Middle age is supposed to be comforting, right? Not in the, "My youngest daughter is pregnant, my prostate aches, and I have more hair on my shoulders than on my head"-type of comfortable. More like, "I've found my station in life, things are going smooth, don't rock the boat, hope the first heart attack doesn't kill me."
So, what would you call a man who, nearing 40, decides to put his career...
Elton John is denying published reports that he is now a gay father. "Make that 'gay mother,'" the bewigged, bespectacled and gap-toothed singer asserted.
The 60-year-old John explained that he was actually impregnated by his civil partner, a 4...
It was intended to be the beginning of a new fashion trend. One that would both redeem the monarchy while extolling their frugality. But as such things are wont to do the entire Royal Recycling program has exploded in a fur-iously frantic free-for-...
It would seem that retailers Nationwide are peeing their respective pants at the copious amounts of money pouring through their swipe machines as the Nation goes sale crazy-on credit!
Reports are flooding in from across the land regarding the mega...
The hardest winter in living memory seems set to return with a vengeance to the UK before long, writes Belinda Barrelscraper, Storm on the Cultural Horizon Correspondent.
The UK is currently enjoying a brief respite from a record-breaking winter o...
Kelly Osbourne celebrated the festive season with a full frontal, foul-mouthed tirade on Twitter against her once great love and ex-fiance.
The wannabe TV star and her model-fiance Luke Worrall split in July after she learned he had allegedly che...
The relief guard approached the other guard as he was on his watch. As usual Cecil's mind was fixed on some inner scene; his eyes half closed and blank, his face dumb and peaceful like a cow in a field of abundant clover. It struck a chord of anger in Myron to see him this way and there arose in him the desire to smash him in the chest with the butt of his gun.
"Cecil!" he stated in a half voic...
London - (In M'Lady's Chamber Mess): Waves of nausea sweeping the UK this week have been sourced to a BBC festive potboiler.
NHS sources initially blamed it on Swine Flu - a highly infectious virus created by the Tories when Mrs Thatcher last had...
Thank God for health care reform. 88 year old Brazilian woman Maria das Dores has had quite an eventful Christmas 2010. Maria das Dores was admitted to the hospital in Ipatinga, Brazil suffering from blocked arteries and Alzheimer's disease. Accordin...
Sandringham, Norfolk - (Spouse Grouse): Prince Philip's pot-shot at a stray ginger pussy is what started it, apparently.
Withdrawal symptoms triggered by a dearth of seasonal game first saw the old curmudgeon resort to playing Russian Roulette wit...
Abraham and Sarah had their first child when Sarah was ninety. God the Father was the sperm donor for the Madonna. Michael Jackson just released a new album of original songs. Hugh Hefner just became engaged. Now 62 year old Sir Elton John has become...
A horrified housewife has today revealed that Jamie Oliver wrecked her entire life. Due to an unfortunate chain of circumstances, all pertaining to Jamie's new Cook Book, she ended up with No Christmas dinner, No house, No cat, and a criminal record...
Buckingham Palace, LONDON: What HM Queen Elizabeth II should have said in the Queens speech is:
"I'm a fraud. I'm not the Queen of a Sovereign Country any more as I gave our sovereignty away when I signed the final Lisbon Treaty. I'm standing her...
Mr. Snow Miser who played, well the 'Snow Miser', on the hit Christmas television special, The Year Without a Santa Claus, discovered to his dismay that he has been put on the TSA's 'No Fly' list.
Mr. Miser, who was trying to get back to his hom...
After studying the stars, especially Elizabeth Taylor and Marylyn Monroe and using my special powers to see into the future I can announce my Official Predictions for 2011.
Royal marriages.
After divorcing Prince Charles, who decides against Camilla being known as Queen Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall marries Royal Favourite Prince Andrew. As they have both been divorced (Camilla twice) speci...
In what has been described as "nothing short of an everyday occurrence", a woman in the Potteries yesterday discovered another amazing item under her 9-year-old son's bed - a vuvuzela!
Karen Low-Cal, 45, from Stoke, was rummaging about under Child...
In a move which some in the footballing world have called "petty", the English Football Association has decided to retract its earlier bid to stage the 2018 World Cup finals on the grounds that the decision has been fixed in favour of 'any other coun...
Elton John (the author of this Spoof refuses to call him Sir) and his male wife or hubby (who gives a damn) have given birth to a healthy baby boy? Well a surrogate mother did.
The boy is healthy an well and the "poofy", porky pair are over the mo...
ST. BARTS, West Indies - Victoria Silvstedt, who is one of the most gorgeous models to ever come out of Sweden was having the time of her life swimming and frolicking in the warm waters of the Caribbean Ocean.
She was mostly trying to keep her bre...
KARACHI, Pakistan - In a move that has news reporters, war correspondents, and the international media all shaking their heads Osama Bin Laden has made a surprisingly unbelievable announcement.
Speaking from an undisclosed camel hoof repair shop i...
New York: Hugh Hefner was called upon last night by NYPD to try to talk a man down off the roof of The Empire State Building. The man was clearly deranged as through a loud hailer he addressed a huge crowd gathered below. Police had to cordon off 33...
HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell, the CEO of 19th Hole Productions, has just learned that Indian actress Aishwarya Rai has refused his offer of being one of the judges on his new X-Factor Show.
Cowell who was the mastermind behind the extremely popular si...
Humpty Dumpty Monthly Magazine has just released the results of their yearly survey to find The 10 Least Popular Children's Books of 2010.
Magazine editor Clementina Cocoplum said that her office received over 37,000 entry forms, which is more than triple what they received last year.
Miss Cocoplum stated that the only stipulation was that the books had to be in English. Entries were receive...
Apple Inc. is expecting. Expecting what? you ask. Why the iPad 2, of course.
And rumor has it that the original iPads aren't happy about it at all. They're not quite ready to think about welcoming a new sibling. "What's to become of US?" they...
It began with a humble parking ticket being slapped on J.K.Rowling's Rolls Royce as it loitered outside Buckingham Palace where she had called in to visit her rival, the Queen of England, in company with Gordon Brown, Neil Blair and her agent Christo...
The world of football was reeling this morning after Chelsea announced that they had sacked manager Carlo Ancelotti immediately after last night's crushing 3-1 defeat against Arsenal at the Emirates.
Ancelotti only took charge of the Blues in summ...
In a celebrity stunt that is already being celebrated as anything but a celebrity stunt Terry Wogan will shave Alchemist Chef Heston Bumenthal's head on national television. Chef Blumenthal who believes he looks less unattractive when bald headed hop...