The Kinetic King Who Appeared on America's Got Talent
HOLLYWOOD - One Hollywood celebrity who does not seem to have a shortage of male suitors is none other than Heidi Montag.
Montag, who has so far had a total of 38 cosmetic surgeries as well as enhancement, enlargement, and tightening surgeries rec...
Some Shocking Sarah Palin Secrets Revealed In New Tell-All Book
WASILLA, Alaska - Noted author Jebediah "Torpedo" McGillicuddy has just written an exposé on the former governor of Alaska Sarah Louise Palin that alleges a whole lot of allegations.
The book is titled, Gosh Darnit It Looks Like Old "Snowflake" P...
Noel Edmonds arrested when Deal or No Deal Cult exposed
Noel Edmonds has been arrested by London Metropolitan Police this morning, when it was revealed that Deal or No Deal is a cult.
"We first figured that Edmonds was a wrong 'un," said Detective Inspector Oscar Romeo, who led the investigation, "when...
QPR star Adel Taarabt considers name change
QPR playmaker Adel Taarabt is considering changing his name - because he's getting fed up with people mispronouncing it.
"Everyone gets it wrong, it's pronounced 'Ter-rat' - but hardly anyone says it properly," he said after finishing training tod...
A True Diary of Woe - Part Eleven
A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947
Chapter Twenty-four: Mummy Returns - Work Commences
Just as I was about to leave school at 14 years of age, Mummy re-appeared on the scene after about 3 years.
And Dad once more relented and took her back in, a move he much regretted later. (So did I)
Dad got me job as goffer and van lad at...
The Stars of The Vampire Diaries, Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Photographed 'Planking' On Simon Cowell's $1 Million Bugatti Veyron
BEVERLY HILLS - The man behind the new show X-Factor, Simon Cowell recently threw a party at his mansion Casa La T-Shirt, on September 7, in honor of one of his all-time favorite music legends Buddy Holly.
Cowell and his fiancée Mezhgan Hussainy i...
Michael Jackson's Children, Paris, Prince, and Blanket Will Be Appearing On 'The Wizards of Waverly Place'
LOS ANGELES - Details are still sketchy but the producer of the hit show The Wizards of Waverly Place has confirmed that he has been in contact with a Jackson family representative about having Michael Jackson's three kids appear on the Disney Channe...
America's Got Talent Finalist Lys Agnes Says Charlie Sheen Keeps Inviting Her To Attend A Los Angeles Dodgers Game With Him
HOLLYWOOD - One of the sexiest looking singers to ever grace the America's Got Talent stage Lys Agnes has informed the shows host Nick "The Pencil" Cannon about a rather uncomfortable situation.
The El Lay Informer's Pia Confetti verified that the...
IMF Explains How World Debt Crisis Is To Be Solved By "Imaginary Economics"
The institutions and regulators of the global financial system today made an unprecedented joint announcement that will change the underlying basis of the global economy.
These institutions and regulators, which include the International Monetary...
Justin Timberlake and Girlfriend Mila Kunis Are Still Receiving Some Flak For Their MTV Movie Awards Show Groping
SANTA MONICA - Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis were recently having a nice quiet dinner at The Shanghai Sue Sushi Sandwich Shop.
The happy couple was approached by Pia Confetti of The El Lay Informer who said that they looked like a couple of sch...
Occupy Wall Street, still not happening...honest, no it really isnt, trust me, I'm a journalist.
The protests that aren't happening in New York's famous financial district are still not happening, according to people who haven't seen it, mainly due to the fact that it isn't going on at all, which is also the main reason for it not being covered...
David Beckham eyes dream move to QPR
David Beckham is hoping to secure a switch from LA Galaxy to West London glamour club QPR: "I am fully focused on moving to QPR and helping them win the Olympics Games " said Beckham.
The 36 year old footballer has been eyeing up a move to QPR for...
North Korean Leader Changes Name to Darth Jong-il
North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has changed his name to Darth Jong-il, claiming that his original name does not inspire fear or respect in the western world.
"While Kim is a respected family name in Korea, our esteemed leader is very aware that i...
Pink Floyd To Perform 'The Dark Side Of The Moon' On The Dark Side Of The Moon
A surreal concert with Pink Floyd will take place on the dark side of the moon this Halloween. The legendary rock band will play their 1973 album 'Dark Side Of The Moon' in its entirety. It is a free concert--to anyone who can get there.
