Spoof news stories from Thursday 3 December 2009
Kalika Moquin/Rachel Uchitel/Jaimee Grubbs three-way video shocker!
Orlando, Florida - (Muffdivers Anonymous): The 10 minute YouBoob! footage posted today shows the lissom luscious lovelies honing their irresistible seduction skills.
Relaxing naked in a steamy TriBeCa rooftop hottub the three dusky doe-eyed b...
Oregon Tree Cutters Safe But Apparently Not Sound After Two Nights In Woods & Snow!
A search for two Christmas tree hunters has been called off after the two showed up Thursday.
"Apparently their car got stuck in the snow and mud", stated Officer Dinwitty of Medford.
Meanwhile, one of the two guys was doing a little dance in t...
Ron Wood, Prettiest Of The Rolling Stones, Busted
"Handsome" Ron Wood, the good looking one of the Stones, has been arrested Wednesday night in London, on suspicion of assaulting his girlfriend, 21-year-old Ekaterina Ivanova, formerly Jane Smyth of Yorkshire.
"All the girls want Ron", stated Kei...
Another Naughty Marilyn Monroe Film Surfaces
A few years back a sexy video of Marilyn Monroe was rumored as true and false for months but this one is true, apparently as it's to be sold on eBay next week.
While the former film was said to have been watched over and over again by FBI Director...
'Shite Christmas' by Bing Crosby and Wossername released
'I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas
Just like the shite I used to know
With ghastly movies, and hated aunties
A nightmare for all plus ice and snow
I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas
Even though my toes are turning blue
E-coli'd turkey, or cheap salami
And baloney about Christ that just ain't true
I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas
Even though it's Saturnalia
A faked resurrection, three...
Ronnie (no relation Tiger Woods) Wood - matrimonial bust up sees Festive Season off to good start
Claygate, Slurrey - (Cock-N-Bull): "Firstly, M'Lud, let me make it clear there were no golf clubs involved," Shark E Blinkenshyster, barrister-at-law to the drunk and wealthy told a Surrey magistrates court today.
"Further, M'Lud, my client catego...
Al Gore Cancels Plans For $1200.00 'Dick-Shake' Event In Copenhagen
Copenhagen, Denmark-- A very embarrassed Al Gore cancelled his plans for charging $1200.00 for a handshake at the upcoming Climate Change Summit in Copenhagen.
The former Veep was hoping to charge eager Danes $1200.00 each, just for the chance...
Dick Cheney Admits "I Used To Shave My Man Boobs"
Former Vice President of the United States Dick Cheney admitted yesterday that he used to shave his chest and his man boobs. The Wyoming Republican made the revelation at a business luncheon sponsored by the Gillette Razor Company.
"I used a razo...
"Where's Morse?" Game Out Next Week
Skoobco Games Inc today announced the launch of their latest console release, "Where's Morse?" a game which breaks the boundaries of technology because it will apparently be available on dial up laptop connections.
Lines were already building up o...
George of the Jungle Caught in Bed With Tarzan's Wife Jane
A fight is looming in the African jungles as George of the Jungle was caught in bed with Jane. The dim witted vine swinger was discovered doing the horizontal mambo with Tarzan's wife by Cheetah and an Ape named Ape (who met for their weekly game of...
Rev. Al Sharpton: "People Only Be Dissin' Tiger Woods Cause He Be Black"
HARLEM - Rev. Al "Yo Bro" Sharpton, the self-proclaimed defender of the defenseless has chimed in on The Tiger Woods soap opera, "As The Golf Ball Turns" with his two cents worth.
Speaking before a group of wine wholesalers at his cousin Jermell "...
Britney Spears Poses With Strangers For Family Christmas Photo
Britney Spears, who is under court ordered supervision for her infrequent visits with her children, hired two young actors to portray her children in her family Christmas card. The actress had her agent contact two children from the same agency and...
Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez, and Ashlee Simpson To Perform On "The World's First Lip-Syncing Concert Tour"
LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez, and Ashlee Simpson will soon be embarking on what is being billed as "The World's First Lip-Syncing Concert Tour."
Las Tres Divas Productions is sponsoring the first-of-it's-kind concert tour and it is...
Makers of Marmalade, Jam, and Preserves Sue Jelly Manufacturers For Equal Time
Manufacturers of marmalade, jelly, and preserves feel that they have a large enough grievance against jelly bottlers to sue them for equal time. Dabney Rind or Smith's Marmalade Corporation, speaking for all of the plaintiffs in the lawsuit, issued...
