Spoof news stories from Thursday 17 January 2008
Study Shows That 84% of Morons Care About "American Idol"
A study conducted by the University of California, Los Angeles, shows that 84% of American morons rank American Idol as their top concern.
Zac Efron Proposes to Vanessa Hudgens
Disney's High School Musical stars and heart throbs Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are back in the spotlight. It has been reported and confirmed that Efron proposed to Hudgens on January 16, 2008.
Kucinich Wins Important Primary Victory in Guam
With a campaign infrastructure that has been firmly entrenched in this Pacific Island for well over a year, Kucinich scored what his supporters termed "A hard won victory, with tremendous ramifications for our candidate, and ultimately the nomin...
Jamie Lynn Spears Elopes Overseas
Jamie Lynn Spears, star of teen nick's "Zoey 101" and mum-to-be has been spotted travelling to Puerto Rico, South America with her child's daddy on new years.
TheSpoof.com Writer Accused of Being Hollywood Writer
Hollywood, California (IPP) - A search on Google for the name drugtestallpoliticians has revealed that some people have accused that TheSpoof.com writer of being a "Hollywood writer with some creative time".
Borat disguise suspicions as Homeland Insecurity tails Britney's Adnan Abu Ghraib
Los Angeles, Ca - (Suspicious Mess): Britney Spears' latest squeeze Adnan Abu Ghraib is being tailed by Homeland Insecurity according to sources suggesting he might be a former Afghani national.
Vanessa Anne Hudgens Spotted with another Man!
Disney's high school musical star Vanessa Hudgens has been spotted at the cheesecake factory with another man.
Ozzy Osbourne Takes McDonald's Franchise
Rock superstar and reality TV personality Ozzy Osbourne has surprised fans, friends and family by taking on a McDonald's franchise in Consett, County Durham.
Deal or No Deal - Clinton to Blame for Economic Downturn
Washington (IPP) - Rush Limbaugh, G.W. Bush, Mitt Romney, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Newt Gingrich, and Cock Robin all blamed Bill Clinton for the current downturn in the stock market and for all of the economic bad news of late.
Vanessa Hudgens demands Zac Efron get an emergency vasectomy before the shooting of "High School Musical 3"
Hollywood, California - Now the truth comes out about Zac Efron's trip to the emergency room at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center a day after his emergency surgery. It was not, as first reported in the media, to have Efron's appendix removed. That...
Time Warner AOL - We Will Charge More for Less
Mephistophels, Tennessee (IPP) - Time Warner AOL executives announced today that they will charge more for less when it comes to AOL internet fees.
Scientists announce breakthrough
Scientists from a Newcastle Research Centre today announced that they are able to create sustainable genetic material that is 99% human and 1% animal.
A spokesman for the Research Centre has stated in a press release to TheSpoof.com that the genet...
Prince William crashes plane at Heathrow
There was chaos at Heathrow airport today when Prince William, who started his flying lessons today, crashed a full British Airways jumbo as he came into land.
Wales to be mortgaged to fund Northern Rock chaos
Alasdair Darling announced a daring strategy to recover the tax payers funds used to prop up troubled bank Northern Rock. According to Darling, the whole of Wales will be sold off to the highest bidder during an auction to be held on EBay.
McCain Proclaims 100-Year Crusade
John McCain told a cheering crowd of his faithful that the Middle East is ripe for liberation from terrorists who would deprive America of our God-given oil.
George Bush is now officially mad - FBI
President George W Bush of the United States has been declared mentally instable by the FBI. His lack of brain capacity was discovered when he was heard yelling and screaming obscenities around the White House.
Miami Dolphins New Name: Mahi Mahi
Miami, Florida (IP) - Years ago there was a show about a smart Dolphin on television called "Flipper". Flipper was a cute mammal which could perform numerous tricks and on almost every episode he managed to save someone's life.
If people like Britney, Ron and George used deoderant, maybe the world would be a better place - Oprah Winfrey
Early today on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Oprah Winfrey bluntly ordered Mr Bush, Ron Paul and Britney Spears to take a bath, and put on some deodorant!...
First human being cloned in San Diego biotech lab; scientists named it "Manuel" before they destroyed it
San Diego, California - A small private biotech lab exempt from federal law prohibiting the growth of human clones located in San Diego, California, has claimed to be the first ever to have successfully cloned a human being from an embryo.
