Spoof news stories from August 2008
There were 687 spoof news stories published in August 2008. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Sarah Palin Nude? Democrats Dig for Dirt
Democratic political operatives have already started digging for dirt on Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. John McCain announced her as his choice for Vice-President on Friday, and the spin doctors are on the hunt.
Palin's experience in beauty pageants...
Lady Samantha Four-Bums Wins Olympic Beach Volley Ball Pairs By Herself!
While the world watched the American porn stars Misty May-Crack and her partner Alyssa Alps tear their half naked way through the Beach Volley Ball Olympics, no one expected that a British Noble would grab the gold. But Lady Samantha Four-Bums brough...
Big Foot Discovered in Sasquatch Georgia
Sasquatch, Georgia (IPP) _ The search for Big Foot is over. A Georgia man has collected the one-million dollar reward that was offered to the first person to prove that Big Foot really exists.
Jimmy McClure was driving south on Highway 41 in cen...
Wow! Sexy, Former Beauty Queen, Sarah Palin, Alaskan Governor, Picked By McCain As Choice For Veep Spot!
!Hot D.C.!---Exclusive! It's the strangest Presidential race ever, but here it is. John McCain, on the heels of Barack Obama's Greek Spectacle last night, just short of togas, grapes, wine, exotic foods, and mini-orgies in the back room at the Invesc...
Harry Potter star Emma Watson discovers two lumps on her chest
Harry Potter star Emma Watson today made the shocking discovery of lumps on her chest.
Rushed to her local GP by a distraught mother, clutching only a BUPA membership certificate, the starlet, managing to bypass the ex-World War 2 Kamp Kommandant...
Gold Medal Chinese Women's Gymnastics Team Disqualified Due To Age
The Chinese Women's Gymnastics Team took the Olympic Gold Medal in the team competition, but has been disqualified due to the falsification of the ages of some of the team members. News sources had reported several days ago that at least three membe...
Big Foot Myth Shattered
Mount Palomar, California (IPP) - Scientist in charge of the Big Foot examination have good and bad news for a public anxiously awaiting to get ahold of any little scrap of information that they can get regarding the resolution of the Big Foot contro...
Solar Cycle 24 Canceled - Ham Radio Operators Furious
Dayton, Ohio (IPP) - The next solar cycle was assigned the number 24 but has been canceled by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Scientists were able to predict that this cycle would have been 30% to 50% stronger than the previous solar cyc...
Gay Chubby Dating A Hit With Chubby Gay Men
Literary fat homosexual men are celebrating today, having found the website of their dreams: TheSpoof.com, a satirical news website with a more-than-average number of gay subscribers.
Many benders found the site through a gay dating agency Gay Chu...
Emma Watson shocked that Daniel Radcliffe tried to get into her pants
In a story that nearly blew the world of show-business away, or at least nearly blew the stuff Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse sniff away, Harry Potter lead star Daniel Radcliffe has today shocked fellow Potter star Emma Watson.
Emma explained:...
Butt Naked Strippers Create Art in Iowa
Hamburg, Iowa, USA [did not make that up], Aug 1, 2008: a judge ruled nude dancing at a bar is an "art form" protected by a specific exception to the "public indecent exposure law." How kewl is that? Now the patrons at strip clubs are actually art...
Federer Blames Gavin Rossdale For Loss Of Form
Roger Federer has blamed his recent decline in form on Bush singer Gavin Rossdale, in an astonishing interview with Swiss newspaper Cheese & Cuckoo Clocks daily.
Federer, who has lost the number one spot to Nadal, stated that Rossdale was '...
Agger's Blue Blue Tattoo
Following Daniel Agger's failure to feature for Liverpool thus far in their Premier league campaign, the club's official spokesman Ben Dodd has issued a statement amid claims the danish defender was photographed playing frisbee on Fistral beach durin...
The Curse Of The Last Of The Summer Wine
Actor Stephen Lewis today revealed why he left the popular BBC comedy series "The Last Of The Summer Wine". This show written by Roy Clarke has been running continuously since it began back in 1973 and remains popular Sunday teatime viewing due to it...
