Spoof news stories from Thursday 19 May 2011
Wrapping Himself in 6 US Flags, Obama Pledges Millions to Egypt & Tunisia in New Middle East Check Book Diplomacy Ploy!
An ever magnanimous Barrack Obama, standing before a total of six (6) US Flags, and an enlarged copy of his 'birth certificate, in case anyone forgot he was a NATURAL BORN PATRIOT, delivered a major policy speech pledging millions of untold, and u...
Last ever football season comes to an end
Next week, Manchester Rovers fans will be celebrating, as not only have they won this season's premier football league, but they have won the English football. After 123 years and countless thousands of matches, the winners of the entire football lea...
Belgium introduces jelly rationing
As financial crises hit countries around the world, Europe has been particularly hard hit. But little is heard of poor Belgium, its small economy nestling hairily between the driving buttocks of Europe - France and Germany.
While Portugal, Greece...
Satan Reveals He Will Use Euro Sign In Place Of '666' In Preparation For May 21st's Rapture
Satan --The Morningstar, the Overlord of Hell and Nancy Grace's stepbrother-- appeared on the late night talk show Chelsea Lately and announced that the Number of the Beast, 666, will be changed to the symbol for Euros, in preparation for the Rapture...
Fake Security Update Hits Apple's Single Mac User
LOS ANGELES - A fake security update for Apple Mac has hit 100% of all Mac.
Rod Jennens, was hit by the 'update'.
"Man," he said, "Dude, I'm like, not able, to like, access my, like blog, man. I wanted to, you know, like, rant about the corpora...
Bonnie Tyler Averts Gas Disaster
Ever since Russia became concerned over Britain's ability to pay for its natural gas supplies, and installed a large coin operated gas meter at the main gas pipeline landfall at Great Yarmouth, there has been concern over whether the UK's utility com...
Song: "@TheMedia"
Another song, Mr/Ms reader. How about a rant? Everyone does a rant-y song.
"@TheMedia"
FUCK!
Nothing makes sense,
Ain't gonna think about it,
All these events,
Are reported so wierdly,
it just confuses me,
Builds things up,
Break them down,
Fooling the uneducated,
Twisting those who aren't,
The news is what you make it,
You make it wrong,
Blood-thirsty,
Libelous,
Mosquitoes...
Future News: No to PR Side Just as Stupid as 2011's No to AV Side
(Published 2031) BIRMINGHAM URBEM - It is only one week before local elections in England, and the PR referendum. Both sides of the debate are gearing up for major campaigning for the battle.
None more so than the No camp. However, political exper...
Guardian Reporter Sacked for Refusing to Write About Pattinson, Pippa, Piers, Pitt, Palin, Posh, The Prince or Kristen Stewart
Rodney Hempstead, well known and respected 20 year veteran of The Guardian news service and more specifically, the Entertainment Section of the news desk, was unceremoniously sacked for refusing to write any more stories about popular celebrities who...
Howard Caught in Ferguson's Webb
The Football Association may finally have to take action against Howard Webb after it came to light that his relationship with Utd manager Ferguson is closer than it ought to be.
I was contacted by private investigators hired by an unnamed collec...
Bin Laden Thought Navy Seals Were "having a laugh"
More than two weeks after the death of infamous terrorist Osama Bin Laden, details continue to emerge about the circumstances of his fatal shooting.
Bin Laden, who was alleged to have been unarmed at the time of his death, had believed the landing...
New Legislation Looks Set To Abolish Human Resource Departments Everywhere
New legislation aimed at trimming the fat that exists in the business world looks set to spell the end of Human Resources Departments everywhere. The shock news comes in the middle of one of the biggest financial crises the world has known; when ever...
The Word on The Streets of L.A. Is That There May Be A Few More Little Arnold Schwarzenegger's Running Around
LOS ANGELES - Reports coming out of Tinsel Town are that Charlie Sheen is one very upset dude.
He called up Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight and expressed that he is fit to be tied, although not in the literal "Goddess" sense of the phrase.
Obama Rushed To Hospital After Major Speech
US President Barack Obama has been rushed to hospital only minutes after making a major speech on the Arab Spring.
Obama spoke at the State Department this morning on the democratic movements in North Africa and the Middle East and laid out his v...
"Twit" Rooney being stalked by a Scouse "Nutter Twit"!
Wayne Rooney's twitter site is very popular, but has been attracting many weirdo's (it's the nature of the animal!).
The majority of Looney's visiting Rooney's (site) obviously come from Liverpool, the red side there of. It's bad enough for FC Liv...
