Spoof news stories from November 2011
There were 802 spoof news stories published in November 2011. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Local Man Infuriated Over George Michael Aids Rumours
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today expressed his utter disgust with lowlife press hacks and internet media muggers who have been suggesting that George Michael may have aids.
The former Wham! singer, currently in a Vienna hospital has had to canc...
Justin Bieber Tells Selena Gomez That The Baby Does Not Look Anything At All Like Him
VENICE BEACH - Justin Bieber was having breakfast at Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos in Venice Beach with his mentor Usher when he was approached by a reporter for Hollywood Innuendo.
Ty Tickler with HI asked Bieber about the recent allegations...
A Turkey of a Holiday
In a stunning development yesterday, President Barack Obama has declined to grant clemency to Tom Turkey. The White House press secretary read a written statement which said in part, "I know this decision is going to make me unpopular, but there sim...
Nintendo's Mario Named Prime Minister Of Italy
Rome - The most famous video game character the world has ever known has been appointed prime minister of Italy. In the latest attempt to get Italy's debt crisis under control, Nintendo's Mario has been put in charge of Europe's third-largest economy...
Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Seen At The Opening of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
VENICE BEACH - The two stars of the hit television series The Vampire Diaries, Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder were spotted standing in line at the opening of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 at The Big Kahuna Movie Theater Complex in Venice...
Modern Warfare-3 Hidden Super Weapons Revealed
Highly secretive gaming "cheat codes" were revealed to the public earlier today, as a corporate e-mail listing the locations and instructions for acquiring four super weapons was accidentally released to the public.
Insiders to the MW3 development...
Bazaar Behavior: US Plans the World's Biggest Yard Sale in Iraq
Baghdad - Iraq's capital city has never seen a shopping bazaar like this. As the US military starts to withdraw from Iraq, it's organizing the world's largest yard sale to liquidate its surplus of equipment and supplies in the Middle East.
Col. Ch...
Ron Paul Says That NBA Commissioner David Stern Needs To Stop Playing His Silly Playground Bully Games
ROCHESTER, Michigan - Ron Paul, who says that he knows much more about the game of basketball than he does about the game of politics, remarked that NFL (sic) Commissioner David Steenburgen (sic) needs to stop making his spoiled brat, playground bull...
Google Earth shows Chinese 'Area 51' hiding vast alien hangar: reports
Gansu Province - The huge UFO monster responsible for gobbling up Russia's $160 million Zenit-2SB rocket-powered Phobos-Grunt probe last week is believed to be stationed at the top secret Ding Xin military air base.
Google Earth pictures released...
Britney Spears Finally Admits That She Was Once Addicted To Lip Syncing
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Britney Spears just admitted for the first time that she was in fact addicted to lip syncing.
The blonde "Oops!...I Did It Again" songstress says that she did not really realize that she had a lip syncing disorder which is known...
X-Factor's Little Rapper Astro Has A Spoiled Brat Meltdown And Extremely Disrespects The Judges and The Viewers
HOLLYWOOD - Fifteen-year-old rap singer Astro found himself in the bottom two of the latest edition of X-Factor.
Astro took the microphone and arrogantly said that since the viewers had put him in the bottom two that he did not want to sing, dance...
Inquest may ask if a 'somnipathic disorder' saw Gary Speed sleepwalk his way to RIP
Warrington - It's been opened and adjourned in a blaze of publicity as behind-the-scenes forensics battle to piece together the Welsh footie manager's last known state of mind.
"It could be a complication of parasomnia what did it," sleep disorder...
Kris Humphries and Zooey Deschanel Hook Up After Mutual Break Up
Kim Kardashian's throw-away husband Kris Humphries, apparently didn't mind his separation and freedom having been recently linked to an almost divorced Zooey Deschanel, star of the Fox hit series "New Girl" and ex-partner to Death Cab for Cutie lead...
Social Media Turning Americans Into Socialists, Study Warns
Washington, DC - America's growing use of social media is transforming the population of the United States into "a gang of pinko, socialist subversives," according to a study by a leading conservative think tank.
In a comprehensive three-page repo...
Lady Gaga Says That French Kissing Amanda Knox Was Kinda Like French Kissing Britney Spears
BOISE, Idaho - Lady Gaga performed before a sell out crowd at The Mashed Potatoes Arena. She was thrilled about her brand new opening act Pia Toscano, who many feel should have been the winner of this past season's American Idol.
