Spoof news stories from Saturday 30 April 2011
TV cameras in Westminster Abbey prevent child abuse during Royal Wedding
Mums and Dads of the choirboys, drawn from expensive schools throughout the kingdom of London, rejoiced at the Royal Wedding.
The extensive coverage of the occasion, by dozens of BBC cameras and microphones, gave them a rare respite from fears o...
Royal Wedding Nominated For Academy Award
Hollywood - A special award will be presented at the next Academy Award show to the Royal Wedding itself.
Hollywood has been so captivated by this spectacle that they feel it is award-worthy.
Director Stephen Schpielberg says, "Royal...
Royal Wedding Scandal: How Harry met Philip
Strange reports are beginning to emerge from the palace twenty four hours after the royal bash.
A guest, with an insatiable appetite for publicity and a blind ignorance of her own stupidity, broke cover on her facebook page. She reported that the...
Newlyweds reminded about Hex of Diana after Aston Martin foray without seatbelts
London - The 1997 Pont d'Alma tragedy could have been avoided if Diana and Dodi had remembered to belt up.
That's the stark message to a defiant Prince William pictured driving his bride without appropriate restraints.
"Yeah, Kate really, reall...
Fashion Designers Get a Good Laugh Out of Royal Wedding
Millions gathered for the festivities of the Royal wedding in London recently. The men dressed appropriately, the women done up as far as humanly possible. World wide it is estimated that a billion people watched the wedding on the television. All se...
Beyonce To Film PSA For Colon Health
Bethesda, Maryland - The owner of one of the most famous booties in the world will be filming a Public Service Announcement on behalf of the Colo-Rectal Surgeons of America.
Because her PSA may not be available in your area, in the interests of public health, we are printing it as follows:
"Hey. Beyonce here. Ya'll know my booty is the most bubblelicious in the world and I wanna keep i...
"Down With This Sort Of Thing!" Say Ant And Dec, Michael McIntyre And Amanda Holden
Britain's Got Talent crew members, including presenters Ant and Dec, and judges Michael McIntyre and Amanda Holden took advantage of a break from watching some bloke who wasn't Ashley Cole take off several pairs of underpants in order to display a bi...
James Middleton To Be The New Bond
Hollywood, CA - After watching the stunningly suave Bible reading given by James Middleton at the royal wedding of his sister Kate, casting agents in Hollywood and the UK have confirmed it is a "done deal" that he will be the new face of Bond - Ja...
Royal Wedding Whispered Conversations Decoded
While Prince William and Kate Middleton were being married,millions of viewers wondered what their royal whispers meant. Now professional lip reader Tina Lannin has deciphered their words for the rest of us.
Here is a transcript:
10:20--William (to brother Harry): "Quite big, isn't it? This wedding."
Harry: "Uh, yes. Now let's get on with it.
10:35--William (to Kate): "You look nice."...
Hugh Hefner Wants Pippa Middleton To Become One Of His Playboy Mansion Playmates
HOLMBY HILLS - Hugh Hefner, who at 84 years of age, shows no visible signs of slowing down in the bedroom department has just instructed his personal assistant, Luxina Fitzinwell, to contact Pippa Middleton and offer to fly her out to California so t...
PM 'in bed with the Middletons' as mother Mary Cameron named part-owner of racehorse Sohraab
London - Royal wedding whorse-whisperers knew all along but stayed schtum on No 10 orders to play down the PM's toffness.
Now it transpires that Big Dave 'All-In-It-Together' Cameron's family and the Middletons have been a saddling enclosure item...
Saudi Arabia: A Travel Guide
Not many people would consider Saudi Arabia as a potential holiday destination. However, travellers who ignore it could be missing out on a surprising country which on the surface appears to offer little, but actually delivers.
One of the main cities is Mecca, which is a historically important Islamic city. Indeed, it has become something of a mecca for Muslim pilgrims.
There are other citie...
Posh Victoria Beckham embarrasses Prince William and Kate Middleton and forces termination of Royal Wedding
In mind numbingly stupid scenes, Victoria "Posh" Beckham has responded to the Archbishop of Canterbury's Royal Wedding ceremonial asking of "any reason why this marriage should not proceed" by replying loudly in the affirmative and walking up to the...
Royal Blood Isn't Blue, It's Green
USofA - Even though the findings will come as no surprise to anyone, especially not to Americans, scientists have officially confirmed that so-called "blue blood" is green in color.
"The green color comes from humongous amounts of ill-gotten mo...
Elton John Upset He Wasn't Biggest Queen At Royal Wedding
Singer Elton John was upset at the Royal Wedding to see that he wasn't "the biggest Queen" in attendance. He felt that his presence was upstaged by that of Queen Elizabeth II at the marriage of her grandson, Prince William, to Kate Middleton.
Aft...
After Queen Elizabeth Naps During Royal Wedding, Joe Biden Says "I Feel Your Pain"
Queen Elizabeth II was shown on television sets around the world taking a short nap during the royal wedding of her grandson Prince William to Kate Middleton. While this may be explained away due to advancing age and a really boring ceremony, it was...
