Washington, D.C. - With the Iraq war going badly and Afghanistan slipping back into Taliban control, President Bush has given notice that his legacy must be rescued by winning a war. Senior administration officials announced today that the President...
Grand Rapids, MI- In a move that pyramid schemers around the world agree will help them keep pace with changing times, new schemes are being arranged to reflect the updated USDA food guide pyramid.
A shocking report released today by the Israeli Intelligence Agency Mossad, seems to offer definitive proof that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (Democrat-Peoples Republic of San Francisco) funded the purchase of arms by Al Qaeda through the earmar...
While developing an aerosol to break down tars in smokers' repiratory tracts, researchers at the University of Maryland Munich Campus in Germany discovered an unexpected side effect that has raised some controversy.
Stanley Goldman Park, Hollywood, Fla. -(Ass Mess): Another twist of fate has struck the epic Anna Nicole Smith saga as Judge Lawrence Korda was caught spliffin' up in the Florida sunshine this weekend by Stanley Goldman Park cops on routine patro...
Heathrow Airport - (Ass Press): The UK civil aviation industry is under seige with a pandemic of terminal rigor mortis feigning after canny passengers discovered British Airways' policy of automatically upgrading corpses to first class travel on...
Ms. Edith Weenie-Tickler, Vice President of Rodale, publisher of Al Gore's book "An Invonvenient Truth", was pleased as she announced the terms of the negotiated settlement with the Polar Bears that had sued her firm f...
Buenos Aries- The proud Argentine nation may be best known for the Tango, Evita, beef and cheating soccer midgets.
LAS VEGAS--Several individuals with various disabling ailments are slowly fighting back after it became apparent than no one cares about them. The focus of the group who is calling themselves SEA, Surely and Eventually Able, will be drawing attention...
They say a lot can be lost in translation and this weeks acquisition of a Swedish pottery magazine by Hugh Hefner's Playboy Corporation proves that even huge multinationals can be caught out.
AMANDA MANNING Paris Hilton was spotted leaving for Arena nightclub in Hollywood looking like she hit curvaceous puberty while at the same time starving herself to get that too thin figure to make her breasts look
American President George W. Bush now insists that 'patience' is the key to success in Iraq.
Cricket fans the world over, today mourned the passing of a truly world-class cricketer, batsman Bob Woolmer.
Heathrow Airport - (Disaster Press): First it was Ralph Fiennes and the mile-high encounter with a Quanitarse steward.
The England cricket team will face up to their tricky qualifying group match against Kenya on Saturday, bolstered by the return of Andrew Flintoff, after his one-match ban yesterday against Canada.
Emma Watson, who plays Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter films, will apparently not be playing her anymore.
Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo have pleaded with fans to stop reading transfer rumours.
ST. LOUIS (AP) -- Rush Limbaugh, the right-wing radio talk-show host who says he has half his brain jammed up his posterior "just to keep things fair," has admitted that he has the other half of his brain amorously infatuated with Ann Coult...
Emma Watson is quitting her role as Hermione in the Harry Potter film series, despite an offer of 808,874 galleons and 4 sickles ($3.9 million) per film, and as much butterbeer as she can drink. The sixteen year old actress fears she is at risk from...
There was shock today on the Conservative front bench, when it was announced that Tory leader, David Charlatan, was to step down from his role after only 15 months in charge.
Washington - (Dissassociated Mess): A Supreme Court hearing today will evaluate the God-given rights of rabid fundamentalist religious educationalist nutters and their Diabolical Liberties Union supporters to gag students' First Amendment rites...
Nimbin, Australia. A Local Court in the hippie capital of Australia has taken the unprecedented action of granting an Apprehended Violence Restraining Order (known locally as an AVO), even though the complainant had died three days earlier.
Sinbad has been spotted. He is alive and walking around free. He was originally a genie in a bottle but has now graduated to genie in a "lamp". Due to numerous family concerns that he may be dead, he has been allowed temporary release fr...
Students who displayed a Bong4Jesus banner during the Olympic torch relay from their high school window were denied the right of free speech by their principal. Now Pat Robertson and an array of Christian conservative groups are filing friend of the...
Homeless American have found the second best way to have a home. They are camping on the roofs of US houses and businesses. It took quite a while for homeowners to even notice their new roof dwellers. Stealthy campers pitch their tents late into the...
Shiite leader Al Sadr has produced an Iraqi spoof on the old time Broadway musical, No, No, Nannette. In No, No, America a chorus line of Shiites, Kurds(small and large)and some delightful Sunnis kick and wiggle their way across the stage at Teheran&...
WASHINGTON D.C.--(ASSOCSHAT PRESS) President George Walker Bush was arrested at the White House today based upon clear evidence which surfaced proving that he masterminded 911 Hoax. Secret Service pe...
WASHINGTON D.C. - Recently leaked visitor records from Vice President Cheney's office reveal a startling number of visits by Satan over the past six years. According to the records, the Vice President saw Satan more than 23 times since 2000.
A handy field guide for voters...
St Louis - (Ass Press): They're tiny, they're cute-looking and they're pulling in the punters. Yes, the world's smallest whores have turned their natural talents to charity fundraising and are on a roll touring the US states coast to...