Spoof news stories from Friday 15 May 2009
California fast-tracks Ego-Surf tax law
With steepening declines in state budget, Governor of California Schwarzenegar surprised his constituents by immediately rushing to the floor a new measure to support his administration's sagging coffers.
"We are in a crisis mode," the governor to...
China Honors Spoof Writers Buckwheat and Skoob at Opening of New Sex Theme Park!
Chongqing, China/ Hot/Wet News Flash - The Minister of Sex for the Peoples Republic of China announced with Pride today the nation's first Adult Sex Theme Park, and dedicated the park to two of the World's most read Sex Spoofers, Buckwheat and Skoo...
UAE Gay Pride Cottaging Garden all the rage at Chelsea
London - (Gertrude Jekyll & Hyde Mess): Man City Football Club owner Sheikh Mansoor Bin Zayed Al Nahyan's Gay Pride Cottaging Garden is a hot favorite to take Gold at Chelsea Flower Show next week.
The billionaire brother of Abu Dhabi ruler S...
Disillusioned MPs Quit In Droves
MP's have come out fighting after being accused of being a bunch of money grubbing, corrupt, expense abusing, lying, thieving, fornicating, depraved, degenerate, hypocritical, perverted, evil bastards.
In spite of concrete evidence which proves th...
Ireland Out Of Eurovision Song Contest 2009
Seven-times Eurovision winners Ireland have failed to qualify for the final of the Eurovision Song Contest in Moscow. The country's entry was not among the 10 successful nations in Thursday's semi-final, which included Denmark, Ukraine, Estonia and...
Obamas - UK Expenses Scandal Claims Its First US Victims!
In the UK the MPs' expenses scandal has claimed its first victims swiftly followed by accusations aimed at US President Barack Obama.
Yesterday, it became clear that Obama had claimed an allowance for a second home in Blair Athol, Scotland along...
Obama Names Wife To Supreme Court
DATELINE:WASHINGTON_DC -- President Obama tapped a familiar shoulder today, and named his wife Michelle to the Supreme Court. If confirmed, the First Lady will include the black robes of a Supreme Court Justice with her stylish wardrobe. Mrs. Obama...
Ice is cold: Latest
Red-faced scientists now admit that melting polar ice will not raise sea levels as much as first thought. In a statement issued from the Institute of the Bleedin' Obvious, it was acknowledged that ice cubes floating in glasses of water do not signifi...
New York City: Jail Is "Recession Insulation"
(New York-NY) Next month, the New York State Department of Corrections will launch a marketing campaign: "Jail Means Security" is the campaign's slogan.
New York State Governor David Paterson announced the campaign at a press conference Friday mo...
Producer Jon Peters Says Barbra Streisand HAS Had Nose Jobs
In a rambling new book which will probably be entitled "Studio Head", producer Jon Peters claims that Barbra Streisand has had several nose jobs but that now she's afraid of the "Michael Jackson" look.
The book is shocking many getting the preview...
Pregnant Angelina Jolie Had Signed To Play Patricia Cornwell's Kay Scarpetta
Apparently, Angelina Jolie is pregnant again with #7 according to several Hollywood's Latest type zines. She had just recently signed a contract with bestselling author, Patricia Cornwell's popular Kay Scarpetta mysteries. Friends say Angie did not...
Labour MP resigns for not fiddling expenses
In a major shock today, one Labour MP was forced to resign after admitting that he hadn't fiddled his expenses claims. The MP for Sunderland North by North-West, Sir Reginald Lea-Perrins, said:
'I admit I simply couldn't go on, having to face up t...
Sir Anthony Hopkins To Return As Hannibal Lector One Last Time
Sir Anthony 'The Cannibal' Hopkins is set to return for one last time as Hannibal Lector in a special two-hour episode of Coronation Street to be filmed next month.
Hopkins, 54, a massive fan of the TV Soap, also 54, can't wait to get his teeth in...
Wharfedale Asked To Supply New Commons Speaker
Wharfedale, part of the International Audio Group, have been asked to supply a new Speaker for the House Of Commons. It is understood they were approached by a number of MP's who were distinctly unhappy with what they were hearing from the current m...
The Phrase: "He's no rocket scientist" to be changed. Rockets scientists find offensive.
London, New York, Paris, Tokyo - The legendary adage "He's no rocket scientist" used to describe someone who is not very intelligent has been deemed offensive by actual rockets scientists.
The Nasa scientists based at Houston, Texas have request...
TheSpoof.com apologises for mediocrity
The editor of TheSpoof.com, the most popular satirical web site in the western hemisphere, has apologised for what many have seen as pretty mundane and glib compositions by its contributors.
The once mighty and influential internet realm has beco...
Major Blow to Childeren's Lit.
Beloved children literature character and world renowned cartoon idol, Winnie the Pooh was arrested this morning in his hideout deep in the Hundred Acer Woods. Legal spokesperson for Scotland Yard stated that Mr. W.T. Pooh was arrested on the charge...
Posh punched in pout during pub predicament in Paris
Paris - Victoria Beckham, 35, was rushed to hospital late Friday night after being punched in the mouth at a local pub where she was having a quiet beer with friends, including Cheryl Cole.
Witnesses reported that the Posh one was approached by a...
Shock new plan to increase the number of women in top jobs
Harriet Harman has announced a radical new plan to increase the number of women in senior positions in government, industry and the professions. Announcing the plan, she states that it is taking far too long for women to attain the top jobs. There ne...
Carrie Prejean receives writing assignment for infractions
VISTA, CA - As a punishment for her iniquities, reigning Miss California has been assigned to submit the following in writing:
I hate those who cling to worthless idols; as for me, I trust in the Lord.
