Funny story:  Children taught to snort aspartame in kindergarten

Children taught to snort aspartame in kindergarten

Police, according to Captain Uttynien, have traced epic drug use to the teachers at local high schools. They have been using aspartame as a replacement for methylphenidate. ADD is rampant here. Students reportedly have been "thinking outside the bo...
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Funny story:  Rap Group Losers Warn Simon To 'Watch His Back'

Rap Group Losers Warn Simon To 'Watch His Back'

Could big trouble be looming for Simon following warnings that he'd better have eyes in da back of his head after the dismissal of rap trio from X Factor? The band, a vocal trio took the audition stage wearing purple gangsta accessories and trying...
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Funny story:  Spoof writer really a fugitive sex slave

Spoof writer really a fugitive sex slave

OPAWAHAHA, FL (ABSNN) - BuckWheatsButt, 58, the Perlitzer Prize winning, number one journalist, for TheSpoof.com, was arrested and booked into the slam in the Okeechobee County Sheriff's Office Saturday afternoon. He was charged with, and convic...
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Funny story:  Hollywood Stars Suing Cameraman Over Wild Pics

Hollywood Stars Suing Cameraman Over Wild Pics

At least a dozen Hollywood actresses and a couple of actors are suing a cameraman by the name of Ellis Pearson for some very unusual photographs he has taken over the past three years. According to sources, a dozen stars or more have signed a cou...
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Funny story:  George W Bush to take up pig farming in Israel

George W Bush to take up pig farming in Israel

Former U.S. President George W Bush has confirmed he has bought a 200 acre plot of land in a secret part of Israel down south east. Bush said there should be a good market for pork in the middle east. President Obama said "and to think this jerk...
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Funny story:  In The Night Garden faces obscenity charges

In The Night Garden faces obscenity charges

BBC management and children's television producers are facing legal difficulties over the popular children's show In The Night Garden. Police became involved after a Professor of Decipherology watched the show with his granddaughter (or so he clai...
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Funny story:  Burnley Fans To Sober Up Ahead Of Everton Clash

Burnley Fans To Sober Up Ahead Of Everton Clash

Football fans in the town of Burnley have vowed to get sober before Sunday's Premiership clash with Everton, following a booze fuelled en-masse three day bender after the club defeated Premier League Champions and last year's Champions League finalis...
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Funny story:  New Vanessa Hudgens Photos Leaked

New Vanessa Hudgens Photos Leaked

LOS ANGELES, CA - As a new batch of highly questionable Vanessa Hudgens photos makes its way around the internets, some savvy web-watchers are questioning if the fresh-faced movie queen might be a man. The problem arose when internet perverts star...
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Funny story:  Obamacare to Insure Democrats Only

Obamacare to Insure Democrats Only

WASHINGTON, DC - As the latest version of the hotly-disputed healthcare bill passed the House and made its way to the Senate, Republican lawmakers are up in arms about the latest provision tacked onto the legislation. This latest provision stipula...
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Funny story:  Study Shows People Experiencing Urinary Disengagement Towards Obama Health Care Plan

Study Shows People Experiencing Urinary Disengagement Towards Obama Health Care Plan

A study conducted by Harvard University Department of Political Science determined that the average American is feeling Urinary disengagement about the proposed Obama Health Care Plan. One man, Dr. Reed Snoot of Cal Tech, said "I must admit that I...
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Funny story:  Biday vendor including aspartame "freshener" packets

Biday vendor including aspartame "freshener" packets

Paris, FRANCE - Beaubidet, maker of French bidet products, was seen stocking shelves with a new product featuring a compartment to add "freshener" powders. Much like a washing machine that has a compartment for soap powder, the new bidet comes with...
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Funny story:  Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas To Star In Remake of "Coal Miner's Daughter"

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas To Star In Remake of "Coal Miner's Daughter"

HOLLYWOOD - Free Spirited Flamboyant Films has announced that Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas will be starring as Loretta Lynn and Doolittle Lynn in the remake of the 1980 country music film Coal Miner's Daughter which starred Sissy Spacek and Tommy Lee J...
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Funny story:  Mel Gibson Due To Explode Any Day Now

Mel Gibson Due To Explode Any Day Now

Poor Mel Gibson, not only is his new Russian girlfriend leading him around by a nose ring, he even has problems when she's not around. According to California police, a report of an event that happened a week ago has surfaced that shows Mel Gibson...
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Funny story:  15 Least Favorite Candy

15 Least Favorite Candy

15. Turning Twix 14. Wonka's Willy Bar 13. The Three Muskrat Ears 12. Skor No More 11. Knickers 10. Hershey's Blow-You-A-Kiss 9. Anchors I Weigh 8. Uncle Milky's Way 7. Mess Kit Kat 6. Mr. Goodbare 5. Oh Henry, Whattabiggun 4. Baby Pooth 3. Dr. Proct's Buttered Fingers 2. Golden Pimple Nougat 1. I'm In Joy...
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Funny story:  FDR Crippled by Elevator not Polio

