Spoof news stories from Friday 12 October 2007
Senator Craig Featured in Playgirl Magazine
Pivate, Idaho (IP) - Playgirl magazine has announced that it is featuring gay Idaho Republican Senator Craig in the fold out section of its November issue of its magazine.
Comet Discovered Under Water
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Astronomer Dr. Povenmire Finootch has discovered a new comet under the Pacific Ocean. The comet has been named Comet Finootch 0607.
Boy Scouts Sent to Iraq
Washington (IP) - It is reported by the Pentagon that 600 Boy Scouts from each state will be sent to fight in Iraq.
Laura Bush to Enter Convent
Washington (IP) - First Lady Laura Bush has decided to enter a convent a year before her husband's term as president expires.
Costa Rica to Offer Political Asylum to US Politicians
San Jose, Costa Rica (IP) - Costa Rica has decided to issue political asylum to US politicians guilty of war crimes and corruption.
Gore Picks Giuliani as Running Mate
New York, New York (IP) - Al Gore has picked Rudy Giuliani as his running mate.
Star Trek Movie - Millwall Legend Lands Leading Role
Legendary footballer and property tycoon Peter Theo has landed a leading role in the new upcoming Star Trek movie.
Ted Kennedy's Head is Still Growing at Phenomenal Rate.
BOSTON - Senator Edward Kennedy underwent surgery Friday at Massachusetts General Hospital. The operation, performed by Dr. Richard Cambria, the hospital's chief of vascular surgery, was completed without complications, and the Massachusetts Demo...
FIFA World Player Of The Year Announced: Paul Robinson!
Spurs goalkeeper Paul Robinson has been named as FIFA World Player Of The Year, fighting off competition from Kaka, Messi and Ronaldo in the process, at a special gala in western Alabama.
An Uncomfortable Truth: Al Gore gets Nobel Peace Prize and thanks "motherf*ckers"
Al "Boring Git" Gore was the joint winner of the Nobel Peace Prize today at the awards ceremony in Norway.
Wallace & Gromit To Split
Wallace and Gromit, the animated film stars from Wigan, are to split acrimoniously after nearly twenty years of working together.
The couple, stars of films like A Grand Day Out, The Wrong Trousers, A Close Shave and the recent Curse Of The Were-R...
Ian 'Beefy' Botham Slams Royal Do As "A Right Shambles"
Sir Ian "Beefy" Botham has astonished courtiers by slamming arrangements for his sirring today.
First Amendment Satire Plea as Student Busted for Posting Pat Robertson Pic on Faecesbook Webshite
Richmond, Virginia - (Ass Mess): A student has claimed First Amendment satire rights after a lifelike photo of protein-defying ageing pancake salesman and evangelical TV pundit the Reverend Pat Robertson was posted in the Top Ten Shits division of th...
McCartney and Mills head for bigamy trial fiasco
Royal Courts of Justice, London - (Perjurious Mess): Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were told by a senior divorce judge today that they are well on the slippery slope to bigamy trial oblivion after putting in fine perjurious performances to the cou...
Abortion/Execution: It's Never Too Late
The age of abortion is to be raised to seventeen it was happily announced today by leading political 18 year old David Millipede. Unwanted teen 'mistakes' can now be rectified by getting a registered GP to back over him/her in a four door Mar...
Serious Fraud Squad glee as Branson eyes Northern Rock
City of London - (Ass Sting Mess): "It's not often the Fraud Squad and the FSA gets the chance to have a right laugh," Financial Services Authority chief executive Hector Sants said today.
U.S. Constitution Declared Unconstitutional
The American Civil Liberals Union today won a landmark legal victory in federal court when they succeeded in getting the U.S. Constitution declared unconstitutional.
Maddie's Daddy's a Baddy
Partially sighted evidence-losers, the Portuguese police, have today sacked the 'parents' of missing Madeleine McCann from their PR department.
Clinton vote angers rivals
WASHINGTON, Oct. 12 - Presidential Candidate and White House hopeful Hillary Clinton (D - NY) has come under another round of attacks over her support of another Senate resolution.
Apple, AT&T and Jolly Green Giant lawsuits
Lawsuits are abound over Apple Inc.'s use restrictions and recent software update for the iPhone. The multiple suits claim Apple and its carrier partner, AT&T Inc., are engaged in illegal monopolistic behavior. Apple spokesman Jonathan Braeburn r...
Mass Insecticide Memorial Unveiled
Semi-pickled nylon clad monarch The Queen today unveiled a Damien Hirst designed memorial to all the insects and plants killed in World War Two. The piece depicts a woodlouse being cruelly fumigated by Nazi pest police.
Satire Revived as Gore Gets Peace Prize
Satire, once thought to have died when Dr Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, has been revived by the award going to peacenik and doom merchant Al Gore.
Sky-Scraper for Beared Tit
Dashing money hoarding vagabond Richard Branson today spoke about his 'Virgin on the ridiculous' botched arse-exposing PR abseil down 'lucky for some' Palm's Casino on rising failure chat show 'Under Thatched Roof' with un...
"It was the Poor Opinion of Poles" - admits PM
The Prime Minister admitted in a candid interview with the Badly Bankrupt Corporation (BBC), that it was the startling revelations in the latest opinion of Poles that forced him to cancel an early election.
Portuguese Cop Denied Holocaust
The top policeman investigating the kidnap of Madeleine McCann, Paulo Rebelo, once denied the holocaust ever happened in a crowded bar in the Algarve.
X Factor Host Louis Walsh is Homeless
Louis Walsh, one of the judges in ITV's novelty talent show X Factor, has admitted in an interview that he is, in fact, homeless.
Tehran's Ducks went on protest following Arrest of an American Duck in Washington
Thousands of Ducks from around the country gathered in Tehran streets following an arrest of American Duck in Washington. They had banners showing "Down with Ducks" "Fly with Ducks" "walk like Ducks".
Nine Children Murdered in US raid in Iraq
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- A US attack successfully murdered 19 "freedom-fighters" and 15 civilians, including nine innocent children, northwest of Baghdad on Thursday, senior Pentagon perverts confirmed.
Hurricanes Linked to Untreated Serious Mental Illness
Meteorologists meeting in New York City today released the startling results of their latest research study on the causes of hurricanes. The results were controversial they said and a minority report by so called "reality-based" meteorologi...
Pentagon says Liberals, not US Troops, Responsible for Deaths of Iraqi Civilians
WASHINGTON, DC -- Responding to a recent public outcry denouncing American troop involvement in the death of countless numbers of Iraqi civilians, U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates has stated that American troops have never killed a single Iraqi...
Woman Hospitalised from Patchouli Inhalation
BEND, OR -- Here in this so called "hippie haven" in the mountains, many people substitute patchouli oil for actual bathing and good personal hygiene. Margie Pierce, a tourist from Devil's Lake, North Dakota, discovered that patchouli o...
Harvesting Midwestern Fat as Newest US Fuel Source: Bush Declares Midwestern Fat "Our Greatest Natural Resource"
KENOSHA, WI -- In a move to help Americans become less dependent on Middle Eastern oil, the U.S. Government today released plans to harvest the fat of America's obese.
Middle School has no discipline problems
In a world of X-Box, ADD, ADHD, HDTV, gangs and Five Pentium hard drives, there is a school where there are no discipline problems, where students still address their teachers with "Yes, sir" and "No, mam" and male students never...
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