Spoof news stories from Friday 29 January 2010
College Freshman and Brewing Company Discover Cure for Social Anxiety Disorder
Martin Freneticksburg, a college freshman, found himself diagnosed with social anxiety disorder last September after he pledged to a fraternity only to crumble under the ridicule and embarrassment of the customary hazing. Martin is not alone. Doctors...
Patrick Starr to be awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature
In a surprising announcement, the Nobel committee confirmed that Patrick Starr, the character actor made famous by his role on Spongebob Squarepants, will receive the Nobel prize for literature. Patrick Starr is the Author of the novel "Undersea."...
Scientists Discover the Three Laws of Earmarked Spending
American political scientists were astounded today by the announcement of the three laws that completely explain earmarks in Congressional Spending:
1. My earmarks are reasonable and necessary for the health and safety of our community.
2. Your...
Tesco Tire of Night Attired Slappers
A Tesco store in Swansea has banned shoppers from walking the aisles in inappropriate clothing.
It seems many locals have been turning up to the 24-hour superstore at Blodwyn Street wearing skimpy bedgear. Others have been staggering in to buy boo...
'Tony Rabbit and the Chilcot Tea Party', by Beatrix Potter
Tony Rabbit woke up one morning and said to his friend Cherie 'You know, um, well - um, I think I'll go to Chilcot Rabbit's tea party, then I can have a proper frank discussion about rabbits and dandelions, and constant directions about snails and spinaches of mass destruction', and Cherie yawned and answered 'Don't hurry back then', as she had had her eighty-fifth kitten last week which she had c...
Tony BLEEARK Causes Mass Throwing Up At Iraq Inquiry
Tony BLEEARK has told an inquiry he does not regret the war in Iraq as the world is a safer place without Saddam Hussein.
The former Prime Chunk Throwing Cause said it had been a "huge responsibility" deciding to invade the country in 2003.
"Th...
Vanessa Perroncel = Porn Ass Relevance Says Mrs John Terry
London - (Offside Rule): Toni Poole has hit out at the sordid sex revelations about her lying, cheating footballer husband John Terry and French actress Vanessa Perroncel.
The England captain's wife said she'd consulted a medium about her marriage...
HBO Announces New Original Series: Spoof News
Following a string of successful endeavors into the gritty underworld of society including shows like the Sopranos, The Wire and OZ, HBO has released the inaugural season of Spoof News; a view into the competitive and nearly criminal world of satiric...
Blair swears he would do Iraq again even without WOMD's!
Tony Blair currently giving evidence in the Iraq inquiry has sworn to the committee, "he would do it again," which just goes to prove once a moron, always a moron.
Blair also said that the world and Baghdad are a safer place now that Saddam had jo...
Scooby Doo opening a New Martial Arts School
The TV and movie legend, Scooby Doo, known for his portrayal of a cowardly crime solving dog, is taking a little time off from performing to engage in his other love: Tae Kwon Do Moo Duk Kwan.
Scooby's new school will actually be a blending of tra...
Supreme Court justice yells "Poopy Pants" at President Obama
In what is being described as the biggest breach of protocol in memory, Justice Samuel Alito yelled out to President Obama during his State of the Union address, "Poopy Pants."
As Speaker Nancy Pelosi's face contorted in horror and Vice President...
Melissa Etheridge To Record A Gay Song With Adam Lambert And Clay Aiken
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Melissa Etheridge who was recently named to the Gay and Lesbian Musicians Hall of Fame has revealed that she will be going into the recording studio to record a song with Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken.
The song, which was written by...
Rev. Al Sharpton Hates "Pants On The Ground" Says It Makes Fun of Black Youths
HARLEM - Rev. Al Sharpton has tried to get a hold of General Larry Platt, author of the song "Pants On The Ground" to inform him that he does not appreciate him making fun of young blacks.
Sharpton told a reporter for Harlem radio station KFRO kno...
Wile E. Coyote Arrested during Bank Robbery
Wile E. Coyote was captured in the South Main Street branch of First Citizen's National Trust bank as he attempted to steal money.
The coyote entered the bank masked and carrying a shotgun. He held up a sign that read "Put the money in the bag! L...
New Healthy Cigarettes
Cigarette wimp Millip Phorris unveiled it's latest product today, a new type of cigarette called Vitasmoke. Vitasmokes are an entirely new concept in smoking, not only do they offer full flavour, less tar and nicotine, but they actually provide 7 ess...
