Your morning mantra of "just a few more minutes" may be over soon--at least if the National Association for Punctuality (NAP) has anything to say about it.
On Dec. 7, the organization filed a suit that could ban the addition of snooze buttons on a...
Washington DC - Failed hedge fund CEO Jon Corzine yesterday called on a House Subcommittee to arrest Henry F. Potter, a Bedford Falls banker and slumlord, for fraud and malfeasance in connection with the collapse of Corzine's MF Global Hedge Fund and...
PARIS - (Rooters) A company of soldiers, in which I was embedded, invaded Paris today. Equipped with purified-aspartame spray throwers we managed to drive the Germans back to Germany. The German front is now quiet.
In order to drive all the...
Washington--Newt Gingrich isn't sure if he is running for president or just promoting his production company.
"Instead of campaigning, I am signing books. What the hell? I want to be taken as a serious presidential candidate. Sure, Obama did it w...
AUSTIN, Tx. - Rick Perry, who has recently released a slew of 30-second spots promoting his stance on several points, continues to anger Democrats, this time by attacking the child-friendly Muppets.
Entitled, "Those Rat-Bastard Heathen Communist M...
Smokers have been warned about increasing levels of violence involving cigarette stubs.
In a nicotine-related attack, a 17-year-old youth died in unexpected circumstances. A post-mortem revealed John Fagg had been strangled by a string of tab ends...
A lodger wanted in connection with an assault on his landlord was arrested yesterday.
For several years 51-year-old Hugh Yewlukinat had been living in lodgings in the Glasgow district. According to sauces left on the kitchen table, he'd recently s...
ATLANTA - In the days after his announcement that he was suspending his run for President, Herman Cain has done some soul searching regarding his conduct in the years leading up to his 15 minutes in the limelight.
"I shouldn't have ever had sex wi...
HOLLYWOOD - Well thanks to Rachel Crow, Nicole Scherzinger, and Paula Abdul, the combined team record for shedding tears that had been held by the team of John Boehner, Brett Favre, and Glenn Beck has been shattered.
The latest edition of X-Factor...
London - At their 'Fourth Protocol' bunker at RAF Valley in Anglesey, Wales, Kate and Wills are having none of it, of course.
Daft superstitions hold no fear for this royal gravy train branch line whose own wedding took place on the 66th annivers...
After a marathon night of negotiations regarding Europe debt and sovereign power the Brit Prime Minister David Cameron issued the Churchilian two fingered salute to the Germans and the French.
Although the official talk was of taxing the financial...
The mobile phone hacking enquiry, currently being held by Lord Leveson in the bike sheds at News International, has found itself in dire straits, although in this case it's nothing to do with the rock group of the same name. However, "money for nothi...
Manchester: the epicentre of football. Well, the epicentre of Thursday night Channel Five football. Instead of the Bernabeu in the next round Manchester City will be looking to the Britannia stadium for their midweek football. As Man City prepare to...
Angela Merkel: Dear Santa Claus, please bring me a new jacket. I fear that should I giggle when next Nicky (Sarkozy) tickles me, I will pop a button. Even two or three.
President Sarkozy: Dear Père Noël, please bring me an inflatable doll but the doll must be as sexy as my dear little angel - Angela Merkel. She's German, but not to worry about that - Hitler's dead after all.
Pope Benedict: D...
BRUXELLES - German Chancellor Angela Merkel screamed at the summit here to this reporter: "The Euro just doesn't get any respect! Ve Vill Ve Vill Vocket You."
She ordered the European Commission and the European Court of Justice to use powerful V2...
NEW YORK CITY - Nicki Minaj tweeted that she kissed a girl and she liked it. The girl is actually a woman formerly known as Madonna.
Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight stated that the rap singer, who just turned 29, said that she has been ki...
William Hague is to meet with his European counterparts in January, to discuss the state of the Euro currency.
Mr Hague commented: "It seems I have to go to a Paris hotel-room soon, for a meeting with the European heads of state, something to do w...
The Board of Trustees of Pennsylvania State University has unanimously passed a resolution to ask Jerry Sandusky to please stop wearing Penn State sweat suits every time he gets arrested. It was at a Happy Valley news conference that Peter Fillia, C...
Downing Street is in a flap as it can not find the traditional Homburg had for the Prime Minister's visit to the German Chancellery on Friday.
For the traditional exchange of gifts when leaders meet, Cameron has chosen a boxed set of ''Alo 'Alo 'a...
BRUSSELS - Hate Brussels sprouts?
You'll really hate Brussels punishment for lack of budgetary discipline.
That's right.
According to our mole, a janitor at the conference, leaders of the European Central Bank have come up with the ultimate punishment for governments that do not pay back their loans.
Germany was pushing for firing squad.
The French were pushing the guilloti...