Citibank to Sell Lemonade for 10 Cents a Glass
Wall Street, NY-- Despite 18 billion dollar write-downs for the quarter and massive worries concerning foreign bailouts amidst the credit crunch that threatens to plunge the nations economy into a dangerous recession, spirits at Citibank Inc., the wo...
Vorderman plays Argentine "numbers game"
Argentine finance minister Fernando Hernandez has today revealed their mystery financial saviour to be Carol Vorderman, host of Channel 4 hit show "Countdown"...
Masturbation "to be Olympic sport by 2016"
The IOC has given its strongest hint yet that Masturbation may be introduced at the 2016 games as an official sport. The games' organisation has long been lobbied by those involved in the activity and many now feel that its time has come.
Guinness and Heineken really made from Shit and Piss
Representatives for multinational drinks firms Guinness and Heineken have at last come clean and admitted that they make their beverages from human excrement.
Huckabee Angrily Challenges Opponents to Wrestling "Throwdown"
Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, responding with anger at his opponents recent criticisms, particularly as they pertain to changing the constitution to a biblical document, is daring to wrestle all of his major challengers in a "winner take...
Angel Appears Unexpectedly Before United Nations Assembly
United Nations Building, New York (IPP) - An angel appeared before the United Nation's meeting of the General Assembly Wednesday after lunch.
Toon Fans are the Best in Newcastle
Last night our reporters witnessed what can only be described as a "Black and White" stampede for tickets.
It Matters Not if Antimatter Doesn't Matter
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Dr. Povenmire Finootch is the head astronomer operating at the Mount Palomar Astronomical Campus in California. He told reporters yesterday that a cloud of antimatter 10,000 light years in diameter is heading in the...
114, 000 see Shearer Arrange Flowers
114,000 Geordies packed into St James Park, Newcastle - probably one of the greatest football stadiums in the entire world, last Thursday to see legendary goal scorer Alan Shearer give an outstanding demonstration of flower arranging.
Emergency landing at Heathrow Airport "not caused by Terrorists"
Police have revealed that an emergency landing of an airplane at Heathrow Airport was not the result of terrorist activity. Flight BA38 arrived from China and almost crash landed on a runway at the busy airport. Three passengers were reported to be s...
Keegan Signs Bruce Forsyth in an All Star Line Up
Kevin Keegan's appointment as Newcastle United's manager captured Geordie imaginations and took the entertainment world by storm. The once familiar refrain of "Nice to see you see you nice" rang out again at St James' Park as Ke...
BA tests new Boeing swing-wing jumbo
Heathrow Airport - (Aviation Mess): British Airways successfully tested the new swing-wing Boeing 777 jumbo jet at Heathrow Airport today in full view of UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown who was sitting in his own Beijing-bound jetliner just yards away...
Peyton Manning reclaims choker title
Quarterback Peyton Manning was back at Square One on Thursday in the eyes of irate Indianapolis Colts' fans who said he couldn't win The Big One just one year after winning The Big One.
French President Lunches Out On Naked Carla Brunei Internet Sex Video
Paris, France - (Formidable Mess): In what has been described as a naked Dejeneur sur l'Herbe moment French President Knickerless Sar-Cosy features in a cameo role on his new wife Carla Brunei's self-promotional internet sex video.
New study reveals shaken babies score low on tests; many southerners and WWF wrestlers affected with Shaken Baby Syndrome
A new study revealed today that babies which are shaken by their parents score lower on standardized achievement and end-of-grade tests when they are school aged than their unshaken peers.
Nick Jonas dates an Iranian girl
Nick, the youngest of The Jonas brothers, has reportedly been cheating on Miley cyrus with an Iranian girl called "Sarvenaz" - proclaimed by all as the most beuatiful Iranian girl in LA.
President Bush Files Lawsuit Against Cartoon Character
United States President George W. Bush did something today that no sitting American President has never done: he filed a lawsuit against and individual while still in office. Bush filed the suit against Disney caroon character Jiminy Cricket in Wash...
Miami Dolphins Continue Dallas Connection WIth New Coach
First, they hired former Dallas Cowboy coach Bill Parcells. He hired Jeff Ireland away from Da Boys to be the General Manager. Ireland then hired former Cowboy Assistant David Lee as the quarterbacks coach and Brian Gaine as Assistant Director of P...
Earth is Center of Universe after all
Scientists admitted in a private interview early this morning that the Earth actually is the center of the universe after all, and that they have been fooling the majority of the world's population for nearly five hundred years.
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