Spoof news stories from Thursday 26 November 2009
Pete! Pete! I'm A Celebrity! Take Me Back! - Katie Pleads - Jungle Works Its Voodoo Magic
From what we've heard, although we can't as yet confirm the veracity of it, as we were down the pub getting ritually leathered, anticipating a weekend of leatherisation, when we heard that Katie Price has made an emotional appeal to ex-husband Peter...
Bush Outlines Plan To End Global Warming
While performing a parody of Al Gore in front of an audience of political supporters at his ranch in Texas, former president George W. Bush made what he termed a bold proposal to end global warming.
He began by making fun of the former vice president calling him "Al Bore,the incovenient goof" and mocking the fact that Gore lost the 2000 presidential election to Bush despite winning more votes-...
Surrealism Finished - Reality Takes Over
Even Spoof writers cannot conceive of today's reality.
British King-In-Waiting Peter, Lord Mangleson (who is presently solving the world's global warming crisis) has declared that, if all males marry other males, the worldwide bee shortage will qu...
Terminator - It Was All True - Robots Bid For World Domination
The annual 'Robotics Fair' in Kyoto, Japan, opened today with our Nipponese brethren declaring that robots will take over the world, because the Japanese don't want their kids doing mundane jobs, so the robots will not only take over the mundane empl...
Famous Mime, Pierre Waters, Accused Of Plagiarism!
Famous German Mime, Pierre Waters, has been accused by the Academy of Mimes of stealing his routines from "Bunny Rabbit" on the old Captain Kangaroo Show which was on CBS like forever.
"We have carefully watched the filmed performances of Waters a...
Britney Spears In Cult Film Remake?
Once again rumors are making the rounds in Hollywood that there may be a remake of the 1965 cult classic, "Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!" and that once again, the title role would be offered to Britney Spears, but only AFTER a tryout.
The same rumo...
Utah raptor find could rewrite US Palintology
Salt Lake Shitty - (Dem Bones Rapture): Have archaeologists found a dinosaur up Sarah Palin's ass?
"We thought we'd seen it all," chuckled Alan Tightass, Palintologist with the American Bureau of Old Fossil Studies said today.
"But now we're sh...
Train Operators Take The Piss - The Latest Pathetic Excuse.
UK commuters were left literally rocking in the aisles today as the train operators revealed the latest excuse for trains running late - and as they say, it's a cracker.
Slippery tracks!
All services were reportedly running late because of 'sli...
Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon threatens to name other alien/human double agents!
London - (X-Files): McKinnon's Sasha and Malia Obama's deep space conception somewhere in a massive black hole in the Crabs Nebula video is a case in point.
And this week the Pentagon hacker vowed to break his silence about other ET/human hybrids...
Extra-terrestrial TheSpoof.com writer outed as Bulgarian scientists claim 'aliens are already among us on earth'. Dan Brown to contact shea lo for advice on deciphering complex secret symbols
LONDON: This alien TheSpoof.com reporter has quietly lived among earthlings for many years only to have its cover blown today. Bulgarian scientists claimed publicly that they have known that not only do aliens exist, they are already living among u...
'Hollowed-out toddlers used as drug mules' say London police
New evidence suggests children as young as three are being hollowed out by pushers and turned into 'mules', transporting vast quantities of drugs across South London, say Met police.
Evidence from drug busts and the testimonies of gang members sho...
Obama Says White House Will Not Have Christmas Tree
United States President Barack Obama announced that the White House will set aside tradition and not have a National Christmas Tree in 2009. Obama said that he "did not wish to offend the non-Christians within the country and our Moslem allies with...
Shaikh Mohammed McTomb-Raider: Dubai's Bernie Madoff?
Khor Fakhhan, Arabian Gulp - (Shat El Arab): Dubai ruler Shaikh Mohammed has gone bust according to reliable City sources.
The collapse of his family trust Dubai Arm and a Leg Holdings comes almost one year since Off-the-Wall Street ponzi scammer...