FDR Crippled by Elevator not Polio

Elevators are a modern convenience. The hassle of using our legs has been replaced by a system of pulleys and cables. It's never been so easy to go up or down. Gone are the days when stairs were the only way to ascend and descend. Indeed, many of us use elevators in our daily lives. We rely on them at work, school and at play. The elevator allows our tired bodies an extra minute in the morning. Th...
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Funny story:  On the verge of epidemic

On the verge of epidemic

Warm, moist environments have forever attracted fungal growth, and modern households often provide the perfect environments for a variety of unwanted flora. Many fungal infections that afflict humans are prevented by good bacteria that naturally l...
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Funny story:  Flying Fecal Matter Intersects With Rotating Inclinded Plane

Flying Fecal Matter Intersects With Rotating Inclinded Plane

A top team of Professors and Grad Students worked to study the results if the long postulated and proverbial "shit hit the fan." In a double-blind study involving fans and feces from multiple sources and in different weather conditions, the results...
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Funny story:  Top Twelve Worst Cookbooks

Top Twelve Worst Cookbooks

According To Beans & Noble, Their Worst-Selling Cookbooks Of All Time: 12. Even Turds Taste Good With The Right Sauce 11. Chef Snotgurgle's Quickly Made Burgers Using Your Own Armpit 10. Ma Frickle's The Easiest Way To Measure Cathead Biscuits 9. Kirsty Alley's The Bigger Jigger Figure 8. Richard Simmon's Safe Ways To Grill While Naked 7.The French Gourmet's Great Meals Us...
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Funny story:  Ted Kennedy Diagnosed With Cranial-Rectal Inversion

Ted Kennedy Diagnosed With Cranial-Rectal Inversion

Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy, in treatment at a Boston Hospital for multiple health issues, has been diagnosed with another ailment. Doctors announced today that the brother of the late President JFK has Cranial-Rectal Inversion. When asked if th...
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Funny story:  Rourke's Drift - Revealed

Rourke's Drift - Revealed

23rd of January 1879 : The battle of Rourke's Drift. A glorious episode in British military history...or was it ? The following are extracts from the diaries of Maj. Gen. Henry Flogem , General Sir Makem White KFC and the records of the Zulu king... King Cetshwayo....These explain what really happened that fateful day and the events leading uo to it. Extract from diary of Major General he...
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Funny story:  The Church Times - X Files - (Possession)

The Church Times - X Files - (Possession)

Following the death of Michael Jackson a spate of jokes started doing the rounds....some tasteless...some cruel and some downright funny...but one joke in particular opened up another world for the Right Reverend Ivor Newhouse Vicar of Thistle Bottom in Lancashire. The Rt Reverend Newhouse takes up the story. Recently I had watched the commemoration service for Michael Jackson on televisi...
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Funny story:  Naked Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Entertain Fans Due to Scoreboard Glitch

Naked Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Entertain Fans Due to Scoreboard Glitch

The Dallas Cowboys officially opened their new home stadium in an NFL preseason game against the Tennessee Titans. This new edifice is a 1.2 billion dollar, fully state of the art facility. The main action, however, was not on the playing field.
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Funny story:  Lindsay Lohan Freaking Out

Lindsay Lohan Freaking Out

Wednesday night, according to workers at a restaurant deli on Mott Street near Chinatown, Lindsay Lohan was having a meal and, after leaving a tip, left the restaurant. However, no sooner had she gotten outside on the street than she must have not...
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Funny story:  Afterlife feud between ghosts of Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle and son, Kingsley, to be resolved in a higher court

Afterlife feud between ghosts of Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle and son, Kingsley, to be resolved in a higher court

LONDON (ABSNN) - The ghost of Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, indicated through trance medium and channeller, Squirrelly McLaine, that he wishes "to completely and forever sever his familial ties with his dead son,...
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Funny story:  Hurricane Bill Clinton closes in on Chelsea's Martha's Vineyard wedding

Hurricane Bill Clinton closes in on Chelsea's Martha's Vineyard wedding

Martha's Vineyard - (Reuterus): Pyongyang hostage blowhard and prospective father of the bride Bill Clinton is hotfooting it to Cape Cod today. Widespread media reports claim that's where Chelsea will marry her Goldman Sachs banker fiance Marc Mez...
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Funny story:  Obama admits he's a one-term President: Limbaugh dies of fecal-apoplexy

Obama admits he's a one-term President: Limbaugh dies of fecal-apoplexy

NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN)-- President Obama admitted that he is "a one-term President" at a Saturday morning press conference held at All Bull Shit News Network (ABSNN) World Headquarters in Manhattan. Upon hearing the news at his Excellence in Broadc...
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