Toscano is not bi...
Miley Cyrus To Appear As Amanda Knox In "Ravioli Again? - The Amanda Knox Story"
HOLLYWOOD - Cripple Creek Pictures in association with TouchRock Films has informed the entertainment media that filming will soon begin on the motion picture Ravioli Again? - The Amanda Knox Story.
The movie which is being filmed on location in B...
Natalie Wood Boat Captain Finally Reveals All
Friends of the The Captain of the boat that Natalie woods died on have revealed new evidence about the night of her fatal accident.
They have stated that, on the night of the drowning, the captain told his friends he heard shouting and screaming...
Ron Paul Furious At Only Being Allowed 89 Seconds To Speak At The Spartanburg, South Carolina GOP Debate
CARIBOU, Maine - Congressman Ron Paul of Texas, brought his campaign bus tour to Caribou, Maine, the town famous for being the place where the cell phone term 'sexting' was first used.
Paul, 76, spoke to a crowd of 17 people who had gathered in th...
Harry Out Of One Direction Spotted Out With Demi Moore In Dorking - Ashton Kutcher Furious
US star Ashton Kutcher is apparently as mad as a suitcase full of fruit bats after reports streamed out of Dorking stating that his estranged wife, Demi Moore had been seen cosying up to Harry out of One Direction, over pints of beer in JD Wetherspoo...
The Real Life Twilight Saga Affair Between Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Is Over
HOLLYWOOD - The movie The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 is the top movie in the nation and the two main stars Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are totally thrilled but behind-the-scenes it's another story altogether.
According to Tahiti Z...
Steven Tyler Reveals An Intimate Secret About Him and Kate Gosselin
READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin recently stated that she had never been more depressed than when her cable show Kate Plus 8 recently got cancelled.
Gosselin told Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo that she was so devastated when she...
Vanessa Hudgens Denies The Rumors That She Is Addicted To Planking
BEVERLY HILLS - Vanessa Hudgens was getting her hair done at the Hair of Haven Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive while chatting with the salon's owner and hairdresser to the stars FuFi Fondue.
Fondue who knows a lot about a lot of Hollywood's biggest cele...
Silver bullet found lodged in White House window
Washington - It's traditionally highly effective against werewolves, witches, vampires and other monstrosities firearms experts warned today.
However the discovery of a sliver bullet inside security glass in President Obama's office has sent Secur...
Officer John Pike Gives Three Reasons Why He Pepper Sprayed The Students At The University of California at Davis
DAVIS, California - With two long sprays from his bottle of industrial pepper spray campus police officer Johnny Pike has just become the most hated man in America since John Wilkes Booth.
According to Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors who covered the...
Kanye West Tells 15-Year-Old Astro of 'X-Factor' That He Likes His Angry Rapper Style
HOLLYWOOD - Kanye West had just finished filming an episode of the reality show Khloe and Lamar when he was asked what he thought about the meltdown that 15-year-old Astro had on X-Factor.
West shook his head and told LaSabrosa Windwater of Afro S...
UFO mothership snaffles up Russia's Phobos probe
Bloodyvostock - A $160 million Zenit-2SB rocket-powered Phobos-Grunt probe has been gobbled up by a 'massive mother******' just outside the Van Allen Belt distraught Russian space agency sources said today.
The huge UFO mothership is known to lurk...
Is the NHS safe with the Conservatives - Indications of nepotism at work!
Lord Blyth:
Boots Chemists deputy chairman.
Tory Donor. Stands to gain from the break up and privatisation of the NHS wants to buy the Walk in Centres at an agreed cut-price with Cameron.
UK Pharmaceutical Industry:
Courting the Conservative party, has also begun gearing up for a change in government, as drug companies have been reshuffling their public affairs teams and courting the C...
Demi Lovato Wants To Clear Up The Wilmer Valderrama Rumors
MARINA DEL REY - Demi Lovato dumped Wilmer Valderrama back in June and and now five months later he has waltzed back into her life, or so some say.
Lovato was reportedly seen in a very passionate embrace in Marina Del Rey with the former star of T...
