Vatican Shitty - (Ass Mess): Pope Ratzinger's personal right-hand woman and Teutonic valkyrie minder Sister Ingrid Stampa has said it is a miracle that her piles have been cured by the Holy Father's very own healing hands.
London - Assinine Mess): Enough of this Diana crap. Papers to be released next week will show that the scheming IRA bomber who masquaraded as Princess Diana was the illegitimate daughter of George Herbert Bush.
AmerenIP is the major supplier of power for much of the Southwestern portion of Illinois. It is also one of the most unlucky companies of 2006 and early 2007.
U.S. Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings announced today that masturbation, or wanking as it's known to most young boys, will be required teaching at all public schools in the U.S.
Tehran Hilton - (Ass Mess): Leading Seawoman Faye Turney has defied her fundamentalist Iranian captors and demanded shampoo as an alternative to wearing a dodgy black scarf to hide her greasy tresses.
News reaching us today that Prince Harry is to pass over on his life of royalty and go instead for a career as a trainee manager with fast food giant, Burger King.
Ken Burns' amnesia keeps haunting his otherwise excellent documentaries. This time he has omitted all reference to the thousands of Latin Americans who risked and sometimes lost their lives in the Second Great War. This, of course, is not the fir...
UtopGoogle! New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina's devastation is gone, all evidence of genocide in Rwanda disappears on Utopgoogle! Iraq looks like it did in the peaceful days of SH's IT (Iraqi Tranquil). VietNam is undefoliated. The US South h...
Phyllis Hamilton, US District Judge, has made a decision which flies in the face of Bush administration Dis-environmental Protection agency.
Ballydoyle - (Leprachaun Press): Disgraced former champion jockey Kieren Fallon has laid into fellow flat racing rider Frankie Dettori as being a 'far bigger crook, in as well as out of the saddle than I could ever aspire to being'.
The NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Association) has extended its ban on use of the Confederate flag. FOrmerly, the organization had declared that it would not allow NCAA Basketball Tournament games to be held in states that posted the flag offic...
Attorney General Alberto "Hitman" Gonzalez vows that he will stay on the job even though his execution of nearly a dozen US attorneys out of pure Bush loyalty has crippled his ability to be ag.
Inside a library of Victorian splendor. A sign on the door reads: "NO SOLICITORS".
Funk Shui Fundraising...
Now, half way through the 'Stand Up Comedy Boom' Harry decided to cash in on his connections and he opened a Public Relations firm named 'Handled Messiahs INC' but unlike the joke circuit Harry's gift of gab, devilish good looks and sheer tenacity was not enough to land him the highly coveted big named clients. '...
When he first moved into the Chelsea Hotel, he had a gig at The Ed Sullivan Theater, on Broadway near 57th Street, a few bit guest slots on TV and Harry started getting a fair following.
Lost Gospel Barabbas Reveals; He Knew Jesus' true identity
By Roger Turgid :For...
Marie Osmond announced that she is seeking a divorce from her husband of twenty years. No reasons were given or announced by the couple. This is her second divorce from a man that she married "for all eternity" (not "til death do us...
The mystery of how the pyramids were built has been claimed to be 'solved' by a French architect. However, his theories have now been categorically debunked by eye witnesses.
After witnessing his side's defeat at the hands of Liverpool, Arsenal's Thierry Henry had an amazing statement for the press; "Peter Crouch is the greatest striker I've ever seen."...
President BUSH in an attempt to elliviate the current hostage crisis in Iran has Challenged Iranian President Mahamud Ahmajinedad to an Internationaly Broadcast Debate...
Chequers - (Rutters): A smug and confident UK Prime Monster Tony Blair told a press conference today that he is expecting a five mile parody exclusion zone around him at his country retreat of Chequers this weekend amid fears of some waggish prank be...
New York - (Ass Mess): Dismayed at fundamentalist Christian hogwash about a Manhattan gallery's 200lb chocolate Jesus sculpture being offensive an entrepreneurial candy manufacturer has rushed out an order for five million choccy Jesus crucifixes...
London - (Assinine Press): John Revolta has told a BBC chat show host that if it wasn't for Scientology his tacky eighties-style toupee would have been outed years ago as a tatoo cover-up on his hairless pate spelling out I Am A Tosser.
Somewhere in the Caribbean on one of those little Islands:- England 's cricketers defeated Ireland by 48 runs this morning and sparked wild scenes of celebration in both England and Ireland admittedly for differing reasons.
Bush the President with more low science grades than Millard Fillmore has announced that science will no longer have any credibility in US society. Bush supports his ban on science with numerous citations from his favorite faith based superstitioners...
American war culture has produced songs from the Revolutionary War: "Revere the Minuet", The Mexican War: "Llores, No canta", The Civil War: "When Johnny Came Limping Home Again", The Spanish-American war: "The Hava...
It has been brought to the attention of Superman Headquarters that there are more superheroes than there are available positions for supermen and superwomen who are well qualified. And because Superman Headquarters is now a subsidiary of Justice Leag...
The nine finalists on American Idol tackle classic American songs next week and Sanjaya promises another unforgettable performance…or at least another headline-grabbing, jaw-dropping "look".
Donny Osmond's newest ABC television series was cancelled after only two episodes. The Great American Dream Vote, where contestants competed to make their dreams into reality, was not a winner with viewers and was put on semi-permanent hiatus, w...
Recent newcomer to England, East European Pincha Knifenfork had unwelcome visitors to his nether region after a night with a woman he picked up at a dockside pub, "The Haddock and Rupture"...