Funny story:  Food Industry Touts Health Benefits Of Heroin

Food Industry Touts Health Benefits Of Heroin

Leading food industry specialists are now touting the health benefits of heroin. Following a trend in which food substances formerly famous as being detrimental to health are now 'discovered' to have healthy attributes, heroin, once seen as a vic...
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Funny story:  Mysterious Black Hole Named AIG Appears In U.S.

Mysterious Black Hole Named AIG Appears In U.S.

Scientists have discovered that black holes, those mysterious, dark spots in the universe that suck everything around them into themselves, have been discovered closer to the earth than suspected. One particularly dangerous one called AIG has been...
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Funny story:  VAT to be scrapped

VAT to be scrapped

A leaked Government report has declared that the UK's 17.5% VAT is set to be replaced by a new tax that will transparently be aimed at fleecing the poorest members of our society even further. The new tax, entitled B.E.D. (Bleed Em Dry) tax will b...
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Funny story:  Toilet torcher caught in San Francisco

Toilet torcher caught in San Francisco

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - According to my source, secret agent Yskinmien (whose name has been changed for his protection), the toilet torcher has been caught. The toilet torcher has been torturing toilets around the area with explosive diarrhea. He then...
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Funny story:  Pope caught wearing condom in Africa

Pope caught wearing condom in Africa

Angola - (Holy Ass! Mess): Despite haranguing the faithful masses about the evils of spreading deadly aides (sic) through condom wear the Pope was caught with one of the filthy rubber johnnies on his Papal staff this week. A Vatican internal prob...
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Funny story:  Kate Middleton: My Natasha Richardson Copycat Skiing Tragedy Fears

Kate Middleton: My Natasha Richardson Copycat Skiing Tragedy Fears

The Alps - (Klosters/Sloshters Mess): Desperate wannabe royal drama queen Kate Middleton freaked out today over fears of a 'copycat tragedy incident' in the Swiss Alps this week where she and William are courting free media publicity. "Some people...
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Funny story:  10 songs of hate

10 songs of hate

As cheesy, niceguy politicians like Barack Obama and Tony Blair, and even Gordon Brown, become more and more common, an antidote to the nausea they are creating was brought out today by the music industry - a CD, 'Ten Songs Of Hate', and this is the track listing: * 'All You Need Is Hate', The Beatles * ''Put Out My Fire With A Rusty Old Fire Extinguisher', The Doors * ''Wintertime In T...
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Funny story:  Idiots Throw Away Some Good Shit

Idiots Throw Away Some Good Shit

Doctoral student David Lennett filed a lawsuit against Britain's Leeds University in February because it's custodians had mistakenly thrown out research that he had been working with for the last seven years. Lennett is studying the rare Butaan li...
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Funny story:  Tests show Clarkson is 'juvenile'

Tests show Clarkson is 'juvenile'

Tests on Jeremy Clarkson have revealed the perhaps unsurprising news that he has the brain of an eleven-year-old boy. Whilst he obviously is capable of fully-formed adult thought, doctors believe Clarkson suffers from 'Smart-Gillie Syndrome' whic...
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Funny story:  15 More Amazing Facts That Will Stun Your Friends

15 More Amazing Facts That Will Stun Your Friends

You *can* get blood from a turnip. Some of nation's biggest doners come from the South. The character of Mr. Bill was created when Walter William's grandfather rolled over his toy Gumby with his wheelchair and little William shouted "Oh Shit!". He later change "Shit!" to "No!" Approximately one-tenth or a tithe of your life is spent trying to remember something. The skin on the average...
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Funny story:  It's Geoff Boycott's Corridor of Uncertainty V

It's Geoff Boycott's Corridor of Uncertainty V

We have had a letter from abroad. All the way from the Caribbean. Dear Geoff Ever since I was a kid I've struggled with maths. All the other children used to laugh at me in school. But I was real determined to prove them all wrong. I worked hard and eventually I got a really good job in the West Indies. But disaster! I never knew that my job would involve solving equations and doing arith...
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Funny story:  Tallahassee to get giant Aardvark

Tallahassee to get giant Aardvark

In an effort to boost the local economy, and in moves to rival the "Giant Baboon of Memphis", Tallahassee in Florida is to get it's own 300-foot-long aardvark. The aardvark was native to that part of North America before being wiped out by early sett...
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Funny story:  Policeman Sacked For Being A Liberal

Policeman Sacked For Being A Liberal

A Policeman has been sacked for being a liberal and for not expressing racist views. The Metropolitan police moved quickly to reassert its policy of arresting black people and supporting Neo Nazis. The officer in question was seen to have helped a...
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Funny story:  Lethal dose of aspartame approved for Idaho euthenasia - UPDATE 1