"The di...
A True Diary of Woe - Part Seven
A story of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, and poverty, starting in August 1947
Chapter Fifteen: Mater Goes Again
Mater did another bunk, and dad got us a new tin bath (well second hand as our old one was just beyond any more repair) which I thought was marvellous, but guess who had to keep boiling pans of water on the stove, topping the bath up, and then using the cold dirty...
America's Got Talent: Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., PopLyfe, Team iluminate, and The Silhouettes Headed For The Final Showdown
HOLLYWOOD - Nick Cannon and Piers Morgan were both sharply dressed and looked like they had both stepped off of a wedding cake, but not a gay one insisted Morgan. Howie Mandel looked like he'd just cut his front lawn, and Sharon Osbourne looked like...
Kate Gosselin Depressed At The Cancellation of Her Show 'Kate Plus 8' Seeks Comfort In The Rock and Roll Arms of Steven Tyler
READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin has cried so much this past week that one of her close friends confided to iRumors that two of the Gosselin kids slipped on Kate's tears in the kitchen and got bruises on their tibias and femurs.
Kate's cable...
Amanda Knox Framed on Police Lies says Pope Benedict
Pope Benedict XVI has weighed in on the Amanda Knox case. Today in an address to a million people in Freiburg, Germany Pope Benedict XVI said: "I cannot believe that Demi Moore has left Ashton Kutcher for Justin Bieber. Wasn't he dating Selena Gomez?...
Paris Hilton's Vagina Is Pissed Off
Paris Hilton has once again proved what a shallow, calloused, self centered person she really is. Rumors have always abounded that Paris is a creature of popularity, only hanging out with the coolest of the cool. Once someone is, "not", instead of, "...
NASA Satellite Falls on Scientist Who Predicted Where it Would Fall
Lead NASA space junk scientist Larry Wrong was killed this morning by a one ton piece of debris from NASA's falling research satellite outside of his Orlando, Miami home. The satellite, UARS, which is commonly known as "the satellite that is falling...
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries' Brand New Marriage Is Reportedly Already On The Rocks
HOLLYWOOD - One of the most recent Hollywood marriages between reality show diva Kim Kardashian, star of Growing Up Kardashian and NBA basketball player Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets, appears to have some speed bumps that seem to be pointing...
Irish traveller refuses to be evicted from Big Brother house.
Irish traveller Paddy Doherty will soon to be told he has "30 minutes to pack his bags and leave the Celebrity Big Brother house."
But the star of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding claims he has nowhere to go and has erected chicken wire around the program...
Two World Trade Center to be world's biggest Windows logo?
Suggestions that the design of the new building at Two World Trade Center in New York looks like a giant Microsoft advert have been strenuously denied by the designers. London-based Foster + Partners have said that the sloping roof of the building i...
Brett Favre wishes he didn't burn so many bridges
Kiln, Miss--Brett Favre is sitting at home, and it feels too strange to him because normally this time of year he is getting ready to play football in the NFL.
"I would love to get a job, but I can't get anyone to give me a good reference. I gues...
Brad Pitt Has No Idea How The Nude Photos of Angelina Jolie Ended Up On The Internet
PROVENCE, France - Brad Pitt said that his cell phone has been ringing non-stop with calls from several entertainment media reporters whom he says he trusts.
One reporter Gazebo Serengeti with Bedroom Pillow Talk asked Brad how things were going w...
Wall Street raid is off target: cops arrest protesters instead of the perps
New York - A special police task force swooped down on Wall Street this morning to arrest hundreds of investment and high-finance executives accused of defrauding and possibly destroying the world's economic system.
But the cops were distracted by...
George Clooney States That Stacy Keibler is Smart, Shapely, and Sexy!
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - George Clooney and his new girlfriend former professional wrestler Stacy Keibler recently spent three days down in the land that comedian George Lopez calls Sunny Old Mexico.
Lopez was never too creatively original when it...
Wolves given Twitter lesson by QPR
Wolves manager Mick McCarthy has blamed Twitter after his team were clinically deconstructed by QPR with tweets from @Joey7Barton, @alefaurlin and @RealDJCampbell. "QPR were just too articulate for us today" said a speechless McCarthy, who has banned...
