Funny story:  Premier League protects its image by changing player names

Premier League protects its image by changing player names

To protect its image as a perfect group delivering perfect football coverage, the top football league announced today that it will simplify all player names too difficult for the nation's broadcasters to pronounce. This development follows the se...
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Funny story:  Florida's Muck Monster Turns Out To Be Just Rush Limbaugh

Florida's Muck Monster Turns Out To Be Just Rush Limbaugh

WEST PALM BEACH, Florida - Local residents, tourists, and a few illegal aliens had the daylights scared out of them as they encountered a big, fat, strange-looking colossal creature in the Lake Worth Lagoon. Dozens of individuals captured the wate...
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Funny story:  Man with World's Largest Penis Banned from being Within  5 miles of Obama!

Man with World's Largest Penis Banned from being Within 5 miles of Obama!

Publicist Buck W. Wheat, representing Bargis Tryhol, man with the largest penis, was shocked today to receive a Stop and Desist order from Attorney General Eric Holder prohibiting his client from being within 5 miles of any speaking engagement where...
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Funny story:  Woody Allen Removed From Discussion Forum

Woody Allen Removed From Discussion Forum

Film director, actor, writer, and comedian Woody Allen was removed from a New York City Forum for comments that he made. The group of famous people, which included former President Clinton, a Catholic Bishop, and others, was convened to answer q...
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Funny story:  Forsyth unsuited to Strictly Come Dancing?

Forsyth unsuited to Strictly Come Dancing?

Bruce Forsyth may need to consider his position in the cult TV show, Strictly Come Dancing. According to one of my sources, the legend that is Mr Forsyth was told that he would have to present the show from a wheelchair. I was informed that gi...
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Funny story:  Usain Bolt to be gender tested

Usain Bolt to be gender tested

Usain Bolt is to be tested to check whether he is in fact a woman. Apparently the world record holder for both the 100m and 200m is under suspicion for behaviour that means that, although in possession of a very fine male member, he may in fact be...
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Funny story:  NFL's Philadephia Eagles to Change Mascot

NFL's Philadephia Eagles to Change Mascot

The Philadelphia Eagles football team has used the name for over 75 years (except for a bried time during WWII when they became the Steagles). With their recent signing of Michael Vick and his court ordered requirements to promote dog health issues,...
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Funny story:  The 17 Yazoo Kids of Cumberland County, Kentucky

The 17 Yazoo Kids of Cumberland County, Kentucky

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas have been signed to star in the 1980 remake of Coal Miner's Daughter, the true story of Loretta Lynn. The original movie starred Sissy Spacek as Loretta and Tommy Lee Jones as her husband Doo. Loretta was born and raised in Butcher Holler, Kentucky. Taylor and Joe traveled down to Cumberland County, Kentucky which is located on the Kentucky-Tennessee border in or...
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Funny story:  British Nasty Party List: Two Charged

British Nasty Party List: Two Charged

Two people have been charged with the little known offense of 'helping the public good' by revealing the contact details of members of the British Nasty Party. The former nazi scumbags saw the light and decided to show just how far the evil right...
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Funny story:  New Homosexual Television Network to Begin Broadcasting

New Homosexual Television Network to Begin Broadcasting

It has been four years since the beginning of link]the Special Interest Group wars in the cable networks. Next month, the latest population segment will join the fight with the debut of The Homosexual Television Network. HTN will launch on every...
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Funny story:  Obama Announces Details of 'Gold for Grandmas' Program

Obama Announces Details of 'Gold for Grandmas' Program

Washington DC - On the heels of its widely successful 'Cash for Clunkers' program the Obama administration has announced a new plan to overhaul the nation's stockpile of old women. 'Gold for Grandmas' will allow family members to trade in their grand...
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Funny story:  San Francisco Man Plunders Adam Lambert's Hot Commodities!

San Francisco Man Plunders Adam Lambert's Hot Commodities!

