I HATE EVERYBODY
I hate everybody...
Tucumcari, NM (NIP) Mattel has announced today from their New Mexico R&D center that they have joined with Microsoft and Dr. Frankenstein,Inc to support their '08 Presidential hopeful. Former Mass. Govneror Mitt Romney.
Washington, DC - Rapidly escalating tensions in the form of armed conflict and skirmishes between U.S. allies, the Turks and Kurds, has resulted in the Turkish parliament authorizing deployment of its military forces along the Turkish/Iraqi boarder i...
Lexington Herald-Leader, Kentucky -- A local man contacted the Herald-Leader yesterday concerning "important breaking news" that he felt was being lost in the world's other news. Amidst news reports of California fires, politics, Britney Spears, and...
The controversy keeps mounting up and yet another mainstream entertainment medium has been embroiled in a plot to fleece the unsuspecting public and contributors of their hard earned goodwill.
In a crowded press conference here in Washington, Ahmadinejad's Mother Mrs. Sheeren Zahra claimed that Bush is her lost son. She said "bush was kidnapped in an early age while they were travelling with family towards southern Iran during an...
Now unshackled for the first time from the decade of abuse he endured in his fairy tale marriage to Gordon Brown, Tony Blair has revealed the real truth behind the closed doors at Number 10 (and 11), Downing Street exclusively to the...
Washington (IP) - The United States today threatened to send O.J. Simpson to Iraq to go on a television talk show tour and within 30 minutes the insurgents phoned Washington and surrendered.
(Sacramento) - The 15 major wildfires throughout Southern California, which have burned hundreds of square miles and polluted the skies with thick black smoke, have been ruled Acts of God. As a result of the ruling, the California Environmental Prote...
An audio recording purportedly from al-Qaida terrorist bushwhacker Osama bin Laden calls for Sunny-D insurgents in Iraq to unite and make sweet sweet love. The tape though is also significant for the involvement of...
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) announced today that because of emerging technology they would be able to make far more accurate hurricane forecasts well into the future.
Havana, Cuba (IP) - Cubans ran into the streets en masse today overjoyed and celebrating the great exhilaration they feel in the workers maximum paradise at having attained such success and glory via yesterdays election.
Anchorage, Alaska - (Frozen Ass Mess): Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club are not yet official suspects in the case of a body wrapped in plastic discovered in an Anchorage freezer on Sunday.
United States of America -- Self-described "evangelical values voters" have voiced extreme frustration that the GOP field has not produced a Taliban-style leader to run for the U.S. Presidency. "This is a Christian Na...
Praia do Tonel, Algarve - (Conspiracy Mess): Religious superstition is in freefall today in Portugual's Algarve as countless nationals blame Third Secret of Fatima pontifical gagging orders for hexing the holiday region with yet more fa...
A Hackensack, NJ man married his TiVo digital recorder today in a small private ceremony. The union, performed by the United Church of Christ (which became the first major Christian denomination to support gay marriage back in 2005), sparked protest...
Following the Department of Environment's call for a mass culling of Badgers after a damning report claimed badgers are solely responsible for TB in cattle a spokesbadger for the normally shy nocturnal mammals has slammed UK Government officials:...
WA, DC White House - In a rare public unveiling in the White House's inner sanctum of security offices, located several storeys below the White House ground floor, a special ceremony was held today to unveil Dick Cheney's portrait. The portra...
Former Home Secretary Jack Straw has doused himself in controversy once more by announcing new plans to reduce sentences for the offence of Rape.
In a typically intelligent move, ITV will cancel or postpone any programme or film that contains a character with the name Madeleine or Maddy.
The Government has advised all UK residents not to travel to Portugal, after three people drowned there.
A police officer involved in the "cash for honours" bribery scandal, Baron (formerly Detective Sergeant) Plod of the Sergeants Room, has been giving evidence to the House of Commons Public Administration Select Committee about why t...
NEW YORK / LONDON / TORONTO - "You can have your Cricket, your Rugby, and your Football (which we call Soccer)," responded one American when asked what he thought about British athletics. "I have no idea what goes on in them anyway.&q...
As I watched them carry another corpse from the ER, I asked an intern if that was another victim of the Super Bug Strain.
Washington (IP) - The United States has made a deal with Iran wherein it will hand over a few hydrogen bombs to the Iranians. There is only one catch and that is that if the Iranians move one of the bombs it will go off in their back yard.
Steven Stauntons chaotic and controversial tenure as manager of the Irish football team came to an end this evening after a hastily convened drinking session in a public house in Newbridge County Kildare.
Portland, Oregon - Makers of Today Spermicidal Sponge, announced today a new product line geared toward meeting the hectic demands of disengaged parents, reactionary liberal school administrators and rubber-stamping members of the school board by int...