Astronomers find supermassive black holes in Sarah Palin's head
NASA - Astronomers have discovered a pair of supermassive black holes in the twisty, spiral brain of former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin, NASA said Wednesday.
Approximately 160 million light years from Earth, Ms. Palin is the nearest known such ph...
Quantum Physics used to explain American Economy
Top government economists, borrowing from the field of quantum physics, have formulated a solution that is currently being implemented by Barack Obama to solve America's economic woes.
Government economists suggest that our current crisis is being...
SETI Begins Beaming 'Sgt Pepper' And 'Dark Side Of The Moon' Into Outer Space
Arecibo, Puerto Rico-- The SETI Project (Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence) has begun beaming classic rock music into Outer Space. SETI project managers are hoping aliens will like the music and respond. They have already transmitted the Be...
Colin Wanker following Joey Barton on Twitter
QPR manager Neil Warnock has gone 'underground' to monitor his players off-the-field activities. "I have signed up on Twitter using an anagram and I am analysing their tweeted conversations without them knowing" revealed Colin Wanker.
Warnock has...
Two-sun 'Star Wars' planet lies on UFO rat run
Groom Lake, Nevada - NASA HQ sources said today the binary stars orbited by newly discovered Kepler-16b act as the perfect visual foil to camouflage UFO traffic.
The Tatooine-like planet is bathed in sunlight for 99% of its 30-hour day and lies on...
Madonna's Boy Toy Is 29 Years Younger Than The "Material Granny"
NEW YORK CITY - Madonna is 53-years-old but she apparently does not read birth certificates as she has fallen swelled-head-over calloused heels in love with Brahim Zaibat, a French dancer who is all of 24.
Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors commented th...
ABBA To Get Back Together After Wife-Swap Stunt
ABBA, the Swedish supergroup who, in the 1970s took the music world by its knackers and gave them a damned good shake, are to get back together after a self-imposed break of more than 28 years in the pop wilderness - but with a couple of major change...
Rosie O'Donnell Warns Jesse James That He Had Better Keep His Tattooed Hands Off Her New Sexy Girlfriend
NEW YORK CITY - Rosie O'Donnell just found out that Jesse James and Kat Von D are no longer together again for the third or fourth time this year.
She quickly stated that "Messy" Jesse better keep his grungy tattooed hands off of her new girlfrien...
Charlie Sheen Explains Why He's Hitting On Lindsay Lohan
SHERMAN OAKS - Charlie Sheen has reportedly been emailing Lindsay Lohan and telling her that he truly understands what she is going through and that he wants to be her BFF (Best Friend Forever).
According to Bedroom Pillow Talks Carolina Chipotle,...
Heidi Montag Devastated At Being Rejected By The Kinetic King
LOS ANGELES - Heidi Montag recently revealed that she developed a crush on one of the contestants who appeared on this year's edition of America's Got Talent.
Montag said that the first time she saw the Kinetic King perform his act on the NBC tale...
Lindsay Lohan Has Just Been Mandated To Do 1,000 Hours of Community Service For Making Out With Her Mom In Public
LOS ANGELES - The Los Angeles County Superior Court judge who has been handling the case of Lindsay Lohan has just issued a directive that mandates that Miss Lohan perform 1,000 hours of community service.
Judge Stephanie "Smiley" Sauntner stated...
Republicans and Democrats reconcile to gang up on America
Washington, DC - Stung by what might be the lowest job approval rating in the history of work, leading politicians from both political parties have put their differences aside to team up and go after the American public.
"The war between Democra...
Boeing's greenest ever 787 Screamliner 'made from lightweight compost materials'
Chicago, Illinois - "Passengers can expect cabins with much greater humidity," Boeing's head of communications said today, "especially when the plane's windows are open over the Pacific Ocean!"
The PR blurb issued by the aircraft manufacturer's US...
Serena Williams flashes her butt at the umpire after getting her knickers in a twist!
The US women's open final this year was full of thrills and spills and they had nothing to do with the tennis after Sam Stosur (a real woman by the way despite her butch name) trounced Serena Williams 6-2, 6-3. But as usual Serena stole the show and...
