Spoof news stories from August 2011
There were 728 spoof news stories published in August 2011. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Ganja pipe alien crop circle 'etched by laser pen aboard International Space Station' - reports
Wiltshire - NASA top brass has vehemently denied it, of course, but the appearance of a 200ft crop circle near Stonehenge depicting ET smoking a classic ganja pipe 'may be the artwork of bored ISS astronauts'.
The etching materialised around 15 Ju...
Party Leaders Cooperate To Plan 'The Greatest Depression'
Washington DC -- Congressional leaders on both sides of the aisle have put their political differences and summer vacations aside and are working together to develop what is being called "The Greatest Depression."
"The Greatest Depression is going...
White House Fence Jumper is President's Secret Brother
The secret service in Washington forced a man to lie on the ground and to move away from his backpack after he had jumped the white house fence onto the lawn. CNN was there live to catch the excitement on film, but later learned that the man has don...
Zac Efron Is Thrilled To Be Getting Back Together With Taylor Swift
LONG BEACH, California - It is well known to fans of both Zac Efron and Taylor Swift that the two dated way before T-Swizzle got involved with the likes of Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, John Mayer, and Jake Gyllenhaal.
Efron 23, and Swift 21, were a...
London Riots hit Richmond and Hampstead
London, UK: After several days of rioting across London that have seen police cars burning on the streets of Tottenham and shop windows smashed in Brixton, the violence has spread to the more leafy and sedate boroughs of Richmond and Hampstead.
Ey...
Spokesperson for the Duchess Of Cambridge Hits Back At Kelly Osbourne Criticism
A spokesman for The Duchess of Cambridge has hit back at criticism from Kelly Osborne about recycling her fabulous dresses.
The spokesman is said to have asked "What planet is Kelly Osborne living on? I work with some of the most out of touch p...
President Obama "excited" about his new Amway business
President Obama expressed optimism about his new business selling Amway products from a small room in the White House.
"I was going to make this into a "man cave" but this idea is much more productive. Vitamins, dish soap, deodorant, we'll...
Emma Stone Responds To Jim Carrey's Complimentary Video Tribute
LOS ANGELES - Jim Carrey sat in front of his computer and professed his attraction, admiration, and desire for the star of the motion picture The Help, Emma Stone.
Carrey, who at 49, is 27 years older than 22-year-old Stone told her that he has se...
Jennifer Aniston's New Nude Workout Video Is Flying Off The Shelves
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Jennifer Aniston reports that she hasn't been as happy as she is now since back when she was still strutting her stuff as Mrs. Brad Pitt.
The 42-year-old actress who many say is much better looking than Angelina Jolie, who stole...
Kristen Stewart Explains Why She Took Rob Pattinson's Guitar
NEW YORK CITY - Kristen Stewart the star of the Twilight series was recently seen at JFK Airport holding a guitar case.
A reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight, Tapioca Swizzle asked the 21-year-old El Lay native where she was headed to.
Stewart r...
Epiphany! Boston Bishop: Now I Understand Why Jackie 'O' Stopped Coming to Confessions!"
Boston Cardinal Sean O'Malley, not be confused with the St. Louis Cardinal left fielder Jamal 'Bubba' O'Malley from Detroit, said today after hearing explosive excerpts of Jackie Kennedy Onassis's tell all tapes, he finally understands why she stop...
Miley Cyrus' Brand New Tattoo Angers Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann
TARZANA - Miley Cyrus recently visited The Tarzan and Jane Petting Zoo located in Tarzana with her little sister 11-year-old Noah Lindsey Cyrus.
While Noah was petting a Tennessee Fainting Goat Miley was approached by iRumors reporter Vodka Vermic...
Lindsay Lohan Kim Kardashian West Memphis Three by Nostradamus
Nostradamus wrote his book 'The Prophecies' in 1555 in code because he wrote during the 300 year Inquisition. In 'The Prophecies' Nostradamus predicted the names of the three Antichrists in code. Nostradamus code named the first Antichrist 'Napaulon...