China's terracotta army will fight terrorism
Chinese President Hu Jintao promised American President, Barack Obama today that he would send 100,000 terracotta troops to help the NATO forces fight terrorism in Afghanistan. The soldiers, which vary in height from 6 ft. to 6 ft. 5 in., will be shi...
Jeremy Paxman Christmas Cards Axed
A line of Christmas cards honouring the extraordinarily witty and sarcastic Newsnight reporter Jeremy Paxman has been axed. It was axed because the Christmas card company did not think he was suitably Christmassy enough.
They had planned to do...
TheSpoof.com writer reveals affair with Tiger Woods after steamy SMS text messages and sexually explicit voicemail with Tiger begging "talk dirty to me please" make the rounds.
LAS VEGAS: With more and more lovers emerging from the woodwork claiming to have had clandestine affairs with Tiger Woods a Spoof.com reporter's name is now being added to the list. Due to TheSpoof.com's highly ethical policy of protecting the ident...
"Featured on TV" Stores Open Across America
Setting themselves apart from the product lines typically featured on cable television infomercials, "Featured on TV" stores will be opening around U.S. shopping malls this week in an attempt to capitalize on the impulse buying habits of the holiday...
Christmas Lights Non Celeb Offered Wonga!
The guy who was recently nominated to turn on the local town's Christmas lights has said that his new found fame has earned him a whole host of deals.
No one can remember his name or where he comes from but ever since his picture was published i...
Lily Cole reveals Diet Secrets - Look Serious
LONDON England - Every super model knows that their success is down to two things, being tall and being thin, however the majority of them claim that they usually eat a healthy diet.
Earlier this week, fresh faced super model Lily Cole, revealed...
The Dutch Navy consisting of a rowing boat and a Viking Longboat arrests Somali pirates!
The Dutch Imperial Navy has done what no other Imperial Navy could have done, arrest Somalian pirates.
What makes this amazing feat even more astonishing is the fact that the Dutch Imperial Navy is made up of a leaking rowing boat, used for draggi...
Hacker releases Filth Association emails - 'It's all a hoax', correspondence reveals
SURREY - An unidentified hacker has broken into web servers at the Filth Association (FA) and posted thousands of emails and internal documents on a Russian web server. A spokesman for the FA, Britain's premier certifying body for organic crops, did...
O' Halloran - Murder with a Capital Punishment - Part 8
Previous Chapters: Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4|Part 5|Part 6|Part 7
Part 8
"I'll never reveal where I keep the time machine or the dastardly plot behind all the killings, O' Halloran! Torture me if you like, but I'll never talk", snarls the midget French guy as O' Halloran circles him, then does a little pirouette and then finally the splits before continuing his circling.
"To...
O' Halloran - Murder with a Capital Punishment - Part 7
Previous Chapters: Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4|Part 5|Part 6
Part 7
O' Halloran keeps tight against the corner wall. He juts his fat head out and has a quick look around. No sign of anyone. The coast is clear. He signals to Doris and they both move across the road and crouch behind a cart.
"Are you sure this evil bastard drinks here?"
"Oui, O' Halloran. This is the place", she whis...
Crazy Man Dices With Death On Towerblock Rooftop
South London man, Ethelred Fish - renowned as a risk taker in his south London neighbourhood, today sparked a massive security alert when he freaked out and started riding a bicycle around the retaining wall on the roof of a south London towerblock.
'President on Mars?' by Barack Obama released as his latest single
Pop singer Barack 'Token' Obama today released his latest single 'President On Mars?', and this is a preview of the lyrics:
'It's a pitiful small affair
For the man with the frizzly hair
But his mommy has said 'now let's go
To America, that sad freak show'
But the show was nowhere to be seen
Now he lives in a sunken dream
For the news that is doctored too
And he's hooked to the colored...
"Strolling Bone" Ron Wood is arrested for kicking his "Kat!"
Our Ronnie is up to his antics once more, first he ditches his ancient missus for a younger bit of crumpet, why not?
Then he has constant aggro with her because he's not taking his Viagra and she's not getting enough, poor Ronnie, looks like a sti...
GMO firm indicted in kidnap case
FLINTSVILLE - A federal grand jury has handed down an indictment charging genetically modified organism (GMO) firm Mensanta with kidnaping and other charges related to forcing a farmer to purchase seed.
Vangina Shava, a prominent GMO expert from...
