President Bush today revealed his plan to balance the budget by betting on the New England Patriots in this year's Super Bowl. The Patriots are a 13 and a half point favorite over the New York Giants.
Berlin - (Mein Campf Mess): A sect of British neo-Nazis has hit out at suggestions that actor Tom Cruise is the Scientology cult's modern-day equivalent of Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels.
President George W. Bush spent the day at Walter Reed Hospital having himself cloned. Doctors say that the "carbon copies" will gestate and be full size and ready to leave their test tube environment by late October.
Bangkok, Thailand - (Ass Mess & Reuterus): A TV soap entitled The Air Hostess Whore has been branded corrupt and lurid after showing Bangkok-style shenanigans of the Thai Mile High Club.
South Beach, Florida - Jean Merola, 75-year-old grandmother of eight, sat in her car at a McDonald's drive-thru waiting for her order of coffee and fries but not quite pulling forward to the pick up window because the cashier told her to wait, it...
Bishops Avenue, London - (Bad Ass Mess): Property crisis? What property crisis! Yet another 2008 house price record has just been smashed with the sale this week of Top Crack Mansion situated on the notorious wobbly tectonic plate region o...
Following his disastrous first solo flight, Prince William has redeemed himself in the eyes of his Royal Air Force instructors and joined the prestigious Mile High...
NARCISSUS, Nev. - In the field of candidates for the 2008 presidential election, some are looking for a clear winner. For one person, that search is over.
The annual footballers bug C Diffisule Flatteroidalitis has hit record levels this January transfer window. Numerous soccer players and an increasing number of their agents have been reported as suffering from the symptoms.
Politicians will sleep a little easier tonight, knowing that Jeremy Paxman (or Pantsman as he is now known) has revealed his private passion - collecting underwear.
Former Tennessee Senator and Republican Presidential pipe-dreamer Fred Thompson announced today that he is dropping out of the race for the party's nomination and has signed on to play the son of Sylvester Stallone's Rambo in next year's...
Keegan today revealed how very hurt he was at how standards had dropped at Newcastle.
Mephistophels, Tennessee (IPP) - Scientists at the Institute for the Preservation of Bachelorhood (IPOB) are warning bachelors that the use of alcohol can increase the risk of getting married.
After the revelation that many doctors are prescribing placebos for their patients, Spitzer Pharmaceuticals, makers of advanced pharmaceutical products, announced today that it has developed a more-potent placebo.
Moths, who many thought mated only to reproduce, have astounded the scientific world by exhibiting many of the characteristics of human sex, suggests a study published today. The report, "Moths and How They Do Each Other", examined the bre...
High School Musical 'hotty', Zac Efron has embroiled himself in the whole Britney Spears saga by purchasing 4 cubic gallons of her farts in an online auction organised by an...
It was announced today by Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas, and Republican Presidential Candidate that Mike Tyson, former boxing world champion and Tonya Harding, past world class figure skater, have joined his growing list of noteworthy ic...
Farthead Productions today revealed that a new 'Carry On' film is to be made about the life and times of a typical England Manager...
Islamisbad, Pakistan (IPP) - Osama Bin Ladin earned and saved enough money from the sale of goat gonads that he was able to open a gay bar for his band of lonely mujahideen bandoleros and fighters.
Today President Bush announced during a press conference held at the White House that a distinguished English Surgeon, who holds dual citizenship in the United States, would take the helm of the Government's highest medical authority.
Gordon Brown received an official warning, today, from legal teams representing the violent and dispossessed gangs of London.
In the recent NFC championship game, the Pack gets fudge packed by the NY Giants.
Chicago, Illinois - Brookfield Zoo officials were stunned to find the lifeless body of their beloved 11-year-old male giraffe named "Dusti" in his enclosure yesterday evening. Because there appears to be no sign of a struggle, police suspec...
The U.S. government was reeling from multi-trillion dollar debts when it seized on the perfect way to make infinite profits - starting its own religion. The President and Vice-President went before Congress to announce the start of The Church of Amer...
Charleston, SC - Standing next to the Confederate flag flying on state capital grounds, a group of
Hollywood, California - Acting against his surgeon's medical advice to go home, rest up and avoid becoming aroused so that the stitches from his vasectomy would...
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Two hundred years of missionaires' sewing techniques are on show at a Royal College of Needlework exhibition devoted to educational samplers demonstrating appropriate stitching techniques to foreign heathens hell b...