Demi Moore To Appear On 'Two and A Half Men' As Ashton Kutcher's Mom
HOLLYWOOD - Tinsel Town is the land where anything can happen and everything usually does.
I mean who in the civilized world would ever have even remotely imagined that an actor (i.e. Charlie Sheen) would quit a super cush job on Two and A Half Me...
Inventions that should be invented but won't be
In part four of this series, we continue our look at inventions that will probably never be invented, but should be.
Invention One: Jiffy Bags with the bubbles filled with helium instead of nitrogen.
This is a similar idea to filling car tyres with helium in an attempt to reduce weight that we saw last week.
The biggest plus point with this particular approach, in that postage is very e...
Sarah Palin Says The New Book About Her Is All Lies - Todd Palin Says He May Be Kissing "Snowflake" Goodbye
WASILLA, Alaska - Noted author Jebediah McGillicuddy rented the house next door to Todd and Sarah Palin's home Casa Moscow.
The author spent three months doing research and interviewing over 200 Wasilla residents while gathering up information for...
Jennifer Lopez Squashes The Rumors That She and Will Smith Were 'Teapotting' Down In Ensenada, Mexico
ENSENADA, Mexico - The entertainment publication Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres reported that a highly reliable, inside, unnamed, source had informed them that Jennifer Lopez had been spotted down in Ensenada, Mexico with Will Smith.
The source told Tah...
Westerham Heights Man Dies in Sloth Attack
London - The ZSL London Zoo has confirmed that Taber Hemingway was killed quite viciously by sloths. Zoo security and Scotland Yard are still investigating what happened exactly. The security tapes in the Rain Forrest section of the zoo caught the at...
Fulham charge QPR fans £500 to see Michael Jackson statue
Fulham are being investigated by the FA after charging away fans £500 for a Cottaging Package at the game against their West London rivals QPR.
The Limited Edition Event includes being shown Tommy Trinder's false teeth, full access to the Glory Ho...
Schumacher's 200-Mile Wrong Way F1 Drive at Monza GP
The actions of a father of two who drove 200 miles the wrong way along a Monza race-track while five times over the drunk-with-power limit has been 'ignored' by race stewards.
Michael Schumacher, 42, of Gland, Switzerland, performed a U-turn and d...
Sex Change Not All It's Cracked Up to Be Says former UK Man Now a Lap Dancer in Pattaya!
A former UK citizen who chose to change his gender in hopes of landing a better job, now says he has second thoughts about his new profession in Thailand where he toils nightly as an exotic dancer entertaining Germans.
"I've always been a gay lad, but not in a gay way, I was just happy go lucky an that, but I got bored 'back 'ome', same old stuff night after night said "Ken," Out with the la...
The Missing Sock Problem
For several decades, Secular Humanists have been brainwashing public schoolchildren with the godless, atheistic theory of evolution. Meanwhile, the scientific establishment has been engaged in a massive conspiracy to keep the truth about evolution fr...
Wake up, America. It's all just a bad dream.
New York City - The nation is sleeping through the wrong American Dream, and needs only to wake up to avoid the nightmarish problems it is facing.
"If you don't think you're dreaming, examine the evidence that proves otherwise," said Kilgore Trout...
Newlyweds Kardashian and Prince William Agree to Appear on Royal vs Celebs Wife Swap
Cash strapped royal couple, Prince William and Princess Catherine, have agreed to appear in the TV series Wife Swap, with Californian Kim Kardashian and her new husband, Kris Humphries. TV writers are looking forward to the culture and lifestyle clas...
Penis Biometrics Installed In Vatican City
A New era in Vatican security has been realized today. The introduction of Genital Biometrics to Vatican City, brings with it much hope for the rehabilitation of Holy Mother Church's reputation. This high tech solution to an age old problem is the cu...
Pippa's New Coat!
Pippa Middleton, aka The Rear of the Millennium, did it again yesterday when she wore a COAT! Admirers of the Queen's eldest son's eldest son's bride's sister might have been disappointed that our newest National Treasure chose to cover up that love...
Wikileaks: News of the World was About to Publish Kate Middleton's Entire Genome
The timing of the sudden closure of embattled publication News of the World was far from random, according to Wikileaks documents stolen from MI5. Had the newspaper lasted one more week the plan was to publish a 178 page special edition containing th...
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