NBA Star Ron Artest Admits To Having Hennessy At Halftime
NBA star and volatile player Ron Artest has admitted to having Hennessy at halftime of several of his college and professional basketball games. The Hennessy he was speaking of, however, was not the alcoholic beverage bottled in France.
"It was a...
Meredith Baxter Admits That She Is A "You Know What"!
Actress Meredith Baxter, known for her outrageous roles on television and in the movies, has admitted in an interview on NBC's "Today" show that she is a 'You Know What".
"I know I was pretty wild playing that role on "Bridget Loves Bernie" with m...
The Tiger Woods Scandal: From "Golf Gate" To "Hell's Gate"
ORLANDO - Women 'friends' of "El Tigre de La Madera" (Tiger Woods) are literally coming out of the woodwork, so to speak, (and if you'll pardon the pun as well).
One Pensacola, Florida reporter said that before it's all over Mr. Woods will probabl...
Four Out Of Five Spoof Writers Admit That They Type Stories In Their Pajamas
In his annual December poll of Spoof writers, editor and site owner Mark Lowton discovered some strange and depressing facts.
Polls were sent out in mid-November, with answers to be submitted by December 1 so that they could be tabulated and hav...
Actor Robert DeNiro Upset At Changes to New Movie Everybody's Fine
Academy Award winning actor Robert DeNiro is upset at the editing and changes to Everybody's Fine, his new holiday film being released this week. The actor, from his California home, vented his rage and anger at the director and editor for changes t...
Twilight Eclipse Turns Away Taylor Swift
A spokesman for the Twilight Movie producers say they have turned down a request by Taylor Swift to have a small role in their next movie, Twilight: Eclipse.
"Ms. Taylor did not make the request herself, but Taylor Lautner did it for her, it appea...
JAFA Replaces SOA as Newest Tech Industry Acronym
While struggling for the last several years to introduce the concept of Service Oriented Architecture (SOA) to business and technology leaders alike, software and hardware companies have recently collaborated to upgrade the SOA technology to the new...
President Sets Timetable For Taliban Takeover
In a speech before West Point Cadets, President Barack "Barracks" Obama outlined his strategy for a Taliban take over of Afghanistan, to begin as early as 2012.
Obama promises a smooth transition to Taliban rule of the country, starting with a sta...
Diana: Queen of Hearts still dead
Princess Diana remains stone dead this week but continues to make the occasional headline during periods when nothing much happens.
One of the knock-on consequences of this revelation is that newspaper editors are now exposed as being nothing more...
Susan Boyle Having Ass Crack Problems
There was much applause and a standing ovation as Susan Boyle came onto the stage Wednesday night.
Susan responded with a small bow and just before she motioned for the conductor that have the orchestra begin their first number, "I Dreamed A Dream...
Obama to Grow a "Fro" Thanks to Little Girl's Suggestion
Abraham Lincoln was the first president to have his picture taken. The widely distributed photograph created the first presidential image consultant of the modern era. A little girl, whose suggestion that he would look better that way, led him to gre...
Hapless Lions Quit NFL, Join High School Catholic League
In a surprise move by owner William Clay Ford this week, Detroit Lions representatives announced the team's decision to leave the NFL, in favor of a competitive arena better suited to the team.
"With only two wins notched this year and none in the...
Breakthrough on Global Warming
As work continues behind the scenes ahead of the Copenhagen summit on climate change, it appears increasingly likely that the US will make a series of commitments aimed at reducing its carbon emissions.
"We are absolutely committed to discussing t...
Tiger Woods: Kayne West Pulled On Steering Wheel From Bushes!
Now that Tiger Woods has paid his debt to society, $164 for reckless driving, he says the truth can be told.
"Kayne West was doing public service for attacking some photographer's camera, and was picking up trash near our gated community and as I...
Kate Silverton Lipstick Collection Launched
Kate Silverton, the BBC newsreader and vixen, has announced live on-air the launch of new line of lipsticks she has created for women who aren't too fussy about how garish their mouths look.
Silverton has developed a new line of 'designer' lipsti...
Man Has A Shit At Friend's Home - Blocks Toilet
A Hull man masquerading as an English teacher in the Thai capital of Bangkok found himself in a rather embarrassing predicament this week when, during a visit to a friend's home, he was forced to use the host's toilet for a Number 2 - and blocked it!...
Dress code found to make a difference to network performance.
An IT team in Australia have conclusive evidence on improving slow network performance: professional attire matters.