Wayne Rooney Shows Off Fab New Figure
Only months after the birth of his son Kai, England football ace has shown that he is back to full fitness and looking trim. He attended a football match at Manchester's Old Trafford and was seen wearing a fetching red and white outfit.
At one poi...
Off The Rails
Morse sat pondering the case of the murdered Colonel. Who else knew that Juan was on the run? Was it a government sponsored hit? That wasn't unknown in these parts. Suddenly the silence was broken.
"Morse! Come quick. It's Father Fergus!" The voice belonged to the accountant. Morse hurried to the train's swimming pool with the accountant and Mr Birbee following behind. There he found the priest...
Granny At Nursing Home Has Boob Job
Even though most of the other residents at the Loma Linda Nursing home in California were paying little attention to Granny Merle Rutherford, she had just returned to her room there with brand new boobs.
"Oh the old boys in the lobby have noticed,...
The Who May Perform At The Super Bowl Without Guitarist Pete Townsend
MIAMI - Word coming out of Miami, Florida is that there is some genuine concern that the half time extravaganza, featuring The Who, and which in the past has included such great recording artists as Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Donnie and Marie Osmo...
Biden To Obama: "Yes We Can?"
(Washington-DC) After President Obama's State of The Union speech, Vice President Joe Biden exhibited what some believe is not his best asset to the administration, speaking.
At the opening of a cow manure methane conversion facility in Blunt, T...
Andy Murray orders bagpipes and drums too upset Swiss precision!
Sunday's Aussie open final promises to be a loud affair as Andy Murray hopes to stuff a "haggis" in Federer's Swiss precision machine (Rolex).
Murray will try anything possible to upset the Swiss and has ordered 50 tartan dressed in kilts, bagpipe...
Naked Woman, Who Looked Like Kristen Stewart, Goes Free
A woman who walked naked into a doughnut shop for a drunken bet, she claimed, escaped a jail sentence Friday.
Although she claims that it wasn't her, Kristen Stweart was identified by several witnesses as the nude gal that caused one of them to ha...
Fraud cops charge ex-Blair Islington neighbour in BAE corruption and bribery probe
London - (Prince Bandar Mess): Tony Blair's former North London next door neighbour Count (sic) Alfons Mensdork-Pouilly-Fumé has appeared at Highbury Magistrates Court charged with conspiracy bribery charges in the BAe weapons proliferation scam.
Taylor Swift Agrees To Appear On Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Country recording artist Taylor Swift, has won more country music awards in just the past year than all other country music artists combined.
One of the two awards that Taylor has not won is the coveted 'Lifetime Achievement Award' but...
Mossad promised me Throne of Israel Tony Blair tells Chilcot Inquiry
London - (Enron Fallout Mess): Fame, riches and the queenship of Israel were among Mossad temptations** offered to Tony Blair the Chilcot Inquiry heard today.
A fabulous bounty from the Bernard Madoff charitable foundation included a stunning WMD...
No Shopping in your pyjamas but Burkas OK
A supermarket has banned people from shopping wearing their pyjamas. A notice has gone up outside the store headed 'Dress Code Policy' and states that all customers should be properly dressed when visiting their store.
The surrounding housing esta...
Mel Gibson to Host Racial Tolerance Classes
Following a carefully orchestrated return to the spotlight, Mel Gibson will follow up the release of his latest movie, "Edge of Darkness", with a mea-culpa series of racial tolerance lectures at local universities.
Not connected to any legal settl...
Despite Sticking Accelerator On 'Dash for Destruction', Obama Refuses to Issue Recall!
Despite demands for a 'safety recall', President Obama pledged it was' full speed ahead' as his administration continued to plunge wildly out of control pursuing his goal of One Party Domination and Despotic Control of the American Taxpayer.
Rec...
Taliban will take millions as long as they get satellite dishes
The Taliban have agreed to a deal where they will be given millions to stop the war as long as together with the weekly payments of millions they each get a 50" plasma television and a satellite dish attached to each cave.
The Taliban have been tr...
Miracle rescue in Pompeii
Rome, Italy. In mind-blowingly staggering news, a person has been freed from the lava covered ruins of Pompeii, after the volcanic eruption of nearby Mt Vesuvius in AD 79.
The gentleman, still breathing and conscious, was half smiling and praisin...
Vinnie Jones in 'I used to play football' shock
The sporting world was rocked this week when during an episode of Celebrity Big Brother, Vinnie Jones announced to his fellow housemates that he used to play football. The news was received by the other celebrities with a reaction of silence and open...
Federer Confesses: I Love Sex!