New Tax on cattle farming
President Obama announced that there will be a new tax on cattle farming due to huge volumes of carbon emission by cattle. He said that it was almost impossible to stop the animals farting, but it might be possible to push the cattle farmers into fin...
Poodle Brothers were up to no good as early as '69 inquiry told
London - (Hellfire Club): "Never mind that 'Iraq War Pact Signed In Blood As Early As 2002!' bollox," the Chilcot Iraq Inquiry was told today.
"The Poodle Brothers were at it as early as '69!"
Today's testimony from the former head of the Serio...
Clay Aiken and Richard Simmons Both Say Adam Lambert Is Way Too Gay!
DUBUQUE, Iowa - Richard Simmons and Clay Aiken were this year's Co-Grand Marshals of The 69th Annual Dubuque Corncob Cornalicious Parade which each Thanksgiving Day draws people from as far away as Strawberry Point and Zwingle.
This years secondar...
Amy Winehouse's Second Boob Job Is A Success - Teeth Next?
LONDON - Amy Winehouse speaking on a popular local radio talk show revealed that her second boob job has gone quite well. She said that she has now gone from a D to a DD.
Winehouse talking on the morning radio show Morley In The Morning told host...
Alien life forms found in Gordon Ramsay's Face
Open University space-whiz Professor Colin Pilger says he believes there may be alien life forms living in the crevices on Gordon Ramsay's face.
A crack team of OU scientists have been probing the dark fissures for several months and found a numbe...
Turkey Burgler Alert!
Yew Nork USA, It has been a wonderful morning for most thanksgiving chefs but for some it has been the worst.
"I woke up this morning only to find that the turkey I had bought last week had been missing." A local woman explained. "It was there la...
Obama pardons Turkey on Thanksgiving Day!
Thanksgiving Day in the US is normally a time for forgiving and forgetting and Obama, shining beacon of forgiveness that he is, has pardoned Turkey!
This news spread round the world like wildfire and Istanbul reacted swiftly to the news.
Turkey...
Circus Animals Make Bad Guide Animals
Fredrick Hauser, blind since an early age, was ecstatic to finally get a guide animal. All the more so, since he was able to get a monkey to do the job. Mainly because of his life-long love of the animals. That was until he got heckled in public.
Dubai 'just runs out of money'; Delightfully 'rich' Dubai has run out of cash
The oil-rich Middle East emirate may have to hold off from a $3.5 billion debt repayment next month after a large phone bill and gas bill came in at once.
Dubai has seen a massive explosion in building with a series of developments, including apar...
OctuMom Tells Jon and Kate of Jon and Kate Plus 8 She Wants Their Kids
LA HABRA, California - The world's most famous octuplets mother Nadya Suleman has told reporters that she would be willing to take all of Jon and Kate Gosselin's eight children.
Suleman said that she realizes that the estranged couple is going thr...
Tears At The Onion
In a shocking announcement that may signal the demise of The Onion, a much respected and prize winning news source; Famed Reporter Area Man has said he is going freelance. Speaking at a news conference that he felt "there were opportunities that he c...
Copenhagen, Copenhagen! Wonderful Copenhagen!
The Copenhagen conference on global warming only a few days away, President Nicolas Sarkozy has taken the initiative to make the heads of our governments aware that not only should former Vice-President Al Gore worry about our planet heating up, but...
Jamie Oliver sectioned after TV Ad
Officials have detained celebrity chef Jamie Oliver and placed himn on a 'Care in the Community' programme after seeing his latest TV ad.
A spokesman for the National Association For the Feeble Minded (NAFFEM) said:"It was obvious to everyone who...
Womble Faces Murder Charge.
Orinoco, the sleep loving Womble from Wimbledon Common, has been arrested and detained on suspicion of murder, after failing a routine drink driving test.
The pointy nosed litter picker was stopped just outside Epping forest for driving erraticall...
