Spoof news stories from Monday 22 January 2007
Donkey missing! Shrek in custody after police chase
The showbiz world is in shock this evening over reports that "Donkey" has been reported missing from his Hollywood home. The Beverly Hills police department have released a statement confirming that his family are worried for Donkey's s...
I thought she was bovine - Indian PM on Jade
The Indian Prime Minister surprised journalists here in London today when he said that he bore Jade Goody no ill will. "As Hindus we find Ms Goody to be, like all cows, sacred and as such she deserves our reverence not our ire," he said.
Indep. Film: "Das Toilette" Sweeps Sundance
PARK & RIDE CITY, UTAH--The Independent Film Competition known as, The Sundance Festival, Concluded with the winner of all categories going to this years stand out best offering in independent films. Without a doubt, Das Toil...
Analyzing the Presidential Contenders with Larry the Cable Guy
With the U.S. presidential election less than two years away, many candidates are coming out of the woodwork and tossing their hats into the ring. The Spoof's London bureau spoke with famous American comedian, Larry the Cable Guy, to ask his opi...
Paul McCartney's Ex to Receive Millions in Divorce Settlement
Paul McCartney's Ex, Heather Mills McCartney, will receive a huge settlement in their divorce, according to news leaked from the court. Mills will receive several homes and cars, all of her clothes and jewelry, $63 million dollars, and Ringo Sta...
Body of Jessica Alba Found Floating in Hotel Pool
MIAMI, FLORIDA-(ROUTERS)The body of famed actress named "Queen of Science-Fiction", Jessica Alba, was found floating in a Miami Beach Hotel pool last night. Police officers converged on the grounds of posh Florida...
Christian Women Enraged by Spoof Story Saying They are Naked
Right thinking Christian women of high moral standards in this country are outraged by the story by Buck E. Filbert of the Spoof Magazine that contends that they are n...
Dear Abby Landers Advice Column Debuts
Due to the recent deaths in the world of newspaper advice columnists, a new person has taken over the writing of the old Ann Landers and Dear Abby Colums. The Abby Landers column will appear in 542 newspapers worldwide beginning Sunday.
The new writer is a no nonsense, no holds barred, not politically correct person who tells it like it is. Below is a sample of the letters from the first we...
Bill Parcells Retires From Coaching Dallas Cowboys
Head Coach Bill Parcells retired today as coach of the Dallas Cowboys. Parcells was 34-32 with his four seasons leading America's Team and never won a play-off game in this tenure.
Failed Bombers Sue Over 'Unreliable' Hair Bleach
The five men accused of attempting to blow up commuters on the 21st of July 2005 have each launched individual high court actions against the Hair-dressing supply warehouse who supplied them with over 450 litres of Hydrogen Peroxide.
Porno Pete Perks Up Penzance Pervs
Penzance pensioner, Peter Pottle, was today the toast of his local community as he opened the area's first licensed sex shop.
Enterprising Entrepreneur Salvages His Fortunes
An enterprising Scally from Liverpool is today 'coining it' as he organises coach trips for chavvy types to Devon, to let them run amok looting gear that's been washed ashore from that boat that's nearly sunk.
New Syndrome Diagnosed Explains A Lot
A man from Peterborough has today been the first to be diagnosed with 'Total Arse Syndrome' (TAS).
Dr Gillian McKieth's Do-Do Diet
Barking mad, You Are What You Eat, game show host, infamous for sniffing and prodding her hapless contestant's pooh, is herself a convicted pooh eater. Private medical records presented...
California Outlaws Spanking
The state of Calfornia legislature has voted to outlaw spanking. Effective February 1, it will be illegal to spank a child as a form or punishment. The new law has drawn strong reactions from people in the Golden state.
Mary Jane Smith of San Di...
The Sundance Film Festival; Previewing the Winners
Robert Redford's Sundance Film Festival kicked off this week in the central Utah town to the usual hoopla and stars. The crop of independent films competing for top prizes is as different from mainstream cinema as usual. There is also no surpri...
Bush Raises the Bar
The vertically challenged alcoholics of America were stunned when George W Bush announced that he would be raising all bars because of difficulties in Iraq.
Leonardo DiCaprio Says He's No Piece of Cute Meat
Disgusted by the teen magazine covers and heart throb status of the 1990's, actor Leonardo DiCaprio stated today that he was not just "a piece of cute meat."