Fake Alien Invasion Planned For 2012
The secretive occult following bankers, that are the real runners of the planet, are planning a fake alien invasion for the 2012 London Olympic Games.
They will try to con everyone in the world that the invaders must be worshiped like gods, while...
German farmer gets double penis implant
A German farmer who lost his penis in a accident, has become the first man ever to receive a double penis implant.
The farmer lost his original penis, when his wife discovered that he had engaged in bestiality with sheep and goats and mutilated...
Bigfoot Trackers Find Bigfoot Costume in Georgia Mountains
Palo Alto, CA -- Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer held a Saturday news conference and showed photos of a massive 7 foot, 7 inch Bigfoot costume they claim they found while Bigfoot hunting in he Northern Georgia mountains.
"It's a genuine Bigfoot cost...
Jade Goody furious with Christina Applegate
Jade goody, the cockney queen of reality TV has launched a bitter tirade at Christina Applegate who chose to announce her double mastectomy at the same time as Goody announced her cervical cancer.
"That mouthy tart stole my publicity", opined Good...
Palin Had Her Daughter's Baby by John McCain!
Repub Candie VPiLF Sarah Palin, former beauty queen and snowmobile mogul, apparently made believe she was pregnant for the fifth time after keeping the make believe pregnancy a secret for seven months to protect her daughter from the disgrace of bear...
2008 Olympic Swimming Drugs Scandal
There was controversy in the Olympic pool in Beijing today, when, after US paddler Michael Phelps' disputed victory in the 100m Butterfly final, the first swimming drugs scandal of the 2008 Games surfaced.
Phelps won, but afterwards, eighty-four...
Clooney "Judy Finnigan's Tits have Ruined my Love Life"
In a sensational outburst on UK television, enigmatic commitment phobic George Clooney has revealed that he hasn't had an orgasm with a woman since the Millenium.
Clooney (47), the second sexiest man on the planet whose thumbs are reportedly insu...
Bush Gets Bronze at Women's Beach Volley Ball!
US worst president ever George W Bush embarrassed himself and his nation as usual when he met with the Olympic champion US Beach volley ball gold medalists. The ladies still in their necessarily brief and revealing uniforms attempted to respectfully...
Phelps' 12,000 Calorie Diet Just Made Me a Fat Fuck!
Sports writers have been celebrating the 12,000 calorie diet that has made Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps perhaps the greatest aquatic athlete in history. When spoofster, Pointillius Pointer read about the swimmer's eating regimen leading up to the O...
Rooney's Nigerian Granny Shag-a-thon
Serial granny shagging, Football fat boy Wayne Rooney has been up to his old tricks again while in Nigeria.
After returning to England, Wayne was said to have picked up a "stomach bug" from the local cuisine!
But we can exclusively reveal it wa...
England vs Czech Republic: The day English Football finally lost its soul.
In news that will enrage English Soccer fans throughout the world David Beckham is the only first team regular who has made himself available to play the friendly at the new Wembley stadium on Wednesday night.
Naked save for a tight pair of Armani...
After Success of Beach Volleyball, WNBA Adopts White Bikinis
Due to the success of the U.S. Beach Volleyball team (gold medal in the Olympics and over 100 straight victories), the WNBA (Women's National Basketball Association) has decided to adopt the uniform of Misty May-Traenor and Kerri Walsh. From now on,...
DeGeneres - Nigella Ruined My Wedding
Friends of celebrity lesbians Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi report that the rug-munching pair are "outraged" that their star spangled celebrity wedding on Saturday was "ruined" when British raven-haired temptress, Nigella Lawson, ate one of Hil...
Tom Daley In Trouble Over Untidy Bedroom
Teenage British Olympic diver Tom Daley is in hot water with his mum over the terrible state of his bedroom.
Tom has been away with the British squad in Beijing for the last month, and, according to mum Debbie:
"left his room in a right state!"...
Berbatov Transfer Scandal As 'Body Double' Found
Dimitar Berbatov, the unsettled Tottenham striker, is at the centre of Fraud allegations tonight, after a 'body double' of the moody Bulgarian was found in a North London factory.
Berbatov has been a target for Manchester United recently, and it w...