Birthers Try to Claim Hawaii Isn't Part of America
HONOLULU & WASHINGTON, D.C. - After the victory by Obama that the 'sideshow' of the Birthers have been laid to rest, they are still coming up with ways to wormhole out of this.
"Hawaii isn't a state!" proclaimed one, while wearing a Tea Party...
Cougars Go Gray For Charity
Brave celebrity Cougar babes Jennifer Lopez , age 59, Liz Hurley. age 65, and Demi Moore, age 72, are stepping up to raise money for good causes worldwide by agreeing to let their artificially brunette-dyed hair show its true color: old lady g...
Mayday! Mayday! No royal honeymoon as toll on Queen's health worsens
London - A chopper has whisked the newlyweds off to a secret UK location as rumors fly that HM 'is sick as a dog'.
The newlyweds' fortnight aboard Brunei Prince Jefri's yacht 'Tits' is now on the back-burner following Her Maj's nocturnal spasm.
Pippa Middleton Announces Engagement To Bargis Tryhol (The Man With The World's Largest Penis)
Pippa Middleton, the younger sister of new Princess Kate Middleton, has announced her engagement to American Bargis Tryhol, Pippa became an international celebrity yesterday when her ass was the most photographed thing at Great Britain's most recent...
Donald Trump Releases Presidential Agenda
Donald Trump, businessman, has released this document in respect to the fact that he could be the Republican's Presidential Candidate. According to Trump this will show that 'he has a clear plan.'
ECONOMY, FINANCE & STATE/POLITICS
- Rob oil from everywhere
- Rob slaves from China
- Shrink government to size of Secret Santa board
- Create new jobs in gold-digging
- Cut benefits
- Cut...
PlayStation Network Hack Was by PlayStation Network
TOKYO - After 77mn identities of PlayStation Network (PSN) users was stolen, including physical addresses, names, IP addresses, ages, and passwords, Sony got right onto finding out who hacked into one of the largest gaming networks.
Sony had taken...
Pippa Middleton Upset Stories About Her Vagina Not Dominating "The Spoof!"
Pippa Middleton, sister of Kate Middleton and "star of the show" at the recent Royal Wedding, is upset that stories about her vagina are not dominating the most read, most shared, and most rated charts on the humor website "The Spoof!" Pippa, who's...
Royal Wedding Allows Man to Be Patriotic for One Day
LONDON & WALSALL - As the wedding between Dian--- Kate and Will goes on, one man is relishing the fact that he can be a patriot today.
"Usually," said Mark Smith, "I have to keep my national pride under wraps you see. Sometimes people see that...
Wiccan scorn as Pope JP II saint-making machine cranks up for Feast of Beltane
Rome - The Vatican has hijacked Sunday's pagan New Year's Day to beatify a monster exhumed in a public freakshow.
United Grand Coven sources said today veneration of the six year-old corpse - and a 'sacred' vile (sic) of his blood - is typical of...
"Right to Wife" Plank in GOP 2012 Platform
Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump have introduced "Right to Wife" as part of the GOP platform in 2012.
In a joint press conference the two potential candidates made clear their intentions in going forward to a successful presidential run.
Gingrich...
Carole Middleton A Big Hit With The More Mature Gentleman
It wasn't only the stunning sisters, Kate and Pippa, who wowed a nation at yesterday's Royal Wedding proceedings, mum Carole picked up a more than respectable number of admiring male glances.
Particularly from more mature gentlemen.
Aside from...
Married only one day and Prince William sleeps with a commoner
In a shock revelation that shocked the world into shock, it was revealed that newly-married Prince William spent his first night of marriage with a commoner.
Dave Filth, reporter at large - well he is 32 stone in weight - revealed the sordid facts...
WTF with the itsy-bitsy white angora cardie, Kate?
London - The world of haute couture is gobsmacked: Kate's white, five grand evening dress topped off 'like a blob of sugarpaste icing on a ubiquitous fairy cake' - by a jaw-dropping fluffy angora cardie.
"It's a classic anorexic/bulimic style-bibl...
Pope Fights Back
The current Pope Benedict has hit back at critics who say he needs a spectacular like the Royal Wedding to get even bigger crowds and TV exposure than a future head of the Church of England.
Unable to stage a similar marriage (at least in public)...
Royal Kiss Analysis: Bomb, no Spark!
London - Was the kiss worth the wait? Was it sincere? Was it a Frenchie? According to most viewers it was none of the above.
"It was downright pithy if ask me," said Nora Higbie in an annoyed tone, "If I couldn't muster more passion than that I mi...
After losing his Arm in tragic Accident, Minor League Baseball Player Receives a New One, from a Gorilla!
In an unprecedented medical miracle, minor league baseball pitcher, Johnny Mack, was given an arm transplant after a tragic accident that left him without his pitching arm.
It turns out that the Charlotte, NC double AA minor league team, The Deadb...