Steven Tyler Admits He Recently Dated The Sultry-Bodied Kate Gosselin
READING, Pennsylvania - Steven Tyler, lead singer for Aerosmith and American Idol judge, has said that he has agreed to return to the top rated reality show for another season.
"Lips" Tyler as he is known confided to Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita Sa...
Chiswick vigilantes to defend Turnham Green
Reports are coming in from Chiswick that a band of rowdy yoga mums have looted the artisan bakery and made off with all the walnut and sun blushed tomato bread.
The angry mob, wearing pink pashminas to cover their faces, were seen to perform seve...
Nina Dobrev Talks About Ian Somerhalder's 'Rack Rubbing' At Redondo Beach
HOLLYWOOD - One of Tinsel Town's happiest and most popular couples is Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder.
The two stars of The Vampire Diaries are just the complete opposite of some of the hip hop couples who seem to relish arguing and carrying on in...
Mario Balotelli becomes first footballer to 'do a Depardieu'
The popular craze of Planking is now considered second division by Premier League footballers.
Being papped lying face down in unusual locations and 'sharing your plank' on U Tube is no longer the nuts.
The latest macho challenge for high prof...
Economic Disaster Spreads! Bear Market Set to Consume Norway!
Recent global unrest and the impending crash of the world economy has now reached to Norway, one of the World's richest nations, home to 4.5 million Striking Vikings, who live very well, thank you, courtesy of North Sea oil resources.
"It's the at...
Edward from Jedward and The Secret Girlfriend
Friends of Simon Cowell have tonight revealed that he has issued two newspapers with a super-injunction. The purpose of this super-injunction is very simple. Its to try to stop Edward from Jedward's secret girlfriend revealing all about their secre...
Jerry Lewis Loses It - Calls American Idol Contestants 'Fast Food Rejects'
LOS ANGELES - The former comedian known as Jerry Lewis is starting to show definite signs of stress.
Hacienda Dakota of Hollywood Vis-a-Vis reported that it is sad to say but the 85-year-old Lewis seems to have gotten to that point in time where b...
Steven Tyler and Kate Gosselin Spotted Doing Some Hot and Heavy Hoochy-Koochying on Malibu Beach
MALIBU BEACH - It appears by all accounts that the relationship between American Idol Judge Steven Tyler and Kate Gosselin the star of Kate Plus 8 has really heated up.
An unnamed source who lives on Malibu Beach told Pia Confetti of The El Lay In...
Endangered Amazonian Tree Frog Colony Found In Burnley Park
Concerned zoologists had a good reason to be cheerful today, following the discovery of a sizable community of Amazonian tree frogs in Scott Park, in Burnley, Lancashire.
The community of thorn-spitting yellow-backed Uppenattem frogs came to the a...
Ron Paul Has Problem With His Birth Certificate
Washington, DC-- Congressman Ron Paul of Texas appears to have his own problems with a birth certificate. He doesn't have one. The controversy may be enough to derail the Republican congressman's quest for the Oval Office.
Birth certificates wer...
Miley Cyrus Says She Is Still Looking For Mr. Right
SANTA MONICA - Miley Cyrus was sitting with her little sister Noah, 11, at Santa Monica's famed Shanghai Sue's Sushi Sandwich Shop where the two sisters were having a nice sisterly meal.
Cyrus who has recently taken a backseat to the goings on in...
Surprise! Oprah to Jump Nude Out of 6 Layer Cake at Bama Birthday Bash as Krispy Creme Donut!
A day before Obama was set to celebrate his birthday in Chicago with yet another party, staffers at the posh Aragon Ballroom let the cat out of the bag concerning plans for the highlight of the show involving Chicago Diva, Billionaire, and head of he...
'Carol Vorderman - Fit As A Butcher's Dog At Fifty!' Reports The Daily Mail
Upmarket British tabloid, The Daily Mail, has recently reported that former Countdown maths whizz, Carol Vorderman, is still as fit as a butcher's dog at fifty, and ran a series of pictures on its website to prove it.