Normally IT staff stick to comfortable t-shirts, shorts and less than formal polo shirts. Management had a different view, team...
Tiger Woods Fire Hydrant styled golf bags are now selling well!!
Orange County, Florida: Following the very successful Tiger Woods endorsed Fire Hydrant merchandising, the Tiger Woods Brands Inc. are now selling fully endorsed Tiger Woods fire hydrant styled golf bags. These are on general sale now!!
The Tige...
Bin Laden To Rebuild Death Star.
Work has begun on the third incarnation of the universally feared Death Star.
Financing the project is Osama Bin Laden and the USA. We spoke to him from his cave in Afghanistan.
"I first met Darth Vader back in '83. We sparked up quite a relati...
Arsebook takes on Facebook
A new social networking site has been launched today to take on the mighty Facebook.
'Arsebook' will have a unique position in the networking jungle in that it will only permit photographs of drunken students showing their backsides to the camera.
Proof that Zac Efron is made out of cheese!
After being a scientist for many years I can now confirm that Zac Efron is made out of cheese, Yes CHEESE.
After losing his farm he turned into a schizophrenic madman that would not go within 20 yards of a candle wick. After he bought back one of...
It don't get that easily wetted
The word 'brash' implies strong impetuousness, seen in people who have no remorse for cheating or committing crimes. Sadly, Nature has endowed the brazen with another trait: aggression, or rather the continuum of the biblical story of Abel and Cain.
It seems when such a person joins a cult, he or she remains there until death do them part! To have a tighter control over its followers, the cult...
Rupert Murdoch - Australia's Revenge On Britain And America.
An incredible subversive plot has been uncovered in America that could erode the very foundations of our democracy.
Angered over the U.S.'s alleged covert interference with their politics in the ousting of Prime Minister Gough Whitlam in 1975, Aus...
Mudguard for Pig's Arsehole Makes Debut on Kuleto's Menu
SAN FRANCISCO, California - When a pig farmer turned chef named Bob Kuleto broke the mold, setting slow braised pig tails in a gelatin mold, he had hoped to delight San Francisco food patrons eager for something new with his latest twist on classic T...
President Obama's Speech On Afghanistan Bumps A Charlie Brown Christmas, 49 Million Kids Cry Like Hell
NEW YORK CITY - President Obama's speech on the troop buildup in Afghanistan preempted the annual showing of A Charlie Brown Christmas, which is the second most watched Christmas special next to It's A Wonderful Life.
And the preempting caused qui...
The L.A. Lakers Ron Artest Admits He Drank Cognac During Ball Games
LOS ANGELES - Los Angeles Lakers player Ron Artest has admitted that when he was playing for the lowly Detroit Pistons he would drink cognac during half time.
When asked why he would drink cognac during half time he replied, "I be drinkin' it ta f...
Adam Lambert's Appearance On The Muppet's Show Has Been Cancelled
NEW YORK CITY - Adam Lambert was to have appeared on The Muppet's Christmas Show and sing "White Christmas" and "Frosty The Snowman" but his appearance was cancelled when producers heard that Adam was planning on altering the lyrics a little bit.
Haynes Signs With Tiger
While Tiger Woods' sponsors have been good sports of late in stating that they are "standing by their man", whispers have been circulating however that they may in fact be contemplating suing him for tarnishing their produced perceptions. There is ju...
Two Kindles Have Screaming Match in Times Square
A spat between an Amazon Kindle and a Barnes & Noble Nook might not have been a great surprise, but yesterday in New York's Times Square it was a smackdown between two Kindles that made the news. That's right. The same brand of electronic reader...
European Golden Boy Scott Peterson is dominated by black power
Scott Peterson is the victim of a hardened black convict who provides him with protection on Death Row in California's notorious San Quentin prison. In a gripping exclusive, Peterson's lover tells all.
Scott Peterson's lover is a 6-foot black man...
Barnes and Noble Nook Reader Delayed Indefinitely
Want Barnes and Noble's Nook e-reader? Ha Ha Ha. (author laughs. You'll never get one.
B&N had been saying that the gadget would ship in late November, but now is reporting that the new orders for Nooks won't be fulfilled until December 9 wit...
The Man Who Fries Guitars Fails At Everything
Tonight, we were contacted by failed chicken frier Elmer Faint Jr who told us that he couldn't for the life of him explain why he kept failing in various activities, unless it was because he has a tendency to deep fry guitars, as opposed to deep fryi...
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