Spoof news stories from Wednesday 5 September 2007
BBC Plot to keep Doctor Who on TV Forever
In breaking news today from an insider at the BBC it was revealed that BBC Bosses have a dastardly plan to keep their top rating show Doctor Who on air for ever (or at least until the license fee is cancelled).
Space Marshmallows in Bid to Takeover the Earth
In recent separate incidents across the planet, people have been attacked by ordinary packets of marshmallows they innocently bought in local supermarkets and took home to eat.
Zombie Coronation Halted by Cyborg Invasion
Following the recent re-appearance of long dead Monarchs of the British Throne during the summer silly season (as reported earlier this year by two top Spoof News Reporters), there has been a sudden and dramatic twist in the story.
Fruit flies infest White House
The White House was closed this weekend while attendants fumigated the president's offices for a pest infestation.
Billy Connolly Is An Android
In a shocking turn of events today it was discovered that beloved Scottish Comedian and Presenter Billy Connolly was an Android when his head exploded in a shower of sparks and circuits during his once yearly hair wash.
Astronomers Baffled by Giant Hole In Space
Following the recent discovery of a Giant Empty Hole in Outer Space that is up to 100 Billion Light Years Wide, Royal Chief Astronomer Professor Von Nerdlinger was asked for his incisive comments.
Government to Tax the Living Dead
In a bizarre new move to rake in some money, the British Government has decided to start taxing the Living Dead.
Bald man arrested
Former home secretary has been arrested today after being stopped by the police for indecently exposing his head in public.
National Trust terrorists
Special officers investigating the National trust have today discovered a massive stockpiled supply of weapons hidden within stately homes.
Panda lies worse than ever
Scientists from the university of Whayestin-Timyn have published vital new evidence, in the journal 'Science Stuff' about how the lies of the Chinese government have let the breeding of pandas get out of control.
Evidence of early technology found in Pompei
Archeologists working on the outskirts of the site a Pompeii, famously the area affected by the eruption of Mount Versuvious, have discovered signs of advanced roman technology.
Time may be running out
A study recently published in the journal 'Science Stuff' has shown that we may have less time left than previously thought.
Leper Colony officially opened by Hollywood mayor
A celebrity leper colony had it's opening ceremony performed yesterday in Burbank, Hollywood.
Rosie O Donnell appointed spokeswoman on nuclear energy
Fat comic Rosie o Donnell has been elected spokeswoman for Nuclear Energy by Californian Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Scarlett Johannson is "Lost in Translation" at Bolivian Clowns funeral
Scarlett Johannson amazed funeral goers with a unique interpretation of "The Final Countdown" by 80's Euro poodle rockers "Europe".
Oprah Winfrey meets Kim Jong Il
Chat show host Oprah Winfrey has paid a visit to North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il's sprawling West Virginian ranch.
Blair the arms dealer hopes to kit out Vatican
Tel Aviv - (Armageddon Press): Former UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has flown from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia to Tel Aviv in an effort to drum up support for a masive new BAE-style £30 billion arms deal that will kit out the Vatican with the latest hardware.
Stuntman Demands Stand-in For Extremely Dangerous Stunt
A noted Hollywood stuntman has astonished film makers on the set of a blockbuster movie by demanding a stand-in to undertake an extremely dangerous stunt.
Bush domestic policy furor as B-52 crosses USA armed with six nuclear missiles
Washington DC - (Disatser Press) It took a top UK general to tell George W Bush last weekend that his Iraq policy is 'intellectually and morally bankrupt'. And now those words are echoing across the entire USA amid news...
Italy's Catatonia airport closed as Etna erupts
Catatonia, Italy - (Disaster Press): Italy's Catatonia-Fontanarossa international airport was closed last night as a precaution after Mount Etna began erupting ahead of expected massive seismic activity five thousand miles away at Alaska's Pa...
Flip-Flops & September 11th
(New York--NY) I like feet. No, let me be clear. I like women's feet. No, let me be even more clear: I like women's feet if they're attached to women between the ages of 20-32. Preferably, the feet in question should be a matched set with a pedicure no more than one week old.
Mystery giant furball over New Jersey shoreline
New Jersey - (Hairy Ass Mess): A mysterious giant "furball" was spotted last night exploding over the waters off Jersey Shore on Sunday night, prompting speculation in might be somehow part of Hurricane Felix the Cat.
Feds praise The Spoof's investigative journalism in Corrupt Bastards probe
Juneau, Alaska - (Ass Mess): "We couldn't have done it without The Spoof's ceaseless probings of Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club", a top FBI source chuckled today.
Babies Balk At Bathing Due To Rubber Ducky Recall
In yet another massive recall of toys made in China the FDA today announced an immediate nationwide recall of all rubber duckies due to cancer causing yellow dye #247 which was used to give the adorable and much loved toy its attractive color.
Scientists discover Corrupt Bastards gene
Dallas, Texas - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A major scientific breakthrough has seen the discovery of a common strand of DNA, identified as a genetic "master switch", that triggers complusive acts of corrupt bastard folly.
DNA To Become Compulsory For All
A senior judge has said today that DNA should become compulsory for all UK residents, and for all those visiting the UK, whether it be for business or for pleasure.
Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton Accepted Into Hogwarts
5 Sep 07, HOGSMEADE, UK, EU-- Two presidential candidates are among enrollees at prestigious Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this term, said registrar Minerva McGonagall. President-Elect
South Korea to destroy its Northern Counterpart
South Korea, Seoul (The Lies) - Shares involved with an array of inter-Korean cooperation has lead to a dramatic increase in their value in addition to a greater risk of a nuclear attack up on western powers.
Amy Winehouse Goes All 'Mary Poppins'
Amy Winehouse, the troubled songstress, has surprised the pop world after announcing details of her new single, which is a cover of an old musical favourite.
Sen. Craig reconsiders resigning
Washington, D.C. - Unlike the Foley incident attempting to turn the page (no pun intended) in the Republican Congressional Page fiasco, Craig should be on the same page (again, no pun intended) taken from the 1994 (and repeated again by one member in...
Dannielynn Birkhead Gives Thumbs Down to Kentucky Birthday Party
Anna Nicole Smith's daughter was appalled when she learned what her dad, Larry Birkhead, has planned for her first birthday -- a party in Kentucky. "Kentucky?" she babytalked in disbelief and horror.
Clinton's Husband Endorses Ron Paul!
5 Sep 07, NEW YORK CITY, NY, USNA-- President-Elect Clinton's husband, William Jefferson Clinton, formally endorsed Ron Paul today on the CBC programme "L...
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