Unfortunately, none of them f...
Tom Jones hospitalized with 'chills and fever'
MONTE CARLO, Monaco--Tom Jones was rushed to Princess Grace Hospital suffering from the effects of dehydration. Within hours, rumors that Jones had passed away were burning down the house.
"Although it's not unusual," stated a spokesman for Mr. Jo...
The Christina Aguilera - Kelly Osbourne Feud Is Getting Quite Heated!
NEW YORK CITY - The daughter of America's Got Talent Judge Sharon Osbourne and the rock and roll Prince of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne is showing that she's got a pretty good potty mouth on her and she is not afraid to show it.
Kelly Osbourne, visiting...
Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Deny The Skinny Dipping Rumors
TARZANA - Twilight stars Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were recently spotted at The Tarzan and Jane Petting Zoo.
The couple looked quite cozy as they walked around petting some of the extremely friendly animals such as Gladys the Goat, Laura t...
Christina Aguilera Puts Out A Poster Wearing A Very Skimpy Bikini Swimsuit To Raise Money For Nadya Suleman AKA OctoMom
MALIBU BEACH - The beach that is the home to the stars was recently the setting for a photo shoot involving Christina Aguilera.
Christina had recently heard about the sad financial situation that Nadya Suleman AKA OctoMom was in and she wanted to...
Will Smith Furiously Denies That He Is Divorcing His Wife Jada Pinkett-Smith
POMONA - Will Smith was sitting at a Cackle Cackle Chicken Diner in Pomona reading a copy of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle when he was approached by a reporter.
Ling Chow Rangoon with iRumors asked Smith if she could speak with him for a few m...
Will Smith Says He and His Wife Jada Pinkett-Smith Are Not Divorcing But If They Do He Gets Jaden and Jada Gets Willow
HOLLYWOOD - The Tinsel Town rumor mills have definitely been working overtime in the Will Smith-Jada Pinkett Smith marital situation.
Some entertainment news agencies have the couple divorcing, some have them merely separating, and some have Will...
Taylor Swift and Kanye West To Perform At President Obama's 50th Birthday Celebration
WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has just announced that the plans for President Barack Obama's White House Birthday Party have been finalized.
Colfax said that the party will be held on Thursday, August 4, in the backyard...
24% more Americans now believe in hurricanes, says national poll
New York -- Almost a quarter of the American population has shifted its views on the existence of hurricanes, according to a Harris poll conducted in the aftermath of hurricane Irene.
The 24% rise brings the total of "hurricane believers" to ove...
Jimmy Bullard trades in Hull wet fish for QPR caviar
Word on the streets is that wantaway diamond geezer Jimmy Bullard is looking to trade in the wet fish of Hull for a diet of caviar with glamour club QPR.
Jimmy Bullard was last seen casting his line in London after calling Hull "a minging dump."...
Apples Not Happy about Being Forced into McDonald's Happy Meals, Dine at Applebee's
Three apples (the 'fruity' kind -- hey, we're not talking computers here) were spotted eating dinner at the Applebee's Restaurant in the Cross County Shopping Center in Yonkers, NY, over the weekend. They were commiserating with each other because they had recently learned that, starting soon, McDonald's Happy Meals in the U.S. will include apples, along with fries, meat (a choice of hamburger, c...
Vanessa Hudgens Responds To The Taylor Lautner Rumor
HOLLYWOOD - Vanessa Hudgens the star of The High School Musical movies was recently spotted in a Los Angeles Lakers cheerleader outfit having her picture taken on the Hollywood Walk of Fame kneeling by the star of noted film star Zasu Pitts.
Hudge...
Amy Winehouse Brought Back to Life By Crack Pipe - Police Warn Over Superhuman Crack Zombie Epidemic in London inc. Karl Marx & Queen Victoria
Spoof news sites are being condemned and politicians are calling for an investigation after a recent fake story inspired a bunch of bored crack addicts to successfully bring Amy Winehouse back to life, which has baffled scientists and experts. Police...