Da Vinci's 'Salvator Mundi' contains apocalyptic 11/11/11 prophecy: report
London - The restoration of a long lost Leonardo Da Vinci painting shows a 'female' Savior - camouflaged with an androgynous beard - holding a crystal ball and crossing Her fingers as if in anticipation of Judgement Day.
Art critics said this week...
Iran Kidnaps Wilson Ramos' Kidneys for Hugo Chavez
Today Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamemei threatened the United States and Israel that if they attacked Iran's nuclear weapons production facilities that Iran would wipe them off the map with an 'iron fist.' Iran has been telling anyone who will...
Kelly Clarkson Is Tired of Kelly Osbourne's Trash Talk
HOLLYWOOD - Kelly Clarkson recently appeared on X-Factor where she sang her hit song "Stronger."
After the show she spoke backstage with Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors. Miss V asked Kelly how she was feeling after recently having had a little female...
Kathy Griffin Is Wondering If Lady Gaga's Sudden Weight Gain Is Due To Her Perhaps Eating For Two
NEW ORLEANS - Kathy Griffin played to a packed house at The Giggle Giggle Comedy Club on Bourbon Street during the club's "Two Hurricanes For The Price of One Night."
Afterwards she signed 73 autographs including one on Shreveport native Bubba Bec...
NASA's Mars rover Curiosity sends footage of stricken Russian Phobos-Grunt probe
Roswell, Nevada - NASA HQ boffins have released video footage of what they say is the Russian Mars probe's final moments before being swallowed up by a UFO resembling a giant space squid.
The Phobos-Grunt was carrying a Chinese heavyweight payload...
God chickens out of debating Richard Dawkins
God has refused to debate Richard Dawkins, citing the following passage from "The God Delusion":
"The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-...
Kate Gosselin Is Planning More Kids, Jon Is Furious
Kate Gosselin has announced that she is trying to get pregnant. Again.
"I just want one more," she told reporters.
When asked how she would feel if she found out it was more than just one, again, she said, "that's okay, I have plenty of love to...
Tiger Woods is Back for These Reasons
Tiger Woods is back and thank God for that. Watching golf without Tiger Woods is like watching paint dry and watching golf with Tiger Woods is pure excitement. Golf is like life only on a larger scale.
The bigger they are the harder they fall. T...
Obama Turns Back the Debt Clock to Save the World
Washington DC - With the stroke of a pen, President Barack Obama has rescued the world from a catastrophic economic meltdown.
The president signed into law today The Quantitative Time Act, effectively freeing every man, woman and child on the pla...
Modern Warfare 3 Hidden Dangerfield Weapon Found
Following yesterday's revelation that four super weapon "cheats" were embedded in MW3 around the streets of New York, the oddest weapon, a toxic gaseous ghost of Rodney Dangerfield was reportedly located late last night.
Found by two gamers workin...
Kristen Stewart, Scarlett Johansson, and Steven Tyler To Star In "The Vavamooming Vampires of Venice Beach"
HOLLYWOOD - Lion's Face Pictures in association with Tri Moon Films will soon begin production on Sheboygan Saddlewood's The Vavavooming Vampires of Venice Beach.
The first half of the film is based on The Vampire Playpen, the novel by noted Bulga...
Tori Spellington's Recent Slump Goes Viral
Hollywood - Super rich mega star Tori Spellington's family, friends and reality wannabes are deeply concerned and horrified about the former 902100 star due to the fact that she keeps losing weight each and every day and looks like a Joan Rivers bioh...
Man City rave about QPR firework display
Players and fans of Manchester City sat back and enjoyed a sparkling Guy Fawkes party with QPR at Loftus Road on Sunday.
"They are the best team we have played this season and it was a pleasure to be outclassed by a top quality side after getting...
Michael Jackson's doctor also responsible for Sir Jimmy Savile's death
It was discovered today that Conrad Murray, already in deep doo-doo for the death of Michael Jackson, may also have been responsible for the death of Sir Jimmy Savile, the UK's national disk-jockey treasure.
Sir Jimmy passed away at home in his sl...
Daniel Craig's James Bond Girl no. 23 is Kim Kardashian
The 23rd James Bond film 'Skyfall' is scheduled to open just before next year's Presidential election and the pre film publicity machine is already in full gear with James Bond 21, 22 and 23 Daniel Craig blasting Bond Girl 23 Kim Kardashian and the o...