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Some fans like to flick their lighters at concerts to show their appreciation, while others throw flowers and panties. Fans of America's Got Idols runner-up Adam Lambert seem predisposed to pelting him with sex toys and other nau...
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Funny story:  Mandelson Fine After Op

Mandelson Fine After Op

London (Private ward, comfy bed, wide screen tv) Lord Mandelson, supreme ruler of the UK was recovering from surgery tonight after a 'large gland' was removed from his body. It is still a mystery how the foreign body came to be deep inside the nation...
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Funny story:  Opportunist a danger to an intelligent society

Opportunist a danger to an intelligent society

Bargain hunting is the most fervent of pastimes in the United States, a country built on liberty, equality and the right to shop. But it is one that may no longer appeal to Patricia VanLester, who was knocked unconscious in an opportunist stampede fo...
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Funny story:  Homeopathy Totally Shown To Work

Homeopathy Totally Shown To Work

A top scientist at a real university has done some really clever research, with numbers and everything, that totally proves homeopathy works and is not in fact a made up load of pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo. A spokesman from the Society of Homeop...
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Funny story:  Women's (?) 800 metre champion being hunted by razor manufacturer for new, erotic, advertising campaign

Women's (?) 800 metre champion being hunted by razor manufacturer for new, erotic, advertising campaign

New 800 metre womens (?) champion is being hunted by a razor company to head a brand new advertising campaign alongside Federer, Tiger Woods and Thierry Henry for their new product called "Cross Gender Razors for Everybody"! After her (or his!) an...
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Funny story:  Dubai Tourist Minister: We Bought Jocko's Bod! Museum and Road Tour to Follow!

Dubai Tourist Minister: We Bought Jocko's Bod! Museum and Road Tour to Follow!

The Dubai Minister of Tourism confirmed today what had only been hinted at in an earlier report, that Executors of the Michael Jackson estate had chosen to maximize their investment by selling rather than burying their brethren, classified by accou...
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Funny story:  Making love to a beautiful woman is like...

Making love to a beautiful woman is like...

SENDING EMAIL: Sending email is like making love to a beautiful woman, you have to give the right messages and press the right buttons. Then hey presto, it's arrived in her box! MAKING COFFEE: Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squ...
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Funny story:  Rochdale Declares Christmas Has Come Early

Rochdale Declares Christmas Has Come Early

The town of Rochdale, in Lancashire, England, has declared that Christmas is to to be celebrated on the 22nd of August this year. Local mayor, Stan Halfwit, said "This will make a substantial saving for the people of Rochdale. We are all as tight as...
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Funny story:  Britney Spears Naked At The Circus

Britney Spears Naked At The Circus

LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears is getting ready to kick off her big concert tour which is being hailed as The Britney Spears Naked At The Circus Tour also known as The No Clothes Tour. Spears will perform in 49 cities starting off in Hamilton, Ontar...
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Funny story:  Hull Man Calls Mum, But She Doesn't Answer

Hull Man Calls Mum, But She Doesn't Answer

A British man living in the Thai eastern seaboard resort of Pattaya was inconsolable yesterday after a lunchtime telephone call home to his mother in the UK went tragically wrong when the doddery old lady didn't answer the phone. Monkey Woods, a t...
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Funny story:  Pope Benedict Moves To Make "Saint" Bill Clinton.

Pope Benedict Moves To Make "Saint" Bill Clinton.

(Washington-DC) It's difficult to say who was more surprised when the Vatican announced that it would begin the process of sainthood for William Jefferson Clinton, forty-second President of the United States: Bill Clinton, Secretary of State Hillary...
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Funny story:  Naked Zaprudder footage of Jackie Kennedy found at Warhole archive

Naked Zaprudder footage of Jackie Kennedy found at Warhole archive

New York - (Starkers Ass Mess): A five minute clip of a naked former First Lady Jackie Kennedy cavorting in the tidal spume at Montauk, Long Island, has been found by researchers at the Andy Warhole Institute. The footage was previously thought to...
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Funny story:  Clinton 'Socks' Mogg is third Mayfair gems heist suspect

