Spoof news stories from Tuesday 26 January 2010
New Dimension Discovered
Today science has made quite possible the biggest breakthrough in history. Today, in Tulsa Oklahoma, in a private laboratory in his parent's basement, Ben Harding (48) broke the dimensional barriers and has discovered where socks go when "lost" in th...
A New Trend…Talking
Teenagers today have many flash-in-the-pan ideas that last a few weeks. Most of these are not impactful, at least not on the general population. However, the newest trend has people across the country groaning, cursing and refusing to leave their hom...
Whole New Meanings Given To The Word 'Traitor'.
In the Cheney years of ruling power in the U.S., the word 'traitor' took on new meanings unimagined by Funk and Wagnall.
The basic meaning as written down by the word-oracle Webster some 250 years ago is 'one who betrays a trust' which would put pretty much the whole Bush cabinet in jail. In our kinetic times it has come to mean the following as well: any social or legal action purported by a...
Do you have any gold lying around gathering dust?
Hi,
Have you seen those ridiculous adverts on tv asking folk if they have any gold that they no longer need? Well, I have stolen the idea, to a degree, having just started my own business called 'Do you have any houses empty that you no longer need?'
The idea is to target wealthy foreigners who perhaps live abroad, so that, idealy, I can fleece them of their stately homes for the price of a...
Brett Favre Changes Mind About Retirement Six Times During Press Conference
Brett Favre stood at a podium at the Minnesota Vikings headquarters and took questions from reporters after his choking performance Sunday against the New Orleans Saints. Favre threw more interceptions in that game than the Dallas Cowboys Tony Romo h...
Designer Bikini Waxes To Be Revealed For Oscar Season
Every year, network commentators on the Red Carpet at the Academy Awards broadcasts question all of the women about the designers of their dresses, shoes, and jewelry. The actresses all brag about their one of a kind clothing and accessories from no...
OctoMom to be in Movie, plays herself
OctoMom and OctoPuss a perfect pair - A new James Bond movie in the making and soon to be released is the famous OctoMom. The movie title is OctoMom vs OctoPuss and is scheduled to be at a theater near you within a month.
"If OctoMom is available...
American Idol Boots Top 24 Finalist Michael Lynche Because of Media Revelation
Michael Lynche thought that he had it made. He'd passed his audition on American Idol last fall, and then made it through Hollywood week (filmed earlier this month, but not to be broadcast until February). Now, he's been kicked off the show and wil...
"I'm no benefits cheat, waaaah!" says Mayor of Camden
London - (Giro Mess): Mayor of New Labour flagaship borough Peoples' Democratic Republic of Camden Omar Faruque Ansari was frogmarched from the Town Hall yesterday by police investigating disability benefits fraud.
The 55 year old was arrested and...
Adam Lambert Admits He Had Penis Enlargement Surgery
Reigning American Idol Runner-Up and all around gay guy Adam Lambert admitted to reporters that he had elective surgery on his recent concert tour of Southeast Asia. "When I stopped off in Bangkok, Thailand, I decided to take advantage of their medi...
Maine to Raise Taxes on Couples
Today in the state of Maine, a very unpopular bill was passed into law by a state congressional vote that could have voters casting new ballots in November. The new law placed a tax on the intimate moments between married couples.
"They want to tr...
Women were mean't to rule the World says Hilary and Palin
Both Parties Plot 2012 Out of nowhere comes a rumor that is going to scare the wits out of you if you can believe this.
Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton have met and are plotting to upset the entire voting population of the United States with their...
Would you go to Mars just to get a candy bar?
Candy Bar From Another Planet -No one doesn't love a Mars Bar, but do you know where they really come from?
It has been a carefully guarded secret for over 55 years from a candy company who has made a name for itself by using this catchy name.
Cheryl Cole's Lips Suddenly Double In Size - Mick Jagger Is Jealous
LONDON - X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole was spotted at London's Heathrow Airport with a pair of lips that Mick Jagger, Angelina Jolie, and Lisa Rinna would all be jealous of.
Cole was asked about the sudden fullness in her lips but made no comment. Ac...
Taylor Swift Admits To Mastectomy As First Part of Sex Change, But Said Nobody Noticed
Country Music singer Taylor Swift has admitted that frustration over her breakup with boyfriend Taylor Lautner caused her to take what she now considers radical steps. Upset with her body, the young woman says that she strongly considered a sex chan...
Life At The Moorview Institute, Chapter Ten
Life At The Moorview Institute
Chapter Ten
Bobby Lee was pushing his broom through the Hub when he saw Librarian Martha Hobbs rush from the cubicle of Medical Student and knock-out blond Eloise Altoids. Martha seemed to be upset and was wiping a tear from one eye as she hurried to the staircase to descend to office.
Bobby looked at the fleeing back of Martha, whom he considered more than j...
Spiteful Archie Manning surreptitiously rooting for Saints
OXFORD, MISSISSIPPI-Bitter that his two sons have already achieved more success on the football field than he was able to in his entire carrier, as well as wanting to live vicariously through Saints quarterback Drew Brees, elder statesman Archie Mann...