Greece Turns to Pawn Stars for Help in Financial Bailout
Greece's Prime Minister, George Papandreou, headed to Las Vegas to seek help from the Pawn Stars in getting his country out of its current financial crises which is threatening to bring down not only Greece but the European Union, the United States a...
Justin Bieber is now Barack Obama's Dad
To the surprise of everyone, it turns out that Justin Bieber is Barack Obama's dad due to a recent secret marriage to Obama's once thought dead mom. It turns out that Obama's mom, Ann Dunham, never died of Uterine Cancer as was reported, but instead...
Pope Benedict XVI Slams Then Canonizes Jerry Sandusky
When the church fathers created the Papacy for Life they failed to take into account the ravaging effects which Alzheimers Disease has on the mind even of one infallible. This morning Pope Benedict XVI slammed then canonized Penn State defensive coac...
Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves Speeding In The Fast Lane Towards Romanceville!
WEST HOLLYWOOD - It finally appears that after being on one of the longest roller coaster rides in recent memory Sandra Bullock may have finally found some semblance of normality.
The woman who last year divorced one of the most tattooed alley cat...
Twilight Star Rob Pattinson Explains The Shockingly Lewd Photos of Him and Kristen Stewart
NEW ORLEANS - Rob Pattinson, the star of the Twilight Saga series flew down to "The Big Easy" with a couple of his long time friends to celebrate the fact that one of his friends recently got divorced.
All three partied on Bourbon Street and spent...
Robin Gibb to Release One Last Album
Gibb suffering from the big 'C' talks candidly about his last album, life (or the impending end) and colostomy bags.
Many people the world over are today the world over waiting for Rob to pop off; however he has agreed to give us what may well be his last interview.
Talking of his latest album the 61 year old BeeGee said; 'I am determined to release one last happy singsong for my fans, ya kn...
You'll never get pregnant THAT way Danes tell daft Kate
Copenhagen - Sterling pregnancy advice from fecund Danish red-bloods has left silly stick insect Kate Middleton fuming.
Unicef rentacrowd shoo-ins met the faux duchess and her equally spurious royal husband outside a foreign aid warehouse where th...
Justin Bieber Accused of Being A "Baby Daddy" Takes The Rochard Test And Passes It With Flying Colors
NEW YORK CITY - Justin Bieber and his girlfriend Selena Gomez have both returned back to the U.S. after appearing on The 2011 MTV Europe Music Awards Show which was held in Belfast, Ireland.
Justin spoke with Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors and told h...
Pope Orders 'Missal Launch' on Salt Lake City, Igniting a Holy War
The Vatican - The introduction of a new Missal, the prayer book that serves as the script for the Catholic Mass, has resulted in a Holy War between two of the world's religions.
Upon publication of the new spiritual guide last weekend, Pope Bened...
Governor Brown Signs Kim's Warning into Law as Kim Kardashian Weeps Nearby
It was an emotional day when Governor Brown signed the landmark bill into law.
Now it will be much harder for someone to find a spouse for a reality TV show and not follow the agreed upon script so quickly after the marriage. Now an errant reality...
Bloomberg Cancels the Thanksgiving Day Parade
New York - Mayor Michael Bloomberg has called off the Thanksgiving Day Parade, charging that the event is a public health and safety hazard.
Following a strategy he developed in evicting Occupy Wall Street from the financial district, Bloomberg th...
Asteroid set for fly-past of Earth particularly scary for those with depth perception issues
HARFOLD, Vt.--This week, an asteroid 1,300 feet in diameter will pass between Earth and the moon. Traveling at about 30,000 miles per hour and 200,000 above Earth, the normal, everyday person will be none the wiser.
For those, however, with depth...
Tiger Woods Caught Hopping Around Hotel Bedroom With Aussie - Marsu Pial
MELBOURNE - Tiger Woods was reported to have been seen last night at various Melbourne watering spots with Aussie high-jump champion Marsu Pial. Of kangaroo heritage, Ms. Pial represented Australia in the past two Olympics in the high-jump competiti...
Freddie Starr ate Fatima Whitbread's testicles
Comedian Freddie Starr was dramatically rushed to hospital yesterday after eating Fatima Whitbread's testicles on I'm A Donut Get Me Out Of Here.
The pot-bellied scouser suffered an allergic reaction to the Bushtucker Trial but dismissed reports t...