Steven Tyler Says That Kate Gosselin Is The 'Complete Package'
AVOCADO HEIGHTS - American Idol Judge Steven Tyler and Kate Gosselin of the newly cancelled Kate Plus 8 were seen having a #3 deluxe fried chicken dinner at The Cackle Cackle Chicken Diner.
Tyler was dressed in his customary loud colored sable pan...
QPR fans charged 20p to take a leak
Long suffering QPR fans are being charged 20p by their billionaire owners to spend a penny in the newly refurbished toilets.
Supporters flooded into the ground ahead of the opening Premier League fixture against Bolton yesterday but were shocked t...
Ron Paul debates alone; suffers historic defeat.
Next week, at the Reuters/University of New Hampshire Republican Presidential Debate, congressman Ron Paul will be on stage alone, according to debate organizers. All other candidates have refused to participate.
According to a near unanimous cro...
Country Music's First Lesbian Singer Chely Wright Has Married Her Girlfriend
NASHVILLE - Music City, has just announced the marriage of the first lesbian couple in the history of country music.
Chely Wright, whose had such hits as "Shut Up And Drive," "Single White Female," and last years follow up song, "Single White Lesb...
London's Burning - Tottenham In Flames - Where's Boris And 'Do Nothing' Dave?
In the year before the flagship olympic games, London lies in flames. Tottenham burns...again...
Is it any surprise that buses and businesses were burned out following a protest about the shooting of a man on Thursday by the Metropolitan Police?...
Miley Cyrus Denies The Rumor That She Was "Tongue Wrestling" With American Idol Winner Scotty McCreery
LOS ANGELES - Miley Cyrus has purposely tried to stay out of the limelight ever since the situation with Lindsay Lohan got extremely serious.
Miley told Hollywood Vis-a-Vis reporter Dylan Fresno that she realized that she did not want to end up lo...
Sandra Bullock Has Confessed To Being A Closet "Snuff Dipper" AKA "Tobacco Chewer"
HOLLYWOOD - Word coming out of Tinsel Town is that Sandra Bullock appears to have taken up a habit that can only be described as downright disgusting.
According to Hollywood Innuendo reporter Missy Wonderbox, the Oscar winning actress has admitted...
President Barack Obama - The Graying of An American President
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Political pundits are all in accord in one presidential area and that is that President Obama's hair seems to be getting grayer by the month.
And if the controversies that he has faced in July are any indication of what is to co...
Simon Cowell Says That Paula Abdul Has Gotten So Skinny She Looks Like A Matchstick With Hair
LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell's newest reality show X-Factor will be premiering next month. He recently spoke with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune about his latest venture into the world of television music.
Cowell told LaTuna LaTundra that he has put...
Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyler Are Now The Proud Owners of A Hotel Resort & Casino In Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - It has just been confirmed that American Idol's Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyler have just purchased the La Playa de Los Players Hotel in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
A spokesperson for Peaches & Lips Productions, co-owned by...
Pensioners, Hooligans, MILF's, Viagra, A Strong Whiff Of Fish - Welcome To Worthing
There's something fishy going on in the south coast resort town of Worthing. It can be scented, as it wafts on warm summer breezes.
It smells like fish, but it isn't fish - it's the odour of enthusiastic, verging on manic - sexual activity.
And...
George Clooney Says That Looking At Stacy Keibler's Long, Luscious Legs Makes His Mouth Water
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - George Clooney and Stacy Keibler spent the weekend down at The Pancho Villa Resort Villa in Cabo San Lucas.
The couple certainly made use of the beautiful beach as George and Stacy laid around rubbing sunblock on each othe...
Charlie Sheen and Heidi Montag Caught In An "A-Ha Moment" On Catalina Island
CATALINA ISLAND - Charlie Sheen recently said that he no longer misses his two former goddesses Natalie Kenly and Rachel Oberlin and that he has burned all of the clothes items, shoes, and padded bras that they both left behind.
