Spoof news stories from Tuesday 15 April 2008
Paris Declares - "Marilyn a dead root!"
Uproar in Hollywood today as Paris Hilton is rumoured to be the mystery buyer of the Marilyn Munroe sex tape. A close friend of Paris told Spoof that Paris considered the tape "ordinary" and had declared "Marilyn was a dead root!"...
Cookie diet not cause of husband's impotence Madonna told
London - (Sinewy Ass Mess): Nutritionists at the London Hip, Thigh & Wobbly Arse Clinic have scoffed at the idea that Guy Ritchie's impotence is a direct result of a daft, spouse-imposed 800 calorie-a-day cookie diet.
Barack Obama Markets Urine As 'Countryside Lemonade'
In an attempt to quell the public furor over his recent comments and to satisfy his supporters unquenchable thirst for anything Obama, U.S. Senator Barack Obama is joining with the Coca-Cola company to market 'Countryside Lemonade'.
Congratulations! You Just Won $1,000,000!
The Grenadian Lottery Group has pleased to inform you that you have won $1,000,000. We have chosen websites at random and chose to post the winning post on this website. And because you are reading this post, you are a winner.
Thomas Beatie might be the first "real" Pregnant man but this comic did it first "fake"...
Where else but in America can you be a writer and a comic all at the same time... About the time the movie "Junior" came out in movie houses nation wide, I got this invite to a costume party and well being the average guy that I am when it comes to deciding things I turned to a woman I was dating (a Nurse of all things, which I love by the by women in a nurses uniform, but I am getting...
Pope to do Moses Re-enactment in US Visit
Pope Benedict XVI will perform an encounter of biblical proportions today when he lands at Edwards Air Force Base today, and meets the President and his wife on his first visit to North America. The 80 year-old pontiff is really excited at this visit...
Swinging has suddenly become popular in the quaint old Devon Village of Much Fanny
Swinging has suddenly become extremely popular with the majority of older people in the quaint old Devon Village of Much Fanny, although some snobbish residents are concerned that a new Swingers Club will promote the area for all the wrong reasons.
Pope Casts More into Hell-Not All Mad
During his historic visit to New York City over the weekend, Pope Benedict XVI added to the Vatican's official list of sinners to a huge crowd at Madison Square Garden.
Feds find giant tunnel linking Crawford and Eldorado
Texas - (Fundamental Nutter Mess): Federal agents have found a gigantic tunnel linking George W Bush's Predator Chapel Ranch, Crawford home and the Yearn For Zion polygamist nutters' concentration camp 223 miles due west nea...
Hillary and Bill Clinton love dictators like them
The entire premise of the president's office as envisioned by America's founding fathers, was that an HONEST MAN would occupy the White House. At that time we HAD a government that feared the people, not people living in fear of government ty...
Former Governor Spitzer to head CDC's Sexually Transmitted Disease Unit
It was announced today by CDC head, Dr. Julie Gerberding that Eliot Spitzer, disgraced former Governor of New York, will be the new director of CDC's Department of Sexually Transmitted Diseases. "He's the best man for the job," exc...
Man Who Told Boss To F**k Off, Given Nobel Prize
A man who humiliated his employer in a public place by telling him to "f**K off" and "go suck your granpa's c**k, motherf*cker" has been awarded the prestigious Nobel Prize in Balls at a glitz...
John Barrowman not so gay, says buxom backstairs Lolita
'Captain Jack' John Barrowman's public image of gay pride and connubial bliss came under scrutiny yesterday amid revelations of weekend trysts with a prostitute and her enormous tits.
Scorsese: "Westlife are Next"
Following the success of his recent Rolling Stones Rockumentary, Shine a Light, veteran director Martin Scorsese has decided to stick with the music theme for his next epic.
Sex With Robots? A View Of The Future
People will be having sex with robots by 2050, an artificial intelligence expert has predicted.
Log On To Find Your Perfect Partner
The path to modern love could be via the click of a mouse, according to a new poll.
Summer Movie Preview
This summer, several blockbuster movies will be opening. Get a jump on your summer fun: here's a preview of what we can expect!...
Tom Cruise quits Scientology
Hollywood - (Godfearing Mess): Tom Cruise is reported to have quit the Church of Scientology after a week of terrible nightmares warning him that the cult's god Xenu is about to betray him.
McCann PR man 'as big a liar as royal butler Paul Burrell' say Portuguese cops
Praia da Luz - (Ass Mess): Portuguese police have slammed McCann PR spokesman Clarence House Mitchell as 'an accomplished liar, as rotten and conniving as Diana's butler Paul Burrell'.
Hilton auditions for Nazi Orgymaster: The Max Mosley Story biopic
Ealing Studios - (Ass Mess): Paris Hilton has auditioned for a lead role as an Nazi S&M madam in a Kinky Carry On Colditz movie remake during her flying visit to London.
Pope Benedict to Exorcise George Bush and Britney Spears on US Visit
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- Pope Benedict XVI will have an opportunity to use his priestly powers when he exorcises President George Bush, Dick Cheney, John McCain and Britney Spears during his first pilgrimage to the United States as Pope.
London sleazebags swarm to club's Paris Hilton night
London - (A-List Sewage Mess): Paris Hilton drew a record number of London's stagnant water bottom-feeders last night as she graced a Mayfair nightclub with her pointless toxic presence.
