Wiltshire - (Real Estate Mess): Repossession documents for the immediate seizure of Madonna's Ascombe Manor country pile have been signed in the Chancery Division of the Royal Courts of Justice for enforcement this week.
Hempstead, NY - (Ass Mess): A moose has been found hanging in a New York suburban police department that prides itself on its eco-friendliness according to reports.
In an effort to stop men and women from procreating, the Chinese government has banned all television networks from showing provocative push-up bras and figure fitting underwear and has banned all stores from selling such items.
London - (Ass Mess): The fairytale wedding gown worn by Princess Diana has suddenly begun spurting droplets of blood like an iconinc Madonna painting ahead of Tuesday's inquest into her fatal car crash of 1997.
Grahamsville, New York - (BareAssCheek Mess & Reuterus): Police yesterday arrested a naked male student at the Tri-Valley High School who ran amok through the school premises wearing nothing but a a paper bag on his head.
London - (YouTosserGovPoll Mess): A poll to be published in this weekend's Tosser on Sunday tabloid says British voters are frightened of picking a man who looks the spitting image of British Union of Fascists leader Oswald Mosely.
(New York) - 80-year-old singer Tony Bennett is married to Susan Crow, a hottie more than 30 years younger, and a former NY school teacher.
Police have launched an investigation into why murderer Ian Huntley, the man serving a life sentence for the killings of Jessica Chapman and Holly Wells, both 10, hasn't been able to kill himself with drugs.
On the other hand, no sooner the meeting was over, the NCOs and men, through grapevine, discovered good and bad news about 345. Good news was no grounding needed. Bad news, Rufus's letter to Army Veterinary Dept. However, they knew 345's days were numbered, so everybody tried to contribute to his cause. First thing they did was doubling 345's barley and dried alfalfa. Grooming was car...
The USA is spearheading a new lobby in support of action against climate change. European nations such as Germany and Britain have backed these initiatives, after delegates allegedly 'looked at a globe.'...
In a shock announcement yesterday, Iranian state radio said that President Ahmadinejad will be joining camp US pop group the Village People. He will stand between the guy in leathers and the Red Indian in dance routi...
The popular talk programme 'The Jeremy Kyle Show' is to go on a live tour of Britain later in the year. The show, presented, as usual, by Kyle, will take place in zoos, so that middle class citizens may gawp at their pleasure.
Saint Gerry McCann and Saint Katie McCann have asked British leader Gordon Brown to put a billion pounds of government money into the search for their missing daughter, Madeleine.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix swept ITV's National Movie Awards at the London's Royal Festival Hall, taking every award, even the award for the best animation. Cr...
Binghamton, NY - Binghamton University researchers have discovered a permanent cure for stupidity, which guarantees its users a thirty to fifty point IQ boost. Unfortunately, they have found little market for their new miracle drug, as most people p...
I went shopping with Mrs. Rhodester recently and spent the better part of the evening in a Target store while she grabbed a cart and zipped away, which to me is kind of like waiting in a Doctor's office for a rectal exam - I know it has to be done but, in the end, it's going to cost a small fortune and I'll be walking funny. The reason I walk funny when leaving the Target store is that...
In a display of moral integrity not seen in Britain since the days of Jim Bowen's 'Bullseye', serial thief and part time Housing officer, Dave Edwards of Collingwood Avenue, Bromley, promised to imprison himself if he wasn't caught b...
United States Penitentiary, Tucson, Arizona - Cameras at this high-security prison have captured explicit video footage showing former Republican Congressman Randall "Duke" Cunningham performing a 'sex act' on a fellow inmate. The...
WASHINGTON. DC - Michael Chekof, a former aide to President George W. Bush, was recently shipped off to the infamous detention center in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, after having the misfortune of walking in on the President while he was deep in the middle...
Confusion about one's sexuality could become a thing of the past. The Department of Health today announced that it is to publish a pamphlet entitled, "A definitive guide to Sexual Preference". It claims a 90% accuracy rate if the reade...
As an experienced consumer of fine beer, I am more than abundantly qualified to educate beginners on the merits of such, with the topic of alcoholic content being a favorite of mine. This is due to the numerous debates I've been privileged to engage in with various associates while seated at the local tavern, with the subject consistently drifting to this topic whenever some innocent newcomer...