Psalm 31:6
I hate those who cling to worthless idols; as for me, I trust in the Lord.
Psalm 31:6
I hate those who cling to worthless idols; as for me, I trust in the Lord.
Psalm 31:6...
There Was A Crooked Lord
From the 'Book Of Nursery Rhymes For The 21st Century'
#201
There was a crooked Lord
There was a crooked Lord,
In a crooked House, they say,
Who offered up his services
To anyone who'd pay.
So a stranger offered money
To not do what he oughta
But, sad for him, this other man
Was a Sunday Times reporter
So the crooked little Lord ,
With his crooked little vice,
Knew at once the...
The New BNS Battle for Britain
NO to European peace & saving millions with a common Euro currency
NO to saving Britain from a falling population by wisely allowing increased immigration
NO to anything else we can think of to explain our pathetic existence
YES to standing for the policies and attitudes of the Nazi Party, policies and attitudes that millions of British and Commonwealth men and women fought and won th...
Sarah Jessica Parker to be face of new vacuum cleaner - with a Star Wars flavour
Sarah Jessica Parker, 41, has been approached by international electrical goods company GE to be the face of their brand new vacuum cleaner. The new vacuum cleaner is aimed at single city women with hectic lifestyles who don't have time to spend the...
Fred The Shred Ruled The Weakest Link
BBC quiz programme The Weakest Link is known for the insulting remarks made by Ann Robinson at the contestants as well as how the weaker contestants use their votes to gang up on the stronger. This is a true reflection of how cruel life can be for ma...
Speaker Smacks Tory
House of Commons Speaker Michael Martin, under mounting pressure to quit his post, lived up to his "Gorbals Mick" nickname by headbutting a Tory backbencher during a furious debate on the expenses scandal.
Rupert Farquahar, MP for Upper Rimming in...
Gordon Brown in Further Financial Scandal
Gordon Brown was fighting for his political life today, after becoming embroiled in another financial scandal.
With support already plummeting nationwide following the recent expenses revelations, the Mr Brown was today at the centre of another sc...
New "Expense" political party formed in time for elections
A new political party was founded today ahead of the European and local elections.
Headed by Sir John Bourne, former first class traveller (with wife, care of the taxpayer), the "Expense Party" is unusual in as much as it has no manifesto, doesn't...
Denzil Washington to have city named after him
Washington DC - Hollywood actor Denzil Washington is to have a city named after him in honour of his achievements as an actor.
The capital city of Washington DC in the USA will be changing its name to Washington DENZIL in honour of the actor.
C...
Habaneroman shuts down The Garlic Press
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - "Somebody had to do it," says Habaneroman, editor for TheSpoof.com. He says the Top-10,000,000 Internet site is one of the World's Best Spoof News Sources, and he intends to keep it that way.
The caliente columnist says he sta...
Sharp Upturn in DIY Sector Lifts Retail Hopes
The markets have been encouraged today following a sharp upturn in retail hardware sales reported by B&Q and Homebase.
A spokesman for the retail consortium BodgitFixit Group reported that since last Monday, when the Daily Telegraph began rele...
Westminster Scandal Sees Exodus Of MP's To Europe
Following the scandalous revelations about MP's expenses, it now appears that many less-than-honourable members are foresaking the sanitised, transparent walls of the Palace of Westminister for the warmer, and certainly more lucrative, climes of Stra...
Miss California Endorses Man With World's Largest Penis and Woman With World's Largest Vagina
VISTA, CA - It would seem Carrie Prejean just doesn't seem to know when to leave well enough alone. Earlier today, Prejean spoke up in support of the man with the world's largest penis and the woman with the world's largest vagina, calling them "goo...
Carrie Prejean, Sarah Palin sign movie deal
HOLLYWOOD, CA - The beauty queen, and the former beauty queen. A star with conservative power, and a conservative with star power. Now, the two are teaming up for a remake of "Where the Heart Is," a 2000 drama/romance based on the best selling nove...
Police hunt for 'Lucan' Rosicky
The Metropolitan Police serious crime squad have launched an international man-hunt for the former Arsenal footballer Thomas Rosicky. Apparently they received phone calls from Arsenal fans claiming that he hadn't been seen for more than a year but wa...
Reading go for Morrisey
Following the departure of their former manager, Steve Coppell, Reading Football club made a surprise announcement on their website today. Apparently, they have signed Morrisey, the high pitched, daffodil waving superstar from the 80's to be their ne...
Parliament Fired; US Republicans Hired
Amid a deluge of corruption charges, the British Parliament has been sacked. Every single Lord and commoner has been terminated and for a brief time John Bull's Island was without a government...and doing quite nicely Thank you.
But all good thi...
Miss California Silenced by Inexplicable Lightning Strike
SAN DIEGO, CA - Reigning Miss California Carrie Prejean is convalescing at Sharp Memorial Hospital in San Diego after being felled by a freak lightning strike this afternoon.
Police have launched a full investigation into the incident after police...
Polish Friar Urges Catholic Couples to Get Hot
In a Polish sex manual being dubbed the Catholic Kama Sutra, Franciscan Friar Snotz tells Catholic married couples that now they can have no holds barred sex just like the clergy has been doing since the Middle Ages.
Snotz who jokingly refers to...
Just Manny having Mannies
LOS ANGELES -- The Los Angeles Dodgers reported today that suspended slugger Manny Ramirez, who is currently serving a 50-game suspension imposed by the league after testing positive for a banned substance is, according to Dodgers' head team physicia...
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