He says that he re...
Marcus Bachmann takes graduating class of 2011 to Bunny Ranch!
Marcus Bachmann, husband of Michele Bachmann, held a press conference yesterday afternoon on the Las Vegas Airport tarmac. He was surrounded by members of the graduating class of 2011 Fix-a-Gay (FAG) School of Moral Behavior. Bachmann, dressed in bas...
Stephen Hawking becomes the voice of Intelligent Design
Professor Stephen Hawking has agreed to become the voice of Intelligent Design yesterday.
Speaking through a computerised voice box, Hawking was enthusiastic about what ID stands for.
"Intelligent Design has so much going for it," said Hawking.
Kris Humphries Kim Kardashian Give Kobe Bryant Paparazzi Tips
New Jersey Nets power forward Kris Humphries is marrying Kim Kardashian this Saturday at the Sotto Il Monte Estate in Montecito, California. Invitations to the pending nuptials are available on eBay. Kobe Bryant is a five time NBA Champion. Gimme Fiv...
P Diddy Seen Salivating Salaciously Over Jennifer Lopez
MANHATTAN - People Magazine named her The World's Most Beautiful Woman and pretty soon Jennifer Lopez, aka J.Lo will also be known as The World's Most Eligible Woman.
Lopez spoke with Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight and told him that after...
London Riots spread to Dublin
Hot on the heels of the recent unrest in London, it has been reported that riots have now spread to Dublin.
There were rumours last night that up to 3 pints of Guinness had been spilled in the past two hours in the centre of Dublin, and Irish Prim...
Joan Collins Admits Her Porn Films The Stud and Bitch Led to Riots & Breakdown in British Values
A tearful Joan Collins has finally broken her silence since the UK riots and admitted that her soft porn films in the 1970s made when she was a struggling and naive middle aged actress, has had a big part to play in the breakdown of British good mann...
Say G'night Mate! Scott and Williams Put Tiger's Lights Out by 18 Strokes!
Adam Scott the affable Aussie and New Zealand caddie Stevie Williams put "paid" to Tiger Woods' come back hopes as the dynamic duo blew away the field in Akron, Ohio with a 4 stroke victory that was never in doubt!
A confidant Scott, appearin...
"Semi-Naked MILFS Incompatible With Worthing's Image" Says Local Entrepreneur
Following the recent popularisation of the sleepy Sussex seaside town of Worthing, which has recently been overrun with mobility scooter 'Hell's Angels' riders and zimmer frame hooligans, local kebab and burger van entrepreneur, Ali Bullo, has added...
Brad Pitt Says Angelina Jolie Has It All - Class, Sass, and A Great Looking Ass!
ENSENADA, Mexico - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie left their half dozen kids with six nannies at their mansion in Provence, France and flew to Ensenada, Mexico for a much needed vacation.
The couple stayed at Eva Longoria's La Happy Hacienda Hotel w...
Justin Timberlake Reveals His Very Serious Voice Problem
LOS ANGELES - Justin Timberlake, or as he prefers to be known as these days, Mila Kulis' "Main Squeeze" (pun intended) recently talked about his medical affliction.
Timberlake spoke openly with Missy Wonderbox of Hollywood Innuendo at a Pizza Doll...
Petra Ecclestone's Tea Party Wedding & Diamond Planet Ring
The Republican Tea Party just about drove the world economy into a massive depression from which there was no escape in order to protect billionaires, trillionaires and mega gazillionaires like 22 year old Petra Ecclestone from a 3% rise in taxes. Do...
Ann Coulter Calls Justin Bieber A Spoiled Brat - Bieber Fires Back And Says The Old Nag Needs To Cut Back On The Oats
NEW YORK CITY - Ann Coulter recently appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight and she told Morgan that she is glad he is around because now there is someone in the nation who people hate more than her.
Morgan told her that he would not be too quick to say...
