Spoof news stories from Wednesday 5 March 2008
Presidential Remarks on Death of Gary Gygax
Washington, DC - George W Bush solemnly intoned words of praise and of warning, in a press conference called in response to the death of Gary Gygax.
Michelle Malkin Soul Sells on eBay
HELL - After twelve weeks without a bid, the soul of "Hot Air" blogger and FOX News contributing analyst Michelle Malkin finally sold for the "Buy It Now" price of 99 cents. The buyer, whose registered user name...
Santa Lays off Thousands
Every year on Christmas I would run down the stairs and look under the tree and in my stockings for the presents from Santa. Little did I know where those toys came from back then, now I know that they came from the elves, but not any more.
UN ministers come up with plan to solve food crisis in third world countries and be green at the same time.
UN ministers revealed yesterday that they have come up with a plan to solve both the growing food crisis in the third world, and still be economically friendly at the same time.
Royal Opera House shrunken penis billboard actor offered nude Jesus role in Oberammergau Naked Passion Play
Oberammergau, Austria - (Bare-Faced Cheek & Ass Mess): "We did it for a bet and a bit of a laugh, really," was all that Royal Opera House executives said initially about their remorseless downsizing of an operatic tenor's penis in a po...
Clinton, Obama Race, A Sham To Distract Public
In another bid to pull the wool over the average American's eyes, the Republican and Democratic parties have dusted off the oldest trick in the book again.
Retiring Packers Quarterback Finally Realizes Name Mis-spelled on Back of Jersey
The sports world was stunned after Brett Farve announced he'd be hanging up his jersey after 17 years in professional football, but nobody was more stunned than the legendary Packers quarterback himself.
10 Ways to Get Rid of a Jehova's Witness
Here are ten good ways to make sure that a Jehova's Witness leaves you alone.
Kosmic Karma
Hello all, I am Tiki Murphy, a spoof writer of TheSpoof.com. I had a case of cosmic karma yesterday when I went to work.
Greatest Boy Band Scam
Lou Pearlman, the king of boy bands, has been charged with scamming and fraud. It appears that for years Mr. Pearlman has been scamming and defrauding anything that moves. However, his largest scams known to date are N'SYNC and the Backstreet Boy...
Hillary forced to turnover Clinton administration White House Hotline telephone transcripts to comply with Truth in Advertising Act
Washington, DC - Hillary Clinton's political campaign was forced to turnover White House Hotline telephone transcripts from her husband's Presidential administration today.
American Idol, Toooo Gay? Just Gay Enough?
Yes it's official, American Idol has taken the route of the gay pride parade. Swishing here, swishing there, It appears there are no heterosexual contestants in the male category what so ever.
Another Lohan Destined for Destruction
In entertainment news, the Lohan family is now going to be doing a reality show. This show is going to be based on Dina's mismanagement of Ali's career. Young Ali is wanting to follow in her big sisters footsteps, or perhaps Mrs. Lohan wants...
Conclusive Proof: Sex Kills
There have been approximately 230 sex-related deaths in the country within the past 6 months according to British Police.
Gay Britain To Be Totally Gay By 2038
A report in this week's Gay News newspaper says that, according to new figures, Great Britain is expected to be 'totally gay' by the year 2038.
Purrell Unvails Hand Epidermal Incinerator
The Purrell company today introduced the latest weapon in their war against hand bacteria.
Personal Injury Lawyers Beat DUI Attorneys in Deadly Basketball Match
In a grim contest, a local team of personal injury attorneys defeated their DUI lawyer counterparts today on a different court - the basketball court. It was supposed to be a charity event. Each lawyer put up $1000 and sponsors contributed more, with...
The Meaning of Life: The Disturbing Truth
German philosopher and physicist Hans Dirti has recently produced what may be the most frightening yet accurate theory on why the universe exists, and how.
George's Bush
In a startling revelation from the president of the United States of America George W Bush, it was announced today that Hilary Clinton has already lost the race to become America's first woman president. Last week, President Bush had a sex change...
Murkowski stooge in fraud plea bargain
Anchorage, Alaska - (Rioters): Former Alaskan Governor Frank Murkowski's one-time chief of staff Jim Clark has pleaded guilty to one charge of whoring for VECO in the continuing Alaskan Corrupt Bastards Club probe.
Fur begins to fly as Elaine Marshall blocks Anna Nicole daughter's inheritance
California - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Feisty litigant Elaine Marshall, former daughter-in-law of Anna Nicole Smith's late octogenarian husband J Howard Marshall II, has vowed to make sure eighteen month-old little Dannielynn Marshall Birkhead neve...
Prince Charles' drug dealing running rampant warns UN
Caribbean - (Shambolic Mess): International drug barons like Prince Charles are operating with rampant impunity the UN warned today amid reports the Puppet Monarchy's heir-of-the-dog-apparent is to rendezvous with the first of five Russian-built...