Clinton 'Socks' Mogg is third Mayfair gems heist suspect

London - (Pink Panther Mess): A Bournemouth cat-burglar and close associate of Clinton-era First Feline Socks has been arrested and charged in the £40 million Mayfair gems heist. Clinton Mogg, (no kidding!) 42, is in the dock along with Craig Cald...
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Funny story:  Britney's "Circus" Interrupted By Dwarf's Death

Britney's "Circus" Interrupted By Dwarf's Death

After this past Monday, Britney Spears says she will never take her Circus act outside the US, Canada and Europe. The nation of Thailand offered Britney and her group to do a one night stand in Bangkok and offered to pay as much as three U.S. or...
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Funny story:  Hull Man Buys Wrong-Flavoured Crisps

Hull Man Buys Wrong-Flavoured Crisps

A Hull man living in the Thai eastern seaboard resort of Pattaya, was so completely stressed-out by a Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) course, that he went into a supermarket and bought a packet of Nori Seaweed crisps by mistake. The...
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Funny story:  China Crisis: Demand for Polyester Pant Suits for Obama Appointees  Outstrips Supply

China Crisis: Demand for Polyester Pant Suits for Obama Appointees Outstrips Supply

Beijing, China/ Business Wear Daily - At a town hall meeting today embattled President Barack Obama took time out from taking a beating on his health care program to point out the positive economic effects of his recent appointment of Hillary Clinton...
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Funny story:  Michael Vick Sees The Light

Michael Vick Sees The Light

PHILADELPHIA - NFL deviant Michael Vick held a press conference this morning where he announced that he is gay. Vick stated "prison made me realize how much I love men, their smell, their lips, scruff and I am gay now, it's a great thing for me, I...
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Funny story:  Roy Turse Celebrates Hawaii Day Today

Roy Turse Celebrates Hawaii Day Today

Occasional Spoof writer Roy Turse has announced that he is celebrating Hawaii Day today, 21st August. He says that there are no hula skirts involved, and no ham and pineapple pizza. It's just the big Five-Oh. Unlikely as it seems, Roy is fifty t...
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Funny story:  Jacko-Terrorist!

Jacko-Terrorist!

Michael Jackson has had to put up with many allegations over the years. But now, The Daily Crap can exclusively reveal that Michael Jackson was in fact a terrorist. The shocking revelations were revealed to our news team by a member of staff worki...
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Funny story:  Government "Adopt a CCTV street camera" scheme takes off

Government "Adopt a CCTV street camera" scheme takes off

Now that there are almost 3 CCTV cameras per head of population, the Department for Cameras, Street Bollards and Waste Bins is offering people the chance to adopt and look after their own CCTV camera. Announcing the initiave earlier today, the Sec...
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Funny story:  Marijuana Dispensary Busted in Los Angeles

Marijuana Dispensary Busted in Los Angeles

ECHO PARK, CA - The Los Angeles Police Department raided a medical marijuana facility Thursday night at the Royal Temple of Zion in Echo Park. Authorities said the facility never applied for a permit to dispense medical marijuana, so when officer...
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Funny story:  Spoof Editorial Board Performs First Intervention: Commit Deranged Contributor for Internet Addiction!

Spoof Editorial Board Performs First Intervention: Commit Deranged Contributor for Internet Addiction!

Fall City, Washington/ Internet Addiction News - The Spoof Editorial Board (SEB) was forced under emergency conditions today to involuntarily commit a rabid contributor to the nation's first Internet Addiction Center, not only for his own good, but f...
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Funny story:  Halle Berry Taking Over Role Of Michelle Obama

Halle Berry Taking Over Role Of Michelle Obama

Los Angeles CA-- The part of Michelle Obama is being recast by producers of the soap-opera 'All My Days'. Halle Berry will take over the part of the First Lady on September 1. The present actress for the part, Delores Goons, will be leaving the hit...
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Funny story:  Employees Fired for Refusing to Honor Five-Finger Discount

Employees Fired for Refusing to Honor Five-Finger Discount

BROOMFIELD, CO - Two employees of a Best Not to Buy store in Broomfield, Colorado, were fired because they tried to stop a shoplifter. "Booyah!!" shouted Jared Bergstreser, 20, as he tackled a man attempting to leave the store with a plasma screen...
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Funny story:  Marriage Plans For Rihanna and Jeremih