Hannah Montana Arrested For DUI
Rock star Hannah Montana was arrested for DUI in Hollywood on Saturday night. Police indicated that her blood alcohol content was 0.09, just over the legal limit.
Officials from Bob Disney Studios were quick to deny the reports, noting that Hanna...
Patsy Kensit Who Do You Think You Are?
Actress Patsy Kensit has said she was so upset to find her grandfather had a stutter on TV show Who Do You Think You Are? that she lost all interest in personal hygiene and even stopped shaving her Dexter Blackstock.
The Holby City star told the R...
2008 Olympic Cycling Chaos As Mens 4000m Keirin Won By Durney Bike
There was mayhem at the Laoshan Velodrome in Beijing today when, in the Olympic Mens Keirin cycling event, the riders were surprised by a shock breakaway by the Durney Bike, which sped away from the main field to take the gold medal.
The Durney Bi...
Chinese Olympic gymnasts really third trimester fetuses, claims IOC
Beijing, China - In a display of unprecedented backbone ever shown by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) in recent years, the IOC announced today that it intends to launch a formal investigation into the alleged violation of its rules by the p...
Usain Bolt In Possible Medal-Stripping Scandal
Usain Bolt, the fastest man on Earth, could be stripped of his Olympic 100m sprint gold medal after it was discovered that his name is an anagram of the silly word 'Ablutions'.
Bolt, 21, is from Jamaica, where the standard way of telling someone t...
Woman has 200 Orgasms a day
Gorgeous Sarah Taylor is a 200-a-day orgasm girl who gets good, good, good vibrations from almost anything. The rumble of a train on the tracks, the purr of a hairdryer, a wolf whistle from an off duty housing officer are all enough to make her go oh...
Dimitar Berbatov Joins Bulgarian Royal Ballet
Dimitar Berbatov, the troubled Tottenham striker, has astonished White Hart Lane officials by signing transfer forms with, not as expected, Manchester United, but with the Bulgarian Royal Ballet.
Berbatov travelled to Bulgaria this afternoon to co...
Sarah Palin supports creationism
Vice President hopeful Sarah Palin has admitted that she believes creationism should be taught in schools.
The Alaskan Senator picked as a running mate by John McCain said 'Yeah sure why not? Creationism deserves to be taught alongside evolution.
Llama Song Rewritten for Obama
The infamous Llama song has been rewritten with new lyrics and is now posted, near the annoying standard, on You Tube. The new song is about Barack Obama and repeats itself, over and over, without stopping (just like the original).
Kitty Collins,...
Queen Has A Go At Gurning
Her Majesty the Queen surprised onlookers during a visit to the Cumbrian town of Whitehaven last week, when she met the World Gurning champion Tommy Mattinson, and outgurned him.
The Queen was there to "see how the poor people lived", her interest...
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders New Video To Feature Shaven George Michael
A brand-new promotional video recorded by the sexy Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders to be released in September features the ex-pop star George Michael without his trademark camp beard.
Mr Michael, who is the partner of Kenny Goss, the former Dallas ch...
Michael Phelps Refuses to Endorse Viagra
Michael Phelps, who recently won 8 Olympic Gold Medals at the Chinese games, has been signed to endorse over 52 products in television commercials and print advertising. He will be featured on boxes of Wheaties, in ads for soft drinks, in spots for...
Mark Spitz Challenges Michael Phelps to Race
Upset with the huge success of Michael Phelps at this year's Olympic games and the fact that all of his one time world records have fallen, former swimmer Mark Spitz has decided to come out of retirement and challenge Michael Phelps to a race.
Spi...
Alaska UFO buzzes Sarah Palin's gubernatorial mansion
Juneau, Alaska - (Frozen Ass Mess): A skull and crossbones-emblazoned UFO buzzed the Wassilla home of Alaska's Governor Sarah Palin.
Moments earlier GOP presidential wannabe John McCain had just announced that the 44 year-old ex beauty queen is th...
Windows System 7 'nothing like' Macintosh System 7 says Ballmer
Microsoft have disputed claims that Windows 7, the proposed follow up to Vista, is anything like the Macintosh system launched in 1991.