President says Change is needed
Washington D.C. and the rest of the Planet - Michelle (First Lady) Obama is constantly seeking new ways to improve her image. Her clothing, her hairdo, her makeup, her teeth, her shoes, her jewelry etc.
Assistant to the "First Lady" constantly a...
Gordon Brown: "UK out of recession, thanks to me!"
The UK officially left recession in the last quarter of 2009, thanks to a massive injection of government money into the economy.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown was triumphant in parliament today. He said, to the usual jeers, "Ye see! Ah did it! Ah s...
France "unveil" final plans to "unveil" the veil, Qui, Qui!
Progressive French Pres. Sarkozy has decided to push France into the modern world by "unveiling" those who hide themselves behind a "veil"!
He does have a slight problem, those who are fully veiled (Burka-d) do not wish to join 2010, they prefer t...
Local Woman Challenges Men-Folk Not To Look Down Her Blouse
Local woman Lydia Lumpkin, 25, has challenged all the local village men-folk to a staring contest.
Lydia, a narcoleptic tightrope walker with a degree in marine biology from the Open University, set the terms as follows:
A Eye-to-eye contact mu...
Brad Pitt: "My Love For Su Bo"
Brad Pitt has broken his silence and admitted that he has left Angelina Jolie in orser to start a new life with Susan Boyle. "I totally love Su Bo. It's an emotional thing, but it is also deeply physical. I remember the first time when Su Bo took me...
Woman Files Lawsuit After Getting Chocolate Penis Lodged in Throat
Famous Chocolate Factory - In the news again, but not for anything they are happy about. The company was recently served with a law suit demanding an undisclosed amount of money from a woman who purchased a "Warren Beatty Creme Filled Penis" and now...
Telemarketers Upset Over Pet Names in Phone Book
An angry group of 30 telemarketers, selected to represent telemarketers from over 70 companies, met today with executives from the phone company over the recent trend of people using their pet's names instead of their own in the phone book. The telem...
West Ham To Change Name
Karen Brady, recently installed as CEO at beleagured premiership side West Ham, has announced that the club will change their name in the next two years.
"We hope to be playing at the Olympic stadium in Stratford so we feel a name change is appro...
Up The Junction
Morse wandered through the train. It had to be the longest train in the world and every carriage was elegantly decorated. He entered one compartment. A man with a calculator sat at a desk frantically adding up. "Excuse me for the intrusion" said Morse. "Oh, that's ok. I'm J. Man. I'm the train's accountant." The train even had it's own accountant. It was true. The bean counters were really taking...
Parenthood group says unwed mother's need a spokesmother
Alaskian Teen Pledges NO SEX- The almost Vice President of the United States is proud of her daughter's decision to abstain from having sex until she is married.
"Good move" says the Used to be Second Dude, her father, "glad she didn't think of th...
Life At The Moorview Institute, Chapter Eight
Life At The Moorview Institute
Chapter Eight
Martha's Hospital Arrival
Martha Hobbs turned north out of the cemetary and headed for work. It was Monday morning and she had just left flowers on the grave of her husband, the late Right Reverend Jeremiah Elijah Bethel Stuart Hobbs of the Springfield Evangelical Church of Christ. Martha always visited J.E.B. on Mondays, because it would not b...
New Hair Promised or Money Back
Hair Growth Formula Works - Waiting the approval of the FDA is an exciting new product yet unnamed that is guaranteed to "grow hair" on anything that is bald or going bald.
The company started out testing on a "Mexican Hairless" dog in a remote vi...
To Combat Sinking Ratings Obama Vows State of Union Address to Have Better Entertainment Than Super Bowl Half Time!
President Barry Obama, seeking to turn his political fortune around, has pledged to bring a new type of State of the Union message to the screen this Wednesday night, and also help to lower the deficit he created by accepting big name sponsors for 2...
Oprah Recommended Book, "Horse Pecker Jones" Not True
Oprah has done it again, recommending a supposedly true story of one of her guest authors who claimed he had gone to Thailand to have a horse pecker put on him.
"I am sooooo disappointed in you, Mickey Jones", Oprah stated in yesterday's show as M...
Jessica Simpson's New Bed Partner Loves It
Replacing Tony Romo, Billy Corgan and John Mayer could be a hard job but apparently from all the recent reports, Sammy has done the job.
It's a long way from today's top Cowboy to a lovable dog but Jessica Simpson says she prefers the snuggles fr...
Barack Obama's birth certificate found under Haiti palace rubble
Port-Au-Prince - (Gonads): UN disaster workers have unearthed Barack Obama's original birth certificate in the ruins of Haiti's presidential palace.
His DNA mother Mary Jo Kopechne fled there to give birth after the baby's father, the Reverend Jes...
Favre Off to Scotland To Be Saviour of American League Football; Promises Title
Claiming he always loves to travel and welcomes a challenge, NFL Legend Quarterback Brett Favre announced he is leaving the NFL in order to join the SGA (Scottish Gridiron Association) dedicated to advance American football in Scotland!