Roger Federer may have a baby daughter, but that's not enough for him, he wants more. "In tennis you're on the road and training non-stop, so I'm lucky to get "lucky" more than 6 to 8 times per year," says Roger, "But I'm hoping when we get past the...
Alex Reid and Katie Price to take over telly!
It has been announced that the host's for this year's Brit awards have been ditched in favour of Katie Price and Alex Reid. This shock announcement came just hours after the other shock news that the "News at 10" wants Katie Price to be their new pre...
Apple blanket trademark
Apple have announced that they have taken out a blanket trademark on any technology product beginning with a lower case 'i'.
With the launch of the iPad that links seamlessly with an iPod, they have started to make use of that trademark. An Apple...
Britney Spears Records A Song In The Nude
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Britney Spears entered the recording studio at Roundabout Records to record her latest single titled, "My Skin Is Just Itching To Be Touched."
Britney said that she really feels that her new song can become a big hit. She remarked...
The Plastic Industry Names Heidi Montag As It Poster Girl For 2010
CHICAGO - Another title has been bestowed on electropop performer and reality television performer Heidi Montag.
The native of Crested Butte, Colorado, was in the 'Windy City' for appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Hello Chicago How The H...
Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens Have Been Asked To Sing The National Anthem At The Super Bowl
MILWAUKEE - One of the most popular duos in America Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens were in the 'Beer City' on a promotional tour for their movie The Twilight Saga: New Moon.
Efron and Hudgens have been to 20 different cities in the past 20 days. Za...
American Idol: A Dallas Dominatrix Gets A Ticket To Hollywood
DALLAS - Erica Rhodes walked into The American Idol audition room like she owned the place. And dressed as she was, in a dominatrix outfit complete with knee-high black Nazi boots, no underwear, and a black leather whip, she very well could have owne...
Apple iPad Attacks Amazon Kindle2, Chaos Erupts
A San Francisco parking lot was the scene of the altercation yesterday. Onlookers agreed that the iPad had started the fight. The Kindle2 was walking along, minding its own business, when the iPad struck.
"It was an attack, pure and simple," a...
Federer Refuses to Shake Hands with Tiger at Australian Open
Sydney - Down under you might think that Tiger Woods reputation might actually be seen as a macho achievement, but not in the eyes of Roger Federer.
Tiger's tennis pal apparently snubbed the Tiger after he finished his semi-final with Tsongas. He...
Pebbles has a Son!
It was revealed today that TV star Pebbles Flintstone has given birth to a son. Pebbles is doing well, recovering nicely after birthing a boy who weighed one full stone at birth.
"He's perfect," Pebbles said. "I can't believe how big he was when h...
Husband and Wife Suicide Pact Goes Awry
A couple in Tombstone, Arizona, who were overheard telling the folks of the Western town that "they had had it with living and would be better off dead," attempted to follow through on that statement in a suicide pact that failed.
Sugar and Ralph...
Adam Lambert Blows His Cover
Singer Adam Lambert has admitted up front that he is gay but now a story is going around TV land that he has gotten a young lady follower pregnant.
The story is said to have originated with an Ellen DeGeneres close friend in the gay world but no o...
Hubble Telescope Discovers Missing Socks
Last May astronauts gave the Hubble Space Telescope an overhaul that many believe will allow the space observatory new life and tools to probe deeper into the origins of our universe by installing a new camera spectrograph watzit and finagling the th...
Fred Jones Comes Home
It was late Friday night when a knock on the front door woke Shaggy and Velma Rodgers. To their shock and delight, it was Fred Jones, the other surviving member of Mystery Inc. Scooby Doo was called and the remainimg members sat up the rest of the n...
Bubble Wrap Sex Better Than Mile High, Couple Say
A couple from New York say their bubble wrap sex club is better than the Mile High Club by a long shot.
Johnson and Fanny Swisher of Nookie Corners in upper New York say they had a horrible time trying to get into the Mile High Club where you have...
Amy Winehouse Springs Another Boob Leak
Singer Amy Winehouse, who is beginning to look like a cartoon or a clown at or with the BIG TOP has had to go have her boobs patched up again, according to a member of the family.
And, yes, she apparently had them even larger.
Before long, some...
Coldplay To Turn Nasty!
In an exclusive interview with me, Bill Skywalker, Coldplay frontman and chief charity botherer Chris Martin has announced a new direction for the band - by turning them into 'a rude bunch of bastards!'.
In a shocking turn of events for the band k...
|
| Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | ||||||||||||||
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
Mailing List
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!