Washington--Sarah Palin said that her new breasts might run for president. She claimed that her breasts are very conservative, pro-gun, and always looking for ways to stimulate the economy.
She just isn't sure what she will do while her breasts c...
Worthing lifeguard, Eric Clutterbuck, 76, was astonished to see a great white shark basking in the shallows of the English Channel, just off the coast of Worthing.
"I wasn't sure at first," he told reporters. "I had to go and fetch me specs from m...
South coast kebab and burger entrepreneur Ali Bullo has blamed the recent unrest in Worthing on crap burgers and kebabs.
Ali Bullo explained that, being elderly mobility scooter riders and decadent MILF's, most of the troublemakers couldn't handle...
Soixante Neuf Films is promising "new birds and blokes" in it's latest reality programme The Only Way Is Worthing.
A host of glamorous locations have been lined up, including the Worthing Pavilion Bowls Club, where 93 year old Doris Slapper, a re...
More information (see Part I of the series) on the Queen's economy drive for the Royals has been revealed. Here are the latest developments:
Royals shouldn't pay for haircuts. They are advised to just put a Royal bowl on their heads to shape the cuts. According to the Queen, "That should do quite nicely."
No necessity to rent movies. The Queen is always pleased to lend out Helen Mirren'...
There's something fishy going on in the south coast resort town of Worthing. It can be scented, as it wafts on warm summer breezes.
It smells like fish, but it isn't fish - it's the odour of enthusiastic, verging on manic - sexual activity.
And...
London: Cameron stocks up with New IBM Brain Chip in his latest battle against the 'sick society' that plagues the UK inner cities.
Government officials moved swiftly today to bring some hope to the UK's riot torn communities, following the announcement by IBM of The Worlds First Brain Chip.
The processor, about the size of an ants unerect penis, mimics human brain patterns and can be impla...
Bournemouth - Ministry of Defence sources are saying absolutely nothing, of course, but a horrible local gut feeling prevails that the Mad Dog of the Middle East may be responsible for downing the RAF Hawk jet.
At around 13.50BST one of nine Red A...
Culver City, California - The three leading contenders for the Republican presidential nomination faced off in a special "primary knowledge" edition of the popular quiz show Jeopardy! recently to "show America what we know."
Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry agreed to participate, they stated in a joint statement, because "the media is making us look like a bunch of dummies. Alex Tre...
Nostradamus wrote his book 'The Prophecies' in 1555 in code because he wrote during the 300 year Inquisition. In 'The Prophecies' Nostradamus predicted the names of the three Antichrists in code. Nostradamus code named the first Antichrist 'Napaulon...
It's going to be another unsettled week for Arsenal fans, after an own goal by Aaron Ramsey and a neatly worked goal from Suarez condemned the Gunners to a 0-2 home defeat by Loonypool.
Fans of the Arse have been imploring the club to spend some m...
President Obama expressed optimism about his new business selling Amway products from a small room in the White House.
"I was going to make this into a "man cave" but this idea is much more productive. Vitamins, dish soap, deodorant, we'll...
Believers in the fantasy myth of evolution are today awestruck as it is claimed that the evolution process has been reversed and a chicken has been genetically modified to develop a maniraptora snout.
What the imbeciles fail to understand is that...
Sussex Police were on high alert today preparing to defuse trouble between rival sets of south coast gangs in Worthing.
Residents of the resort are anxiously awaiting the arrival of gangs of pensioners from along the coast at Littlehampton.
"We...
Manchester - Substituting Palace Z-listers and tag-along wannabes for Old Fatty Mountbatten dragging her arse down is no excuse, disgusted riot-torn Mancunians warned today.
"Too damn scared hoodies will torch her bonnet, eh?" retired kebab caff o...
The acclaimed director was accused by deranged Daily Mail reader, Cosmo Pelican, 76, of Musselborough, of provoking two fatal shark attacks in the Seychelles in recent days.
The incidents led to the tragic and bloody demises of two men, one a Fren...
Infamous English footballers wife, Victoria Beckham, known in LA has 'Stick Spice' or 'Cockney Sparrow' has been admitted to America's leading hospital for the fashion industry with a straight jacket designed by DKNY, following a chain of events trig...
Syria's President Assad has gone on Syrian television apologising to the people for pledging not to kill people. He explained that what he should have said was that he pledged that he WOULD kill people. His English isn't brilliant, because he's a for...
Paradoxically, the same stuff is imported by a desert country from the communist China, which is, according to the importer's creed infidel! As imposters, they have gathered or hired thousands of thugs to control the same people who once helped them to usurp power, but now their new slave drivers are inflicting pain on them, people!
Since cloud seeding contradicts centuries-old false teaching...
Let this document stand as a statement of intent by the Wisconsin Underground Saboteur Society For The Insurrection And Eventual Setting Free Of The UP (W.U.S.S.I.E.S.) to liberate the so named Upper Peninsula from years of subjugation by the repressive forces of the state of Michigan.
The writers of this manifesto would like to make clear to all concerned that the Upper Peninsula was seized f...
New York - Phillip Brewer, owner of the surprisingly popular Boring Television Network (BTN), has announced changes to the upcoming fall line up.
Network executives have determined Sewing Machine Wars as too exciting for the network everyone reli...