Reports co...
Valentine's Day Cancelled by Greeting Card Companies
In a shocking announcement by the top three greeting card companies around the world, Valentine's Day will be cancelled, starting this February 14th, 2010.
Pauly Moshun, spokesman for the Acme Greeting Card Company, tells reporters, "It was a diff...
"Britain's Recession Is Over" Says Ramsay MacDonald
The Prime Minister Mr Ramsay MacDonald today announced that the nation's longest ever recession was finally at an end. Speaking outside 10 Downing Street he said "It has been a long, hard time for us all. Now let us be thankful that we have made it t...
Brad Pitt's Bachelor Pad Christened
While another Hollywood royalty marriage may be headed for a crash landing, Brad Pitt doesn't seem to be taking it too hard. What is being described as the best party of 2010 so far, took place in the Pitt's new bachelor pad, located in West Hollywo...
Free Online Dating Service Expands to Europe
"Two as One", the free online and wildly successful matchmaker dating service will be expanding operations to Western Europe this summer.
Started as a rogue idea, akin to the business model found with the use of free or "shareware" internet soft...
Hunting Haggis in the Highlands of Scotland
An American has been hunting Haggis in the highlands of Scotland even although he has been repeatedly told that there is no such creature as the haggis.
Haggis is actually a Scottish dish served up mainly on Burns day which consists of a sheep's h...
Cheryl Cole: Snow White or Poison Dwarf?
London - (Girls-A-Lewd): A video of newly re-released German rock group Rammstein's 2001 hit Sonne will see Cheryl Cole parodied as a 'gold dust-addicted Snow White' and her Girls Aloud bandmates as lewd sexually-obsessed dwarves.
The reworking of...
Blair: "Iraq Invasion Was Just A Joke"
Tony Blair has revealed that the invasion of Iraq was really a prank gone wrong. Speaking ahead of his appearance at the inquiry Blair said "Look, I had a few mates round, we had a few drinks and then it got out of hand. But it was all just harmless...
Babooshka Bashing On The 368
7.30 am and the mob at the bus stop in Dolgoprudny are getting restless. The 368 to Rechnoy Vokzal is late again. A gang of Babooshkas huddle together. They smell blood. When that bus arrives they are going to make damn sure that they get on it and that they get a seat.
A lone Brit stands defiantly against them. This time they shall not defeat him. This time he shall not be battered from head t...
Cheryl Cole Wins SeX Factor's Galaxy Class Ass Contest; Passes Kate Beckensale for Most Beautiful Woman Awards
The ever attractive and multi-talented Cheryl "Tweety" Cole has rocketed to fabulous fame and fortune time and time again over the last four years and has done it yet again, winning SeX Factor's Contest for the Best Galaxy Class Ass.
The Dynamic D...
UK Out of Recession?
Industry analysts have announced that the UK is out of recession as of today. This follows on from other industry analysts announcing that we were out of recession at the beginning of December, and yet more industry analysts who have announced that w...
Gay Quiz: Are You Gay? Find Out Here!
It's a question I know many people will have pondered over at some time in their lives, and even the good readers of TheSpoof.com will have had times when they have experienced doubts over their own sexuality, and asked themselves: Am I gay?
In today's strange world, it's easy to imagine that homosexuality is a normal thing, accepted, fashionable even, and that being gay is as regular as bears...
Life At The Moorview Institute - Chapter 7
THE MOORVIEW INSTITUTE'S CRAZY BIRTHDAY PARTY
The Stanley and Doris Moorview Institution and Asylum for The Criminally Insane and Mentally Disturbed located in Springfield, Illinois, was the scene of one of the strangest, craziest birthday parties in the history of birthday parties.
The party was held in honor of 6 foot 8 inch, 350 pound Men's Sexual Deviant Floor guard Gertrude "Gertie" Hel...
Jade Goody 'Presence' Felt In Big Brother House
An emergency meeting was held last night to discuss what to do after several of the housemates on this year's Big Brother show complained that they had been 'bothered' by what two of them sensationally described as 'the ghost of Jade Goody'.
Goody...
Bin Laden Takes Responsibility for Haiti Earthquake
Afghanistan - Al Jazeera has produced a voice recording reported to be the voice of Osama Bin Laden exhorting advances made by Al Qaeda globally, in particular the development of their latest suicide weapon, the earthquake machine, which Bin Laden sa...
Jupiter Jill is a new attachment that protects you
Jupiter Jill available only on TV -This unique attachment will be one that you won't want to do without. It is a simple little device that quickly attaches to any cell phone and gives you peace of mind forever.
With just a click of a button, any text messages you might have sent to someone is cleverly coded so that the receiver of the message has only 2 minutes to read it before it goes into a...
NBC Axes Leno, Tabs O'Brien To Replace Self
Citing the sensational ratings over the final week of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien", NBC announced Monday that it has fired Conan O'Brien-replacement Jay Leno and replaced him with Conan O'Brien.
"Conan O'Brien is once again the future of...
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