"Bachelorette" Ali Fedotowsky's Fiancé Roberto Martinez Calls Off Their Wedding
SAN DIEGO - Roberto Martinez wants it known that the reason why he and his fiancée Ali Fedotowsky did not get married in July as they were supposed to do was his decision and not hers.
The former baseball player and native of South Carolina told G...
Jasmine Villegas Says She Is Not The Reason For The Rumors About Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Breaking Up
LAKE CHARLES, Louisiana - Jasmine Villegas was vacationing down in the Bayou State of Louisiana where she had gone to visit The Giggling Gator Amusement Theme Park.
Jazzy, as her friends call her, said that she has always been a fan of roller coas...
Jackie O's Secret Tapes Reveal A Shockingly Salacious Secret
BOSTON - Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy was the epitome of a classy political wife. She was married to the president of the United States, the youthful, effervescent John Fitzgerald Kennedy of the Hyannis Port, Massachusetts' Kennedy's.
Jackie, as the...
Queen Elizabeth II Dictates Austerity Measures for Royal Family
Her eye on the bottom line, the Queen thinks that the Royals need to cut expenditures. Rumor is that she's dictated a number of cost-saving measures that will help to cut the huge drain on the Royal coffers.
Her Majesty has advised female Royals not to waste money on nude pantyhose. "Just stick your legs out in the sun and get some color on them," she's advised members of the Royal family.
Susan Powell scandal proves to have too many names for old folks to follow
HARFOLD, Vermont--At Harfold Health and Rehab Center, the elderly inhabitants enjoy a good scandal like anybody. But just as many senior citizens don't care for books and movies with a multitude of characters, it seems they need a scandal with very f...
Gray-Hooded Gull at Coney Island: First Interview
It's a bird, it's a plane . . . No, it IS a bird after all. One rarely seen in the U.S. And it's been spotted hanging out in Brooklyn, New York -- at Coney Island.
Your correspondent, who is fluent in bird talk, met up with the sought-after seagull late at night on the beach, offered to share some Nathan's Famous French Fries with him, and was able to score an interview. Scoop of a lifetime!...
Gaddafi snipers suspected behind Bournemouth Red Arrows tragedy
Bournemouth - Ministry of Defence sources are saying absolutely nothing, of course, but a horrible local gut feeling prevails that the Mad Dog of the Middle East may be responsible for downing the RAF Hawk jet.
At around 13.50BST one of nine Red A...
America's Got Talent: Anna Graceman, Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., Landon Swank, and The Smage Brothers Riding Show Wow The Audience
HOLLYWOOD - Piers Morgan is in no danger of losing his unofficial title of being the Most Hated Foreigner in America as he buzzed (X'd) several contestants on the America's Got Talent Semi-Finals Show.
Morgan was booed more than Hurricane Irene an...
Scientists discover a thumping good cure for baldness
Researchers at the Institute of Trichology, Hairfields Hospital, have finally revealed that the real function of hair on the human head is to protect the skull. Following this massive breakthrough, experts in baldness prevention are now recommending...
Dalglish admits in Andy Carroll he's bought a thick "headbutter" only good for "kick & Rush" (not Ian)!
Geordies and Scousers don't mix. And now, Scot manager Kenny Dalglish has admitted that Andy Carroll is a misfit "head-butting case" and can only be used for cracking nuts.
The 24 million spent on Carroll last season seems peanuts compared to Man...
Kathy Griffin Gets Her Sarcastic Butt 'Verbally' Kicked By A Female Reporter
LA BREA - Kathy Griffin the star of My Life on The D List recently had an appointment with her gynecologist Dr. Duffy F. Elderfunk.
Dr. Elderfunk has an office located two blocks from the famed La Brea Tar Pits.
Griffin had gone in to get a cop...
Solar Flare to disrupt the President's and Congresses FICO credit ratings
Solar flares are nothing new to the world, and currently we are entering the 11 year cycle. NOAA commented that the solar peak will be in 2013, but our most recent one was massive enough to already cause damage. Scientists claim that the flare will...
