"A distraught and depressed OPRAH WINFRED begged her super best pal GAYLE KINK not to abandon her OMG network in favor of a brand-new gig on CBT's revamped 'The Early Bird Show' - and she was reduced to a flowing river of tears when Gayle turned he...
A wary worm deprived a bird of its breakfast early yesterday morning.
One of the notorious 'early birds' was up very early on the look-out for a juicy worm to eat. As usual, its timing was OK, because an early worm was just waking up. "I was think...
London - 'The Corporation's been airbrushing people's perceptions for decades so tonight's revelation isn't such a big deal' was the gist of a PR statement issued tonight.
News of the latest bit of Beeb quackery comes amid reports that 'it all sta...
Madison, Wis--Scott Walker is sticking to the fact he isn't a crook, and did nothing wrong when he didn't fire people in his office that were stealing from the county by not doing what they were paid to do. He just gave high paying state jobs to thos...
Washington--Newt Gingrich wants to be a role model for the poor, because he believes he is the man to do it.
"I think the poor need a role model like me, someone that didn't want to do the hard work to become a tenured professor. They need someon...
HOLLYWOOD - Taxidermist to the stars, Dr. Billingsgate, today released information regarding Ms. Lohan that has Hollywood atwitter. For good reason, it appears. Apparently the nude pictures of Lindsay that were supposed to be suppressed until the n...
London - A list of suitable tarts, slags, slappers and hos is being considered for the topnotch gravy train position.
The mystery appointee will be revealed later this week as RA officials confirmed the need for someone new to 'pimp its ass' in th...
Indonesian punks who behave badly and as anti-socially as punks generally do, are having their heads forcibly shaved Mohican-style as a punishment. There's only one problem; someone forgot to tell the police that Mohican-style haircuts are what globa...
North Pole-- Santa is bringing something new this year, for all the good little girls and boys. Santa will be stuffing stockings with marijuana. He grows tons of the stuff in his greenhouse at the North Pole, and he is very happy to share!
Santa...
Last summer they inadvertently helped to treat cancer, along with erectile dysfunction. Now in the months following the release of Steel Panther's new album "Balls Out", a study is showing that infertility may be the next medical miracle brought for...
HOLLYWOOD - Miley Cyrus recently turned 19, and she now feels that she should have a lot more control in things relating to her music career.
But according to a story reported by the El Lay Informer that is just not the case.
Gibraltar Yukon wi...
London - Plans drawn up for Queen Elizabeth include being turned into a 5-carat diamond in a high-tech process that recycles crematorium ashes into full-on bling.
The rock could then be set in some new Crown Jewellery in a bold move replacing all...
BBC executives were today denying the entire series was faked, but agreed some footage could have been misleading.
One exec said: 'Ok, the footage of Attenborough in his back yard wading through polystyrene made to look like snow was a little fake...
A British father has been applauded for his quick thinking which saved his family from savage, hungry lions in Tanzania.
Whilst on the holiday of a lifetime, the Philbin family's tour bus broke down, deep in the Serengeti. As the driver radioed f...
Keen to avoid upsetting Muslim or disabled students, authorities at Cambridge University have warned their academics against automatically shaking hands.
They fear the traditional western greeting may cause offence to Muslim women and people with...
CERN Scientists are red-faced today when it was revealed that the bumps in the data of the two colliders that were thought to be the Higgs Boson turned out to be somebody dropping a cup of coffee in the analysis lab above the particle accelerator.
A horrible Beast has been found in the River Lea near the Olympic Park where geese have been mysteriously disappearing.
It was found by John Moose, a resident of Hackney who was out fishing on the river. 'It suddenly emerged from the water and gob...
A Woebegone, North Carolina Golden retriever named Butt-Shot finally passed his final exam from the Dick Cheney School of Hunting by shooting his owner Donny Butt-Bruise in the buttocks. This had been Butt-Shots fourth trip to Dick Cheney's hunting...
The Stuxnet virus that crippled the Iranian power grid by taking down three hydroelectric dams, two nuclear power plants and a small generator outside Adeli Deli in Tehran, has crossed the species barrier by infecting a human operator.
"We're terr...
A spate of head explosions hit news organisations yesterday in the wake of the press conference held by boffins at the Cern laboratory.
Physicists Fabiola Gianotti and Guido Tonelli presented experiment results which scientists reckon provide evid...
Two Winesboro, Virginia hunters were arrested and fined today for multiple counts which included shooting students out of season and shooting students without a license.
The two hunters, Dave Shotgun and Benny Buckshot who are both from Winesboro...
Interesting results collated by the Department For Damned Lies And Statistics revealed that eight out of ten male Christmas shoppers thought that a vajazzle was a musical instrument.
Canvassers reported that the majority of male shoppers thought t...
CALAIS - FRANCE French police today announced that local eccentric and certifiable lunatic, Alain De La Derriere has been found dead at his apartment, close by the cross channel ferryport.
M De La Derriere has long been regarded as an eccentric in...
Last night, while in a deep meditational state, I channelled the cosmic energy life force of one of the great mystical major domo dudes of this century, and a couple of others, at the very least.
Jesus H. Crikey! Yep! the one and only.
Below, I have related what his life force herbal essence type remnants of self deposited within the nook and cranny recesses of my unworthy mind.
NOTE:...
Berlin, Germany: Germany and France, desperate to find money to save the European Union from bankruptcy, are about to declare war upon each other. The war will be staged to bring in the Americans to, as usual, save France and flood the European count...
Editor of the, The Spoof, Mark Lowton, today fired all writers for the internet Spoof rag, The Spoof. Lowton, who is known to deal in black market giant gerbils claims the move was to create more efficiency in the editing process.
"We've been stif...
WASHINGTON,DC: Kal Penn and John Cho, the stars of the Harold and Kumar Franchise, were yesterday arrested after attempting to smoke the White House Christmas tree.
It is believed that they were able to gain access as Penn is a former White House...
SWITZERLAND - The giant underground dangerous machine that may turn the earth into a black hole has given mankind some dividend, finally. After spending trillions of bailout money on the project, there is finally a use for the spin-off technology.