'For starters it won't run on a Mac (unless it's one of those dual boot things)' said CEO Steve Ballmer ' We ar...
National Hurricane Center Issues Ebonic Names for 2009
Coral Gables, Miami (IPP) - The National Hurricane Center (NHC) in Coral Gables, Florida announced this morning that Ebonic names will be given to hurricanes in 2009. They have decided to do this in the interest of maintaining a fair and balanced...
'Dear' Deirdre loses memory stick - thousands of letters stolen
Deirdre Rachid, the famous 'Dear Deirdre' agony aunt of downmarket tabloid 'The Sun' has admitted losing a memory stick containing the personal problems of thousands of readers. Names and addresses were included in the data and it is thought to be wo...
Denver UFO rattles Obama amid paper's 'JFK Jr faked death' claims
Denver, Colorado - (Extraterrestrial Mess): A mystery UFO buzzed Denver's Pepsi Center today amid breaking headlines in a Californian celeb paper claiming John F Kennedy Junior faked his fatal 1999 airplane crash.
The La FagHagSlagMag story broke...
VP-ILF Candie Sarah Palin Played Skin Flute for McCain
Every beauty pageant contestant has to have two big things in her favor. besides those two "Reasons" there is also the talent contest. Some do card tricks. Others sinf opera. While still more twirl and stroke batons.
Sarah Palin played the flu...
Shilpa Shetty blames Jade Goody's 'landfill site' vagina for medical woes
Mumbai - (Tasteless Crap Mess): Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty has hinted that 'having a vagina like a landfill site' is more likely than bad karma to be responsible for Celebrity Big Racist ranter Jade Goody's medical woes.
The Big Boss star tol...
Al Gore, Britney Spears in Dukes of Hazzard II
Former Vice-President Al Gore and Britney Spears will join the cast of the upcoming Dukes of Hazzard II. Gore will play Boss Hogg while Spears will appear as Daisy Duke's identical twin cousin.
Al Gore's participation in the film is conditioned on...
Spoof writer plays McCain blinder
London - (Ass Mess): A veteran Spoof! writer has been revealed as a top secret White House campaign strategist to GOP presidential wannabe John McCain.
Queen Mudder's 13 May 2008 Spoof! news story predicted Alaska's Governor Sarah Palin would be s...
Bigfoot Named President of Georgia and Makes Peace With Russia
TBILISI, Georgia (FMLiveWire) - A Bigfoot from the Caucasus Mountains has been named President of Georgia and has made peace in the recent war between Russia with the breakaway Georgian states and the government of Georgia.
The Bigfoot, who insist...
Gary Glitter lands in UK - signs up for Big Brother
Gary Glitter, the seventies pop star turned paedophile, returned to the UK for the first time in over ten years today and immediately penned a deal with makers of failing reality show Big Brother.
"It's a good career move for me" said Glitter "I s...
Michael Phelps Has Had His Ass Slapped By George Bush
Michael Phelps, the star of the Beijing Olympics after his record-breaking 8 gold medals in the swimming pool, has admitted that he owes much of his success to President George Bush, who slapped his ass before he left for China.
Bush, who also sla...
Dear Paraphernalia4Yourgenitalia.cum: Does recircumcision stimulate penis growth?
Dear P4YG, Is it true that in the same way that frequent hair cutting brings in longer and thicker hair( you should see the hedge upon my mons pubis from early and often weed wacking!), a recircumcision brin gs the penis back in larger and wider than life size? BIGBUSH n lil dick
Dear Mr President and Vice, First let me say how honored and sexsually pleased I am to have the abstinence only...
Apple iPhone Adds 3 Speed Vibrator
In an effort to increase sales among its female customers, Apple Inc. has introduced the new Apple iPhone Classic Touch Vibrator (CTV). In addition to all the usual iPhone features, the CTV also comes in 3 vibrating speeds for female enjoyment.
Pr...
Man with world's biggest penis admits he has trouble keeping it in his pants.
Life might not be all sunshine and roses for someone as well-endowed as Cyril Clitlicker. The man famous for having a 36inch willy confesses that his exceptionally large manhood often gets him into serious trouble.