MoD cover-up as Wills and Harry fail drug test
Whitehall - (Nepotism Mess): The Ministry of Defence has been accused of taking the piss after a UK tabloid undercover reporter found evidence that both William and Harry have failed routine drug tests.
Sub-prime fiasco caused by Wall Street cocaine binge
Off-the-Wall-St, New York - (Narcotic Mess): Forget the shrinks' feeble apologia about investment bankers' fluctuating testosterone and cortisol levels: DEA chiefs say a massive Wall Street cocaine binge has generated the sub-prime fiasco.
Global Warming Causes Evolution of River Leaches
Climate scientists from The University of Maryland have found that global warming could initiate an evolution of the river leach into a land roaming blood-sucking creature that would endanger the life or health of our children. Dr. Merle Benhoffson,...
Big Ben To Go Digital
At last, Big Ben is to finally get a £500,000 facelift and is to go digital just in time for the New Year celebrations.
Free Can Of Guiness For All Spoof Readers*
It's true, Karim's Off Licence in Derby and even the Isle of Man and Stirling are giving away a free Can of the Irish Nectar!...
Unsuspecting Scot Wins Talent Show
Holidaymaker Tam McLuney got a big surprise whilst holidaying in the popular resort of Benidorm.
Andy Enrages Hundreds
There was a young boy named Andy from the UK who wrote a fictitious story about a friend of mine. What he didn't realize is that he started a war. And this war will rage on until he realizes that it's not nice to write things about people, especially if it depicts this living, breathing person doing something that could get them into trouble.
Reality TV New Low - "So You Think You Can Douche?"
UK television executives today hit a new low with the announcement of the latest voyeuristic reality production "So You Think You Can Douche?"...
Moe N Moe Dowdy Still Stuck on Slick's Willie!
NY Times op-ed vamp, Moe N. Moe Dowdy has had her claws stuck into Hillary Clinton since Bill's first lady (who's counting) became a senator and then a Demo candie for President.
Queasy thief fingered by his own vomit
A budding Australian criminal who was so nervous during a hold-up that he was physically sick has been incriminated by his own disgusting pool of puke.
Benedict and Beerbush Fight it Out in Much Ado About Two Big Nothings
In a take-off of Willie Shakes's great love comedy about hostiles who end up in each others arms, Benedict the Sixteenth and Beerbush the Second have been strutting and fretting their stage lives out on the boards in NY, London and the Vatican Ci...
Boggling
My google search for 'juggling' gave me a staggering figure of half a million entries, none of which, I am sure, had anything to do with what I was looking for.
Bushie and Tony Todd, The Twin Butcher Butchers of Iraq Street
The London and NY Broadway stages have been presenting the musical hit of the decade, Bushie and Tony Todd, the Butcher Butchers of Iraq Street.
Chewable Viagra Marketed for Kids
It has been announced that a children's version of the popular drug, Viagra, has been developed.
Rolling Stones Commemorate 20th Anniversary of Keith Richards' Passing
The surviving members of The Rolling Stones commemorated the 20th anniversary of Keith Richards' death by shooting themselves up with heroin. They also shoot up Keith Richards' corpse.
Porn Legend To Advise Celebs
Reports today that porn legend Ron Jeremy, otherwise known as The Hedgehog, will offer his services helping celebrities with their internet porn videos.
Delta and Northwest To Form Airline Equivalent of Bonnie & Clyde
In what will be the biggest airline merger in history, Delta Airlines and Northwest Airlines will join together to ultimately tag-team double-screw the air-traveling public. Squeezed by record high fuel prices and an economy readying itself for a lan...
Prison too easy for Doherty
Pampered Pete Doherty has been given a jail cell to himself and a bunk with two mattresses.
Credit Crunch widely derided as inferior to other cereals
Financial markets have responded quickly to the poor performance of the Credit Crunch.
Pirates Release Seven-Year-Old Boy
A seven-year-old boy who, with his family, has been held hostage by Somali pirates for the past three months has been discovered safe and sound.
BBC World News Man Calls for New Diana Inquiry
BBC World TV autocue reader, Keith Gowing, has called for the investigation into the death of Princess Diana to be reopened.
Bush recalls former President Jimmy Carter's Secret Service Security Detail while still in the Middle East - Carter now traveling in disguise
Washington, DC - In an unprecedented action, President Bush signed Executive Order 180, which revoked the security privileges provided by the Secret Service afforded to all former presidents of the United States since 1901, after President McKinley...
Grand Prix Drivers Revolt
Already rocked by controversy, motor racing suffered another blow today when leading drivers rejected proposed new driving suit regulations and plans to introduce flogging as a punishment for drivers who exceed pit lane speed limits.
Would You Buy A Used Car From Hillary Clinton?
Smarty-pants voters use to question the trust worthiness of Richard Nixon by asking, "Yeah, but would you buy a used car from him?" Today, the same question can be raised about Hillary Clinton, "Yeah, but would you buy a used car from...
Saudis threaten to cut off US ties in polygamy protest fiasco
Eldorado, Texas - (Fundamental Mess): Former Sordid Arabian ambassador to the US Prince Bandar has come out in support of the Yearn For Zion polygamy nutters whose temple was busted two weeks ago.
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