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Are Furious At Ann Coulter Who Says Brad and Angie Don't Have Kids They Have A Zoo
LOS ANGELES - Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and their half dozen kids flew from their mansion in Provence, France to LAX so the kids could ride on the world famous Santa Monica Pier carousel.
Brad said that last week he had told the children that if...
Fart Causes Dow Jones to fall 1 Million Points
A loud fart that occurred on the floor of the Estonian Parliament ignited panic and pandemonium on Wall Street, leading to a mass selloff of stocks by investors causing the Dow Jones Industrial Average to drop more than 1 million points, most of whic...
The Dallas Cowboys Organization Silences Melissa Kellerman, The Cowboy Cheerleader Who Was Tackled On The Sidelines
DALLAS - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones prides himself in running a very tight ship, but in the case of the Cowboys cheerleader who was tackled by Dallas tight end Jason Witten the ship got a whole lot tighter.
By now, just about everyone who d...
Frankie Cocozza's drug stash seized: It's just sherbet
X-Factor producers have re-instated disgraced contestant Frankie Cocozza after a police report concluded that the 400g of white powder found in his possession was in fact sherbet.
The beehive-sporting party animal apparently had no idea that he h...
Kardashian's Doctor Warns of Asteroids around Kim's Uranus
Reportedly looking for alternate ways to still play the victim and stay in the press over the Kris Humphries breakup, Kim Kardashian's personal trainer Sven Glutsen says that the family doctor has recommended that Kim come in for a sexually transmitt...
Zac Efron argues against Mr. Lynn
Zac Efron held a news conference today, taking questions from reporters on Richard Lynn's conclusion that Asians have the highest IQ in the human race. Efron said he highly doubts Lynn's research data is correct after he read a news report about the...
Richard Dawkins Converts To Islam
In recent years Richard Dawkins has made a mark for himself as the world's foremost atheist and evolutionary evangelist, however it has come to light that the formerly staunch critic of religion has now undergone a full conversion to Islam.
"In re...
Prince Harry to enter NASA's Astronaut Training Program!
Prince Harry is to enter NASA's Astronaut Training Program. However, it is unlikely he will begin his initial two year astronaut training phase at NASA's Johnson Space Centre in Texas until January as he feels he should be spending at least some time...
Shocking Photos of Mitt Romney Suckling the Breast of a Woman, Neither his Mother nor his Wife
Late last Friday, revealing photographs surfaced on the internet of GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Pictures depicting Governor Romney with his lips wrapped around the areola of a woman that is definitely not his Mother or his wife.
On Mon...
Mitt Romney Converts from Mormon to Evangelicalism
Following in the footsteps of President Barack Obama who ran out of Jeremiah Wright's Trinity United Church of Christ in order to become President in 2008 today Mitt Romney was born again into Evangelicism. In a public dunking in the Jordan River tod...
Lindsay Lohan's Vagina Quits
Embarrassed beyond belief Lindsay Lohan's vagina has called it quits. "First it was the whole I'm a virgin bullshit then it was the public displays flashing, flashing, flashing and now it' the prospect of some big bull bike dyke having her way with m...
Chelsea Handler Denies The Rumors About Her and Avowed Lesbian Melissa Etheridge
HOLLYWOOD - Chelsea Handler, of E Network's Chelsea Lately was spotted taking a tour of Madame Tussauds Hollywood Wax Museum.
An unidentified museum goer later spoke with Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk and revealed that she noticed that...
Harry Redknapp and Neil Warnock have plenty of rabbit
Harry Redknapp and Neil Warnock dished up a load of old rabbit after Tottenham Hotspur's lucky victory against QPR on Sunday.
"I thought we were t'rific today" said 'Arry. "Luka Modric was t'rific. I love Luka. Scottie Parker was double t'rific. I...
Jimmy Kimmel Being Sued For His Halloween Trick or Treat Prank
LOS ANGELES - A group of 26 parents have filed a class action lawsuit with the Los Angeles County district attorney's office against James Christian Kimmel, 43, the host of the late night talk show Jimmy Kimmel Live.
According to The Tinsel Town T...
Paris Hilton To Attend East Asian Leaders' Summit
(Yangon) - Paris Hilton has been invited to attend a series of East Asian leaders' meetings in Bali, Indonesia next week, Siri the quirky iPhone personal assistant announced this weekend.