Cyril was answering questions at...
Eyeglass Industry Booms As Sarah Palin Is Nominated for Vice-President
Thanks to John McCain, a Four-Eye is at the forefront of the American political scene.
"We're ecstatic," declared one executive of an eyeglass manufacturing firm. "Sarah Palin is showing the world you can be gorgeous and also wear eyeglasses. Sh...
Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty Sing "Welcome Home" To Gary Glitter
Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty have just recorded a single for immediate release. They have covered the 1973 number one hit by Peters and Lee - "Welcome Home" and with the expected outcry from the British media to help it along, it is expected to be...
Pythoner Michael "Sarah" Palin Lands Republican VP Slot!
Every Monty Python lover across the globe got a kick out of the cross dressing and falsettoed comic antics of the all male troop of British absurdists.No one including fellow Pyton vets like John Cleese and Terry Gilliam knew that Michael Palin had m...
Olympics Closing Ceremony To Include Ritual Animal Sacrifices
The Closing Ceremony at the Beijing Olympics is to be an all-singing, all-dancing extravaganza which will also include a wonderful fireworks display, and the ritual sacrifice of 2008 chickens and 8 bulls.
8 is a lucky number in China, but not for...
Olympic Taekwondo Cheating Scandal - War With China Looms
More Olympic scandal today, in the Taekwondo arena this time, with British girl Sarah Stevenson being the victim of the judges' incompetence, as she lost to, you guessed it, a Chinese competitor.
Sarah was trailing 1-0 with just seconds of her mat...
Democratic National Convention Reveals Obama As Anti-Christ
The Democratic National Convention opened with the Revelation that their nominee Barack Obama is the Anti-Christ. Delegates, Super Delegates, and other party members and press cheered at the announcement that their charismatic candidate was the rebi...
New Olympic Scandal As Usain Bolt Discovered To Be A Cyberdyne Systems Model 101
Usain Bolt, the Olympic 100m champion, is at the centre of a new row today, after it was revealed by members of Beijing's official doping team, that the Jamaican is actually a cyborg.
According to the dopists, Bolt, who, on Saturday, broke the Wor...
It's official - Julie Moult is an idiot
Julie Moult, a 'journalist' from right-wing rag The Daily Mail has been exposed as a grade 'A' idiot, according to the Internet today.
Following up on her award winning stories such as 'Nazi racoons on warpath' she wrote a poorly researched piece...
Prince William: I want a tattoo.
Prince William is desperate to get a tattoo - but worries girlfriend Kate Middleton would think it was "chavvy". Wills, 26, told Navy pals he wanted a huge inking on his back like England star David Beckham, who has a giant angel.
But the Prince s...
Hillary Clinton pulling ahead in penis fencing completion for Obama's V.P. pick
Washington, DC - Topping the short list of political contenders to share in the Democratic Party's Barack Obama Presidential ticket as vice president, Hillary Clinton has surprisingly pulled ahead in the penis fencing competition secretly held behind...
Facebook To Face Challenge From Facebutt
Facebook, the internet social networking site is to face a strong challenge from its newest rival Facebutt. *
The new site is similar to Facebook, but with the added quirk of asking members to post a picture of their bottoms instead of their faces...
Cyrus Re-Exposed!
Miley Cyrus has been embroiled in another photographic fiasco, this time courtesy of Bustler Magazine. The 15-year-old megastar will appear in a 3-month, 3-centerfold hardcore trilogy starting with the December Christmas issue.
"Miley had no id...
Massive Changes in the Alcohol Laws by 2010
Self extinguishing cigarettes that go out in 60 seconds if they are not smoked will become compulsory across Europe within three years. A new EU ruling will force tobacco companies to use fire retardant paper in all cigarettes by 2011 in a bid to cut...
Dog the Bounty Hunter to Track Down UK Benefit Cheats
Department of Work and Pensions minister James Plaskitt, has defended Government plans to appoint mullet-headed Hawaiian crime fighter Dog Chapman and his enormous-breasted wife Beth, as figureheads of a new initiative to track down benefit cheats.
