Spoof news stories from Wednesday 30 May 2007
"Bin laden to attack a liberal city with a dirty bomb."
Yesterday, a paper was published entitled: "Bin laden to attack a liberal city with a dirty bomb". While the location is unclear, the wording leads one to believe the city in question is San Mateo, California, the town which first passed a...
Bush S.S. Claims Spoof Writer Has T.B, "Isolates" Him
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Atlanta, GA - Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the CDC, has detained TheSpoof.com writer, Cal Jennings, claiming that he had T.B. and had him arrested by the S.S. It has been alleged that Jennings endangered passeng...
Food Police Arrest Two Teenagers for Contraband
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Houston - Food police from President Bush's new Department of Homeland Weight Control arrested two teenagers who were in possession of two cases of Hershey bars, a case of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and 21 ounces of Sn...
Harry May Serve In Afghanistan
Buckingham palace has issued a statement that Prince Harry could serve in serve in Afghanistan.
Bush is in LOVE
(MUSICMAN PRESS) Liberals rejoiced today as President Bush signs a bill to legalize same-sex marriages in all fifty states.
Larry Birkhead's ex-lawyer Opri 'cheap at $475 per hour'
California - (Ass Mess): Debra Opri, former attorney to Larry Birlhead who is suing the Californian photographer for unpaid bills of around $500,000 may be seriously undercharging her one time client and undervaluing her services calculated at around...
Whales Lost at Sea?
San Francisco, California - Jubilation quickly turned into worry as marine biologists wokeup this morning only to find the wayward whales, Delta and Dawn, which they had been trying to get to swim back down the Sacramento River, were missing. They we...
Chavez Disputes American Idol Results: Shuts Down Station
Hugo Chavez says he has had enough of American television shenanigans. The unstable Venezuelan leader recently moved against RCTV after Melinda Doolittle was voted off American Idol.
Ron Paul To Break Dance, Lock Onto The Daily Show 6/4
Arlington, VA (FP) Ron Paul insists that he is no Kool Herc, but said he sure will try and "Rockit" onto the set of The Daily Show this coming June 4th.
M&Ms May Be The New Viagra?
(Brooklyn--NY) "It wasn't my son. It was the blue M&Ms. They're Viagra." That's the claim of Robert "Bob" Spiotto, Sr., the father of eleven year old Robert "Bob" Spiotto, Jr., who holds the dubious distincti...
More Sex Please, We're British!
A recent study by a leading Harvard economist suggests that if prudish Brits were to sleep around more they would slow the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.
An ERE performed at White House
Early this morning an Emergency Rectal Extractor (ERE) Unit was rushed to the White House. Responding to a 911 call the Walter Reed's Military Extraction team's white Hummer screamed through the new White House Stockade Wall's main gate...
Big Brother is Terminal. Will Someone Donate a Heart?
A new show from the makers of Big Brother, that will see a terminally ill person choose which of three people in need of a transplant gets a kidney, will probably, tragically, still attract viewers.
Miss USA 'suing GOP's ass for Mexico fall-guy disaster'
Mexico Shitty - (Ass Mess): Humiliated, heckled, jeered and reviled Miss USA Rachel Smith has vowed to sue the GOP 'for being made the fall-guy in their dumbass immigration policies':...
Romney Sells Sal's Cars to Aid Bankrupt Campaign
Detroit, MI (FP) Republican Candidate Mitt Romney has reverted back to selling used cars at Sal's after already exhausting his millions in the first push of his campaign.
Blonde contestants slam Mexican pageant discrimination
Mexico City - (Ass Mess): The only two blonde beauties to reach this year's Miss Universe Final 15 have hit back at blatant Mexican discrimination favoring brunette contestants:...
New York Times Endorses Ron Paul
In a surprise move today, the New York Times endorsed Republican candidate Ron Paul for the 2008 presidential election.
Miss Great Britain Search In Birmingham Proves Fruitless
Miss Great Britain organisers searching for contestants to enter the upcoming competition were unable to find a suitable entrant from the Birmingham area - and picked one from Stoke-on-Trent instead.
Michael Vick Implicated in Cock Fighting Ring
We have learned that Michael Vick is also part of an alleged cock fighting ring as well as a dog-fighting ring. This is an interview with a man with first hand knowledge of Vick's cock fighting
Q: How long has Vick been involved in cock fighting?...
Another false dawn for Liverpool?
If reports are to be believed then it seems Liverpool are on the verge of signing an X1 of world football; Chris Ronaldo, Thierry Henry, Messi, Kaka, Gattuso, Buffon etc. In a rare outburst post Champions league final outburst, Sir Rafa complained of...
Big Brother Housemates in Jam
The eigth series of Big Brother is set to hit our screens this summer and news of the housemates have just been announced. This year there will be a member of the womens' institute and an old granny and a child who is a member of techno beat comb...