Donald Trump's Wig Goes On The Lam Following White House Upset
In sensational news today the NYPD has issued an APB on Donald Trump's wig, following its owner's decision to withdraw from the race for The White House earlier this week. The ginger frizz-ball is believed to be armed and dangerous and members of the...
You Win Loser of the Year Award
LOS ANGELES - At the International People of the Year Awards 2011, you won the Loser of the Year Award.
Ben Stiller presented you with the award stating: "This person has been such a loser that the fact the person even got here without getting injured is a miracle."
You gracefully stumbled down the aisle to the stage, where you mumbled a few words of thanks.
"I didn't really feel surprise...
Navy Corpsman Confirms: Bin Laden Burial Bath First He Had in Years!
A retired Marine Corpsman confirmed what is now seeping out on the internet, that Osama Bin Laden was a very 'dirty' fifty-four year old Terrorist who refused to shower, terrorized women and was addicted to Porn!
Confirming the charges is a new bo...
There Are No Black Holes In Outer Space Says Pope
Vatican City - Pope Benedict XVI has declared that there are no black holes in Outer Space, and that most of modern physics is 'bullshit'. The pope has also stated the story of the Big Bang is a 'fairy tale invented by fairies.'
The frank word...
FA declare May 21 2011 is Judgement Day
The Football Association have told fans that May 21 2011 will be Judgement Day.
Bigwigs at Wembley are believed to have seen written,audio and video Bible teachings that prove the world will end on this day.
The much anticipated 'Survival Sunda...
Gingrich's Dog Lifts Leg on Master! He Quits Campaign!
Political pundits were having a field day this week after Newt Gingrich's roll-out of his 2012 presidential campaign.
"Stumbled getting out of the gate," said Chris Matthews on his Crossfire show.
"Not a pretty picture," commented David Gregory...
Coffee the New Fountain of Youth
Following an extensive study about the health benefits of drinking coffee, initial results show that regular consumption will dramatically reduce risk for prostate cancer, some heart related illnesses and will improve general stamina at work, around...
The Celestial Thermostat Setting For Carnage
A distant planet that orbits a red dwarf star has revealed evidence so startling it has resulted in fashion and television personality Gok Wan and R 'n' B singer Chris Brown being hauled off to an underground prison. Government officials from both Br...
DSK signs million-dollar deal with publisher for hotel guide book
Disgraced Dominique Strauss-Kahn, currently a guest of the United States government, has signed a $1 million book deal with a major American publishing company.
The former IMF head and French presidential hopeful is to write a guide book on hotel...
Shock French Poll: 70% of Socialists Claim DSK Framed! Only 30% Refuse to be 'Arsed!"
In a shocking new opinion poll taken in Paris, 57% of respondents think charges of Sodomy against former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn are contrived, including 70% of those admitting to being Socialists.
DSK, seen as the front runner in the el...
Dominique Strauss-Kahn 'to call UK Justice Secretary Ken Clarke as a character witness'?
New York - His sex crime views are the stuff of misogynist rapture amid a mounting press furor.
Today a groundswell of pubic opinion is backing Clarke to take the stand supporting the beleaguered IMF ex-CEO.
"Ken would make an ideal expert witn...
Bug-eyed massive-breasted Beckham accuser Irma Nici wades in on D$K
New York - The Bosnian tramp at the core of widely discredited sex video smears against footballer David Beckham has yet to reveal her Daily $mearer interview fee.
However her red top rant published today daubing Dominique Strauss-Kahn a 'rough an...
Arnie Schwarzenegger's New Movie Set to Break Records
The movie is a biographical account of his most turbulent years up until the present. It charts his early childhood in a hamlet in Austria, his rise to eminence as a body builder and his screen success in America that paved the way for his subsequent...
UK Gang Culture 'Not Just Limited To City Slums' Say Police Chief
As the UK falls deeper in to despair, gang culture has hit an all time high, with police this week uncovering a huge ring, involving hundreds of members across the country.
Raids took place this week at numerous locations around the British Isles,...
An Unemployed Poet In Manchester Claims To Have Seen An Image of One of Pippa Middleton's Breasts In His Crumpet
MANCHESTER - An unemployed poet named Chippington Vexhill, 66, informed his grandmother Dulcinea Vexhill, 102, that as he was reading his copy of The Manchester Morning Manc he suddenly looked down at his plate and got a bit of a fright.
Vexhill said that he had to do a double take, ala Benny Hill, as right there in the middle of his blueberry crumpet he clearly saw an image of one of Pippa Mid...