Lethal dose of aspartame approved for Idaho euthenasia - UPDATE 1

BOISE, Idaho - UPDATE-1 The US Congress has included the "Idaho Provision" in the new bill to cut down on medical expenses, since a lethal dose of aspartame turns out to be the cheapest way to kill an old person - legally. Dr. Strangedeath made a...
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Funny story:  Homosexual Extremists: We Will Stone All Muslims

Homosexual Extremists: We Will Stone All Muslims

An extremist group of gays based in Luton announced today that if they ever come to power all Muslim males who indulge in extremist preaching will be stoned to death. The group, known only as Al Queera, said that either a stoning or a death by a t...
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Funny story:  New Mensa Arrives

New Mensa Arrives

DENSA, a rival to MENSA, for completely thick and stupid people, has been formed by Albert Barnswallow an unemployed dustman from Chatteris Cambridgeshire, England. 'Eres howit'll work' said Albert, gruffly, to local reporter Mandy Grimdyke. '...
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Funny story:  UK's voyeuristic Jade Goody saga to be followed by "Octu-Mom S.I.D.S. Watch" Reality TV show

UK's voyeuristic Jade Goody saga to be followed by "Octu-Mom S.I.D.S. Watch" Reality TV show

London, England - Promising to be just as controversial, if not at least as tasteless, the UK's TV channel "Living" that brought you everything Jade Goody (including the three-part series of the Jade Goody cancer saga) has just signed a deal with Oct...
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Funny story:  Michelle Obama Plants Witch's Herbs On Vernal Equinox

Michelle Obama Plants Witch's Herbs On Vernal Equinox

(Washington DC)-- Michelle Obama honored an old African tradition on the first day of Spring and planted an herbal garden at the White House. The First Lady's African roots include many powerful warlocks and witches, reaching back for thousands of...
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Funny story:  Obama is a hologram

Obama is a hologram

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A Secret Service agent who wishes to remain secret, revealed today that President Obama is a hologram. The hologram is a projection from the special teleprompter. That teleprompter is always, by some strange coincidence, near the...
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Funny story:  Obama takes eyes off telepromter and speaks in tongues

Obama takes eyes off telepromter and speaks in tongues

WASHINGTON, D.C. - My most special source deep within the secrest recesses of U.S Homeland Security gave me the following somber news account. Today at the White House, President Obama started off with a normal teleprompted speech to his cabinet...
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Funny story:  Fergie Cracks At Cottage Crash

Fergie Cracks At Cottage Crash

Sir Alex Ferguson, the knight of the realm and professional Scotsman was left fuming at events at Craven Cottage today. As Fulham beat Manchester United 2 0 he was left red faced and angry. Two of his star players were sent off during their 2 0 d...
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Funny story:  Royal firm's adverts 'a load of bollocks'

Royal firm's adverts 'a load of bollocks'

Adverts for two herbal remedies, made by Bonny Prince Charlie's firm Quacky Aboriginal Nonsensicals, are 'complete and utter bollocks', the regulatory group Medicines That Often Dowork, MTOD, said today. 'The ads are total pish', MTOD's chief exec...
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Funny story:  Brown has contest for the Pound

Brown has contest for the Pound

LONDON, England - Brown called me to his office to release to me an exclusive story about the Pound. Brown felt that the Pound was in danger of being devalued by the emerging acmetal (ACME) world fiat currency, backed only by the IMF and the U.N., t...
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Funny story:  US to Trade Octumom to UK for Goody

US to Trade Octumom to UK for Goody

Washington - Still stinging from the AIG bonus crisis president Obama made a left turn in his road to economic recovery today by announcing that he and Gordon Brown have struck a deal to trade celebrities. The US will send the Octumom to the UK and r...
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Funny story:  Buncefield arson 'caused by Chevron-smearing Putin thugs'

Buncefield arson 'caused by Chevron-smearing Putin thugs'

Hertfordshire - (Snake Oil Ass Mess): A High Court judge slammed Russian Prime Monster Vladimir Putin's hired thugs for the December 2005 arson attack on the Buncefield oil storage depot. Judge David Steel said that a series of global attacks on...
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Funny story:  Police constable sacked by the Nazi Party

Police constable sacked by the Nazi Party

A police constable whose named appeared in a leaked list of tolerant left-wingers, has been sacked by the Nazi Party (NP). PC Steve Norahbatty was on a list of 21 million easy-going British people, who tend to dislike the police and like to live a...
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Funny story:  Battleship Buggerall Stars at UN

Battleship Buggerall Stars at UN

When the collective of writers originally penned the classic stories based around the Battleship Bugerall, they never dreamed for one minute that they would one day take centre stage at the United Nations. The success of the Below Decks stories ha...
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Funny story:  Boogertown Banner: Sudden Inspiration Shot To Blazes, Not By Me!