Indian Prime Minister: Doctorate but Illiterate
Mahatma Gandhi, to show his compassion to the millions of the poor Indians, lived a simple life. His simplicity was interpreted by many to be akin to living in poverty.
Any Indian political leader, by default, becomes a follower of The Great Mahat...
George W. Bush to be New Head of IMF
Capitol Hill (Flaming Press)-- Lemming Liberal Democrats (i.e. Libocrats) in both the House and the Senate have unanimously agreed that 'lame duck' President George W. Bush is way too valuable to be let go simply because of c...
Pet Owners Warned of Dangers as Magnetic Cat Flaps Recalled
A pet products company has today recalled thousands of magnetic cat flaps after discovering that the magnetism used was four times stronger than necessary.
Man to Eat Queen?
A British artist is said to be ready and and willing to a member of the royal family live on TV. A source informed us that this was in protest at the way Prince Philip is possibly perceived by the press and the general public as a cruel bigoted snob,...
President Bush and Corrupt Bastards Club Deal with Aliens
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Roswell - Aliens landed today and offered Earth a 3.5 Googalhertz microprocessors in exchange for a portion of the U.S. known as Roswell, NM.
Cindy Sheehan Quits Pro-War Democratic Party
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- Antiwar heroine Cindy Sheehan has quit the pro-war Democratic Party in an open letter to Congress of May 26.
Doctor Who Series 4 Episode List
The 2007 Christmas Special Stars Kylie Minogue as the Sinister Cyber Woman who Traps the Doctor And Tries to Make Him Bring back the Cyber Army.
Man Pistol Whipped and Handcuffed by the S.S. for Paying with $2 Bills
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - 57-year-old Mike Bolesta was pistol whipped and handcuffed to a pole by George W. Bush's S.S. for three hours as an example for paying Bes...
Sci-Fi Becoming Real as India Reveals Aliens Own Google
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Earth, the Final Frontier - In New Delhi, India, discussions are underway to reveal to the people of Earth that UFOs are real. After the aliens placed the map of the United Federation of Planets on their Google website, they l...
Ann Coulter is an Anorexic Idiot
Ultra right wing author and political activist Ann Coulter has decided to add her two cents to the ongoing controversy surrounding comedian Al Franken and his book Rush Limbaugh is a Big, Fat Idiot.
The U.S. Military to Sing New Tunes
An anonymous source within the Department of Defense stated today that, in the interest of improving America's image abroad, the songs associated with each branch of the uniformed services will be changed from the current ones, which are reaction...
Geneva Convention, US Constitution no match for Cheney at West Point
West Point, New York (FP) Vice President Dick Cheney delivered the commencement speech at West Point Academy to the graduating class during which he criticizing the Geneva Convention and the United States Constitution while checking his email on his...
Lindsay Lohan pleads no contest; will accept anal bleaching, community service
Hollywood (Spoof News) Lindsay Lohan has decided to take the advice of both her publicist and her attorney, and to plead no contest to the charges of driving under the influence and leaving the scene of a crime. Lohan also spoke wi...
Rosie O'Donnell - "I'm a Big, Fat Idiot"
After hearing that the Reverend Al Sharpton was speaking out about not being the subject of a book by comedian Al Franken, Rosie O'Donnell has gotten into the mix.
China's Zheng Xiaoyu sentenced to death - but what about Liu Zhixiang?
Zheng Xiaoyu, former director of China's State Food and Drug Administration (SFDA), was sentenced to death by a Beijing court Tuesday morning.
Wow riots in Bobai China against brutal 'one-child' blitz!
"Many women have been forced to have abortions. Authorities are going into their homes and destroying their homes to implement the policy," said a woman in Bobai county.
Rosie O'Donnell is a Conspiracy Theory
Rosie O'Donnell in her last monologue on "The View" claims the World Trade Center was destroyed by a bomb on 9/11/2001 and not by the aircraft video taped crashing into the buildings. She went on to claim that she herself was a conspir...
"Liberal Media" Turns Conservative with Ron Paul Running
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - "The Internets" - The so called "liberal media" seems to have turned conservative now that Ron Paul is running. Either that, or the Neo-Cons have turned liberal.
Britney Spears to Release New Shampoo
(MUSICMAN PRESS) "Yes, yes, it's true, it's true!" Shouted a cheerful Spears, Tuesday afternoon. When we questioned Suave CEO, Harry Head he said,"What's wrong with a bald spokesperson? I mean just look at Mr. Clean: he'...
Romney Gloats About Wealth to Starving Workers
Republican Presidential candidate and well-known moron Mitt Romney announced today that if he were elected President he would give his Presidential salary to charity. Upon hearing this a stunned President George Bush remarked: "I get to blow s...
Israeli Man Forced to Marry Leopard
A man was shamed by a tribe elder today into marrying a leopard after he was caught cuddling up to the beast in bed one night ago.
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