Zombie Attack Feared for this Weekend
Americans are asked to be on the lookout this weekend. The reason for this alert seems to revolve around the fact that in past years there have been increased reports of zombies. Not just your run-of-the-mill Zombie, but turkey Zombies.
Iben Z...
UFO gamma ray blast halts London Stock Exchange
London - (X-Files): An extraterrestrial cyber glitch closed down the City trading giant just as the Emirate of Dubai was about to declare itself insolvent.
Frantic brokers say a mystery craft emblazoned in Shaikh Mohammed McTomb-Raider's Godolphin...
'Five Sluttiest Wedding Dresses' designer booked for Susan Boyle topless nuptials
London - (Bridle Path): So far there's no actual bridegroom, wedding ring or other essential paraphernalia. But, hey! Where's the obstacle?
Sussan Boyle PR sources said today their client had booked Russian topless wedding dress designers Boobski...
Aliens ordered Vatican condom ban says Bulgarian Space Research Institute
Sofia - (X-Files): The sheathing of priests' gonads blocks telepathetic (sic) flow according to Space Research Institute of the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences deputy CEO Lachezar Filipov.
Addressing a Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI)...
Introducing Gough Whitlam, The Australian Obama
President Obama would do well to try to emulate the successes that former Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam had in his first 100 days of office back in 1972.
He ended the draft and removed Australian troops from the unpopular war in Vietnam.
He gave equal pay to women and established a free national health plan.
He doubled spending on education, raised wages, pensions and unemplo...
Submarine Nazis gotta die
Scene One: It's a dark and stormy night. The camera pans over the storm-driven waves of a cold and empty ocean. The Moon is full and the wind howls while chunks of ice bob up and down in the restless sea. Suddenly, a periscope breaks the surface and the soundtrack of chanting German sailors begins. It is overlaid with the sounds of wolfs howling. The periscope cuts through the water, turning left...
A Modern Superhero For Our Times.
The year is 2009. Wars rage across borders, the world over. Hatred, suspicion and unrest are common daily feelings, in cities and suburbs from New York to Hong Kong. It is time for a new superhero to make his mark. Enter Bloke-Man.
Armed with his...
"The' Playboy Stakes' Horse Race"
Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady.
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosum
10. Merry Cherry
At the Post:
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Bi...
Travel Guide: Rome
All roads lead to Rome they say. And when the Romans ruled the world, this was possibly true, these days however, all roads in Rome lead to catastrophe.
To the newly arrived visitor at Termini station there are only two pieces advice that need to be heeded:
1. Do not use the underground; it is inhabited by nefarious characters who will rob you blind.
2. Do not cross any roads.
The rules...
Mariah Carey says she admires Irma Grese
Mariah Carey says she fell in love with Irma Grese when she found out Grese was a devout feminist who believed women were just as strong as men.
"Irma Grese was one the strongest of the female Nazi feminist." said Carey.
Carey who is a Sadomaso...
Gordon Brown: 12th sexiest man in UK
Britain's women have voted Gordon Brown the twelfth sexiest man in Britain in a British poll in a British magazine.
Readers of Mums Mag gave the prime minister's new svelte grey look the thumbs up, a press release stated.
Miriam Hardcore, edito...
New HIV Based Reality Show Planned
A new reality game show, where members of the public get infected with HIV, is being planned by up-and-coming and down-with-the-kids digital TV channel Aiii-TV for next summer's exciting new schedule.
A PR statement from Aiii-TV said "The main pre...
Man Fakes Coma For 2 Years, Now Comatose
Alabama - A man who had recently won a multi-state lottery faked being in a coma for 2 years to see who was worthy of being included in his will.
Ricky Ray Rayfield woke up after 2 years of hospitalization to the relief and horror of his famil...
Don't Overlook Twilight's Ashley Greene, If That's Possible
With all the hoopla over the three big stars in the movie, 'Twilight: New Moon', getting so much publicity, many are now noticing Ashley Greene in the role of Alice Cullen.
No, she wasn't at a lot of the big appearances but she will be playing the...
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