David Starkey In Limbo As Lucid Considers Hounslow Offer
Broadcaster and historian David Starkey is being made to wait to learn if he is to take over from Ken Lucid at Maidenhead University.
Prof Lucid, the controversial head of history at Maidenhead, had only been in the job for a few months by the end...
Steven Spielberg Blamed For Seychelles Shark Attacks
The acclaimed director was accused by deranged Daily Mail reader, Cosmo Pelican, 76, of Musselborough, of provoking two fatal shark attacks in the Seychelles in recent days.
The incidents led to the tragic and bloody demises of two men, one a Fren...
Getting Ready for Work in 1959 Nottingham
This article was sent in by an ancient old fart from Nottingham, in the UK. It describes his getting up in the morning, and the procedures and efforts required then to get ready for work!
0530hrs: The body stirs, and I dig my self out from the 140lb of bedclothes and greatcoats covering my body. I adjust the flat cap on my head, and scrape away some the ice on the inside of the windows. Light a...
Crap Burgers And Kebabs To Blame For Civil Disorder In Worthing
South coast kebab and burger entrepreneur Ali Bullo has blamed the recent unrest in Worthing on crap burgers and kebabs.
Ali Bullo explained that, being elderly mobility scooter riders and decadent MILF's, most of the troublemakers couldn't handle...
Lindsay Lohan's Ex-Girlfriend Samantha Ronson's Mug Shot Is Beyond Being Coyote Ugly!
BARSTOW, California - Deejay Samantha Ronson was returning from having performed at a Quinceañera Party in Las Vegas when she was pulled over for doing 89 mph in a 29 mph speed zone.
Ronson, the ex-girlfriend of Lindsay "The Lucky Bitch" Lohan, to...
Edward from Jedward to become a woman
In a conversation inside the Big Brother house on Channel 5, Edward, from Jedward, has candidly admitted to the other house-mates that he wants to have a sex change. This was news to his brother.
"Jedward are going to Thailand," said Edward, after...
Sharon Stone Flashes 'Mature' Beaver on Film in NYC - Rotting Corpse Gas Kills Several Crew Members, Biggest Evacuation Since 9/11
Ageless actress Sharon Stone has triggered one of the biggest on set disasters in movie history, as a one mile cordon had to be set up around a film set in New York after she recreated the infamous scene from Basic Instinct. An unexplained toxic gas...
Top 10 ways Charlie Sheen's character in "Men" could be killed off
It's official. The Charlie Sheen character on One and a Half Men will be killed off at the beginning of the show's season opener on September 19.
Producer Chuck Lorre is tight-lipped about how the character, Charlie Harper, is going to meet his fate. But we have our sources. Following are the top 10 possibilities that are being considered:
10. His brother nags him to death.
9. He'll go whi...
QPR loss leaves Bernie Ecclestone a bit short
QPR's strategic 4-0 home defeat to a poor Bolton team has left penny pinching QPR owner Bernie Ecclestone feeling hard done by.
Billionaire Bernie's hopes of trousering 100million quid by flogging QPR to Lotus owning Tony Fernandes have been dimi...
US raids ShamWow factory in Germany 'to bring jobs back to America'
Heidelberg -- A special force of TSA agents, armed with confiscated box cutters, has successfully captured the main ShamWow factory in Germany in a midnight raid.
The attack is believed to be the first of many that will be initiated by Congress'...
Investigation reveals filmmaker Tyler Perry is actually Glenn Beck
His movies have made billions of dollars and he is the affinity of lovelorn black women everywhere. At the same time, many black men have criticized his movies as vehicles that make them look buffoonish, brutal and ignorant. That latter opinion has b...
Bachmann: "Throw Berlusconi in Volcano", says God
Michele Bachmann has done it again. Hot on the heels of her claim that hurricane Irene was God's message to America, the controversial congresswoman has received a second revelation that the recent eruptions of Mt. Etna in Italy are a sign of God's w...