Paris who is in Bali to open a new handbag shop is underst...
The Dalai Lama's World of Warcraft Account May Be Cancelled
For 99% of RPG players, the story is the same: obtaining quests, journeying into the unknown, completing extraordinarily mundane tasks, slaying any jerks along the way, gaining experience points to level up and having nerd conversations with the onl...
My husband's a lardy slob
Dear Bonnie Contention,
I married my husband a year ago and he's become a big, fat, lazy slob.
I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I do all the housework, cook all the meals, organise our holidays and nights out, while he does nothing apart from watch TV and drink with mates. Oh, wait! Maybe that's how it happened! Anyway...
He's put on seventeen stone and the fat bastard blames me f...
Pink Floyd Announces World Tour - Of Mars
London, England-- Legendary rock band Pink Floyd has announced a world concert tour schedule, planned for 2012. Unfortunately, it won't be this world. Pink Floyd has three concert dates planned for the planet Mars. Tickets are free to anyone, but...
Lindsay Lohan Denies That She Is Into The West Coast Craze - Vodka Tamponing
VENICE BEACH - Lindsay Lohan was sitting in her backyard at her Lindsay Lohan Land mansion when she got a phone call from a media reporter.
Lohan, who recently served five hours of a 30 day prison sentence, was wearing a skimpy yellow bikini swims...
11 Digit Phone Numbers Coming to U.S.
Murray Hill, NJ 11/11/11 - Long before we run out of oil, clean water, or helium, we will run out of phone numbers. Since the first direct-dialed long distance phone call was placed on November 10, 1951, the "ten digit dialing plan" has worked relia...
The Cause of The LeAnn Rimes - Kelly Clarkson Feud
NASHVILLE - LeAnn Rimes has lately been in the news more because of her tremendous weight loss than for anything to do with singing.
The country music songstress has admitted to getting down to 67 pounds. She says that her husband Eddie Cibrian, w...
Sandra Bullock Devastated At Being Dumped By Ryan Reynolds For Blake Lively
HOLLYWOOD - Sandra Bullock has certainly had more than her share of ups and downs in the love and romance department.
Bullock recently spoke with Hacienda Dakota of Hollywood Vis-a-Vis at The La Brea Tar Pits Diner and discussed her latest disappo...
TNT To Replace The NBA Basketball Games With Reruns of American Idol - Season 1
ATLANTA - Turner Network Television which televises many of the NBA's basketball games has just announced their new re-adjusted television schedule.
A spokesperson for TNT, Winston Twickenbuck, spoke with Achtung Zumwalt of TV ClickerWorld and inf...
Janet Jackson is actually Michael Jackson In Disguise
A shocking discovery was made today. Janet Jackson is actually Michael Jackson in disguise.
One fan wrote in their diary, "I always wondered why it was you never saw the two of them together. And Janet's face looked funny after Michael got his sur...
UK Police to be issued with rubber chickens
Following on from the furore surrounding the 'baseball-bat arrrest' incident in which three male and one female officer smashed a car to pieces using baseball-bats because the driver of the vehicle did not get out of his car in time, all police aroun...
Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Begs Troy Aikman To Please Come Out of Retirement
DALLAS - Jerry Jones told his wife that he is tired as hell of watching his Dallas Cowboys team ride the damnedest roller coaster ride this side of hell.
He said one week they win big and the next week they look like Slippery Rock College. He said...
Dorking Crab Boat Mothballed
It's bad news from Dorking, as the town's last remaining Bering Sea crab boat has been mothballed, due to financial constraints, and being unable to compete with their Alaskan counterparts, such as those featured on Discovery Channel's 'Deadliest Cat...
University Challenge: UCL And Warwick Bring Back The Entertainment Value
We seem to be alternating between dull and entertaining bouts of UC lately.
Thankfully, there were smiles on faces this week as the two teams seemed genuinely to be enjoying themselves.
Which means that I don't have to be sidetracked into describing the cuisine chez Fields this Monday evening (well, if you must know, it was sweet, lean, scrumptious lamb cutlets followed by figs and home-made...
Wiccan joy as Pentagon builds $80,000 Stonehenge replica at USAF training academy
Colorado Springs - "Silly excuse for naked revelry around a bonfire during the full moon!" is how one scornful US general put it as news of the Pentagon funding broke this week.