Floozy In Red Shoes Flirts With Men, Causing Hard-ons
A woman in red stiletto-heeled shoes flirted with shoppers in a busy Staffordshire high street today, drawing admiring stares from desperate men, and causing widespread hard-ons.
The woman in her thirties, emerged from one of the town's many chari...
Coxswain with artificial voice not allowed to compete at games
Garry Montorsi's dreams of competing in the Beijing Games as a coxswain for the Canadian men's heavy weight eight rowing team came to an end yesterday morning.
The Olympic Governing Body (OGB) ruled that the device Montorsi uses to speak, because...
Fat people to power giant hamster wheels
HEALTH and energy chiefs have unveiled a plan to make fat people power turbines by forcing them to run in giant hamster wheels.
Government research teams from the Department of Health and the Department of Energy joined forces and spent five month...
Anton Du Beke now "considerably camper" than 2007
A survey conducted by independent watchdog "Mincewatch" suggests that snake-hipped entertainer Anton Du Beke is now 'considerably more gay' than he was during the 2007 series of 'Strictly Come Dancing'.
In his first solo show for the BBC, 'Step U...
Vivienne Westwood And Stella McCartney To Oversee 'Changing Of The Guards' Bearskin Hats Change
Weird 'fashion' designers Vivienne Westwood, 98, and Stella McCartney have been asked by an Animal Rights group to redesign the bearskin hats worn by the sentry guards at Buckingham Palace.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PEfETHIC) is...
McCain Scores with MILF VP!
Antediluvian Repub candie Johnny McC has scored big time with Alaskan Governor, former village mayor , beauty queen and present day big time MILF as his Vice Presidential choice.
Desperate for some feeble sign of life , the half dead senior citiz...
Roger Federer Visits Witch Doctor in Kenya
Kenya - In an attempt to exercise the bad spirits of his worst year in tennis since he turned 20, Roger Federer has visited a remote village in Kenya. There he sought out the advice of a tribal witch Dr. nicknamed "Mongo".
According to local sourc...
Michael Jackson Claims Scottish Ancestry
Popstar Michael Jackson has amazed people in Scotland on his 50th birthday, by following up his new album of Rabbie Burns' cover versions, with his amazing declaration that he, himself, is a Scot.
Jackson claims that his ancestors were part of the...
John McCain Chooses Bigfoot As Running Mate
Aug. 25, 2008 - In an attempt to deflect American voters' attention from the Democratic Party Convention, John McCain today announced his Vice Presidential running mate. With Barack Obama having named Joseph Biden two days ago, McCain named Bigfoot,...
McCain Introduces Sarah Palin as Running Mate
DAYTON, Ohio - Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain introduced his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, at a raucous rally Friday, praising her "well groomed cuticles " and "skill" in arranging matching outfits."
"She is exactly w...
Jack Nicholson livid at ex-CIA spook's Angelina Jolie, Sen John Edwards paternity claims
Los Angeles - (Overactive Prostate Gland Mess): Hollywood's top cold war lothario and random inseminator of pointless randy women Jack Nicholson is spitting venom.
A former top CIA official says Bill Clinton ordered a cover-up of the Cuckoo's Nest...
Michael Phelps's flipper like feet are turning Green, as they inspire fuel-efficient outboard motor design to propel small sea going vessels
Seattle, Washington - "As soon as Michael Phelps returns from the 2008 Summer Olympic in Beijing China, a cast of his feet will be made," said a spokesman for Phelps; seemingly the announcement confirms the rumor that Phelps's flipper like feet are t...
George Michael "Cocks Up" in Manchester
In the latest embarrassing chapter in the saga of George Michael's dropped bollocks, the swarthy '80s popster reportedly forgot that he was supposed to be performing at his farewell concert at London's Earls Court on Sunday and had to be dragged from...
Fart to Gold in London 2012
Olympic Chiefs have decided to include Farting into the London 2012 Olympic Games.
The Olympic Panel Committee agreed unanimously that if they were going to have silly events like Gymnastic Ribbon Twirling & Synchronized Swimming in the Olympi...
