I had lunch at the local International House Of Pancakes today, and yet again, I did not see one even low level functionary of the littlest of countries. You would think (if you thought like me) that a truly "international" pancake house would have at least the King of Liechtenstein as a greeter or gladhander of some sort to reassure us that we were eating in a swanky place. No luck.
The chief of domestic intelligence in Britain has stated that at least 20 million people in Britain pose a "direct threat to national security and public safety" because of their potential to grow beards.
How many times, on average, do you get panhandled in a year? Outside Seven Eleven's, churches, bus stops, pay toilets, you name a public gathering spot and chances are you have been shaken down by a nice homeless person several times this past week. How do you handle this without being rude or being beaten to death?...
As Hollywood writers officially go out on strike, networks are scrambling to fill time slots formally covered by scripted shows. Their solution? Fill those two hours a day with even more reality shows!...
In Japan last week, Heroes actress Hayden Panettierre was unable to save a group of dolphins from becoming dinner. The 18 year old and a group of protestors were beaten back by fishermen with poles and hooks when they tried to save a pod of the inte...
London, England - An attempt by comedy writers to lend sympathetic support to their brothers and sisters in the Writers Guild of America (WGA) strike was dealt with swiftly and harshly by the editors at one of the world's most popular satire site...
Star of the hit movie Transformers and Disney Channel veteran actor Shia LeBeouf was arrested early this morning on charges of public intoxication and drunk and disorderly in a Chicago pharmacy. The actor refused to leave when asked by a security gu...
Nobel Prize winner, Al Gore, today announced he has single-handedly found a new major cause of global warming. Haircuts.
British kids as vulnerable as 25 have been talked into "peace-related" activity as anti-war campaigners lure them into EVIL ways by playing them Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty songs, the chief of detectives said today.
Convicted killer Gary Borge, who was found guilty of shooting TV celebrity Jan Dildo several years ago, is asking the Court of Appeal to quash his appeal on the grounds that the judge and jury at his original trial a...
Rumours are circulating in Show Biz circles that Louis Walsh is in fact really Graham Norton.
Bah Humbug! Sometimes you just want to be a grinch. Celebrate your inner grinch by being a grouch and frowning on the festive glow of the holidays.
Washinton, DC (AP) - In a monumental signing statement today, President Bush authorized the use of thumbscrews during "enhanced interrogations" by CIA and other US agents.
Whitehall - (Conspiracy Mess): Thousands of British politicians pose a threat to national security because of their support for terrorism according to the head of MI5.
Court of Appeal, London - (Stitch-Up Mess): Barry George has told an Appeal Court judge that Crimebotch presenters framed him for Jill Dando's death "because the show would have bombed if that Nick Ross had been collared," acco...
Vatican City - (Baksheesh Mess): Tuesday's historic state visit by the king of Sordid Arabia to the Vatican is set to focus on the Pontiff's demands for a slice of the BAE slushfund that former ambassador to the US Prince Bandar received from...
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Breaking news being broadcast in morse code from the Mount Palomar Observatory Campus indicates that Comet Holmes has changed course and is headed directly for the Earth. Morse code was used in order to avoid creatin...
Martina Hingis, the former Tennis ace, who earlier this week tested positive for being monged off her face after snorting a bag of Cocaine during this years Wimbledon, has landed a lucrative sponsorship deal with Vicks to be the new face of their fla...
Former world champion and best mate of Lewis Hamilton has sensationally quit the Maclaren team to join the fledgeling Team Reliant Robin. The acrimonious split with Maclaren was largely expected and Alonso had been linked with a possible return to Re...
PARIS (FMLiveWire) -- French President Nicolas Sarkozy has confirmed that he is an active intelligence agent for Israel's Mossad in an exclusive interview with FMLiveWire.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown narrowly avoided serious injury today when a man in the crowd waiting outside 10 Downing Street shot a firework out of his anus at him.
The man, believed to be in his late fifties, dropped his trousers and inserted a lo...
Personal Injury Lawyer Phil Mepoketz, has filed a negligence claim against himself after suffering a paper-cut whilst filling in a lottery slip at work.
1. Stand on your head. The flow of blood to your cranium will help the flow of ideas.
US and A - Atari, Inc. has announced that it's new SMEGMAtron-7000 will be ready just in time for the onslaught of holiday shopping this year.
"Come on. Take it easy. Give it a go. The sky won't tumble down. Join us and let's spend one night in the bosom of the rocky mountain, under the bright stars, with night breeze rising from the fragrant wild bushes and flowers. Let's hear the call of the wild in the dead of night. Forget about clean bed sheets, TV, World News, politics, glamorous celebrities, greed, plots, promotio...
Before I come near you, would you like to come near me?...
In the USA, manly contact sports such as boxing, football, basketball, hockey and sex are losing popularity, giving way to what experts call "sissy sports" ...
Gisele Bundchen wants to remain the world's richest model and is insisting that she be paid in almost any currency but the U.S. dollar.
Politics in Guilderland NY has long been strange, but recent events have elevated the oddities.
First some background. After 100 years of Republican rule, the party splintered in a factional dispute some 10 years ago. One leader of the castaways,...
Journalists Without Boundaries, a Myanmar-based group, today awarded the Albany NY Times Union with its Medal for Journalistic Heroism, the Lead Bottom.
Mephistophels, Tennessee (IP) - Comet Holmes is the fifth sign in a series of recent events that signals the end of the current world.
Planet Earth (AP) - A study conducted by the League of Informed Gentlemen has determined that reading articles and stories on satire website The Spoof! is nearly as or more informative than most mainstream media reporting.