Marriage Plans For Rihanna and Jeremih

After the tragic break-up with Chris Brown, Rihanna looked stunning when caught with Jeremih, the singer behind the hit radio single "Birthday Sex" at a very well known Las Vegas cabaret last week. Rihanna was seen stripping, in her underwear, in...
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Funny story:  Lockerbie bomber's bum doctor probes Mandy

Lockerbie bomber's bum doctor probes Mandy

London - (Reterus & Ass Mess): The proctologist who found a foreign body up the Lockerbie bomber's back passage is operating on Peter Mandelson's suspected brain tumor today. Royal Freak Hospital Prof V Smart said that a Mossad rectal implant...
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Funny story:  South African Crossdresser Runs 800 Meters with Penis Tucked!

South African Crossdresser Runs 800 Meters with Penis Tucked!

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - South African officials have rallied behind a controversial new cross-dressing cross-trainer, who won the women's world 800 meters title shortly after he tucked his penis and genitals safely away from view. The runner...
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Funny story:  Lockerbie Bomber In Miracle Cancer Recovery

Lockerbie Bomber In Miracle Cancer Recovery

Convicted Lockerbie bomber, terrorist Abdel Baset Ali al-Megrahi was flown home to Libya yesterday and received a hero's welcome when he touched down in the oil-rich territory. He emerged, smiling, from the aircraft and seemed visibly to become yo...
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Funny story:  Oscars 2010 Best Actresses: Miley Cyrus, Hilary Duff, Megan Fox?

Oscars 2010 Best Actresses: Miley Cyrus, Hilary Duff, Megan Fox?

The Oscars are definetly one of the most prestigious awards in movie history. This year, we've seen some really great movies and now the buzz is rising on which ones will steal the jury's hearts. The Few York Times, in a special and exclusive report, wrote that "next year's Oscars are going to be different, not only with the newly-changed categories but also with who the winners might be, some...
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Funny story:  Singer David Crosby Remembers(?) Woodstock

Singer David Crosby Remembers(?) Woodstock

Actually, I recall very little except being there and being ...a little fuzzy. I think it was Crosby, Stills and Nash, that was us, our second performance. Of course, I'm Nash so I had to be there. Wait a minute..no, I'm Crosby. Remember all that was before I got arrested for drugs and put in prison for fleeing on my boat and Crosby loaning me all that money and ..Nash loaned me all th...
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Funny story:  Woman Sues Copafeel for Perfoming "Too Much Magic" on Her

Woman Sues Copafeel for Perfoming "Too Much Magic" on Her

A woman has sued magician Dirk Copafeel, contending he performed "too much magic" on her while she was a guest on his private island off of Somalia for more than twenty years. Copafeel's law firm Paymee & Screw, LLC deny the allegations and s...
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Funny story:  Major Antonius Julius Argus Xerxes Part-14

Major Antonius Julius Argus Xerxes Part-14

This miserable courageous woman is acquitted of all charges; therefore, she is free to go. But the rest of you pigs must walk all the way down the same route poor Yusef took in the middle of the night with no shoes on. I chain you all together and padlock the chain, including this man. Now he, shouted at Yusef's boss, "Step forward." The man obediently stepped forward and Major handcuffed him. Th...
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Funny story:  Monsignor Francis Dubois, S.J. Confessionsl #01

Monsignor Francis Dubois, S.J. Confessionsl #01

Dear Monsignor Dubois, First, allow me to say how honored the parish was to attend your consecration as Monsignor. My wife and I have followed your career with great joy. You were the priest who did our premarital counseling, as well as peforming the actual wedding ceremony. I especially remember that you encouraged us to continually seek out new ways to keep our "physical" relationship ne...
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Funny story:  Amish Hacker Erases Town Records

Amish Hacker Erases Town Records

Lancaster, PA - Proving that even those that avoid technology can't avoid the inevitability of its influence, one of America's oldest Amish communities is suffering today, from one of the newest types of crime. Caught in the crosshairs of an unkn...
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