WASHINGTON D.C. - Just days after announcing his intention to station National Guard troops along the U.S. border with Mexico, President Bush made an unexpected statement today concerning the Canadian border.
British soldiers are said to be waiting in eager anticipation the activation of the British military's Skynet 5 porn satellite.
In a last minute attempt to rally the failing company from bankruptcy, Genetics Savings & Clone has opened its cryogenic storage facilities to preserving the DNA of geniuses.
In an embarrassing administrative blunder, the exclusive image rights for Elizabeth Hurley's wedding to Arun Nayar have been secured by down-market hardcore jazz mag Asian Babes.
In 2004, researchers from the University of Florida grew mouse brain cells on a computer chip and trained them to pilot a flight simulator.
London - (Ass Press): New rules governing the exercising of dogs in public come into force on Monday 12 March which will see a new canine congestion charge imposed on Central London.
Family club West Ham United find themselves in an unwelcome spot of bother, with rumours running rife that the club is awash with indiscipline, depression and losing gambling addictions.
Bogota - (Ass press): Scareforce One has finally touched down at Colombia's Bogota Airport in what is being billed as the highlight of George W Bush's flagship crack barons tour.
Defense Attorney's in the Scooter Libby Trial answered questions as to why V.P.Chaney was not called upon to testify for the defense as Chaney is currently off in the Yukon on a hunting trip with Eskimo Rapper - "Yo Bitch Cook the Fish&quo...
The Prestigeous Massachusettes Institute of Technology took issue with President Bush and his treatis on Nuclear Physics.
It's no wonder the Tories didn't want David Cameron's association with the upper class arses' club, The Bullingdon, made too public when photographs of him in full club regalia recently came to light.
Most Giant Squid remains have been found in the stomachs of Sperm Whales. This has led some of the stupider Marine Biologists to theorize that the belly of the Sperm Whale is in fact the natural habitat of the Giant Squid. Finally, today, we have p...
The next Batman movie already promises to be better than the last with the news that Katie Holmes has quit the production.
In what has been touted as a 'classic' Super Classico, neither Barcelona or Real Madrid have managed to actually win.
Wacko, Texarse - (Assinine Press): Texan oil prospecting midget Zion Oil has asked the UN to rename the Pacific Ocean's most intriguing archaeological site Passover Island after claims that the Lost Tribe of Israel annexed it thousands of years a...
Watching yesterday's game against Boston College, it was evident that the power forward for the North Carolina Tarheels nicknamed, "Psycho T" was getting his game back.
A Scottish whiskey distiller on the Isle of Islay, an island off the coast of western Scotland is to reopen 80 years after it was closed as a consequence of US prohibition laws introduced in 1920. Prohibition ended in 1933, but it has taken 74 years...
Vice President Cheney and Eskimo Rapper "Yo Bitch Cook The Fish" went off on a hunting trip to the Yukon following the Libby verdict, and apparently have bagged a Walrus.
Easter Island has been discovered to be the actual location of the town of Bedrock, long thought to be fictional, according to new archaeological evidence to be presented in a forthcoming documentary by James Cameron.
Well beat me with a wet lettuce and call me Shirley!...
Celebrated horror and suspense novelist Stephen King has decided to try his hand at another genre. In the past, he has written such things as Carrie, Cujo, Christine, Silver Bullet, The Lawnmower Man, The Stand, and several other books that were gen...
For centuries, archaeologists have had it wrong. Such eminent scientists as Margaret Mead and Thor Heyerdahl have theorized that the giant stone statues of Easter Island are actually Gods of the people or represtantions of former tribal leaders. In...
The NCAA has announced the brackets for their annual March Madness tournament, but with a twist. All 64 teams in the tournament will come from the Big East, ACC, SEC, Big Ten, Pac 10, and Big Twelve. All other conference winners and represtentative...
Easter island- This small isolated outcrop of rock stranded in the vast blue desert of the pacific ocean is known the world over for its mysterious giant stone heads and its barren treeless hills.
LUNDON, ENGLUND (IPU)--Cadbury, the British candy manufacturer, has announced a recall of some 30 million tons of Easter Island Statue candy not properly labeled with warnings for those with bad backs & herni...
Archaeologists on Easter Island have made an incredible discovery in relation to the large statues. They have learned through research and chemical analysis that the large faces are actually petrified peeps (the Easter candy). Scientists assumed fo...
HOLLYWEIRD, CALIFORNIA (BSMOVIE REVIEW)--The bloody warrior film "300," about a legendary battle between the feuding hillbilly clan, The Clintons vs. The McCoys, seemed headed for U.S. numb...
Television personality and former co-host of The View, Star Jones, revealed the secret to her startling weight loss at a Hollywood press conference today. Star Jones, accompanied by her husband Al, announced that she simply ate 75% of her own body.
Eagle Eyed Security Guard Mohammed Jones has apparently been wire tapped by the National Security Agency
Jones Graduated 2nd in his class at the University of Stroudsburgh majoring in...