Ohhhh Nooo! Kate Middleton turns out to be… a Guy!
In a real shocker, it was discovered that after trying to consummate the Royal Marriage between Prince William and his new bride, Catherine Middleton, that Middleton was not a woman after all! Just another guy dressed in drag.
A stunned Prince Wi...
New Events for Commonwealth Games
The Commonwealth Games in Glasgow 2014 will witness a number of new events .
One of the most controversial is set to be Shoe Hurling as its felt that India will be the greatest beneficiary, given that this pastime is regularly practiced as a popul...
Duke of Cambridge's elevation sparks Fenland conflagration
Prince William's appointment as Duke if Cambridge has pushed East Anglia to the brink of civil war, as the Windsor dynasty's expansion re-ignites ancient feudal rivalries. With Lord Browne of Madingley encamped on the city's west, Baroness Trumpingto...
SAS Facing Recruitment Crisis
Brigadier Richard Dennis, head of the UK Infantry Division, has revealed that the Special Air Services is in the middle of a major recruitment crisis.
The Brigadier admitted that, while there used to be no shortage of recruits keen to become invol...
Kate Shocks Prince William On Their Wedding Night With A Brand New "Bikini Line" Tattoo
LONDON - Prior to the Royal Wedding Day, Kate Middleton had confided to her sister Pippa that she had a wedding night surprise for William that she knew was going to literally knock his Royal socks off.
And reports from Brompton Boxgrove of The Ti...
Jessica Simpson Confesses How Her "Sex Life" Has Been Improved By Her Recent Weight Gain
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Jessica Simpson has revealed for the first time that she can no longer get into the Daisy Duke short shorts that she wore in the 2005 motion picture The Dukes of Hazzard.
Simpson, who weighed a svelte 119 pounds when she filmed t...
Charlie Sheen Says He Wants Pippa Middleton To Replace Rachel Oberlin, The 'Goddess' That Dumped Him
SHERMAN OAKS - Charlie Sheen, the man of half a dozen nicknames including "Space Cadet" has revealed that he wants Kate Middleton's sister Pippa to replace Rachel "Bree" Oberlin who dumped him earlier this week in the capacity of his co-goddess.
S...
Disgruntled Chicken Faces Uncertain Future on Michigan Farm
An unhappy chicken on Jackson Farm in Crump, MI, has gone on an egg-laying strike to protest the quality of her evening feed, according to U.S. agricultural officials.
Twinkie, a red speckled hen who has produced over 300 eggs for local consumption in the past year, is dissatisfied with the new, cost-efficient feed formula recently introduced by Farmer Tom Jackson. The formula, which includes...
Hollywood To James Middleton: We Loved Your Audition
James Middleton, the brother of Kate, did a "marvelous audition" at the royal wedding with his theatrical and attention-getting bible reading, according to executives at Cinecrack Studio. They contacted Mr. Middleton immediately after his show sto...
Critics Unsatisfied With Obama's Birth Certificate Revelation Now Demand Shot Records
"Birthers" and other critics of U.S. President Barack Obama are upset that his birth certificate revelation this week has shut down their arguements and conspiracy theories. Undaunted, the group is seeking other avenues to remove "this country's wor...
Who are you and I?
We as human beings know that uniqueness is a fundamental factor of our very existence! Unfortunately mankind is, regardless, still mankind.
Nevertheless, at current, billions of diversified persons, so stunningly different respectively inhabit the earths many vast lands.
Various "classes" (none of which have stature greater than the next) portray both the major and minor differences from pe...
Americans Are Drying Up
Washington, D.C. - In some parts of the U.S., the continuing drought and severe lack of rainfall has had evolutionary repercussions. Some people feel it is a good thing and leads to a happier and more efficient lifestyle. Bottom line, many Americ...
Experts Reveal Egyptian Rioting Was Due To A Shortage Of Snuggies
Expert analysts within the United Nations and the State Department have revealed that the recent unrest in Egypt and other parts of the Middle East wa due to a massive shortage of Snuggies. Lack of the popular consumer item that is half robe/half bla...
Nelson Family Survivors Reveal "Ozzie and Harriet" Was First Television Reality Show
David Nelson, the last surviving family member from the long running "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet," died in January. His family has now revealed that the show was not scripted at all, regardless of writing credits, and was truly the first "re...
Zoologist Studying Camel's Toes Say That They Are Neither For Urination Or Reproduction
Dr. Jason Hart, a Zoologist from Arkansas State University, said that he has worked at the Little Rock, Arkansas Zoo for the past year studying camels. His findings, to be released in a report in the Southern Journal of Critters N' Such, reveals that...
Cunard Ship Lines To Merge With Aero Lingus To Create New Travel Giant Cun-A-Lingus
A new transportation giant will be created when Cunard Ship Lines merges with Aero Lingus. The new company, to be named Cun-A-Lingus, will be the largest company of its type in the world.
Richard Licker, a spokesman for the merged company, said th...
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