The star of Titanic said, "I am a man. I am not just a picture to be hung on the walls...
Bizarre New Evidence in Diana Investigation
"A tragic accident" was the conclusion after the extensive inquiry into the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. However, new life has been given to one of the more bizarre conspiracy theories thanks to self-proclaimed "e-investigator&qu...
Home Office Steps in To Save Goody Perfume
The Home Office today launched a rescue bid to save the Perfume marketed by Jade Goody, of Big Brother infamy.
Robbie Williams: "I Am Not Gay"
Pop singer & all round entertainer Robbie Williams today again denied he is homosexual after growing press interest into his personal life lead to rumours that Williams was in fact having a relationship with a 'rent boy&...
Racheal Stevens Has Secret Affair With Jo O Meara
There has been new evidence showing that Racheal Stevens, former S Club 7 star has been having a secret affair with her ex band member Jo O Meara.
Goodies Back On TV
Big Brother makers Endemol have scored a major coup by bringing the Goodies back to TV. Jade her wretched Mother Jackiey and her boyfriend Jack, will replace the original threesome in a new series due to start early in March.
Ray Mears hospitalised after 'Wild Food' fiasco
Bushcraft expert, Ray Mears, was in hospital last night as an episode of 'Wild Food' went tits up.
Honey industry in crisis over pot smoking 'hippy' bees
The old adage 'busy as a bee' no longer seems to ring true today, as the honey industry says it faces it's biggest crisis in years.
All UK Residents To Be Fitted With Tracker Chip By 2012
As part of the government's relentless plan to snoop on people 24 hours a day, news is emerging about a leaked memo that will see all of us being fitted with microchips if new proposed legislation is passed.
"Bin Laden Proving Harder to Find than Laura's Clitoris?" Wording to Stay in Tuesday's State of the Union Address
In a development that has outraged conservative elements of Republican Party, the White House Press Office has confirmed leaked information that W. will indeed compare the hunt for Bin Laden to his own attempts to navigate Laura's Bush.
Britain celebrates as Goody clan are banished.
There were celebrations across Britain yesterday after it was announced that pig-faced Nazi and Big Brother evictee, Jade Goody, would be banished to a deserted rock in the North Sea.
Scientists Develop Unlimited Energy
Scientists in Czechoslovakia have found a way to solve the world energy problem - the "Heetch-Rense Intensifier". Working on the same principles as a household cigar, the Intensifier converts energy from everyday objects - such as a cenotap...
Steve Irwin returns as crock
Australia, Steve Irwin, highly respected nature and wildlife conservationist who was tragically killed in an accident while swimming with stingrays has returned to earth taking the form of a crocodile.
Toulouse's Brennan Explodes
Just minutes after entering the game, Trevor Brennan of Toulouse, erupted into brawling with an opponent on the field and fans in the stands.
Tara Reid is Really Intelligent
Tara Reid has been the town bicycle, I mean joke for quite some time. Now, in an attempt to help rebuild her public image, she has held a press conference, (Which was formerly named "Tara bears all" in its television promo but unfortunately legal issues arose with her soon-to-be-released sex-tape of the same name and it was renamed to "Yes Tara Reid has a Vagina, but she CAN count&q...
I, E.T.McCrone Want to Be Your Prezminister
My fellow Britons and Americans, Colonizers and Colonists, I, Enon Tone McCrone want to be your Prezminister, your prime minister-president.
California Lawmaker Proposes Spanking Ban
Backside, CA., January 21. A CA congresswoman has proposed a ban on spanking that has got everyone talking.
Global Warming, an urban myth?
A television meteorologist claims global warming and the effects of green house gasses are totally blown out of proportion by money grubbing researchers.
Trump Tops Forbes "Most Annoying Billionaire" List
Donald Trump likes to be number one in all things, and he can add another to his collection with Forbes magazine putting him on top of their "Most Annoying Billionaire" list. With over 400 Americans having a net worth of least a billion do...
E.T. McCrone Declares for PM and US Presidency
In an unprecedented move, Enon Tone McCrone has declared his candidacy for Prime Minister and at the same time his intention to run for the American Presidency.
Spoof Bus Breaks Down; Delusional Writers Fear The Worst
Out on a lonely stretch of highway somewhere in the middle of the New Mexican desert, somewhere in a song by Lowell George, or 70's pop rock group "America," Spoof reporters say that their bus broke down, leaving them s...
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