Boogertown Banner: Sudden Inspiration Shot To Blazes, Not By Me!

Local Boogertown used car dealer, Ronald "Porky" Arnold was really down when he left town for a weekend trip to see his daughter in Leechfield said several of his friends so the Boogertown Banner got on his trail to see what was up with Porky. I f...
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Funny story:  Obama veggie patch/herb garden is 'medicinal marijuana'  hahaha

Obama veggie patch/herb garden is 'medicinal marijuana' hahaha

Washington AC/DC - (BongHits4Barack! Mess): Forget terms like 'organic black-eyed has-beans' and 'macrobiotic mustard (gas)' because the Obamas certainly have. Something kinda unexpected is sproutin' down on the old White House home grown veggie p...
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Funny story:  BBC weather forecast

BBC weather forecast

Here is today's BBC weather forecast, brought to you by the Corporation's multi-million pound computer graphics-run system, and lots of faceless men that wouldn't know their rain from their drizzle: 'At dawn the sun will rise, making temperatures increase, and will cause widespread thawing of frost and occasional mist, as always happens in March. This will be followed by widespread warmer air a...
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Funny story:  Missing President Obama found sittin' on the dock of the bay!

Missing President Obama found sittin' on the dock of the bay!

The FBI wound down their hunt for missing President Barrack Obama after he was found in San Francisco just sittin' on the dock of the bay watching time just washing away! The President had got himself a bucket of Kentucky,a bottle of Root beer an...
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Funny story:  Ginola sends his hair to Jade Goody  -  "Cos sheez worth it!"

Ginola sends his hair to Jade Goody - "Cos sheez worth it!"

Tottenham legend and French playboy David Ginola has announced that he has despatched his hair to dying Jade Goody cos "Sheez worth eet!" Ginola speaking from beside his pool in St.Maxime gave us this exclusive scoop whilst trying to work out how...
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Funny story:  Muntazar Al- Zaida: "Shoe on the other foot as the gloves come off in court. Suspended (by the neck) sentence expected"

Muntazar Al- Zaida: "Shoe on the other foot as the gloves come off in court. Suspended (by the neck) sentence expected"

Thousands of Iraqis poured into the streets of Loaffarr in Baghdad recently in support of Muntazer al-Zaidi, who was catapulted from obscurity to worldwide celebrity after hurling his size ten loafers at former US President, George Bush. As the I...
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Funny story:  DEMS Can't Wait for Spring Break! What a Trip! Duds Go Wild!

DEMS Can't Wait for Spring Break! What a Trip! Duds Go Wild!

Washington,DC/ Washington Post/Lifestyle Section - With the heat turned up in the capitol over repeated gaffes, missteps and autocratic pronouncements, fumbling Democratic legislators can't wait to get out of town and blow off a little steam! The...
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Funny story:  Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody

Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody

Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody. Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody, Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody - Jade Goody Jade Goody Jade Goody. Jade Goody...
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Funny story:  House of Commons Bans Gallywolly

House of Commons Bans Gallywolly

The House of Commons has banned the controversial MP Georgie Gallywolly from entering. The No Respect MP's support for a bunch of mass murdering religious fanatics has led to him no longer being welcome. The speaker Martin George said "The Prime Mini...
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Funny story:  Jonathan Ross to Move Into "Cawavan" After BBC Pay Cut

Jonathan Ross to Move Into "Cawavan" After BBC Pay Cut

Sir Michael Lyons, chairman of the BBC Trust, has announced a new round of pay cuts that could see some of the corporation's top stars with "substantial" drops in salary - some as big as 25%. The cuts, which also include a freeze on executive pay,...
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Funny story:  Carlos Tevez In 'West Ham Return' Shock

Carlos Tevez In 'West Ham Return' Shock

Manchester United fans are waking up to a real shock this morning, after it was revealed that their Argentine striker, Carlos Tevez, will be re-signing for West Ham United later today. The inclement weather prevalent in the Manchester area is thou...
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Funny story:  Top Ten Books w/e 27/03/09

Top Ten Books w/e 27/03/09

1)"Madonna's Body Sublime Workout Book". You too can look fit, stringy and packed with muscle with the "singer's" 4-hour-a-day-workout plan. 2)"The John Cleese Book of String". A complete history of twine, string and rope from the ex-funny ex-Python. 3)"PUSH!..Huw Edwards' Book of Childbirth". Pain-free advice from the "News at Ten" anchor-man. 4)"Piers Morgan is a Cult". Second week in c...
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Funny story:  Barack Obama picked for Special Presidents team