American Idol judge Simon Cowell had affair with David Hernandez!
In an incident that will take the stripping world and the musical world by storm, E! News has recently revealed* that American Idol music contestant (ex music contestant a day after this article is published)
Referendum To Decide On Referendum About Referendum Organised For Wednesday
Ministers are to meet in the House of Commons on Wednesday to try to decide whether or not they should hold a UK-wide referendum to decide whether or not they should hold a UK-wide referendum on the troublesome...
Shock Discovery: Epileptics Have Seizures
Doctor Bud Light, of West Suffolk Hospital, Bury St Edmunds, has made what is already being hailed as the medical discovery of the century.
Judeo-Christianity forged on Moses' bad acid trip
Jerusalem - (Narcotic Mess): The Israeli/Palestinian conflict hit rock bottom today with the publication of damning new evidence by an eminent Israeli Professor of Forensic Bibliomancy who says it is rooted in delusional Judeo-Christian traditions fo...
The Jungle Book revealed to be based on a true story of prostitution and bestality
It has been revealed today that the popular Disney movie The Jungle Book is actually a true story of prostitution and bestiality.
Rioting Begins as Putin's Puppet, Medvedev, Fails to Deliver the Booze, Food, and Sex Goodies
Backed by outgoing President Vladimir Putin, a once-KGB kick-ass spy, the newly-elected President of Russia has infuriated many Russkies, some still Commies. The ex law school professor and first crony to Vlad, Dmitry Medvedev, became President of R...
Sen. Mike Gravel Wins Texas Primary
The long shot Democratic presidential candidate Senator Mike Gravel won the Texas primaries according to exit polls downloaded from electronic voting machines. Senator Gravel snatched the state from the two Democratic front-runners, Senators Hillary...
Ralph Nader Courts Dead Voters
Ralph Nader, a former presidential candidate, is throwing his head back into the ring; even when the vast majority of Democrats want his head under a guillotine. Even Ralph Nader's most vigilant supporters in 2000, such as Michael Moore and Bill...
Obama aid clears up NAFTA story after Ohio primary loss
After oft-pledging to stop "shipping jobs overseas" through the North American Free Trade Agreement, a senior Obama aid has clarified the candidate's confusing position.
Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon Hot; Affleck and Kimmel Fizzle
Comedienne and entertainer Sarah Silverman is reportedly seeing actor Matt Damon. The couple first went public about the relationship on the Jimmy Kimmel show with a video clip that has become wildly popular on YouTube and other web video sites.
McCain Uses Know Nothing Support to Win Over Nobody!
With all credible Republican candidates for the Republican Presidential Candidacy long gone from the race, John McCain announced his undisputed victory over nobody!...
Same Sex Education, First Step in Same Sex Everything Else!
GLTBQRST Advocates are welcoming the new fad of Same Sex Education. When the NY Times Sunday magazine celebrates the successes of same gender education experiments, people sit up and listen.
NYC Homeless Population Plummets!
Mayor Billionaire Bloomberg boasted this week that there are less homeless people in NY this year.
US Ally, Colombia Finds Evidence of WMD's
US ally, Colombia, in defense of its recent attack upon Ecuador, has claimed the presence of ingredients for a "dirty bomb" among FARC insurgents in Ecuador.
Mainstream Media Asks for Ron Paul 'Do-Over'
Faced with the near-certain prospect of a presidency ruled by either Allah, menstrual cycles, or a hatred of youth, the Main Stream Media today apologized for its concerted efforts to destroy Ron Paul's candidacy saying 'in retrospect he'...
Vermont Teddy Bear Company releases Obama's "I Kick Ass, Again!" Bear, while Hillary's "I'm Still Here?" Bear is canceled
Running Springs, Vermont - With the polls closed in Vermont and the voting results tabulated, Barack Obama has been declared the winner over Hillary Clinton in the primary for democratic presidential nominee delegates.
Paris Hilton Gives Confusing News Conference
(Hollywood CA) Paris Hilton recently called a press conference in an attempt to mend her reputation as a nutball. Only writers from TheSpoof.com were silly enough to attend. Ms. Hilton led off with a brief statement:...
Rumor: Teams USA and Mexico near Major Trade involving Tilde and Exclamation Point
ESPN has reported that Teams USA and Mexico are close to a deal that would send the exclamation point and the letter "K" to Mexico in exchange for Team USA's exclusive rights to the tilde.
Keegan to undergo crucifixion at Newcastle ground
After his dismal series of results as manager, Newcastle United directors are set to nail Kevin Keegan to the goal at the Gallowgate end of St James Park in the hope this will resurrect their season.
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