John Edwards' Baby Mama Rielle Hunter Denies That She Is The Mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Love Child
FORT LAUDERDALE, Florida - Rielle Hunter, the mother of Senator John Edward's love child, is denying that she is also the mother of former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's love child.
The skinny blonde who is no stranger to the world of controvers...
Wrexham Pony "Usually Travels By Bus", Claims Man
The owner of a pony who tried to board a train at Wrexham General railway station yesterday, claims that the animal has never before travelled by train, and much prefers going by bus.
Dai Boony, 51, was taking his pony, Trigger, for a day out to C...
At Last, A Banker Is Arrested For Screwing the Public... Dominique Strauss-Kahn's Top Six Alibis
Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the head of the International Monetary Fund, was arrested in New York this week for allegedly raping a chambermaid in his hotel room.
It looks like the IMF chief's visit to America is going to be a long one because these are the best alibis that the lawyers came up with:
1. Was auditioning housekeepers for his friend Arnold Schwarzenegger.
2. Goes crazy when he h...
CSI Actress Marg Helgenberger Catches Hell For Saying That Working With Justin Bieber Was Like Being At A Day Care Center
LOS ANGELES - One of the stars of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Marg Helgenberger says that she did not enjoy working with teen singing sensation Justin Bieber one bit.
Marg, who is a good-looking, mature, blonde woman divulged to Grandiosa Litt...
Tripoli Under Siege: Part 1 - The Bar Fly
God it stunk to be in Tripoli with NATO bombs falling daily now. The Catatonic Bar was located near the port and thus had been spared thus far, yet there was the constant threat and badgering from Ghadaffi's swine, who all thought we should pay them not to bother us. The latest now lay in a dumpster out back when I discovered he was nothing of the sort, but a bastard friend of friend of a friend o...
24 Jews Ascended Into Heaven Banished For Scalping Tickets for "Seats Close To God"
Heaven's celestial scribe revealed via his Twitter feed, DaMetatron, that 24 Jews that ascended into Heaven during May 21st's Rapture were banished for scalping bogus tickets for what they characterized as "Seats Close To God".
"They're in here by...
Local Man In Wedding Anniversary Vigil Nursing Sick Cat
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock had given up all hope on the family's only remaining cat last week. The cat, Scrappy, daughter of the legendary Beryl, suffered a serious trauma last Tuesday, spending all night in the back garden and refusing all attempts to coax her back indoors.
Early indications suggest that she had been bitten, although there were no immediately obvious injuries.
At some po...
Top Story For Today, May 21, 2011: Where The F--k Is Everybody?
News gathering agencies around the world are opening their reports today asking one vital question:
"Where the f--k is everybody?"
"It's May 21, 2011," said Today Show host Matt Lauer, apparently alone in the NBC studios, and operating his own...
The Truth Behind Exploding Melons
China: The world was shocked to learn that entire fields of watermelons exploded this week in China. However, it comes to no surprise to botanists. When talking to head botanist at the University of Chicago, it seems it is fairly a common occurre...
A Charabanc Trip With Major And Mrs Percy Part 8 - The Alternative Ending
Welcome dear reader to the alternative conclusion to the saga of the Major and Mrs Percy's epic charabanc day trip. Of course, the story came to a natural conclusion at the close of Part 7, so this additional episode is purely optional. It is for all the blood-crazed sadists out there who demand a violent conclusion to their entertainment. It contains bad language, flashing lights, scenes of extre...
US Supermarkets Suspend Debit Card Acceptance After May 21 In Favor of '666' Forehead Tattoo
In preparation for the Rapture, which, according to some nutball who sells T-shirts is set to occur on May 21st, major US grocery stores have suspended acceptance of debit cards in favor of the Number Of The Beast, 666, tattooed to customer's heads.
Dear Jewish Friends, When the Rapture Begins on May 21st...
Dear Jewish Friends:
When the Rapture begins on May 21st, you guys get to go first. (Not sure how you people worked that out, what with you guys not believing that Christ is our savior, and then killing him and all. I'm not sure how that works, but, ya know, whatevs. I guess the lawyers were working overtime on that deal, huh?)
Do us a favor and save us some seats? I gotta get the kids dress...
DSK Moved to Rikers Medical Ward Suffering from Priapism: Erection Now in 2nd Day!
Dominique Strauss-Kahn (DSK) under a suicide watch at Posh Rikers Island, was rushed into the emergency ward of the criminal holding center after his erection continued into the second day of his custody on sodomy and rape charges.
"It's Priapism...
|
| Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | ||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||
Mailing List
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!