However for the US military's motley crew of wiccans, pagans and asso...
Chubby Chasers Flock to Lard-Arsed Britain
A new survey has revealed that British women are the fattest in Europe, and that British men are the second fattest (after Malta, who don't really count). PM David Cameron welcomed the report, saying, "This proves the recession is truly over and the...
Kim Kardashian Helps Justin Bieber Prepare for DNA Test
Kim Kardashian and her friend Justin Bieber are both involved in litigation. It is unclear if the matters can be settled before tomorrow when the asteroid YU 55 splits the Earth in two and sends us all hurtling into a gigantic black hole but the ques...
Rice hair cures bald man's hair-loss
Its thought a cure for baldness has finally been found and it was found by accident!
Zen Mohawk is a rice picker working in the paddy fields in China and one day after a fight with his wife she poured cooked rice on his head. It's thought the man...
Obama Spent Veteran's Day With "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3" Addicts
HAWAII - During today's press conference, President Barack Obama admitted that he spent the better part of this past Veteran's Day visiting with recovering video game addicts at John Hopkins Internet Recovery Center in Baltimore, Maryland.
"As an...
Bank of America and Chase Bank Offset the Costs of Charging You Fees by Adding a Fee Surcharge
Corporate money-sequestration titans Bank of America and Chase Bank today announced that their recently announced new fees and the hikes of existing fees will actually cost more money to introduce, charge and enforce than expected, leaving net profit...
Congressman Ron Paul Talks Candidly About The NFL and The Weather Channel
MONTPELIER, New Hampshire - Ron Paul spoke before a crowd in the parking lot of a local Silly Sardine Swedish Restaurant.
He received quite an ovation when he told the crowd that if elected president he will do his very best to see to it that the...
Bank of America Backs Down From Debit Card Fees
Bank of America spokesman Bill M. Tweed released a statement to the financial media this morning outlining the reversal of the recent bank policy of instituting a monthly fee of $5.00 to customers using debit cards.
"Our customers have shared thei...
Mariah Carey and Michael Buble Hire Gloria Allred To Force Kim Kardashian To Return All of Her Wedding Gifts
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Noted singers Michael Buble and Mariah Carey have both come out as saying that Kim Kardashian should be ashamed of herself for tricking the entire world into believing that her recent wedding to NBA lockout player Kris Humphries was...
Viagra to go white for Christmas
Viagra, the 'little blue pill', will be white during the coming Christmas festive season.
It will also be sold at a fraction of its current price.
And one will be able to buy one pill at a time at the price of just 1cent.
"It's our Christmas...
California's Black Friday Pepper Sprayer Who Sprayed 20 Customers Has Been Captured
PORTER RANCH, California - Porter Ranch, the town in the San Fernando Valley resembled 1880s Tombstone, Arizona, more than it did a modern day California city on Black Friday.
The Porter Ranch Police Department received calls that a crazy shopper...
'Dancing With The Stars' Soccer Star Hope Solo Says She Is Tired of Being Manhandled By Maksim Chmerkovskiy
HOLLYWOOD - Hope Solo is a very good looking young woman and she is probably also one of the most athletic females to ever appear on Dancing With The Stars.
Solo is one well-conditioned sportswoman who can get down on a soccer field and do her job...
Natalie Wood Death Focuses on Frank Sinatra Pic
Get ready Nancy Grace. Stephen Hawking just predicted the imminent extinction of the human race in a religious nuclear World War III unless we colonize space or travel in time and all of us are fixated on Natalie Wood's death on Thanksgiving weekend...
Herman Cain's Latest "PizzaGate" Gal, Ginger White May Be The One That Causes Him To Throw In The "Hotel Towel"
ATLANTA - It appears that Herman Cain's new campaign bumper sticker may be reading "Put a fork in it - it's done."
The black GOPer who wears a black cowboy hat, obviously oblivious to the fact that the cowboys in the Old West who wore black cowboy...
98% Of Tattoos Using Chinese Characters Are Actually Insults
A shocking new survey has revealed that 98% of fashionable Mandarin lettered tattoos are actually insults, in Mandarin, directed at the tattoo wearer.
In typically xenophobic mode, former BNP member Peter Patriot (Name changed by deed poll.) was p...
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