George Michael to Film New Police Video in Manchester
The city of Manchester is bracing itself for an influx of over 250,000 uniformed lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender police from 16 forces across the UK this weekend when George Michael shoots the video for his forthcoming single "Wake Me Up Befor...
Dixie Chicks Consider Being Ashamed of Something Else
The Dixie Chicks, who got into some trouble in 2003 when their lead singer Natalie Maines told a London audience that they were ashamed that George Bush was from Texas, are considering an new source of shame for an upcoming tour.
"I mean, George...
Sheffield United Forced To Make Nickname Change, So Angry About It They Could "Stab People"
Kevin McCabe, Chairman of Sheffield United Football Club, publicly stated his "disgust" today upon being informed that the government has demanded the club change its nickname. A spokesman for Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, said this evening that...
Swastika shaped UFO attacks Balmoral Castle
Ballybollox, Scotland - (Extraterrestrial Mess): The Queen is in a catatonic state after a mystery craft buzzed Balimmoral Castle's seamy Colditz Wing last night.
SAS officers said a menacing swastika shaped UFO fired a series of mean-spirited las...
Kim Carnes Returns with "Marty Feldman Eyes"
Anybody remember one hit wonder Kim Carnes? You know, that gravel voiced masculine looking blonde woman who had a huge hit in the early 80's with "Bette Davis Eyes"? Well, according to the latest issue of Boredbill magazine, she is making a comeback.
Jeremy Kyle "Went Beserk" on X-Factor
It has been revealed that the twin brother of baby-faced bigot Jeremy Kyle has been standing in for the popular moralist on his daytime "trial by television" show since May, when he was admitted to celebrity health farm The Priory after a nervous bre...
Jamaican Runners Caught Doping with Dope
In a sad day for Jamaica, the country's entire Olympic track team was disqualified and stripped of their medals. Several runners tested positive for a banned substance - ganja.
So far no one has disclosed which athletes tested positive. Usain Bolt...
Rice For Cambodia Campaign Launched
Today, a new charity was launched to provide rice for Cambodia, and its organisers cleverly called it Rice For Cambodia.
The charity aims to encourage Cambodians to grow and harvest rice, and then send it to America and Australia, where Americans...
Manchester United Star Vidic A Keen Trainspotter
Manchester United's 26-year-old Serbian centre-half Nemanja Vidic has been talking about his love for the Northern capital and his favourite pastime when he isn't playing football - the ancient English art of Trainspotting.
Vidic told Russian jour...
Drinking Age Lowered To Eleven
CHICAGO - At a meeting here of American college and university presidents, a motion was made and passed to lower the drinking age to 11.
"At first the drinking age was 18. Then it was raised to 21, and caused a lot of resentment," stated Dr. Robe...
Carol Vorderman Sacked for Cheating?
Consonant, Y... Vowel, O... Consonant, Y... Vowel, O... Consonant, Y... Vowel, O...Consonant, Y... Vowel, O... Consonant, Y. That's...YOYOYOYOY. A good question; why oh why did Carol Vorderman decide to leave channel 4's long-running quiz show, count...
Oxygen Addiction
Following X Files star David Duchovny's admittance to a clinic for Sex Addicts, his former X Files Co-Star Gillian Anderson admitted in a frank interview, that unless she has a regular fix of oxygen, she will die.
The Bleak House star admitted the...
Pope Benedict XVI Names Three New Saints
Vatican City-- Pope Benedict named three new saints today in a ceremony at Vatican City. The three are the first new saints of the 21st Century and reflect our modern society. Roman Catholics believe saints are intermediaries between God and man and...
Miley's Bold Move to Win Nick Back
It has recently been confirmed that teen songstress Miley Cyrus's on-again, off-again romance with fellow Disney icon and hearthrob Nick Jonas is in fact, off. The Hannah Montana star hasn't actually said anything to confirm this, but her actions spe...
Bigfoot Group Claims They Are Wookies and Sues George Lucas for Star Wars Money
HOLLYWOOD (FMLiveWire) - The World Bigfoot Society (WBS) claims that its members are actually Wookies and has launched a lawsuit against George Lucas with multiple claims for damages.
The WBS has several hundred actual Bigfoot creatures as members...
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