George Clooney Admits To Putting The Stunningly Sexy Stacy Keibler In Some Intimate Wrestling Holds
BEVERLY HILLS - George Clooney and Stacy Keibler, the gorgeously sexy former WWE wrestler, were seen having dinner at The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse in Beverly Hills.
An employee of the popular restaurant stated that the two sat at an is...
Forget gold, invest in sand, Wall Street advises
New York - How can you make some quick gains in a slow economy? The smart money on Wall Street is flowing out of gold and Into sand, according to a random survey of top investment analysts.
"Sand is a steal compared to other commodities," said Rog...
Do-It-Yourself Dollars program created to stimulate the US economy
Washington, DC -- The US Treasury Department is introducing a program designed to stimulate the US economy from the bottom up. Called "Do-It-Yourself Dollars," the effort provides software American taxpayers can use to print their own cash.
"Now,...
Toffee nosed QPR chew over Scouse Toffees
Everton fans were left fuming after the Toffees were turned over by a makeshift QPR side at Goodison Park on saturday.
Charlie Scally, writing in the Scouse Echo, called QPR "a bag of shite" and claimed they were lucky to beat Everton.
"QPR ar...
Angelina Jolie Has Confirmed That She Will Adopt a British Child - Riots Break Out in Third World
Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie has surprised the world after agreeing to add a British child to her rainbow nation family. She began collecting poor children as souvenirs on her film projects, after she worked on Tomb Raider and fell in love with t...
California Has Banned Michele Bachmann From Entering The State
WEST HOLLYWOOD - A newly formed group calling itself The Gay Barbarians of America has just convinced the state of California to not allow GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann to enter the state.
GBOA as the group is known is led by Rosie O...
Well Mother Nature Has Finally Caught Up With Lindsay Lohan - "LiLo" Now Looks Like Faye Dunaway
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - After years of carrying on in an abusive environment Mother Nature has finally caught up with the poor, little, rich, troubled starlet known as Lindsay Lohan.
Lohan who has spent the past few years crossing the lines of what is l...
Exposed: Rick Perry attended Marcus Bachmann Fix-A-Gay (FAG) School!
Politico is reporting this morning that an anonymous source has told them that Governor Rick Perry attended the Fix-A Gay (FAG) school founded by Michele Bachmann's husband Marcus Bachmann. Suspicion is rampant that the information came from the Bach...
Beyonce Stops After 3 Months of Non-Stop Dancing to Have Pregnancy Test on MTV VMA's
Global superstar Beyonce was finally able to stop dancing for 30 seconds to accept a quick pregnancy test on the stage of MTV's VMA's. Jay Z her rapster husband has been desperate to confirm whether she is pregnant, having not able to get his wife to...
Jackie 's Big "O"! Secret Hacking Tapes Tell How She Got Even With JFK by Shagging Around!
Former First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy-Onassis, has come back from the grave after it's been revealed her daughter will be releasing never before heard tapes discovered during an investigation of a monumental phone hacking scheme from 1963!
The...
SAS suspects Kate and Wills 'building nuke bomb' under Wales cottage
Anglesey, Wales - "They're pretty much following Fourth Protocol assembly instructions," blue watch Commander 'Foxy' Perkins confirmed this morning as yet another enriched uranium parcel arrived bearing Pyongyang postage stamps.
"Something's sure...
Sarah Palin Names Her Black Dildo Obama - How Deep Will She Go On Her Attacks?
The darling of the tea party movement, who has yet to decide if she is going to put herself forward for the republican race for the White House, has said she finally has found a way to channel her anger at Barack Obama which is worse now than when he...
Apple to Open Store in Grand Central Station; iPads Perform Zumba Routines to Celebrate
It was a press conference for the ages yesterday when Apple chose Grand CentraI Station as the venue for its announcement that the company plans to open a store in that very location. The Apple executives thought THEY would be the center of attentio...
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