Barack Obama picked for Special Presidents team

American President Barack Obama was today removed from the White House and relegated to the Special Presidents team. After seeming able and capable in two years' campaigning to get elected, it now turns out that the African can't even appear on a dre...
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Funny story:  Support Group Slammed

Support Group Slammed

A new support group for single black lesbian disabled mothers on benefits in Dudley, was slammed today by the local Maori population. 'What about us?' Anger grew as it became clear, that local Maori peoples wouldn't be able to benefit from the...
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Funny story:  Jackson concerts now till 2018

Jackson concerts now till 2018

Michael Jackson has added another 300 concerts to his "This is It" 2009 UK tour, to take the total number to 2,900 nights lasting until October 2018. It is estimated that Jackson will be seen by 58 million people on this tour, almost the complete...
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Funny story:  Another Sorry-Ass Day In Boogertown

Another Sorry-Ass Day In Boogertown

"Let me know when Larry gets his sorry ass in here to work this morning", Buddy Gooseneck told his secretary at the Boogertown Sawmill office Monday morning. Gooseneck had just about had it "up to here" with Millard Feltmore Johnson and his sorry-ass excuses for being late to work on Monday mornings because he'd seen him out drinking with his buddies once again over the weekend. At 11 AM, Go...
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Funny story:  The Man Who Sold The World changes his mind

The Man Who Sold The World changes his mind

The man who sold the world, immortalised by eccentric English star David Bowie in a song and an album, today changed his mind, and put the world up for rent. Speaking from his stair, he spoke of was and when. 'Who knows?, he said, 'not me, I never lost control', and as this journalist was face to face with him, I asked him if he had any plans to try and sell the world again in the future. His a...
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Funny story:  Barack Obama To Release 'Peace' Single For Iran

Barack Obama To Release 'Peace' Single For Iran

It was announced this morning that US President, Barack Obama, is to release a Hip Hop version of "Love Will Build A Bridge" with over 50 of the World's pop legends, in the hope of "building some bridges with love" in Iran. In a press conference a...
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Funny story:  Poet Laureate Resigns: Ass Kissing is Bloody Fatiguing

Poet Laureate Resigns: Ass Kissing is Bloody Fatiguing

Andrew Motion the British Poet Laureate who has authored ten Royal Poems has resigned. Motion admitted himself into a London hospital with a self confessed condition of tired lips. Motion told me that he had never had a job quite so taxing:...
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Funny story:  Utah Drinking Laws Lifted

Utah Drinking Laws Lifted

Much to the surprise and relief of the Drinking Utes of mostly Mormon Utah, the state's many arcane alcohol regulation are being revised. For example, it is no longer necessary to show multiple marriage licenses to gain entrance to a drinking est...
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Funny story:  Alaskan guv Sarah Palin Will Only Accept Partial Obama Stimulation: Beneath the Waist Only, Please

Alaskan guv Sarah Palin Will Only Accept Partial Obama Stimulation: Beneath the Waist Only, Please

Sarah Plain and Short on Smarts stuck to her guns and insisted that any stimulus from Washington, DC would be limited by her gubernatiorial good judgment. Palin insisted that she would not accept a package of stimulation that she did not find, well,...
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Funny story:  Charles Manson: AARP Cult Leader of the Year

Charles Manson: AARP Cult Leader of the Year

The American Association of Retired Psychopaths has named 60'scult leader and mass murderer Charles Manson, Cult leader of the Year. Manson's newly released photograph per request of the LA Times made his selection a shoo in according to AARP cha...
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Funny story:  "Thatcher Council House Sale A Bit Mad" Claims Some Bloke

"Thatcher Council House Sale A Bit Mad" Claims Some Bloke

Some bloke who we think we have seen before, but just can't quite remember has said that Margaret Thatcher's council house sell-off was a 'bit mad'. The bloke, known only as IDS, claimed that Thatcher had created no-go areas where scummy poor peop...
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Funny story:  Western State Governors Organize Environmentalist Hunt

Western State Governors Organize Environmentalist Hunt

Cheyenne Wyoming: Governors from several western states convened here to organize the first annual joint sportsmen and environmentalist wolf hunt. Environmentalists from the various major "Earth Mother" organizations have been invited to join the hun...
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Funny story:  Cristiano Ronaldo Cottaging Worry

Cristiano Ronaldo Cottaging Worry

Cristiano Ronaldo, the Manchester United whinger whose sexuality has often been the subject of much discussion, has said he is not looking forward to this afternoon's match at Fulham, and to the threat of cottaging. The Craven Cottage crowd will d...
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